Literally.
We had 3 people testing in HKD this week: One for red belt, one for green belt & one for yellow belt. The good news is all of them passed.
The bad news is that one of them (testing for red belt) suffered a broken radial bone in his right arm that could not be set at a local doctor's office & had to wait until the next morning. He's a tough kid of 17 years & there's no doubt he'll be fine. This guy can hang with me in most situations & he's giving up at least 50lbs...so yeah, he can hold his own.
We have a final drill in every test that we call the "Circle of Death". This is very much a tongue-in-cheek thing & consists of the four most senior belts standing at the corners of the mats & attacking the defender in succession. There's no break in between attackers & the adrenaline gets pumping. Unfortunately, this is where the break happened.
Now, I've talked to the guy ("green") who did the breaking & let him know he didn't do anything wrong: HKD is a rough & tumble art (I've got a chipped tooth to prove it) that brings about injuries. There was no malicious intent & he simply went faster than expected when taking "red" down. "Green" does great at this art & needs to know that these things will rattle someone...to which I shared with him my story of being rattled once.
I was also an orange belt, over 5 years ago, and we were working on throws. The particular technique is called the "One-Step Throw" & can really send the attacker flying for distance. Now, when we do this sort of throw with someone of a low rank (below brown belt), it's customary to let them know what we're planning to do. It helps avoid accidents (in theory).
So, a young lady who was also an orange belt (all of 15, I think) was the "attacker" & I let her know we were going to do the one-step throw. Upon her acknowledging this, I repeated the name of the technique, did a couple of set-ups & then did a "ki-hap" to let her know I was ready to go. She did the same & I performed a breakaway from her grab, stepped deep & turned around to step for the throw.
She whipped forward & didn't tuck her head down for the rolling fall that was supposed to happen. Literally, time seemed to hold its breath as she bounced once on the mats (thankfully very cushioned) & lay there for a second - it seemed like much longer - crumpled in a heap.
My first thought was, "Oh my God! I just killed this poor girl because I did something wrong!". My instructor (who is still my instructor), came up to me after seeing what happened & noticed how upset I was. He simply & calmly asked if I told her what technique was going to happen. When I replied that, yes, she did know & we had done a couple set-ups, he replied plainly that she failed to roll properly & it wasn't my fault in any way.
The most important part, however, is that she was perfectly fine. Stunned a bit, but no worse for wear & completely understanding that she didn't roll properly. To be honest, I was just happy she was OK.
So, as I was telling "green", I know what it's like to be rattled to the core & feel like you've done a horrible thing. While knowing you didn't mean any harm may not help, we all assume the same risk coming into that class. "Red" knew that as well as anyone & there's no doubt in my mind he'll be just fine. "Green" is a spectacular student & I know he'll bounce back from this.
5/29/09
5/25/09
Martial Law
Patti of Good Googledy Moogledies commented on a recent post where she asked:
Choosing a martial arts school can seem complicated: Tuition costs, uniforms, extra equipment, etc. are only a few of the thoughts that will run through your head when trying to choose a school. Honestly, though, the above concerns aren't the most important. Ultimately, the concern is finding a martial art & school you enjoy.
With that in mind, here are Hap's recommendations for finding a martial arts school:
1) Style: What does the school teach? This is what the student will study & it needs to match what you want out of a martial art. Do you want self-defense? Jeet Kun Do or Hap Ki Do are great...Tae Kwon Do or Karate aren't for you in this case. I'll offer more suggestions at the end of the post.
2) Location/Facility: Try to find a close school with clean, organized facilities. Traveling for an hour, unless the student is exceptionally dedicated to the art, is not practical. Facilities should be appropriate for the art (i.e. - clean, spacious mats for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or high ceilings with clean, smooth floors for Tae Kwon Do). Fancy equipment is often expensive & schools generally are in this for profit. That means the students are paying for what you see. That's not necessarily a bad thing...just keep it in mind.
3) Contracts: This also includes tuition costs. There is ZERO need to sign a contract, in my opinion. The school should either bill by the lesson or by the month. Just because "you get what you pay for" is a popular adage doesn't mean it's entirely true. A good school won't break the bank. In fact, I'd be suspect of any school that charges over $80/month (major cities may cost more). My instructor charges far less, though teaching is not how he earns his living.
Any school worth your time will let a prospective student try out a lesson or two for free AND will answer all questions honestly.
4) Equipment: Can you purchase your own or must you buy from the school? The latter often means marked-up prices. Depending on the art, there may be a lot of equipment to purchase & purchasing from a distributor such as Century can often be less expensive than buying from the school. A school can determine the dress code of students & the students should be allowed to obtain that equipment by the most cost-effective means.
With those basics out of the way, here are some questions I'd ask based on experience:
(If you don't get a straight answer on any of the below, just leave the school)
1) How many years have you practiced AND taught in [martial art]?
2) What is the core philosophy of the school (sparring, self-defense, discipline, competition, etc.)?
3) How much is tuition? Are testing fees included in this price? If not, what are the testing fees for each level & for what (exactly) does the testing fee pay (boards, new belt, certificate, instructor time)? I'm personally against the instructor charging a large test fee for his/her "time". That should be part of the tuition, not test. The testing is the student's time!
4) Are there any age restrictions for rank? Unfortunately, some schools will promote based only on time-in-rank & not consider age. Remember that rank is a combination of skill, effort, time and maturity. The belt is basically a measuring stick for progress. By itself, the belt keeps your pants up - it does not determine actual ability or dedication to the art.
There are plenty of other questions that may be asked. If anyone comes up with any, I am always available to answer them. Please feel free to e-mail me (e-mail link is at the top of the site) if something is on your mind.
Now, for a quick summary of martial arts. These are arts to which I have been exposed but do not necessarily have a rank:
1) Hapkido (2nd Degree): My first martial art & the other love in my life (besides God, Country & Family). Hapkido focuses largely on joint locks, balance disruption & minor striking elements. The main focus is to prevent/deter an attack & strongly discourage the attacker from pursuing another assault. It is a difficult art to learn but exceptionally difficult to counter in its primary application: Self-Defense.
2) Taekwondo (2nd Degree): A striking art that utilizes snapping kicks (70%) & hand strikes (30%). It is an art in the sense of patterns (kata, poomse) to learn & an entire philosophy permeating every aspect of the discipline. This is a very popular art across America for families & children as one major focus for schools is to instill discipline in students. There are also more "acrobatic" kicks & techniques that make for good demonstration, competition & sparring.
3) Arnis (Level 2 of 10): An overly-simplified summary of this art is "stick fighting". More accurately, it is close-quarters self-defense with a combative edge to the art. The stick & knife techniques supplement Hapkido's joint locks with practical weaponry. Still, the art easily stands on its own in terms of self-defense & adaptability.
4) Jeet Kun Do (No Rank): The art founded by the late Bruce Lee, JKD is simplicity in self-defense. It borrows elements from various Chinese styles & offers discipline along with self-confidence. If there were a place to start in martial arts, this would probably be the best. A student can get in shape while learning valuable skills.
5) Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (No Rank): A grappling art, the traditional form founded by the Gracies is renowned for revolutionizing Mixed Martial Arts & gave us organizations such as the UFC. BJJ deals largely with ground fighting applications & utilizes chokes, holds & joint manipulation to submit or render an opponent unconscious. There are "street" applications of this art that focus on self-defense but I am wary of any art that takes an attack to the ground. The focus of self-defense is to get out of the situation, not prolong it on the floor (That is just my opinion).
"Have any advice that might help a mom who'd like to let her boy explore what [martial art] he is interested in, but in an environment that is productive to the boy - not just the instructor's bottom line?"
Choosing a martial arts school can seem complicated: Tuition costs, uniforms, extra equipment, etc. are only a few of the thoughts that will run through your head when trying to choose a school. Honestly, though, the above concerns aren't the most important. Ultimately, the concern is finding a martial art & school you enjoy.
With that in mind, here are Hap's recommendations for finding a martial arts school:
1) Style: What does the school teach? This is what the student will study & it needs to match what you want out of a martial art. Do you want self-defense? Jeet Kun Do or Hap Ki Do are great...Tae Kwon Do or Karate aren't for you in this case. I'll offer more suggestions at the end of the post.
2) Location/Facility: Try to find a close school with clean, organized facilities. Traveling for an hour, unless the student is exceptionally dedicated to the art, is not practical. Facilities should be appropriate for the art (i.e. - clean, spacious mats for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or high ceilings with clean, smooth floors for Tae Kwon Do). Fancy equipment is often expensive & schools generally are in this for profit. That means the students are paying for what you see. That's not necessarily a bad thing...just keep it in mind.
3) Contracts: This also includes tuition costs. There is ZERO need to sign a contract, in my opinion. The school should either bill by the lesson or by the month. Just because "you get what you pay for" is a popular adage doesn't mean it's entirely true. A good school won't break the bank. In fact, I'd be suspect of any school that charges over $80/month (major cities may cost more). My instructor charges far less, though teaching is not how he earns his living.
Any school worth your time will let a prospective student try out a lesson or two for free AND will answer all questions honestly.
4) Equipment: Can you purchase your own or must you buy from the school? The latter often means marked-up prices. Depending on the art, there may be a lot of equipment to purchase & purchasing from a distributor such as Century can often be less expensive than buying from the school. A school can determine the dress code of students & the students should be allowed to obtain that equipment by the most cost-effective means.
With those basics out of the way, here are some questions I'd ask based on experience:
(If you don't get a straight answer on any of the below, just leave the school)
1) How many years have you practiced AND taught in [martial art]?
2) What is the core philosophy of the school (sparring, self-defense, discipline, competition, etc.)?
3) How much is tuition? Are testing fees included in this price? If not, what are the testing fees for each level & for what (exactly) does the testing fee pay (boards, new belt, certificate, instructor time)? I'm personally against the instructor charging a large test fee for his/her "time". That should be part of the tuition, not test. The testing is the student's time!
4) Are there any age restrictions for rank? Unfortunately, some schools will promote based only on time-in-rank & not consider age. Remember that rank is a combination of skill, effort, time and maturity. The belt is basically a measuring stick for progress. By itself, the belt keeps your pants up - it does not determine actual ability or dedication to the art.
There are plenty of other questions that may be asked. If anyone comes up with any, I am always available to answer them. Please feel free to e-mail me (e-mail link is at the top of the site) if something is on your mind.
Now, for a quick summary of martial arts. These are arts to which I have been exposed but do not necessarily have a rank:
1) Hapkido (2nd Degree): My first martial art & the other love in my life (besides God, Country & Family). Hapkido focuses largely on joint locks, balance disruption & minor striking elements. The main focus is to prevent/deter an attack & strongly discourage the attacker from pursuing another assault. It is a difficult art to learn but exceptionally difficult to counter in its primary application: Self-Defense.
2) Taekwondo (2nd Degree): A striking art that utilizes snapping kicks (70%) & hand strikes (30%). It is an art in the sense of patterns (kata, poomse) to learn & an entire philosophy permeating every aspect of the discipline. This is a very popular art across America for families & children as one major focus for schools is to instill discipline in students. There are also more "acrobatic" kicks & techniques that make for good demonstration, competition & sparring.
3) Arnis (Level 2 of 10): An overly-simplified summary of this art is "stick fighting". More accurately, it is close-quarters self-defense with a combative edge to the art. The stick & knife techniques supplement Hapkido's joint locks with practical weaponry. Still, the art easily stands on its own in terms of self-defense & adaptability.
4) Jeet Kun Do (No Rank): The art founded by the late Bruce Lee, JKD is simplicity in self-defense. It borrows elements from various Chinese styles & offers discipline along with self-confidence. If there were a place to start in martial arts, this would probably be the best. A student can get in shape while learning valuable skills.
5) Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (No Rank): A grappling art, the traditional form founded by the Gracies is renowned for revolutionizing Mixed Martial Arts & gave us organizations such as the UFC. BJJ deals largely with ground fighting applications & utilizes chokes, holds & joint manipulation to submit or render an opponent unconscious. There are "street" applications of this art that focus on self-defense but I am wary of any art that takes an attack to the ground. The focus of self-defense is to get out of the situation, not prolong it on the floor (That is just my opinion).
5/24/09
"Taken" Review
***Minimal Spoilers - Ending NOT Revealed***
Summary: Don't mess around with daddy's little girl!!!
This was honestly an excellent movie from start to finish. Liam Neeson (a spectacular actor)plays a former government agent whose teenage daughter is abducted by a kidnapping ring in Paris, France. What results is the most one-sided kicking of criminal @$$ that I have ever been proud to see.
Neeson's character is resourceful & he stops at no moral end to gain information towards locating his missing progeny. In this way, the movie is exceptionally believable: no matter how brutal the actions of the protagonist, you always know his behavior brings him productively closer to finding his baby girl. He's a father protecting his child & Heaven have mercy on anyone in his way...
From a martial arts perspective, the film is a complete thrill. There's ZERO over-the-top flippy kicks & stunts. My best guess is he employs Krav Maga (or Commando Krav Maga) in most of his "dealings" with the animals in the kidnapping ring. It's an exceptional style that suits the subject material perfectly & the brutality of the techniques is a mirror into the soul of a fearsome, angered father. At no point can you doubt how the movie will end.
If you want to see a great movie, don't even glance elsewhere. Taken will hold you from start to finish & the conflict resolution, much like the father's morals, is absolute.
Summary: Don't mess around with daddy's little girl!!!
This was honestly an excellent movie from start to finish. Liam Neeson (a spectacular actor)plays a former government agent whose teenage daughter is abducted by a kidnapping ring in Paris, France. What results is the most one-sided kicking of criminal @$$ that I have ever been proud to see.
Neeson's character is resourceful & he stops at no moral end to gain information towards locating his missing progeny. In this way, the movie is exceptionally believable: no matter how brutal the actions of the protagonist, you always know his behavior brings him productively closer to finding his baby girl. He's a father protecting his child & Heaven have mercy on anyone in his way...
From a martial arts perspective, the film is a complete thrill. There's ZERO over-the-top flippy kicks & stunts. My best guess is he employs Krav Maga (or Commando Krav Maga) in most of his "dealings" with the animals in the kidnapping ring. It's an exceptional style that suits the subject material perfectly & the brutality of the techniques is a mirror into the soul of a fearsome, angered father. At no point can you doubt how the movie will end.
If you want to see a great movie, don't even glance elsewhere. Taken will hold you from start to finish & the conflict resolution, much like the father's morals, is absolute.
Memorial Day
As we enjoy a long weekend with our families & friends, please, let us all remember there are many men & women who have served this great nation who can only look down from Heaven & hope for one more moment, one more day or even one more word to the ones for whom they sacrificed everything. Keep in mind that we have to live for them - appreciate their courage & commitment to a grateful nation - and be thankful every day we bask in the glowing freedom each service member has provided.
Freedom is not free. The price paid, so terrible to those who have lost soldiers; Marines; airmen or sailors, guarantees we can wake up every day in a land that is free & strong in the face of adversity. Every morning all of us can look at our beautiful Flag & know that that day we awoke as a free people.
Honor these brave men & women for their memories truly deserve the very best we Americans have to offer.
Freedom is not free. The price paid, so terrible to those who have lost soldiers; Marines; airmen or sailors, guarantees we can wake up every day in a land that is free & strong in the face of adversity. Every morning all of us can look at our beautiful Flag & know that that day we awoke as a free people.
Honor these brave men & women for their memories truly deserve the very best we Americans have to offer.
5/22/09
The Highest Order
A compliment of, that is.
At our most recent test in TKD, we had a pretty lousy showing. I couldn't believe how poorly many of them did - it's like most of the students just didn't want to try. Even the most recent student of the month did terrible. Frustrating, just frustrating.
Fortunately, the adults who tested did a decent job. One student in particular did a spectacular job even though he's a white belt. Now, he's also an advanced student in Arnis & can really handle himself, so it's not like we're talking about a completely new-to-martial-arts student here.
In any event, I was the one judging him & even his terminology was excellent. He was straight-forward in his answers & demonstrated complete knowledge of the material. Afterwards, he came up to me & mentioned that he started TKD to work with his young daughter & decided to stick with it because he was impressed with how precise & strong my kicks & strikes are.
This, coming from a man who could whip me in a no-holds-barred fight in about 30 seconds! It's a great compliment & one that will only encourage me to work harder so the example set is the best possible.
At our most recent test in TKD, we had a pretty lousy showing. I couldn't believe how poorly many of them did - it's like most of the students just didn't want to try. Even the most recent student of the month did terrible. Frustrating, just frustrating.
Fortunately, the adults who tested did a decent job. One student in particular did a spectacular job even though he's a white belt. Now, he's also an advanced student in Arnis & can really handle himself, so it's not like we're talking about a completely new-to-martial-arts student here.
In any event, I was the one judging him & even his terminology was excellent. He was straight-forward in his answers & demonstrated complete knowledge of the material. Afterwards, he came up to me & mentioned that he started TKD to work with his young daughter & decided to stick with it because he was impressed with how precise & strong my kicks & strikes are.
This, coming from a man who could whip me in a no-holds-barred fight in about 30 seconds! It's a great compliment & one that will only encourage me to work harder so the example set is the best possible.
5/20/09
Deep Thoughts - CAFE Standards
For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.
***************************
Can we impose CAFE standards on Congress?
$$ per mile of performance?
The fines we would get back from Congress would pay for nObama's StimU-Less Bill.
***************************
Can we impose CAFE standards on Congress?
$$ per mile of performance?
The fines we would get back from Congress would pay for nObama's StimU-Less Bill.
5/19/09
WARNING!!!!!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING
If you get an e-mail titled
"nude photos of Sarah Palin,"
"nude photos of Sarah Palin,"
DON'T OPEN IT!
...It could contain a virus.
If you get an e-mail titled
"nude photos of Nancy Pelosi,"
...It could contain a virus.
If you get an e-mail titled
"nude photos of Nancy Pelosi,"
DON'T OPEN IT!
It could contain nude photos of Nancy Pelosi!
5/17/09
Lesson Of The Day
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance and just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered quickly and the gun slinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible, double clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.
The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?' The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'
There are two lessons for us all here:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance and just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered quickly and the gun slinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible, double clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.
The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?' The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'
There are two lessons for us all here:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
5/16/09
Meme for Me? Me!
Harvey of Bad Example tagged me on a recent (under 1 year old) meme and, being the obliging blog-groupie that I am, here's the skinny:
Rules:
1) Post the rules on your blog.
2) Tell 5 random things about yourself.
3) Tag 3 people at the end of your post.
4) Pass on the tag.
5 Random Facts
1) Every time I talk with my parents, I can feel some sense of their disappointment & wish I had made more of my life.
2) The scar on my head (from the surgery) reminds me both of how strong & how fragile we all are.
3) "A Bit of Fry & Laurie" is one of my favorite shows.
4) I've wanted to move to South Carolina for over a year. Now that it's close to that time, I'm scared to death of what my life will be like.
5) I will worry constantly about my screw-ups in some odd hope that worrying will fix the problem when there's nothing I can actively do.
Now the taggees:
1) Mrs. Who of House of Zathras
2) Pam of pamibe
3) Patti of Good Googledy Moogledies
Rules:
1) Post the rules on your blog.
2) Tell 5 random things about yourself.
3) Tag 3 people at the end of your post.
4) Pass on the tag.
5 Random Facts
1) Every time I talk with my parents, I can feel some sense of their disappointment & wish I had made more of my life.
2) The scar on my head (from the surgery) reminds me both of how strong & how fragile we all are.
3) "A Bit of Fry & Laurie" is one of my favorite shows.
4) I've wanted to move to South Carolina for over a year. Now that it's close to that time, I'm scared to death of what my life will be like.
5) I will worry constantly about my screw-ups in some odd hope that worrying will fix the problem when there's nothing I can actively do.
Now the taggees:
1) Mrs. Who of House of Zathras
2) Pam of pamibe
3) Patti of Good Googledy Moogledies
Sorry, Guys
Well, I have to give myself credit: at least I made it 1 week into dating again without screwing up.
Of course, I had to be typical over-thinking me after that time & sentence myself to probably at least another 2 1/2 years without a social life.
Some advice: when you know in your heart of hearts that you are meant to be alone for the entirety of your life, don't drag someone in hoping for a miracle - just accept it & lower the risk of one more person getting hurt.
She's a nice lady & I wish her the best - she deserves an actual man.
***Update***
OK, you can upgrade me from "dumbass" to "dork". As usual, I was worried about more than the actual problem.
Turns out, she was concerned that I was trying to push her out of my life (which would be phenomenally fast for me - considering this pretty girl has hardly been given the time to be in my life). We talked a bit yesterday & kind of resolved the concern - which is good being that I really do like this lady. Maybe we both freaked out a little because hitting things off so well is odd for me & the same for her.
Mrs. Who: Sorry about the "actual man" comment. Reading that, for a friend who treats me with the respect you do, must have been a slap in the face. Can I blame it on the former hole in my head just this once? PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSE???
Of course, I had to be typical over-thinking me after that time & sentence myself to probably at least another 2 1/2 years without a social life.
Some advice: when you know in your heart of hearts that you are meant to be alone for the entirety of your life, don't drag someone in hoping for a miracle - just accept it & lower the risk of one more person getting hurt.
She's a nice lady & I wish her the best - she deserves an actual man.
***Update***
OK, you can upgrade me from "dumbass" to "dork". As usual, I was worried about more than the actual problem.
Turns out, she was concerned that I was trying to push her out of my life (which would be phenomenally fast for me - considering this pretty girl has hardly been given the time to be in my life). We talked a bit yesterday & kind of resolved the concern - which is good being that I really do like this lady. Maybe we both freaked out a little because hitting things off so well is odd for me & the same for her.
Mrs. Who: Sorry about the "actual man" comment. Reading that, for a friend who treats me with the respect you do, must have been a slap in the face. Can I blame it on the former hole in my head just this once? PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSE???
5/12/09
One should becareful about blindly passing legislation.
This was emailed to me and I find it fascinating. ...Probably not nice to put right after the Happy Mother's Day Blog... but..
(Note to self: CALL MOM! You dummy you forgot.)
I digress.... Where was I ... Oh yes. This IS fascinating.
Be sure to read the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Romebuilt the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it?', you may be exactly right.
Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horse's asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses controlled almost everything.
(Note to self: CALL MOM! You dummy you forgot.)
I digress.... Where was I ... Oh yes. This IS fascinating.
Be sure to read the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Romebuilt the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it?', you may be exactly right.
Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horse's asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses controlled almost everything.
5/10/09
Happy Mothers' Day!
To all you mothers out there who make this a better, brighter & funnier place in which to live, thank you & have a great day - you've earned it!
All of you have a thankless job whether you stay at home or split work at home with a career. As a former kid I can tell you from experience that the little devils we are sometimes will drive you crazy but we sons & daughters love our Mothers.
Have a beautiful & blessed Mothers' Day!
As my gift to you, tell your families to make sure the house is clean, Mom gets to do what she wants (or doesn't want) to do & everyone tell her how much she makes your world a better place...or Hap will give them a free "lesson". :-)
All of you have a thankless job whether you stay at home or split work at home with a career. As a former kid I can tell you from experience that the little devils we are sometimes will drive you crazy but we sons & daughters love our Mothers.
Have a beautiful & blessed Mothers' Day!
As my gift to you, tell your families to make sure the house is clean, Mom gets to do what she wants (or doesn't want) to do & everyone tell her how much she makes your world a better place...or Hap will give them a free "lesson". :-)
5/9/09
Relativity
"Relativity: Put your hand on a hot stove & a second can feel like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman & an hour can feel like a second" - LL Cool J, Deep Blue Sea
Well, Hap finally made a change - he went out on a date for the first time in 2 1/2 years. Honestly, the young lady I was so fortunate to attend for the evening began the pursuit, so I can hardly say it was my idea.
Imagine, if you will, the perfect evening: dinner in a quiet, calm, softly-lit Italian restaurant; gradually moving over to the lounge area with its cozy couches, light oldies playing in the background; relaxed & talking the entire night away until the place closes at 2am. You know, just getting to know someone & doing so in complete comfort.
It sounds like something from a great romantic comedy - too good to be true. But this "perfect" evening actually happened last night.
Now, I don't know if she reads my blog but even if I KNEW she didn't, Hap makes every effort to be a gentleman, so there will be no confirmation or denial about romance save my saying that I'm attracted to AND respect this woman, so a perfect first date is the perfect introduction, not a scene from a trashy romance novel.
The problems I find now are these:
1) I was laid off from my job. Yes, I have money but still feel embarrassed to tell this lady that I'm unemployed. There's no good reason, I just feel awkward.
2) I want to move to South Carolina, planned to do so & planned to tell her up-front but now, selfishly, I'm thinking there's no harm in staying longer to get to know her & wonder if that means my integrity is lacking for changing my mind. (For the record, she knows I want to live in SC).
Beyond any issues my mind can dream up, this woman is a smart, passionate (driven to succeed, fellas), former Marine with red hair, blue eyes & a smile that could melt a glacier. I even was comfortable enough to let her feel the scar on my head & explain the surgery. To say this impressive gal has qualities I appreciate is to say Elvis dressed a just little flashy in the 70s...
Why, oh why, did someone come along right when all the biggest changes started happening in my life? I have to wonder if it's a blessing or another case where I have horrible timing & it'll all go "bye bye" in a snap? Obviously, I'm praying for the blessing but don't know if I've done anything so well to deserve that.
Well, Hap finally made a change - he went out on a date for the first time in 2 1/2 years. Honestly, the young lady I was so fortunate to attend for the evening began the pursuit, so I can hardly say it was my idea.
Imagine, if you will, the perfect evening: dinner in a quiet, calm, softly-lit Italian restaurant; gradually moving over to the lounge area with its cozy couches, light oldies playing in the background; relaxed & talking the entire night away until the place closes at 2am. You know, just getting to know someone & doing so in complete comfort.
It sounds like something from a great romantic comedy - too good to be true. But this "perfect" evening actually happened last night.
Now, I don't know if she reads my blog but even if I KNEW she didn't, Hap makes every effort to be a gentleman, so there will be no confirmation or denial about romance save my saying that I'm attracted to AND respect this woman, so a perfect first date is the perfect introduction, not a scene from a trashy romance novel.
The problems I find now are these:
1) I was laid off from my job. Yes, I have money but still feel embarrassed to tell this lady that I'm unemployed. There's no good reason, I just feel awkward.
2) I want to move to South Carolina, planned to do so & planned to tell her up-front but now, selfishly, I'm thinking there's no harm in staying longer to get to know her & wonder if that means my integrity is lacking for changing my mind. (For the record, she knows I want to live in SC).
Beyond any issues my mind can dream up, this woman is a smart, passionate (driven to succeed, fellas), former Marine with red hair, blue eyes & a smile that could melt a glacier. I even was comfortable enough to let her feel the scar on my head & explain the surgery. To say this impressive gal has qualities I appreciate is to say Elvis dressed a just little flashy in the 70s...
Why, oh why, did someone come along right when all the biggest changes started happening in my life? I have to wonder if it's a blessing or another case where I have horrible timing & it'll all go "bye bye" in a snap? Obviously, I'm praying for the blessing but don't know if I've done anything so well to deserve that.
5/6/09
5/1/09
The Coffee Cup Conspiracy
As promised the little known "Great Coffee Cup Conspiracy."
Not too long ago a think tank made up of coffee experts mainly consumers with not much else to think about but more than Liberals and Progressives ususally do in a lifetime, were sitting and enjoying their daily cup of joe when one of the cups was turned horizontal unintentionally thus spilling the contents upon themself. It was this instant when the deep realization of the gravity of the Great Coffee Cup Conspiracy.
The Spiller, we'll call him Bill, not because it rhymes with spill, but because Bill is his real name. Anyway Bill, slightly agitated that he not only lost his morning beverage and would have to go back to get another because who would want to live through a morning with out that addiction fix.? He left mumbling at how much the cup of coffee was actually costing him when he included his wardrobe costs. I think it was all of $30. When he arrived at the coffee pot he discovered that someone had taken the last of the pot and did not make any more. Is there anything more infuriating? So he proceeded to brew another pot. I and the others joined him in the break room because I was out already and Chris's coffee was cold. I mentioned to Bill that this was a huge waste of money. We all agreed and we came up with the following points for the Great Coffee Conspiracy.
Not too long ago a think tank made up of coffee experts mainly consumers with not much else to think about but more than Liberals and Progressives ususally do in a lifetime, were sitting and enjoying their daily cup of joe when one of the cups was turned horizontal unintentionally thus spilling the contents upon themself. It was this instant when the deep realization of the gravity of the Great Coffee Cup Conspiracy.
The Spiller, we'll call him Bill, not because it rhymes with spill, but because Bill is his real name. Anyway Bill, slightly agitated that he not only lost his morning beverage and would have to go back to get another because who would want to live through a morning with out that addiction fix.? He left mumbling at how much the cup of coffee was actually costing him when he included his wardrobe costs. I think it was all of $30. When he arrived at the coffee pot he discovered that someone had taken the last of the pot and did not make any more. Is there anything more infuriating? So he proceeded to brew another pot. I and the others joined him in the break room because I was out already and Chris's coffee was cold. I mentioned to Bill that this was a huge waste of money. We all agreed and we came up with the following points for the Great Coffee Conspiracy.
- The beverage of and by itself is hugely addictive. You just cannot go by too long without a fix. It has to be more addictive than non-conventional narcotics.
- It is brewed too hot to drink so one has to wait before taking the first sips. This adds to the enticement and makes it that much more irresistable.
- If spilled .... it stains like none other. We are thinking that the textile manufacturers and clothing manufacturers had something to do with the incompatibility with these two addictions. The need for coffee and the need for clothes. We accepted that the second addiction was not exactly an addiction but more of a social decency. Especially in some cases.
- Look at the cup. The very design of the cup lends it self to more consumption of an already irresistable addiction. It is bigger on top and open. Heat rises and the cooling surface of the cup creates a temperature reduction cycle that the very design of the cup accelerates. What happens when the coffee gets cold? As Chris did: he dumped it out and got another cup.
- The design of the cup is also top heavy, and as Bill experienced, has a very major tendency to turn 90 degrees. No one ever saw a coffee cup right itself. No no that would be counter productive to the selling of more coffee (and clothes).
- If coffee is left for too long (which seems like not very long) on a warmer then it burns and it needs to be thrown out and another pot created.
- Drinking coffee has become a traditional begining and ending to the day. It is the first bevarage of the morning to wake up and is offered by eating establishments (they are a big part of the conspiracy) for an "after dinner drink."
- It is rather inexpensive and readilly available. Often free. Hmmm $1.25 for a Pepsi or a Free coffee? Well twist my conservative arm.
Coffee is one of those things that is pushed on us as a society and we get hooked and are now dependant to the mercy of the growers of the bean. What would happen if Columbia decided to quit exporting thier brown gold? This country and I imagine several others would revolt! We would invade Columbia like they were the fourth axel of evil. Can you imagine if Coffee were taxed like cigarettes? nObama would have a surplus budget. (Sorry. I just couldn't do a whole blog without at least two shots at him.)
Those were all the angles I could think of on short notice I think I missed a couple. Feel free to ponder the Great Coffee Conspiracy and enlighten us with your angles on this menace to mankind. In the mean time I got to refill my cup. It's kind of dry.
See you in the break room.Benefits of Training
Last Tuesday, I was working in the basketball court area of a local rec center with a few of the other black belts on their forms. We started with the first 1st degree form & then I asked them what they wanted to do next.
"Koryo", the 1st degree form in World TKD Federation, was the universal response.
It's a fun form & the beginning has double side kicks (low & high) that can really show off the practitioner's abilities. Heck, I enjoy that part of the form more than any other section.
As it turns out, basketball courts have floors that are well-waxed, shiny & quite a bit on the slick side. So slick, in fact, that a certain black belt attempting the high part of that kick combo might discover that the ball of his foot is inadequate for keeping him firmly standing on terra firma. Yeah, that "certain" black belt was yours truly.
Now, if this was a stuntman competition, this guy had it won - hands down! My right leg kicked high; and the left leg, apparently saddened at being all alone, decided to join righty...in mid-air. The result was a horizontal, twisting position that had me facing the opposite direction of my intended kick - again, in mid-air.
There I was, headed for a personal crash of NASCAR proportions, when the years of HKD training kicked in. The arms came up, forearms in front of my face, head turned to the side & legs extended to prevent my stomach from belly flopping in a most painful way. BOOM! textbook front fall..albeit from an, um, elevated position.
The guys were pretty shocked - even more so when I stood right up & got right back into the mix.
"Koryo", the 1st degree form in World TKD Federation, was the universal response.
It's a fun form & the beginning has double side kicks (low & high) that can really show off the practitioner's abilities. Heck, I enjoy that part of the form more than any other section.
As it turns out, basketball courts have floors that are well-waxed, shiny & quite a bit on the slick side. So slick, in fact, that a certain black belt attempting the high part of that kick combo might discover that the ball of his foot is inadequate for keeping him firmly standing on terra firma. Yeah, that "certain" black belt was yours truly.
Now, if this was a stuntman competition, this guy had it won - hands down! My right leg kicked high; and the left leg, apparently saddened at being all alone, decided to join righty...in mid-air. The result was a horizontal, twisting position that had me facing the opposite direction of my intended kick - again, in mid-air.
There I was, headed for a personal crash of NASCAR proportions, when the years of HKD training kicked in. The arms came up, forearms in front of my face, head turned to the side & legs extended to prevent my stomach from belly flopping in a most painful way. BOOM! textbook front fall..albeit from an, um, elevated position.
The guys were pretty shocked - even more so when I stood right up & got right back into the mix.
Am I the only one turned off by the $5 subway song?
Random Thought Warning.
Is it just me who thinks that the weightloss phenom known as 'Subway Jarred' been benched by a 3rd grade jingle talent contest? The economy must really be hurting.
I even went to Subway's website to ask them to please stop and they have the flipping thing on their front page where if you didn't get enough of it during Prime time television watching or on the radio every 20 minutes ... you could click on it and watch it again. What kind of sadistic creeps are working there?
I rolled my eyes and shut my browser. Then I headed to Jimmy Johns.
Is it just me who thinks that the weightloss phenom known as 'Subway Jarred' been benched by a 3rd grade jingle talent contest? The economy must really be hurting.
I even went to Subway's website to ask them to please stop and they have the flipping thing on their front page where if you didn't get enough of it during Prime time television watching or on the radio every 20 minutes ... you could click on it and watch it again. What kind of sadistic creeps are working there?
I rolled my eyes and shut my browser. Then I headed to Jimmy Johns.
4/29/09
nObama's Swine Flu Scape Goat. Code Name: Pigs do fly
They claim they found the source of the swine flu.
It was this kid!
It was this kid!
4/27/09
More Like Great!
From a recent comment, I decided to check out Patti's blog, Good Googledy Moogledies.
Personally, I think it's worth an upgrade to "great" but you can judge for yourself when you pay her a visit. She's got to-the-point, humorous quips about life; a few pics of the farm; and even some valuable philosophical insight.
The blog is a nice combination of musings on life & well worth anyone's time.
Personally, I think it's worth an upgrade to "great" but you can judge for yourself when you pay her a visit. She's got to-the-point, humorous quips about life; a few pics of the farm; and even some valuable philosophical insight.
The blog is a nice combination of musings on life & well worth anyone's time.
4/25/09
Gange Green
The recent spread of swine flu has claimed its first tragic loss in both the ecological & acting communities.
Sadly, it seems the virus can also be spread via sexual means from one infected person to another and, well, the results speak for themselves...
Sadly, it seems the virus can also be spread via sexual means from one infected person to another and, well, the results speak for themselves...
Just Dumb
I was hanging out with one of my good friends at a local bar last night & a person he knew came up to us. My temporary hiatus from the working world was mentioned in the course of conversation. I guess it was a topic that just came up.
Instead of the usual, "Sorry about that", or other sympathetic gesture, this guy decides to appeal to my sense of greed - which is like appealing to a leftist's sense of decency - by inviting me to join a thinly-veiled ponzi scheme that's been going around the area for awhile.
Needless to say, I shot that idea down in a very direct (yet reasonably polite) manner.
Listen, buddy: I ain't yer pal & if I'm going to earn any money, it will be by honest work. Truth be told, I'd rather earn $6.25/hour flipping burgers than know I cheated someone out of their money. It's called ethics & self-respect. Try getting a little of both.
Instead of the usual, "Sorry about that", or other sympathetic gesture, this guy decides to appeal to my sense of greed - which is like appealing to a leftist's sense of decency - by inviting me to join a thinly-veiled ponzi scheme that's been going around the area for awhile.
Needless to say, I shot that idea down in a very direct (yet reasonably polite) manner.
Listen, buddy: I ain't yer pal & if I'm going to earn any money, it will be by honest work. Truth be told, I'd rather earn $6.25/hour flipping burgers than know I cheated someone out of their money. It's called ethics & self-respect. Try getting a little of both.
4/24/09
Sure Thing, Buddy
Well, my plans to move to SC may have been accelerated just a bit. As part of the 2nd round of layoffs at work, I was let go today. It's considered a layoff, not a firing & the company is going to pay me through 4/30, plus remaining vacation & will not challenge unemployment benefits. Plus, my COBRA will be 35% of regular cost.
In other words, I'm free to enjoy an 83-degree day, while getting paid by a former employer whose most redeeming characteristic was creeping my blood pressure up slowly while I worked there.
I'll miss working with some of the folks there...just some, not most. Trucking is a stressful industry. I was planning on getting out at the end of June, no matter what, so this is not entirely an unexpected turn of events. I've spent the last 8 months preparing for this day...it just came a little sooner than expected (not even mostly a bad thing).
In other words, I'm free to enjoy an 83-degree day, while getting paid by a former employer whose most redeeming characteristic was creeping my blood pressure up slowly while I worked there.
I'll miss working with some of the folks there...just some, not most. Trucking is a stressful industry. I was planning on getting out at the end of June, no matter what, so this is not entirely an unexpected turn of events. I've spent the last 8 months preparing for this day...it just came a little sooner than expected (not even mostly a bad thing).
4/22/09
How Leftists...
Celebrate free speech...
Sure, you CAN say what you want but if some silver spoon-fed twin brother of a certain moronic blonde hotel heiress doesn't like your answer to a question & uses vulgarity to express an opinion about you - well, you're the bad guy, not him.
Regardless of your position on same-gender marriage, you're entitled to that view. While it doesn't mean everyone must agree, or even respect, that decision, it doesn't entitle a bunch of Hollywood leftist kooks to jump on a Miss USA finalist because her answer wasn't the right one in their eyes.
My belief has always been that when you resort to sarcastic insults & parodies of a person & his/her position on an issue, it means you can't defend your position in honest debate. The Hollywood left obviously has no concept of "honest" so they simply smear anyone with whom they disagree. It's a tactic meant to belittle & hijack debate from potential opposition.
If you can't come up with a productive counter-argument, Perez, shut yer yap with the insults. Some day, you might get learned good by someone who isn't willing to take your crap.
Sure, you CAN say what you want but if some silver spoon-fed twin brother of a certain moronic blonde hotel heiress doesn't like your answer to a question & uses vulgarity to express an opinion about you - well, you're the bad guy, not him.
Regardless of your position on same-gender marriage, you're entitled to that view. While it doesn't mean everyone must agree, or even respect, that decision, it doesn't entitle a bunch of Hollywood leftist kooks to jump on a Miss USA finalist because her answer wasn't the right one in their eyes.
My belief has always been that when you resort to sarcastic insults & parodies of a person & his/her position on an issue, it means you can't defend your position in honest debate. The Hollywood left obviously has no concept of "honest" so they simply smear anyone with whom they disagree. It's a tactic meant to belittle & hijack debate from potential opposition.
If you can't come up with a productive counter-argument, Perez, shut yer yap with the insults. Some day, you might get learned good by someone who isn't willing to take your crap.
4/20/09
You can't make this stuff up. Pt. 2
A friend of mine worked for a great company but for ....well a pair of Asshats. They cut down their underlings mercilessly and for some reason their reign of terror still exists to this day. They use mostly temporary help because finding someone to sell their soul for a paycheck that is not in politics is just rare. But sometimes ..... Sometimes the underling is just a little more clever than the Asshat. Okay they are ALWAYS more clever than the Asshat but sometimes the underling is willing to go the distance with the Asshat. My friend reached that level and the following is a VERY TRUE story.
This Asshat Supervisor pair was looking for some way to inspire their underlings to work harder and faster and love them for this 6 grader attempt at team building. They were to create their own award/recognition system for people who bust their butts for statistical superiority or figure out how to manipulate their numbers and work the system as it always goes.
First question I had was: What was the award? Money?, Gift Certificates?, A free lunch at the company cafeteria? a roaming cheap rumagesale trophy?
The profound answer: "Nothing."
Now how profound can "Nothing" be. oh it gets better.
My friend came up with and submitted and the deep and vast wisdom of the Asshats passed this on to the team for a vote. The team also in on the award declared the following the winner:
This is an excerpt from the actual email...
Subject: Revised award program name...
As a team, you provided the suggestions......and as a team you voted.
Now, without further ado.....I would like to introduce the name of our new, revised award program............
and it is.........
The 'Notable Offering To Honor Impressive Numerical Greatness' Award.
Thank you to everyone who participated in the name selection process! Thank you to XNameOmittedToProtectTheGuiltyX as well for suggesting this magnificent name!!!!! I will be providing more specifics regarding our revised awards program at a later time. Stay tuned!!!
They totally missed it.
Notable
Offering
To
Honor
Impressive
Numerical
Greatness award.
Hmmmmm very profound, the reward was a perfect fit.
Why do people not understand that you get what you pay for..........
Unless you steal it from tax payers.
There is only so far I can go with out a political smack.
This Asshat Supervisor pair was looking for some way to inspire their underlings to work harder and faster and love them for this 6 grader attempt at team building. They were to create their own award/recognition system for people who bust their butts for statistical superiority or figure out how to manipulate their numbers and work the system as it always goes.
First question I had was: What was the award? Money?, Gift Certificates?, A free lunch at the company cafeteria? a roaming cheap rumagesale trophy?
The profound answer: "Nothing."
Now how profound can "Nothing" be. oh it gets better.
My friend came up with and submitted and the deep and vast wisdom of the Asshats passed this on to the team for a vote. The team also in on the award declared the following the winner:
This is an excerpt from the actual email...
Subject: Revised award program name...
As a team, you provided the suggestions......and as a team you voted.
Now, without further ado.....I would like to introduce the name of our new, revised award program............
and it is.........
The 'Notable Offering To Honor Impressive Numerical Greatness' Award.
Thank you to everyone who participated in the name selection process! Thank you to XNameOmittedToProtectTheGuiltyX as well for suggesting this magnificent name!!!!! I will be providing more specifics regarding our revised awards program at a later time. Stay tuned!!!
They totally missed it.
Notable
Offering
To
Honor
Impressive
Numerical
Greatness award.
Hmmmmm very profound, the reward was a perfect fit.
Why do people not understand that you get what you pay for..........
Unless you steal it from tax payers.
There is only so far I can go with out a political smack.
Deep (non-political) Thoughts By Ronny Engrish
For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.
***************************
Birds of a feather flock together........
and poop on your car.
Thanks to Break.com for the nasty picture and switchpod.com & pbs.ors for flipping me the birds
***************************
Birds of a feather flock together........
and poop on your car.
Thanks to Break.com for the nasty picture and switchpod.com & pbs.ors for flipping me the birds
4/19/09
Trigger Squeeze
A new bill, HR 45, would increase the requirements for purchasing a firearm. The bill is named the Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sale Act of 2009. So named for a young man who bravely sacrificed himself to save the life of a young lady on a school bus from a gunman.
Using the death of a young man for a political chess move is underhanded, so I won't provide a counter-argument to stricter gun control by invoking his sacrifice.
My issue is requiring fingerprints, mental evaluations & possible home safety checks to ensure children are kept safe from guns. The bill, in typical congressional double speak, says children are not to have access to guns & parents will be prosecuted if children use a firearm EXCEPT in the case of self-defense. So, little Timmy can use the gun to defend his family as long as he isn't educated on how to use the firearm...which, somehow, makes sense to these "representatives".
I took the time to write my Representative - a rank & file democrat - that he should oppose the bill because it does the following:
1) Adds needless redundancy. Registration is already required for firearms.
2) Discourages the purchase of firearms in the case it passes. This will drive prices up & out of the reach of some who want to purchase them for home defense.
3) Does nothing to allow for children to be educated with regards to firearms.
I also took notice that the bill applies to all handguns & any semi-automatic firearm that can accept a detachable ammunition-feeding device. In other words, all shotguns & bolt action rifles are excluded. Basically, they're aiming at any personal carry self-defense firearm as a "feel good" measure for the public.
I guess as long as you're a law-abiding citizen - which most of us are - you'll have to deal with being defenseless in the face of a gun-wielding psycho. After all, everyone knows that because Congress puts it on a piece of paper, the criminals will just fall in line. Asshats!
Using the death of a young man for a political chess move is underhanded, so I won't provide a counter-argument to stricter gun control by invoking his sacrifice.
My issue is requiring fingerprints, mental evaluations & possible home safety checks to ensure children are kept safe from guns. The bill, in typical congressional double speak, says children are not to have access to guns & parents will be prosecuted if children use a firearm EXCEPT in the case of self-defense. So, little Timmy can use the gun to defend his family as long as he isn't educated on how to use the firearm...which, somehow, makes sense to these "representatives".
I took the time to write my Representative - a rank & file democrat - that he should oppose the bill because it does the following:
1) Adds needless redundancy. Registration is already required for firearms.
2) Discourages the purchase of firearms in the case it passes. This will drive prices up & out of the reach of some who want to purchase them for home defense.
3) Does nothing to allow for children to be educated with regards to firearms.
I also took notice that the bill applies to all handguns & any semi-automatic firearm that can accept a detachable ammunition-feeding device. In other words, all shotguns & bolt action rifles are excluded. Basically, they're aiming at any personal carry self-defense firearm as a "feel good" measure for the public.
I guess as long as you're a law-abiding citizen - which most of us are - you'll have to deal with being defenseless in the face of a gun-wielding psycho. After all, everyone knows that because Congress puts it on a piece of paper, the criminals will just fall in line. Asshats!
4/17/09
Disgusted by part of the American Race
Ever get writer's block but not because you have nothing to say but because you have too much to say and everything you have to say is aptly communicated with a screaming ......
YOU BUNCH OF ARROGANT ASSHATS!!!
Some one said today that Janeane Garofalo was somehow popular and respected in conservative circles because she is on that cheesey soiled diaper of a TV show called '24'. Yeah that show was kinda interesting the first time around. I watched parts of it. Then the second one came out and I watched a couple episodes. I didn't waste a minute of my life on it since. but I digress....
Janeane Garofalo is known in Conservative circles like a town whore is known in an Amish community. Everyone knows who she is and what she is all about but nobody invites that beotch to dinner.
Okay I am back.
YOU BUNCH OF ARROGANT ASSHATS!!!
Some one said today that Janeane Garofalo was somehow popular and respected in conservative circles because she is on that cheesey soiled diaper of a TV show called '24'. Yeah that show was kinda interesting the first time around. I watched parts of it. Then the second one came out and I watched a couple episodes. I didn't waste a minute of my life on it since. but I digress....
Janeane Garofalo is known in Conservative circles like a town whore is known in an Amish community. Everyone knows who she is and what she is all about but nobody invites that beotch to dinner.
Okay I am back.
4/4/09
Red Ink Genocide
Never can it be said that liberals fail to appreciate the power of over-inflating a situation. There is certainly no shortage of strife, malice & tragedy in this world with opportunity to be politically exploited. Still, one has to wonder if those who supposedly "speak truth to power" have more than a tenuous hold on the concept of truth.
For example, take the perspective of Bill Keller, executive editor of the New York Times. The faded grey lady has fallen from grace in recent decades largely due to an ideological list to port that prevents any chance at righting the swamped vessel. In an actual ship, such a calamitous move would expose the keel & reveal a doomed craft. In a paper that fancies itself a cultural & media icon, the vantage we're offered is an exposed backside of a leftist agenda.
Only in the most ignorant, selfish mind could ANYONE take the collapse of a failed, agenda-driven periodical & make even a tangential comparison to genocide. It's this impervious-to-reason ideology which allows tragedies in the world to continue: Why fight a travesty against humanity, when one may objectify it & frame it to suit a business model?
The left is often & appropriately caricatured with the motto, "The ends justify the means". Apparently, this holds true even with (lack of) respect to the struggles against the most vile examples of inhumanity.
Perhaps the Times would better direct its crimson pens against actual tragedies in the world & refrain from the self-pitying foolishness of comparing running in the red with the horrific red flow of human violence.
For example, take the perspective of Bill Keller, executive editor of the New York Times. The faded grey lady has fallen from grace in recent decades largely due to an ideological list to port that prevents any chance at righting the swamped vessel. In an actual ship, such a calamitous move would expose the keel & reveal a doomed craft. In a paper that fancies itself a cultural & media icon, the vantage we're offered is an exposed backside of a leftist agenda.
Only in the most ignorant, selfish mind could ANYONE take the collapse of a failed, agenda-driven periodical & make even a tangential comparison to genocide. It's this impervious-to-reason ideology which allows tragedies in the world to continue: Why fight a travesty against humanity, when one may objectify it & frame it to suit a business model?
The left is often & appropriately caricatured with the motto, "The ends justify the means". Apparently, this holds true even with (lack of) respect to the struggles against the most vile examples of inhumanity.
Perhaps the Times would better direct its crimson pens against actual tragedies in the world & refrain from the self-pitying foolishness of comparing running in the red with the horrific red flow of human violence.
3/31/09
Republic or Democracy
Courtesy of Walter E. Williams...the answer can be found HERE!
For Heaven's sake, if we don't oppose what's been laid before us over the past 20 years, we deserve the oligarchical fate that awaits us.
"...for if in so doing we lose this precious freedom of ours, history will record with the greatest astonishment that those who stood to lose the most did the least to prevent its happening." - Ronald W. Reagan
For Heaven's sake, if we don't oppose what's been laid before us over the past 20 years, we deserve the oligarchical fate that awaits us.
"...for if in so doing we lose this precious freedom of ours, history will record with the greatest astonishment that those who stood to lose the most did the least to prevent its happening." - Ronald W. Reagan
Drug Free
I've been off the meds for a few weeks now & the most noticeable difference is my blood pressure no longer seems to be prohibitively high. While we do have high blood pressure in the family, 164/92 is exceptionally high at 34 (he hypertension has never "kicked in" before 50).
The doctor didn't think it was unusually high given the meds I was on, so the fact I am able to perform at normal levels now tells me exactly what that Dilantin stuff does to you over the course of six months.
The "normal" feeling really came back yesterday in TKD & carried over to the lunch class today. Ms. Watson & I even sparred a bit (no contact) & we each had good exchanges. She's good but doesn't fight dirty like I do. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
The doctor didn't think it was unusually high given the meds I was on, so the fact I am able to perform at normal levels now tells me exactly what that Dilantin stuff does to you over the course of six months.
The "normal" feeling really came back yesterday in TKD & carried over to the lunch class today. Ms. Watson & I even sparred a bit (no contact) & we each had good exchanges. She's good but doesn't fight dirty like I do. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
3/26/09
Why, Cat, Why?
I've never understood cats...
Being a dog person, those furry little felines conjure images of hair balls & litter boxes. That's probably why I was reluctant to take my brother's $700 Scottish Fold when he moved into an apartment that doesn't take pets.
As for why I mention the cost: My brother did a lot of research on what kind of cat he wanted & ultimately picked the Fold because of their tendency to bond strongly with one person & their general placid demeanor. What he didn't count on is the little kitty would, for some odd reason, bond more to me than him.
She is a very nice cat (that unfortunately listens as well as any other cat) & he felt she'd be happier staying with me instead of giving her away. I agreed there since who knows what can happen to a pet when another person takes him or her.
This little bundle of Gizmo-looking joy has taken to sleeping in my bed at nights. Hey, that's fine. She's a little one & doesn't make a sound. She likes to curl up at the foot of the bed which is just fine with me since we won't see Spring here in Iowa until May.
The problem?
I generally sleep on my back & this one has figured that sleeping on my stomach/chest is a darn comfortable place! Being soooo smart, I reasoned that a little roll to my side would dump her off of me & put the idea of sleeping there out of that little cat brain.
WRONG!
With the cat now sleeping on my hip, I reluctantly rolled onto my back again & resigned myself to many nights of moderate discomfort. This holy terror will make noise & run all over the place if she doesn't have ready access to my room!
Here's a few pics of her taken on my new 5.0MP Smartphone camera...
Being a dog person, those furry little felines conjure images of hair balls & litter boxes. That's probably why I was reluctant to take my brother's $700 Scottish Fold when he moved into an apartment that doesn't take pets.
As for why I mention the cost: My brother did a lot of research on what kind of cat he wanted & ultimately picked the Fold because of their tendency to bond strongly with one person & their general placid demeanor. What he didn't count on is the little kitty would, for some odd reason, bond more to me than him.
She is a very nice cat (that unfortunately listens as well as any other cat) & he felt she'd be happier staying with me instead of giving her away. I agreed there since who knows what can happen to a pet when another person takes him or her.
This little bundle of Gizmo-looking joy has taken to sleeping in my bed at nights. Hey, that's fine. She's a little one & doesn't make a sound. She likes to curl up at the foot of the bed which is just fine with me since we won't see Spring here in Iowa until May.
The problem?
I generally sleep on my back & this one has figured that sleeping on my stomach/chest is a darn comfortable place! Being soooo smart, I reasoned that a little roll to my side would dump her off of me & put the idea of sleeping there out of that little cat brain.
WRONG!
With the cat now sleeping on my hip, I reluctantly rolled onto my back again & resigned myself to many nights of moderate discomfort. This holy terror will make noise & run all over the place if she doesn't have ready access to my room!
Here's a few pics of her taken on my new 5.0MP Smartphone camera...
3/25/09
Group Think
Well, secretary of State Hillary Clinton says we Americans deserve some of the blame for Mexico's drug problem.
Now, you might think my issue here is with another democrat pulling the "blame America, first" crap but you'd only be partially correct.
The real effing problem is the former-First "Lady's" grouping of law-abiding Americans with the corrupt, devious & shameless. No, I'm not talking about Congress...I mean those losers out there that buy, sell & use illicit drugs.
This is a typical leftist tactic of eliminating individualism by putting us all in groups. There's not you, me & our friend. No, it's a trio of gun-toting, bible clutching red-staters. Dhimmocrats just don't have the time to learn the names of all the people they hate. This way I guess it's easier for them to round us all up & keep us with our "kind" when the last of our rights go bye-bye.
Look, madam secretary: we're not even mostly the helpless, worthless individuals you & your ilk make us out to be. We want your kind to stay out of our lives, let us live free as we deserve & hopefully all of you pols can take a flying leap.
Now, you might think my issue here is with another democrat pulling the "blame America, first" crap but you'd only be partially correct.
The real effing problem is the former-First "Lady's" grouping of law-abiding Americans with the corrupt, devious & shameless. No, I'm not talking about Congress...I mean those losers out there that buy, sell & use illicit drugs.
This is a typical leftist tactic of eliminating individualism by putting us all in groups. There's not you, me & our friend. No, it's a trio of gun-toting, bible clutching red-staters. Dhimmocrats just don't have the time to learn the names of all the people they hate. This way I guess it's easier for them to round us all up & keep us with our "kind" when the last of our rights go bye-bye.
Look, madam secretary: we're not even mostly the helpless, worthless individuals you & your ilk make us out to be. We want your kind to stay out of our lives, let us live free as we deserve & hopefully all of you pols can take a flying leap.
3/22/09
Good Eats
OK, not sure where my sister got this recipe but - dang! - it sure is good stuff!
It's an avocado bean dip that's just great in every way...
You'll need:
2 regular avocados
1 can of black beans
1 can of kernel corn
1 small can of Rotel (or diced tomatoes)
1 - 2 tablespoons of lime juice
cheese
blue corn chips
Half & dice the avocados & dump into a large bowl. These should be small chunks.
Drain & rinse the beans, corn & Rotel (dry them a little with a paper towel, too!). Add to the bowl.
Add the lime juice.
Cheese - this depends on your tastes. It calls for feta but that's a little too much on the saltiness for me. I tried a shredded asiago & that was just about right. Either way, use about 3 -4oz.
Mix all the above in the bowl & you're ready to go!
Note for the cooking-impaired: the chips DO NOT get mixed in!!! Duh!
It's an avocado bean dip that's just great in every way...
You'll need:
2 regular avocados
1 can of black beans
1 can of kernel corn
1 small can of Rotel (or diced tomatoes)
1 - 2 tablespoons of lime juice
cheese
blue corn chips
Half & dice the avocados & dump into a large bowl. These should be small chunks.
Drain & rinse the beans, corn & Rotel (dry them a little with a paper towel, too!). Add to the bowl.
Add the lime juice.
Cheese - this depends on your tastes. It calls for feta but that's a little too much on the saltiness for me. I tried a shredded asiago & that was just about right. Either way, use about 3 -4oz.
Mix all the above in the bowl & you're ready to go!
Note for the cooking-impaired: the chips DO NOT get mixed in!!! Duh!
3/21/09
That's about the size of it
3/19/09
The Obama Health Care Plan and Bragging Reichs
In a recent multi-national conference Hillary Clinton attended the topic of Universal Health care was brought up.
The Israeli Minister of Health bragged: "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it into another and have him looking for work in six weeks!"
The German Minister of Health who stood up and said, "Well medicine in my county is so advanced, we can take a lung out of one person and put it into another and have him looking for work on 4 weeks"
The Russian Minister of Health and Social Development got up and said "My country is even more advanced, we can remove half a heart from one person, put it into another and have them both looking for work in just 2 weeks!"
Not to be outdone, the American Secretary of Health and Human Services stood up and addressed the conference, "Well", he said, "My country is so far advanced in medicine, we can take an aaah* uhem Sphincter out of Chicago , put it in the White House, and have half the country looking for work in 24 hours!"
edited for Mrs. Who's kids and any other impressionable readers. ;)
**thanks to Internet friend for the original work
The Israeli Minister of Health bragged: "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it into another and have him looking for work in six weeks!"
The German Minister of Health who stood up and said, "Well medicine in my county is so advanced, we can take a lung out of one person and put it into another and have him looking for work on 4 weeks"
The Russian Minister of Health and Social Development got up and said "My country is even more advanced, we can remove half a heart from one person, put it into another and have them both looking for work in just 2 weeks!"
Not to be outdone, the American Secretary of Health and Human Services stood up and addressed the conference, "Well", he said, "My country is so far advanced in medicine, we can take an aaah* uhem Sphincter out of Chicago , put it in the White House, and have half the country looking for work in 24 hours!"
edited for Mrs. Who's kids and any other impressionable readers. ;)
**thanks to Internet friend for the original work
Thought for the day
Forwarded to me from an Internet friend.
Do you realize that Obama probably signed his stimulus package at the same desk where..................
....Clinton got his package stimulated?
Kinda makes you think. Doesn't it?
Do you realize that Obama probably signed his stimulus package at the same desk where..................
....Clinton got his package stimulated?
Kinda makes you think. Doesn't it?
3/17/09
All Class
Note to former presidents Carter & Clinton...take a lesson from former-president Bush. He refuses to criticize president Obama.
This is following tradition, sirs! Something neither of your self-important, needy, attention-getting personalities allow. It's been tradition since the formation of the United States that former presidents cede the spotlight & allow our current leaders to perform, uninterrupted by their predecessors.
Do the United States a favor: retire & leave the limelight of public office. Follow the example of a true leader, not a cowardly pacifist or sex-offender.
This is following tradition, sirs! Something neither of your self-important, needy, attention-getting personalities allow. It's been tradition since the formation of the United States that former presidents cede the spotlight & allow our current leaders to perform, uninterrupted by their predecessors.
Do the United States a favor: retire & leave the limelight of public office. Follow the example of a true leader, not a cowardly pacifist or sex-offender.
3/15/09
Deep Discussion
My friends & I were discussing a few political issues when one mentioned he was experiencing difficulty attempting to "reconcile the tenets of Christianity with some of the republican & libertarian positions" with regards to looking out for the whole of society. He continued that he stands "firm that Christianity is much closer to socialism than anyone wants to think".
Now, my friend is a conservative gentleman & most definitely not a socialist. That being said, he is one of the most honest, in-depth thinkers I have ever known. He IS correct when saying Christianity & socialism share some similar tenets.
How, then, can we differentiate from the two? If two apparently dissimilar ideologies share common principles, what makes the difference in them philosophically, morally & practically? If anyone had asked me such a question, I'd have some difficulty explaining the separation in ideology.
However, as if hit by a bolt of "smart", the following answer literally popped into my head:
It really struck a chord with all of us. The above sounds exactly like what the government is seeking to do: impose charity & sharing among the people. By forcing something as opposed to encouraging a practice, the elected are seeking to become the prophets of a "religion" they are creating.
You cannot force perfection on man. God made us with free will: the freedom to do right & wrong at our discretion. Whether you believe in the Divine Creator or not, it is simple fact that a person must choose to try & perfect himself/herself - such perfection cannot be obtained by force because it can never be genuine (& thus can never truly be "perfect").
Now, my friend is a conservative gentleman & most definitely not a socialist. That being said, he is one of the most honest, in-depth thinkers I have ever known. He IS correct when saying Christianity & socialism share some similar tenets.
How, then, can we differentiate from the two? If two apparently dissimilar ideologies share common principles, what makes the difference in them philosophically, morally & practically? If anyone had asked me such a question, I'd have some difficulty explaining the separation in ideology.
However, as if hit by a bolt of "smart", the following answer literally popped into my head:
"All of us have beliefs across the spectrum (left to right). Conservatives just have more to the right. Religion betters socialism in the shared tenets by way of encouraging man to better himself & treat neighbors as themselves. Socialism forces it - in essence, the state becomes a god & attempts to remove the fallibility from mankind. That is why it fails".
It really struck a chord with all of us. The above sounds exactly like what the government is seeking to do: impose charity & sharing among the people. By forcing something as opposed to encouraging a practice, the elected are seeking to become the prophets of a "religion" they are creating.
You cannot force perfection on man. God made us with free will: the freedom to do right & wrong at our discretion. Whether you believe in the Divine Creator or not, it is simple fact that a person must choose to try & perfect himself/herself - such perfection cannot be obtained by force because it can never be genuine (& thus can never truly be "perfect").
3/5/09
Willie Nelson
Well, I had a doctor appointment on Tuesday to make sure I could drive again...which was canceled for "weather".
For those of you who aren't familiar with the definition of bad weather in South Carolina, it's basically a beautiful, sunny day with some remaining snow on the areas surrounding the roads. NOT actually ON the road, mind you.
So, the doctor being closed, my appointment was rescheduled for today at 11:40, this Thursday. After waiting for an hour in the exam room, I spent five minutes with the doctor.
The result?
I can drive again & when the meds are out this month, the prescription doesn't need to be refilled. All that's left is periodic checks (once every year or so) to make sure the tumor doesn't return. I'd call that long-term, cautious optimism...
For those of you who aren't familiar with the definition of bad weather in South Carolina, it's basically a beautiful, sunny day with some remaining snow on the areas surrounding the roads. NOT actually ON the road, mind you.
So, the doctor being closed, my appointment was rescheduled for today at 11:40, this Thursday. After waiting for an hour in the exam room, I spent five minutes with the doctor.
The result?
I can drive again & when the meds are out this month, the prescription doesn't need to be refilled. All that's left is periodic checks (once every year or so) to make sure the tumor doesn't return. I'd call that long-term, cautious optimism...
3/3/09
the Great nObama Icon finalists ..feel free to add your own.
The Great nObama needed a new Icon to put out in the country show where his stimulus improvements are physically manifest. So soon you will see these pictures or Icons all over the place like you see Castro's face in Cuba, and *insert dictator* portrait in *insert dictator's country*
So in favor of saving the country a couple million dollars on a symbol artist we have decided to open this up to the public in a contest. We will see if American Creativity can rise to the challenge and make an Icon for the nObama. I have started you off with two. One from an Internet Friend's email and I have no idea of the original source but I have taken it and run with it.
The first one:
And the second one:
So in favor of saving the country a couple million dollars on a symbol artist we have decided to open this up to the public in a contest. We will see if American Creativity can rise to the challenge and make an Icon for the nObama. I have started you off with two. One from an Internet Friend's email and I have no idea of the original source but I have taken it and run with it.
The first one:
And the second one:
And we have a late 3rd entry....
Just Because
This crap just pops into my head out of nowhere...
"Hap" words that describe "Hapkido", the friendly blogger:
1) Hap-pee: I drank too much beer.
2) Hap-pen-stance: The way I hold writing implements.
3) Hap-penning: Writing my autobiography.
4) Hap-hazard: Someone messing with my stuff.
5) Hap-ax Legomena: The end result of my attempt at building ANYTHING with Legos; OR me as a wizard in a Harry Potter novel.
6) Hap-alon-chia: Because I only have that silly ceramic "pet" instead of the name "Cassidey"!
"Hap" words that describe "Hapkido", the friendly blogger:
1) Hap-pee: I drank too much beer.
2) Hap-pen-stance: The way I hold writing implements.
3) Hap-penning: Writing my autobiography.
4) Hap-hazard: Someone messing with my stuff.
5) Hap-ax Legomena: The end result of my attempt at building ANYTHING with Legos; OR me as a wizard in a Harry Potter novel.
6) Hap-alon-chia: Because I only have that silly ceramic "pet" instead of the name "Cassidey"!
Troubleshooting the Ecomony Crisis
If the ecomony needs Someone to "TroubleShoot" it......
Can we actually Shoot the Someone responsible for the Trouble?
Can we actually Shoot the Someone responsible for the Trouble?
2/26/09
The Constitution Solution for Iraq
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq, Why don't we just give them ours?
1) It was written by a lot of really smart guys
2) It has worked for over 200 years
3) We're not using it anymore.
1) It was written by a lot of really smart guys
2) It has worked for over 200 years
3) We're not using it anymore.
2/25/09
Gore, Again
Did you hear that Gore - not content with collapsing capitalism via "global warming" - is now encroaching on the morals previously espoused only by the catholic church?
He's suggested a method of "birth control" to replace the catholic doctrine of "rhythm method".
Gore calls it the "Algorythm (algorithm) Method".
All you programmers out there can start hating me now!
He's suggested a method of "birth control" to replace the catholic doctrine of "rhythm method".
Gore calls it the "Algorythm (algorithm) Method".
All you programmers out there can start hating me now!
The Italian Clock
Yep, we're a talented bunch: We have the best art, the best food and, once, we even had a guy who could part his own hair without using his hands!
Nothing quite tops this ability, though...
Nothing quite tops this ability, though...
2/22/09
2/21/09
Be Careful What You Ask For...
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asks the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Wisconsin."
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."
"Why?" asks the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Wisconsin."
2/20/09
Welcome Signs
Truth in advertising...
Maybe. Maybe not. I'd still rather be there...
What did you expect from the "God's waiting room" state?
Hey, size DOES matter!
2/17/09
Unstimulated.....
If a picture says a 1ooo words this one tells the whole story.
For those less than Masters of the Obvious.....
1) the web page is the stock section of Foxnews.com and the stocks are having .....uhem... a hard time getting up despite the fact that it's sponsor happens to be Cialis's Promise Program.
2) The Websites that just happened to be opened when I took this snapshot of the website were our very own Crunch Time, Pamibe's 'I told you so..' blog at http://www.pamibe.com/. That was just a funny coincidence.
You just can't make this stuff up.
Special Thanks to my coworker and Blogspawn Silverwing - http://www.silverwings-silverings.blogspot.com/ who saw the website first and doubled over laughing uncontrolably.
And Then There Were 3
I'm going to have to get a bigger hat rack! The Asshats are just piling up!
A friend (Luis) in Colorado was out at a restaurant with his wife & two boys (2 & 6). The six-year old said he needed to use the bathroom & Luis told him to take the two-year old with him. The bathroom was in direct view of their table & he watched both boys go in.
A few moments later, a man in his 40s came up to the table - both of my friend's boys with him & the following conversation ensued:
Guy: Do you think it's very smart to let your kids RUN around the restaurant, bothering people?
Luis: Sorry, we are just leaving...
Guy: If they go by my table again, I am going to trip them! (seriously! two little kids!)
(Luis, agitated at this point, stands up & the guy gets in his face)
Luis: If you touch my kid, I will kick your ass! (trust me, he can back this up.)
Guy: No you won't.
Luis: Are you sure? Please, walk away.
At this point, it bears noting that Luis, a second degree in HKD, was accosted a few years back in Boston by two jerks. One ended up kissing a brick wall & the other was choked into submission...Luis can handle himself.
(Guy gets even closer to Luis)
Luis: WALK. AWAY. NOW!
The guy finally got some sense in his head & walked back to his table. Needless to say, the manager was over there by now & other folks were all too glad to tell how this jerk had threatened two children in front of their parents. The manager kicked the bozo & his girlfriend out without further incident.
Congratulations, asshat #3! You must be related to #2 with a twisted mind like that. Part of me wishes Luis had kicked your butt all over the restaurant but I'm glad my friend had the presence of mind to behave as an adult should instead of stooping to your head-up-the-butt level.
A friend (Luis) in Colorado was out at a restaurant with his wife & two boys (2 & 6). The six-year old said he needed to use the bathroom & Luis told him to take the two-year old with him. The bathroom was in direct view of their table & he watched both boys go in.
A few moments later, a man in his 40s came up to the table - both of my friend's boys with him & the following conversation ensued:
Guy: Do you think it's very smart to let your kids RUN around the restaurant, bothering people?
Luis: Sorry, we are just leaving...
Guy: If they go by my table again, I am going to trip them! (seriously! two little kids!)
(Luis, agitated at this point, stands up & the guy gets in his face)
Luis: If you touch my kid, I will kick your ass! (trust me, he can back this up.)
Guy: No you won't.
Luis: Are you sure? Please, walk away.
At this point, it bears noting that Luis, a second degree in HKD, was accosted a few years back in Boston by two jerks. One ended up kissing a brick wall & the other was choked into submission...Luis can handle himself.
(Guy gets even closer to Luis)
Luis: WALK. AWAY. NOW!
The guy finally got some sense in his head & walked back to his table. Needless to say, the manager was over there by now & other folks were all too glad to tell how this jerk had threatened two children in front of their parents. The manager kicked the bozo & his girlfriend out without further incident.
Congratulations, asshat #3! You must be related to #2 with a twisted mind like that. Part of me wishes Luis had kicked your butt all over the restaurant but I'm glad my friend had the presence of mind to behave as an adult should instead of stooping to your head-up-the-butt level.
2/15/09
Good & Bad
Good news/Bad news time...
The good: I've got a "theme song".
The bad? Well, I wasn't thinking it would involve so much polyester, disco lights & bell bottoms!
The good: I've got a "theme song".
The bad? Well, I wasn't thinking it would involve so much polyester, disco lights & bell bottoms!
2/13/09
Garfield would be proud.
In the wake of the recent Hudson River incident, The Obama Administration was quick to act and advised the FAA to implement the following new anti-bird measures for all airliners.
2/12/09
Props to UserFriendly.org
I have been a great fan of User Friendly for many years.
http://www.userfriendly.org/
Illiad's Daily Static is a great read even for Technotard as well as Geeks. But today he had one that just spoke volumes to me. I may have taken it to a different context than the great author had intended but here is my take on today's toon.
Also could be said that: In the West when Conservatives make mistakes Conservatives bear the burden. And in the West when Liberals screw everyone over Conservatives bear the burden.
http://www.userfriendly.org/
Illiad's Daily Static is a great read even for Technotard as well as Geeks. But today he had one that just spoke volumes to me. I may have taken it to a different context than the great author had intended but here is my take on today's toon.
Also could be said that: In the West when Conservatives make mistakes Conservatives bear the burden. And in the West when Liberals screw everyone over Conservatives bear the burden.
2/11/09
A$$hat #2
Well, we've got another one we can add to the list...
My instructor offered a self-defense class through the local community college & about eight people signed up - including a 6'2", 250lb guy in his upper 40s. Now, anyone can use some knowledge of self-defense, right? Well Too-Tall here doesn't - he knows EVERYTHING!
Yes, this guy, who does his own TKD thing, thinks he wrote the book on self defense. Actually, it's not even a pamphlet. This buster, secure in his size, weight & overly supreme ego, has a philosophy of "might makes right". In other words, he hits with 250lbs of mass behind him, so you should, too.
For those of us lacking that weight, well it's too bad...we just aren't allowed to defend ourselves.
Now, that's bad enough but buster isn't done just yet. He walked a couple of the female students out after class & proceeded to inform them that: 1) he could take them down & there's nothing they could do to stop it; and 2) "don't tell the instructor but none of these techniques will work".
Being an experienced practitioner & one who is well-versed in said useless techniques, I would like to respond, in turn:
1) Really nice, creepfest! Seriously, these women are taking a SELF-DEFENSE CLASS. This means they are there, surprise, to learn. They don't know everything & neither does anyone else. We're all learning, except for you, genius. Threatening women with an attack on their first day of class is the most asinine thing an arrogant moron like you could do.
2) Yeah, because you've done all of the techniques before. I have yet to meet the person who can keep his grip on the simplest of wrist escapes offered in this class. Of the 300+ techniques in my binder, I'd argue 90% are effective (10% are demonstration techniques) & the average student could reasonably employ 75% of them in a self-defense situation (15% or so are either very flashy throws or likely lethal). The self-defense curriculum is a subset of the HKD material & is implemented specifically to provide the opportunity to escape. As such, it is 100% practical self-defense (hence, the course title).
Look, I've met you before, fella. The martial arts world is rife with ego-maniacal jerks who think they know it better than everyone else. First, traditional TKD isn't practical for any self-defense. Second, creeping someone out in an overt attempt to steal students is unethical. Fittingly, your kind is the least useful to the community & knows next to nothing about offering a service besides your lips on your own a$$.
At least your head is up there for easy access.
My instructor offered a self-defense class through the local community college & about eight people signed up - including a 6'2", 250lb guy in his upper 40s. Now, anyone can use some knowledge of self-defense, right? Well Too-Tall here doesn't - he knows EVERYTHING!
Yes, this guy, who does his own TKD thing, thinks he wrote the book on self defense. Actually, it's not even a pamphlet. This buster, secure in his size, weight & overly supreme ego, has a philosophy of "might makes right". In other words, he hits with 250lbs of mass behind him, so you should, too.
For those of us lacking that weight, well it's too bad...we just aren't allowed to defend ourselves.
Now, that's bad enough but buster isn't done just yet. He walked a couple of the female students out after class & proceeded to inform them that: 1) he could take them down & there's nothing they could do to stop it; and 2) "don't tell the instructor but none of these techniques will work".
Being an experienced practitioner & one who is well-versed in said useless techniques, I would like to respond, in turn:
1) Really nice, creepfest! Seriously, these women are taking a SELF-DEFENSE CLASS. This means they are there, surprise, to learn. They don't know everything & neither does anyone else. We're all learning, except for you, genius. Threatening women with an attack on their first day of class is the most asinine thing an arrogant moron like you could do.
2) Yeah, because you've done all of the techniques before. I have yet to meet the person who can keep his grip on the simplest of wrist escapes offered in this class. Of the 300+ techniques in my binder, I'd argue 90% are effective (10% are demonstration techniques) & the average student could reasonably employ 75% of them in a self-defense situation (15% or so are either very flashy throws or likely lethal). The self-defense curriculum is a subset of the HKD material & is implemented specifically to provide the opportunity to escape. As such, it is 100% practical self-defense (hence, the course title).
Look, I've met you before, fella. The martial arts world is rife with ego-maniacal jerks who think they know it better than everyone else. First, traditional TKD isn't practical for any self-defense. Second, creeping someone out in an overt attempt to steal students is unethical. Fittingly, your kind is the least useful to the community & knows next to nothing about offering a service besides your lips on your own a$$.
At least your head is up there for easy access.
2/10/09
My Word
It should be in dictionaries all over the world! It is pith & brilliance given form in these trying times of sheer idiocy.
The word?
Asshat!
asshat (n): (1) an individual or organization so incredulously incompetent that explanation, very nearly, defies logic. i.e. - That jerk voted for a wasteful stimulus package? What an asshat! (2) a crude, needlessly argumentative individual surpassing ordinary recalcitrance. i.e. - What do you mean I need to pay for this stimulus, Congressman? Don't be an asshat about this! (3) President Barack Obama after signing any executive order. i.e. - Well, it looks like Asshat is at it again!
The word?
Asshat!
asshat (n): (1) an individual or organization so incredulously incompetent that explanation, very nearly, defies logic. i.e. - That jerk voted for a wasteful stimulus package? What an asshat! (2) a crude, needlessly argumentative individual surpassing ordinary recalcitrance. i.e. - What do you mean I need to pay for this stimulus, Congressman? Don't be an asshat about this! (3) President Barack Obama after signing any executive order. i.e. - Well, it looks like Asshat is at it again!
Might As Well...
Nothing wrong with doing the odd meme...
Rules: Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions. Post the first definition it gives you.
1. Your Name: Hapkido
-- Korean martial art that consists of a variety of arm and leg joint locks, weapon techniques, throwing, kicking, and nerve pressure techniques. Hapkido is very suitable for self-defense. In Hapkido, Hap meaning: together, or the harmony of body and spirit, Ki meaning life and body energy, Do, meaning way of life, way of learning.
2. Your Age: 34
-- Anal sex, simalar to 69. I wanna 34 that girl! (OK, that's kind of gross...)
3. One of your friends: Ron
-- triumph; decimates all in its path; very strong (Yeah, remind me not to piss him off!)
4. What you should be doing: Working
-- A term to describe the tedious and boring indentured servitude that most people are forced to endure to get money. Generally, not a pleasant experience. *duh*
5. Favorite color: blue
-- The feeling when u wake up at 7 in the morning and remembering it's a monday. (That is soooo true!)
6. Birthplace: Mineola
-- Mineola isn't defined yet. (Yeah & it's best left that way!)
7. Your nickname: Biff
-- To mess something up, specifically a physical activity.
8. Your birthmonth: August
-- The idea of perfection. The 8th Month of the year in certain European and Asian cultures signifies greatness in achieving perfection, or something close to it. (Being a Leo, I can tell you the above is absolutely true!)
Rules: Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions. Post the first definition it gives you.
1. Your Name: Hapkido
-- Korean martial art that consists of a variety of arm and leg joint locks, weapon techniques, throwing, kicking, and nerve pressure techniques. Hapkido is very suitable for self-defense. In Hapkido, Hap meaning: together, or the harmony of body and spirit, Ki meaning life and body energy, Do, meaning way of life, way of learning.
2. Your Age: 34
-- Anal sex, simalar to 69. I wanna 34 that girl! (OK, that's kind of gross...)
3. One of your friends: Ron
-- triumph; decimates all in its path; very strong (Yeah, remind me not to piss him off!)
4. What you should be doing: Working
-- A term to describe the tedious and boring indentured servitude that most people are forced to endure to get money. Generally, not a pleasant experience. *duh*
5. Favorite color: blue
-- The feeling when u wake up at 7 in the morning and remembering it's a monday. (That is soooo true!)
6. Birthplace: Mineola
-- Mineola isn't defined yet. (Yeah & it's best left that way!)
7. Your nickname: Biff
-- To mess something up, specifically a physical activity.
8. Your birthmonth: August
-- The idea of perfection. The 8th Month of the year in certain European and Asian cultures signifies greatness in achieving perfection, or something close to it. (Being a Leo, I can tell you the above is absolutely true!)
2/7/09
Dangerous, Working On Armed
I'm thinking about purchasing a handgun. Never mind my reasons (though they're constructive), we have the 2nd Amendment & I'm not a felon, so it's my right!
Now, I've fired a .357 when I was younger (Ouch!) but otherwise there's no handgun experience I can claim. Being an average-sized guy, my decision is that a .40 would be the best fit for me: not too big like a .45 or .50 hand cannon but more power than offered in a 9mm.
I do have some experience with weapons. Let's see, I have a 20ga. Franchi, 12ga. Franchi, compound bow, training knives, a tactical folding knife, training handgun, bokken (wooden sword), joong bong (medium-length sticks) & dan bong (short sticks)...
I'll admit I suck with the sword.
Still, I'm looking for an informed opinion on good handguns in .40 caliber to purchase. Most of the magazines out there are full of self-congratulatory pieces on pieces. What is needed is honest input for such a big purchase. Cost is somewhat an issue but I have wiggle room.
What handgun would you recommend?
Now, I've fired a .357 when I was younger (Ouch!) but otherwise there's no handgun experience I can claim. Being an average-sized guy, my decision is that a .40 would be the best fit for me: not too big like a .45 or .50 hand cannon but more power than offered in a 9mm.
I do have some experience with weapons. Let's see, I have a 20ga. Franchi, 12ga. Franchi, compound bow, training knives, a tactical folding knife, training handgun, bokken (wooden sword), joong bong (medium-length sticks) & dan bong (short sticks)...
I'll admit I suck with the sword.
Still, I'm looking for an informed opinion on good handguns in .40 caliber to purchase. Most of the magazines out there are full of self-congratulatory pieces on pieces. What is needed is honest input for such a big purchase. Cost is somewhat an issue but I have wiggle room.
What handgun would you recommend?
2/6/09
Yet another Blogspawn
I'd like to introduce my ...I think I have 7 readers now, to my Blogspawn. I can hardly claim her as my blogspawn because she started flying on her own although it may have been the gusts of hot air that I produce on this site that shot her out of the nest and into the blogsphere.
Ladies and Gentlemen.... It's my pleasure to introduce to you *drumroll*.. Silverwing.
This blogspawn has indeed ventured out into the wild of cyberspace and you can see the new nest at http://silverwings-silverings.blogspot.com/ . She unlike I, can blog on multiple topics. I'm still working on it.
Pamibe, Mrs Who, BR, Hap, and my other 3 readers...ya'll be nice.
Ladies and Gentlemen.... It's my pleasure to introduce to you *drumroll*.. Silverwing.
This blogspawn has indeed ventured out into the wild of cyberspace and you can see the new nest at http://silverwings-silverings.blogspot.com/ . She unlike I, can blog on multiple topics. I'm still working on it.
Pamibe, Mrs Who, BR, Hap, and my other 3 readers...ya'll be nice.
2/3/09
The B*tch Is Back!
UGH! Just when you think you're rid of a nuisance...
We started a new term for students who sign up through the local community college. It's a no-credit, continuing-education, self-defense class for them. Initially, I was hopeful because of one of the names on the roster - a young lady who was the 1st self-defense student. She had athletic ability, confidence & a good attitude. I'm not sure if she showed but certainly she gets the most out of the class.
Unfortunately, every so often a margarita catches a fly. Also on the roster was the "don't need the commentary" lady. The one that reminds me of Dolores Umbridge of Harry Potter: OoTP fame. You know the type: she says the most insidious things in the most pleasant tone - as if to disguise her malevolence inside a sugary-sweet wrapper. Happily, I didn't have to try & teach her anything tonight...
What hurts me most is I consider myself a patient instructor. I can work with an easily distracted seven year-old & maintain composure without issue. I reason that my patience as a black belt is required to ensure the students are properly trained in self-defense. It's a point of pride for me to show the utmost courtesy in the capacity of a teacher.
In "Dolores'" case, all I want to do is tell her to clean the stuff out of her ears, listen & get a clue.
To paraphrase Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup in "A Few Good Men": I don't want trophies & I don't want "yes, sirs"...What I do want is for you to stand there in your ragetty-ass workout clothes with your holier-than-thou mouth & extend me some f*cking courtesy!
While we're on that subject...if a certain blue belt "reminds" me one more time what happens next in class, I swear he'll get a quick, decisive lesson in showing proper respect to an instructor. As it stands, I quietly brushed him off & handled class.
Geez! All these distractions & no adequate way to express my feelings!!! Pamibe, how's about letting me use some of those great emoticons you have? :-)
We started a new term for students who sign up through the local community college. It's a no-credit, continuing-education, self-defense class for them. Initially, I was hopeful because of one of the names on the roster - a young lady who was the 1st self-defense student. She had athletic ability, confidence & a good attitude. I'm not sure if she showed but certainly she gets the most out of the class.
Unfortunately, every so often a margarita catches a fly. Also on the roster was the "don't need the commentary" lady. The one that reminds me of Dolores Umbridge of Harry Potter: OoTP fame. You know the type: she says the most insidious things in the most pleasant tone - as if to disguise her malevolence inside a sugary-sweet wrapper. Happily, I didn't have to try & teach her anything tonight...
What hurts me most is I consider myself a patient instructor. I can work with an easily distracted seven year-old & maintain composure without issue. I reason that my patience as a black belt is required to ensure the students are properly trained in self-defense. It's a point of pride for me to show the utmost courtesy in the capacity of a teacher.
In "Dolores'" case, all I want to do is tell her to clean the stuff out of her ears, listen & get a clue.
To paraphrase Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup in "A Few Good Men": I don't want trophies & I don't want "yes, sirs"...What I do want is for you to stand there in your ragetty-ass workout clothes with your holier-than-thou mouth & extend me some f*cking courtesy!
While we're on that subject...if a certain blue belt "reminds" me one more time what happens next in class, I swear he'll get a quick, decisive lesson in showing proper respect to an instructor. As it stands, I quietly brushed him off & handled class.
Geez! All these distractions & no adequate way to express my feelings!!! Pamibe, how's about letting me use some of those great emoticons you have? :-)
Where's the love?
Valentines Day is coming and Ronny Engrish is in desperate need of a romantic idea to surprise Mrs. Engrish with. Lately (apparently since Y2K+5) I have been very ....grumpy ....not easy to get along with ....not being a nice guy in general. Mrs. Engrish is pretty fed up with Putting up with My ..uhm...Stuff. (never know if Mrs. Who reads this in front of the kids so I gotta keep the language rated PG)
So I have been thinking what I can do for Mrs. Engrish that will not result in a frying pan going ballistic with a terminal trajectory of my crainium.
As I am a guest here on Crunch Time, and it is just the way I roll..... Please - Keep it clean.
So I have been thinking what I can do for Mrs. Engrish that will not result in a frying pan going ballistic with a terminal trajectory of my crainium.
As I am a guest here on Crunch Time, and it is just the way I roll..... Please - Keep it clean.
2/2/09
Edyoukayshun
Obamacide:
The death of the US economy perpetrated on the majority by the minority.
Ya know I honestly try to find something non-political to blog about but it sometimes takes transfering some brain power away from the real work I do. Blogging on politics is pretty much a no brainer, and our current dope-in-cheif is making this all too easy.
The death of the US economy perpetrated on the majority by the minority.
Ya know I honestly try to find something non-political to blog about but it sometimes takes transfering some brain power away from the real work I do. Blogging on politics is pretty much a no brainer, and our current dope-in-cheif is making this all too easy.
I SCREAM
Baskin Robins just announced a new flavor-
Baskin Robbins, one of the major supporters and financial backers of our new President, is introducing a new ice cream in honor of the inauguration, "Barocky Road."
It's half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by fruits and nuts!
Baskin Robbins, one of the major supporters and financial backers of our new President, is introducing a new ice cream in honor of the inauguration, "Barocky Road."
It's half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by fruits and nuts!
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