(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter
the trailer park."

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is “an apple a

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill
last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not
a typographical error.

(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming”.

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.


(1) You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape.


Deep Thoughts: Criminal Minds

For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.


If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?



Geography Lesson

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered,
half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and
open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but
still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a
glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through
war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but
open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a
mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages... An adventurous spirit
and a thirst for spiritual knowledge....

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran: ruled by nuts.


Deep Thoughts - Luxury Cars

For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.


Luxury cars are soon to be a thing of the past if the current regime has it's way.

They have always been beyond my means but I took out a luxury car last week, just to drive that sucker.

The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained the seats directed warm air to your butt during the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

I couldn't resist: I stated the car must be a Republican car.

He asked; "Why do you say it is a Republican car?"

I explained if it were a democratic car the seats would blow smoke up your ass year 'round.


Deep thoughts - The Uh Oh.

For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.


We know that if you put lipstick on a pig it is still a pig. BUT......

If you put lipstick on a horse will Barak still kiss her goodnight? (maybe after he buys her a $6000 feedbag?)


In The Saddle

I've taken up a new hobby!

As you may have guessed from the title, it involves our equine friends. Miss Hammy owns two horses & knows how to ride English (English & Western being the two major disciplines). I think she knows Western but claims people who ride Western "don't know how to ride".

She started me off, bareback, on her quarter horse & we kept it at a walk. The next time out, I rode her Thoroughbred & we walked around the farm area (a mile, or so).

Last night, we worked our way up to trot - which reminds me: her boys are trained to respond to both physical AND verbal stimulus in English: If you say "trot", that's what you get, so be prepared. They were both patient horses & treated me pretty well. I still have to get used to showing a 1200lb animal that I'm in charge & my behind is a little sore, but I think a few weeks & I'll be up to a canter.

Right now, the trot is still jostling me a bit - I have to learn to relax - but I am getting better with my form & turning my head/shoulders with the horse.

It's fun stuff & maybe there will be pictures in the future!


Hap's Cross-Country Adventure

I departed last Tuesday (along with Miss Hammy, as the girlfriend will be called on this blog) for the People's Republic of California. She had an appointment out there last Friday & asked me to tag along. We drove...

***Queue "Holiday Road" from National Lampoon's Family Vacation***

After an interesting adventure (read: massive, catastrophic delay) just 30 miles before Las Vegas, we made it to California on Wednesday night.

I'll go over the details at a later date but now for the highlight of the little trip:

The Ronald Wilson Reagan Presidential Library!
(Apologies to Pam...I'm not a photographer on any level)

It really was an amazing place to visit. Because of an earlier delay, we didn't arrive until 3pm & the museum closes at 5pm but still, it was enough time to take in a well-designed library that pays tribute to the accomplishments of a great man.

Miss Hammy particularly loved this statue (by Veryl Goodnight) of stallions trampling over the ruins of the Berlin Wall. OK, mostly because she loves horses but there was a lot of excitement on her face on seeing it.

OK, I had to capture this pretty image!

The car governor Reagan traveled in while campaigning for president...OK, I'll forgive the fact it's a Ford.

The first image one sees walking into the museum.

OK, I've got at least 100 pictures to show & I'll throw a few posts up covering the whole experience. There is one picture to end this post that made the entire trip worth the time:

This is Ronald Reagan's burial site. I've read & been told that people can feel a tangible sense of evil in places where inhuman atrocities have taken place. Well, upon entering this small memorial, the feeling of calming peace wrapped itself around me. It was a beacon of good. All else that can be said is that the man's dedication to all that was best in America left a lasting impression at his place of rest on this earth.

Deep Thoughts: Waterboarding

For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.


I think I would rather undergo waterboarding than have nObama, Pelosi, Biden, & Reid.
Yeah I would certianly enjoy waterboarding more than suffer through the Qlueless Quad.

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