Sorry, Guys

Well, I have to give myself credit: at least I made it 1 week into dating again without screwing up.

Of course, I had to be typical over-thinking me after that time & sentence myself to probably at least another 2 1/2 years without a social life.

Some advice: when you know in your heart of hearts that you are meant to be alone for the entirety of your life, don't drag someone in hoping for a miracle - just accept it & lower the risk of one more person getting hurt.

She's a nice lady & I wish her the best - she deserves an actual man.

OK, you can upgrade me from "dumbass" to "dork". As usual, I was worried about more than the actual problem.

Turns out, she was concerned that I was trying to push her out of my life (which would be phenomenally fast for me - considering this pretty girl has hardly been given the time to be in my life). We talked a bit yesterday & kind of resolved the concern - which is good being that I really do like this lady. Maybe we both freaked out a little because hitting things off so well is odd for me & the same for her.

Mrs. Who: Sorry about the "actual man" comment. Reading that, for a friend who treats me with the respect you do, must have been a slap in the face. Can I blame it on the former hole in my head just this once? PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSE???


Mrs. Who said...

Hey...it was at least one week of fun and hope.

But cut that crap about the 'actual man' business. I'll come up there and smack your head so hard the other stuff will seem like a mosquito bite.

And don't give up on the miracle. Life itself is a miracle.

pamibe said...

Are you virtual?

I don't know you at all, so I won't say that I think you're being a little too hard on yourself.

One other piece of advice that I'm not doling out: never, ever piss off Mrs. Who. Wow!

Hapkido said...

Mrs. Who: That one week just got my hopes up that all the years of loneliness were finally over. Now, they start all over again & I'm reminded how bad it feels - right after I accepted being alone.

When I was 18, I asked God for protection from a frightening situation (of my own doing) in exchange for my chance at love. I don't know why I did it but since that time, I fully believe that God is holding me to that deal. Only He can give me that opportunity back.

I've asked Him to give that capacity again but never felt that my prayers have been answered. It was a stupid, senseless decision I made as a child & maybe it's just supposed to be this way.

A miracle is what I need right now. It's just not what I deserve.

Richmond said...

Hang in there... God will send her to you, I am sure of it.

Hapkido said...

I appreciate the kind words & my thoughts would be the same if making a woman happy was something I could provide.

As it stands, the best part of what was in my head was pulled out last September...I can be such an idiot sometimes.

patti said...

Now, now, you have no idea what might be waiting for you in SC. So don't go sentencing yourself to 2+ years of no social life just yet :)

Hapkido said...

Patti: I was just typing an update when you made the comment.

Turns out the problem was more imagined than real (this is why I suck at chess) & we talked it out.

OK, I'll admit my friend, Jackie, pushed me to call this girl I like & that's what helped it along.

Cautious optimism & just being myself are what needs to happen.

RonnyEngrish said...

Hap, You will always be a "Dork". It is part of the Man DNA. :)

Rule Five in the Man Law Book:
Unless she is a psycho stalker or your life or that of your family and friends is in imminent danger, You may not break up with her until the friends get to at least meet her. (Hey, the girls get to use that rule why can't we?)

We need to do lunch again and quit watching Dr. Phil.

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