2/26/09

The Constitution Solution for Iraq

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq, Why don't we just give them ours?

1) It was written by a lot of really smart guys
2) It has worked for over 200 years
3) We're not using it anymore.

2/25/09

How the Stim-bill is being used

The Stim-Bill sees it's first usage in support of nObama.










































































































Gore, Again

Did you hear that Gore - not content with collapsing capitalism via "global warming" - is now encroaching on the morals previously espoused only by the catholic church?

He's suggested a method of "birth control" to replace the catholic doctrine of "rhythm method".

Gore calls it the "Algorythm (algorithm) Method".

All you programmers out there can start hating me now!

The Italian Clock

Yep, we're a talented bunch: We have the best art, the best food and, once, we even had a guy who could part his own hair without using his hands!

Nothing quite tops this ability, though...

video

2/22/09

2nd Amendment Pr0n



Oh Yeah, Baby, Just Like That!

What every man wants in bed...

video

2/21/09

Be Careful What You Ask For...

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asks the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Wisconsin."

2/20/09

Welcome Signs


Truth in advertising...



Maybe. Maybe not. I'd still rather be there...


What did you expect from the "God's waiting room" state?

Hey, size DOES matter!

2/17/09

Unstimulated.....

If a picture says a 1ooo words this one tells the whole story.

For those less than Masters of the Obvious.....

1) the web page is the stock section of Foxnews.com and the stocks are having .....uhem... a hard time getting up despite the fact that it's sponsor happens to be Cialis's Promise Program.




2) The Websites that just happened to be opened when I took this snapshot of the website were our very own Crunch Time, Pamibe's 'I told you so..' blog at http://www.pamibe.com/. That was just a funny coincidence.

You just can't make this stuff up.

Special Thanks to my coworker and Blogspawn Silverwing - http://www.silverwings-silverings.blogspot.com/ who saw the website first and doubled over laughing uncontrolably.

And Then There Were 3

I'm going to have to get a bigger hat rack! The Asshats are just piling up!

A friend (Luis) in Colorado was out at a restaurant with his wife & two boys (2 & 6). The six-year old said he needed to use the bathroom & Luis told him to take the two-year old with him. The bathroom was in direct view of their table & he watched both boys go in.

A few moments later, a man in his 40s came up to the table - both of my friend's boys with him & the following conversation ensued:

Guy: Do you think it's very smart to let your kids RUN around the restaurant, bothering people?

Luis: Sorry, we are just leaving...

Guy: If they go by my table again, I am going to trip them! (seriously! two little kids!)

(Luis, agitated at this point, stands up & the guy gets in his face)

Luis: If you touch my kid, I will kick your ass! (trust me, he can back this up.)

Guy: No you won't.

Luis: Are you sure? Please, walk away.

At this point, it bears noting that Luis, a second degree in HKD, was accosted a few years back in Boston by two jerks. One ended up kissing a brick wall & the other was choked into submission...Luis can handle himself.

(Guy gets even closer to Luis)

Luis: WALK. AWAY. NOW!

The guy finally got some sense in his head & walked back to his table. Needless to say, the manager was over there by now & other folks were all too glad to tell how this jerk had threatened two children in front of their parents. The manager kicked the bozo & his girlfriend out without further incident.

Congratulations, asshat #3! You must be related to #2 with a twisted mind like that. Part of me wishes Luis had kicked your butt all over the restaurant but I'm glad my friend had the presence of mind to behave as an adult should instead of stooping to your head-up-the-butt level.

2/15/09

Good & Bad

Good news/Bad news time...

The good: I've got a "theme song".

The bad? Well, I wasn't thinking it would involve so much polyester, disco lights & bell bottoms!


2/13/09

Garfield would be proud.

In the wake of the recent Hudson River incident, The Obama Administration was quick to act and advised the FAA to implement the following new anti-bird measures for all airliners.





2/12/09

Props to UserFriendly.org

I have been a great fan of User Friendly for many years.

http://www.userfriendly.org/

Illiad's Daily Static is a great read even for Technotard as well as Geeks. But today he had one that just spoke volumes to me. I may have taken it to a different context than the great author had intended but here is my take on today's toon.








Also could be said that: In the West when Conservatives make mistakes Conservatives bear the burden. And in the West when Liberals screw everyone over Conservatives bear the burden.

2/11/09

A$$hat #2

Well, we've got another one we can add to the list...

My instructor offered a self-defense class through the local community college & about eight people signed up - including a 6'2", 250lb guy in his upper 40s. Now, anyone can use some knowledge of self-defense, right? Well Too-Tall here doesn't - he knows EVERYTHING!

Yes, this guy, who does his own TKD thing, thinks he wrote the book on self defense. Actually, it's not even a pamphlet. This buster, secure in his size, weight & overly supreme ego, has a philosophy of "might makes right". In other words, he hits with 250lbs of mass behind him, so you should, too.

For those of us lacking that weight, well it's too bad...we just aren't allowed to defend ourselves.

Now, that's bad enough but buster isn't done just yet. He walked a couple of the female students out after class & proceeded to inform them that: 1) he could take them down & there's nothing they could do to stop it; and 2) "don't tell the instructor but none of these techniques will work".

Being an experienced practitioner & one who is well-versed in said useless techniques, I would like to respond, in turn:

1) Really nice, creepfest! Seriously, these women are taking a SELF-DEFENSE CLASS. This means they are there, surprise, to learn. They don't know everything & neither does anyone else. We're all learning, except for you, genius. Threatening women with an attack on their first day of class is the most asinine thing an arrogant moron like you could do.

2) Yeah, because you've done all of the techniques before. I have yet to meet the person who can keep his grip on the simplest of wrist escapes offered in this class. Of the 300+ techniques in my binder, I'd argue 90% are effective (10% are demonstration techniques) & the average student could reasonably employ 75% of them in a self-defense situation (15% or so are either very flashy throws or likely lethal). The self-defense curriculum is a subset of the HKD material & is implemented specifically to provide the opportunity to escape. As such, it is 100% practical self-defense (hence, the course title).

Look, I've met you before, fella. The martial arts world is rife with ego-maniacal jerks who think they know it better than everyone else. First, traditional TKD isn't practical for any self-defense. Second, creeping someone out in an overt attempt to steal students is unethical. Fittingly, your kind is the least useful to the community & knows next to nothing about offering a service besides your lips on your own a$$.

At least your head is up there for easy access.

2/10/09

My Word

It should be in dictionaries all over the world! It is pith & brilliance given form in these trying times of sheer idiocy.

The word?

Asshat!

asshat (n): (1) an individual or organization so incredulously incompetent that explanation, very nearly, defies logic. i.e. - That jerk voted for a wasteful stimulus package? What an asshat! (2) a crude, needlessly argumentative individual surpassing ordinary recalcitrance. i.e. - What do you mean I need to pay for this stimulus, Congressman? Don't be an asshat about this! (3) President Barack Obama after signing any executive order. i.e. - Well, it looks like Asshat is at it again!

Might As Well...

Nothing wrong with doing the odd meme...

Rules: Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions. Post the first definition it gives you.

1. Your Name: Hapkido

-- Korean martial art that consists of a variety of arm and leg joint locks, weapon techniques, throwing, kicking, and nerve pressure techniques. Hapkido is very suitable for self-defense. In Hapkido, Hap meaning: together, or the harmony of body and spirit, Ki meaning life and body energy, Do, meaning way of life, way of learning.

2. Your Age: 34

-- Anal sex, simalar to 69. I wanna 34 that girl! (OK, that's kind of gross...)

3. One of your friends: Ron

-- triumph; decimates all in its path; very strong (Yeah, remind me not to piss him off!)

4. What you should be doing: Working

-- A term to describe the tedious and boring indentured servitude that most people are forced to endure to get money. Generally, not a pleasant experience. *duh*

5. Favorite color: blue

-- The feeling when u wake up at 7 in the morning and remembering it's a monday. (That is soooo true!)

6. Birthplace: Mineola

-- Mineola isn't defined yet. (Yeah & it's best left that way!)

7. Your nickname: Biff

-- To mess something up, specifically a physical activity.

8. Your birthmonth: August

-- The idea of perfection. The 8th Month of the year in certain European and Asian cultures signifies greatness in achieving perfection, or something close to it. (Being a Leo, I can tell you the above is absolutely true!)

2/7/09

Dangerous, Working On Armed

I'm thinking about purchasing a handgun. Never mind my reasons (though they're constructive), we have the 2nd Amendment & I'm not a felon, so it's my right!

Now, I've fired a .357 when I was younger (Ouch!) but otherwise there's no handgun experience I can claim. Being an average-sized guy, my decision is that a .40 would be the best fit for me: not too big like a .45 or .50 hand cannon but more power than offered in a 9mm.

I do have some experience with weapons. Let's see, I have a 20ga. Franchi, 12ga. Franchi, compound bow, training knives, a tactical folding knife, training handgun, bokken (wooden sword), joong bong (medium-length sticks) & dan bong (short sticks)...

I'll admit I suck with the sword.

Still, I'm looking for an informed opinion on good handguns in .40 caliber to purchase. Most of the magazines out there are full of self-congratulatory pieces on pieces. What is needed is honest input for such a big purchase. Cost is somewhat an issue but I have wiggle room.

What handgun would you recommend?

2/6/09

Yet another Blogspawn

I'd like to introduce my ...I think I have 7 readers now, to my Blogspawn. I can hardly claim her as my blogspawn because she started flying on her own although it may have been the gusts of hot air that I produce on this site that shot her out of the nest and into the blogsphere.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... It's my pleasure to introduce to you *drumroll*.. Silverwing.

This blogspawn has indeed ventured out into the wild of cyberspace and you can see the new nest at http://silverwings-silverings.blogspot.com/ . She unlike I, can blog on multiple topics. I'm still working on it.

Pamibe, Mrs Who, BR, Hap, and my other 3 readers...ya'll be nice.

2/3/09

The B*tch Is Back!

UGH! Just when you think you're rid of a nuisance...

We started a new term for students who sign up through the local community college. It's a no-credit, continuing-education, self-defense class for them. Initially, I was hopeful because of one of the names on the roster - a young lady who was the 1st self-defense student. She had athletic ability, confidence & a good attitude. I'm not sure if she showed but certainly she gets the most out of the class.

Unfortunately, every so often a margarita catches a fly. Also on the roster was the "don't need the commentary" lady. The one that reminds me of Dolores Umbridge of Harry Potter: OoTP fame. You know the type: she says the most insidious things in the most pleasant tone - as if to disguise her malevolence inside a sugary-sweet wrapper. Happily, I didn't have to try & teach her anything tonight...

What hurts me most is I consider myself a patient instructor. I can work with an easily distracted seven year-old & maintain composure without issue. I reason that my patience as a black belt is required to ensure the students are properly trained in self-defense. It's a point of pride for me to show the utmost courtesy in the capacity of a teacher.

In "Dolores'" case, all I want to do is tell her to clean the stuff out of her ears, listen & get a clue.

To paraphrase Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup in "A Few Good Men": I don't want trophies & I don't want "yes, sirs"...What I do want is for you to stand there in your ragetty-ass workout clothes with your holier-than-thou mouth & extend me some f*cking courtesy!

While we're on that subject...if a certain blue belt "reminds" me one more time what happens next in class, I swear he'll get a quick, decisive lesson in showing proper respect to an instructor. As it stands, I quietly brushed him off & handled class.

Geez! All these distractions & no adequate way to express my feelings!!! Pamibe, how's about letting me use some of those great emoticons you have? :-)

Where's the love?

Valentines Day is coming and Ronny Engrish is in desperate need of a romantic idea to surprise Mrs. Engrish with. Lately (apparently since Y2K+5) I have been very ....grumpy ....not easy to get along with ....not being a nice guy in general. Mrs. Engrish is pretty fed up with Putting up with My ..uhm...Stuff. (never know if Mrs. Who reads this in front of the kids so I gotta keep the language rated PG)

So I have been thinking what I can do for Mrs. Engrish that will not result in a frying pan going ballistic with a terminal trajectory of my crainium.

As I am a guest here on Crunch Time, and it is just the way I roll..... Please - Keep it clean.

2/2/09

Edyoukayshun

Obamacide:
The death of the US economy perpetrated on the majority by the minority.


Ya know I honestly try to find something non-political to blog about but it sometimes takes transfering some brain power away from the real work I do. Blogging on politics is pretty much a no brainer, and our current dope-in-cheif is making this all too easy.

I SCREAM

Baskin Robins just announced a new flavor-

Baskin Robbins, one of the major supporters and financial backers of our new President, is introducing a new ice cream in honor of the inauguration, "Barocky Road."


It's half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by fruits and nuts!

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