Ahh...That's Better

I was perusing a few articles online & came across this scruffy gem. The only point on which I disagree is the "men drive classic Fords". Maybe across the Pond they do that, but real men here drive classic Pontiac GTOs. I'm talking 1964-1967, not that RAMAIR crap from the 70s.

After the "metrosexual" phase of idiocy that plagued our male gender - I mean male sex ::grunts:: - I say it's high time the real man, the Indiana Jones "I'll punch you in the face for smarting off & worry about you feelings, well, never" kind of man showed his face again. There's too much of us pandering to everyone for fear of offending or arguing. Women CAN'T like men that have no spines.

And if they do, I'm definitely not interested in them & their collection of lockboxes...

The real men - the example to us younger ones - seemed to disappear after the baby boomers. They're the ones who would say what they meant, had self-respect & if they had a problem with their car, the Chilton's manual was all they needed. Yes, these bold examples of confidence and dignity led their lives like they knew what needed to be done & the followed through.

My generation (and the even fluffier current generation) lost that somewhere. I don't know if there was collective guilt in the concession to femi-nazis & the caving in to the "me, me, me" culture. Yes, telling your girlfriend/wife - that's just courtesy - that you've got plans with the guys & giving her a time when you'll be home is perfectly fine. Having to ask the same, something she probably doesn't feel so inclined to do when she goes out, is an act of a lesser "half" in a relationship. (Says the man who is not & probably never will be married)

Fortunately, the equal relationship seems to be back! Real men have returned!

15 Minutes

An interesting story unfolded yesterday...

I left for lunch at about noon, stopped at Wendy's & ordered a grilled chicken sandwich, a chili & an iced tea (unsweetened for those in the South). I drove back to the work parking lot - not eating, of course - and parked to listen to the radio while I ate.

After I finished, I checked the time & happily discovered there were 30 minutes left on my lunch break.

Well, now, we can't waste that 30 minutes sitting around, can we? Of course not! I decided a walk was in order & promptly turned off my car, locked it and started my walk around the campus at work.

We have a decent place to walk there. It's about 1/5 mile or so around & a well-paved path. Needless to say, the decent temperatures, sunny skies and spare time conspired to make me get off my duff & burn a few calories.



Fifteen minutes later, after buying a new shirt for work & putting it on, I walked back into the office to finish my day.

Any guesses as to what happened?

Matt guessed in correctly, folks!

I started my walk & a crow, sharpshooter & poop overkill of the avian community, decided my spring blue polo was a little too clean for his liking. After literally squeezing (sorry) off a round, the little stinker went about his business.

The main grouping hit my shoulder & splatter went in my hair, on my ear & neck. Undaunted, I resolved to finish my walk, albeit a bit disgusted at the humorous crap that had befallen me.

I went to the restroom to wash up (lots of soap) & did a pretty good job at cleaning the mess. Unfortunately, I couldn't make myself go back to work in a shirt that didn't rightfully deserve to have the "r" in it's name...

After a quick trip to Theissen's, $15 out of my pocket & some curious co-workers, I went back to work.

I had the greatest time telling anyone who had a bad day, "Oh yeah? Well, at least you weren't sh*t on, literally!"



PC Police

They're at it again...

Apparently, it's a great idea to change tradition - heck, that stuff is only for anachronistic kooks, right? - and have the West Point Alma Mater re-worded to become gender neutral in the interest of being politically correct.

Now, of course women should be allowed to serve in the military & many have done so with distinction & honor. There's no question their service counts every bit as much as a man's. I count anyone brave enough to serve & sacrifice as equal to any other who serves. Gender simply isn't a factor.

I have a problem with changing traditions to suit the times. After all, we wouldn't change the Declaration of Independence to "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal...", would we? Do we go back & say that the Founders were wrong? Is there a reason, other than a "feel good" measure , to change an Alma Mater?

The answer is "No". Traditions provide more than a reminder of our history - they're a bond from class to class, generation to generation. They demonstrate to all included and observing them exactly what the point of tradition (and an Alma Mater) is: being part of a Family. That ought to be worth maintaining. It's most definitely above the politics of the PC.

Rip Off

For lunch, I went to this BBQ place called Dickey's & ordered a plate with 2 meats, 2 sides & some cornbread.

My bill was $10.06

I wrote in $10.06 for the total, put a line through the "tip" part (I got the order to go) & signed it.

So how, I ask, did I leave a $2.01 tip for them?

I plan on contacting these rip-off artists tomorrow & giving them a piece of my mind.



Tom Harkin recently hearkened to the "fact" that John McCain, his family having an extensive background of military service, is unsuited to be commander-in-chief of the MILITARY because the Senator from Arizona will only be able to view things from a martial perspective.

Sure, I could get into the fact that a democrat criticizing someone as unfit to command the military is a joke in and of itself. Maybe in another post. Maybe.

Instead, I'd like to focus on the obvious issue here: That having a background in the military disqualifies one to lead the military. Arguably, a person who has served best knows, through experience, best how to meet the needs of our brave men & women in uniform.

Still, let's assume - emphasis on "ass" - that Senator Harkin's loony left opinion is correct. How does that change things?

The following people are hereby disqualified from their positions:
* Anti-war protesters: By wanting to end war; having both experience & (let's be honest) most likely an extended family history of it since the 60s, Pack up the picket signs, pink paint & crazy chants. Get in the mother ship & go home.

* Talk Show Hosts: Reel it in, Hannity & Colmes; Rush Limbaugh & Jay Leno, you've got no right to TV or the radio waves. You know what you're doing! How dare you steal the opportunities that we feeble, poorly-spoken, inexperienced people yearn to have? I'm afraid the hours of quality entertainment & information you bring us don't make you qualified. Gotta go.

* Military: Sorry men & women of our Armed Forces. Yes, your bravery, dedication & willingness to protect our precious freedoms every day you serve is a testament as to how you stand above even the most amazing American civilian. However, your training & experience are exactly what Senator Harkin has determined we don't need. We'll have to replace you with the now jobless anti-war freaks.

* Senators & Representatives: I'm afraid the Senator from Iowa didn't think about this eventuality when he went off half-cocked. You guys & gals have become so proficient at suckling the government teat, I'm afraid you fattened up to the point you're no longer capable of sitting in that position. It's not like you have done us much good in the past, oh, 12 years. So, with no regrets, I ask you to get out & let some fresh talent in. Seriously.

* Truck Drivers: Sure, you work long, thankless hours. You are away from your families for up to six weeks at a time. The amount of regulations you must know & follow are increasing every year. Even though most of you manage to drive millions of safe miles every day to keep America moving, you have to know this experience is exactly why you can't have this job. Pack it up, get a job at McDonald's & let's give some newbies a try. Besides hundreds of fatality accidents, what's the worst that could happen?

* Meteorologists: Well, you guys never get it right, anyways...

* Bloggers: Michelle Malkin. IMAO. House of Zathras. These are all names known to every blogger (that counts). Unfortunately, their boundless professionalism, humor & wit also relegates them to the trash bin of disqualification. No longer should we the people allow talented, hard-working journalists & writers dominate the blogosphere! Amateurs, rise up & take what is yours. Tom Harkin has spoken!

I think you'll agree the Senator is misguided at best & largely talking put of his rear when he states that a person, based on experience in the affirmative, is not qualified to hold a position based on personal & family history. I'm no shill for Senator McCain - I don't plan on voting for him - and still, listening to a leftist Senator who has done everything in his power to make the people of Iowa more dependent of government claim someone is unqualified to hold a job is just rich.

Hello, Senator! It's government FOR the people, not take from the people. Get a clue.


Farm *Scam* Bill


Q. How do you stop a Charging RINO?

A. Remove 34 pages of a really crappy farm bill before they send it to the President.

I heard that I would be summarily executed if I did not provide a reference link.

(With all respect to my mentor Hapkido who protected me from Harvey's rightous smackdown. )


Election 2008 Theme Song

Considering during this election cycle we're given the unenviable choice of voting for three left-wing individuals who are vying for the mass-media vote, I thought it's only appropriate we give them a theme song to celebrate their dedication to all things government.

The song choice came to me while RonnyEngrish & I were e-mailing with another friend. Without further delay, I give you:

"Addicted to Gov" (Parody of "Addicted to Love" by the late, great Robert Palmer)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your grind is not alone
Your heart sweats, your world quakes
Clinton 2 gives you the shakes

You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no account, drop is steep
Your money's tight, you can't believe
2012's your first reprieve!

Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov

You see the signs, but you can't read
Obama's plan: just smokin' weed
The drum beats, insurance climbs
Vote John McCain? It stinks like swine

We can't be saved
Reagan again is all we crave
If there's some left for 1-2
Don't let us the news screw!

Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov

Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov


Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your will, Congress owns
You've got cold sweats, from daily grind
Another vote for liberals: whine!

Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov

Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov


A Real Pearl

I saw this comic in the local newspaper & just had to share it. I defy anyone not to laugh hysterically! (It helps if you've seen "Moonstruck" but isn't necessary)...

Pearls Before Swine


The Spanish Warming

I've been thinking about a good comparison for global warming for quite awhile now. It actually hit me when the "carbon credits" subject came up. You know the deal: some guy with a lot of cash & a lot of gas (in his tank) can drive/fly/boat as much as he wants & to make up for it, he "donates" some of his cash to carbon offsets that apparently makes all the bad things he's doing go away.

Hmm, that seems to strike a historical chord with me. What period in history gave people an out by letting them pay off their sins? Of course! It's the Spanish Inquisition (1476-1834) during which some people - thanks to corruption - to purchase indulgences, in effect buying off their indiscretions.

There were 3 main goals with the Inquisition: 1) Keep the people in line with the monarchs' policies/religion; 2) Weaken opposition to the monarchs; 3) Profit.

There are 3 main goals to the global warming movement: See above...

Basically, one can argue that global warming IS religion for the left. They certainly defend it with the fervor of a cultist fanatic (paging Tom Cruise!) and people seem to be going out of their way not to tread on it's obvious shortcomings (hello, radical Islamists!) possibly out of fear.

How The Left Turned Global Warming Into Their Religion:
* Promise of eternal government.

* "Don't believe in God? No problem, we've got Al Gore!"

* Offering each other a peace sign instead of a sign of Peace.

* Indulgences are literally planetary.

* Communion? Nah, they just smoke pot.

* "We've got all the religious holidays, PLUS earth day!"

* Do unto others as they do unto mother earth.

* Beatitudes replaced with bad attitudes

* "Gospels" according to Prius, Greenpeace, Treehugger & Moonbeam

* Two words: Baked tofu!


John McCain(D)

OK, Senator, it's time to fess up & admit you're a member of the jackass donkey party. Let's be honest: if you had any concern based on a "moral compass" or actual consistency in your principles, you wouldn't be out there touting every hot-button issue the mass-media deems important. It's like you're the fat kid in school scrambling to the call of "Free Ice Cream!" in the cafeteria.

Seriously, claiming you're any sort of "straight-talker" or conservative is a load of bull worthy of Paul Bunyan. You've demonstrated no willingness to cross party lines - you're consistently working with the democrats to the point I'm convinced you ARE a democrat. Heck, even Arlen Specter went our way once in awhile.

That's why your "free-market solution" to the Spanish Inquisition global warming wasn't such a big surprise to me. I fully agree that the free market is a great thing & allows us to determine success based on survival-of-the-fittest. This does not, however, include delusional politicians (*cough* Al Gore) who seek to profit from claiming an environmental crisis just to turn a profit.

Of course, just as Mr. Gore wasn't so magnanimous to include himself in reducing his "carbon footprint", there's no reason to think you'll be so kind as to maintaining some line of consistency in your views. The fact you're buying into this silly concept demonstrates how far out of step you are with conservative principles. Keep in mind that government subsidies of ethanol blended fuel uses food to essentially make gasoline. Thanks to representatives like you, we're paying for ethanol in our taxes (uh, that would be the "subsidy" part), seeing less efficiency in a tank of gas (about 15 to 20% less per gallon) & STILL not seeing any benefit with regards to the cost of a gallon.

Sir, I respectfully request you drop the mantle of republican & assume the one of the ass that you're making of yourself.

For Roses' Family...

Hey, guys, she said you needed this...

it's down here...

just a little bit farther...

ah, here's exactly what you needed:

(Leaving dishes for Mom to do after Mother's Day doesn't count!!!)


Chewing gum and kicking butt...and I'm all outta gum

Well I am here and from what I am told by my evil genius massssterrrrr Hapkido, the first blog is supposed to be real ... well ...stinky. Well as I was laying awake thinking of a topic my Schnauzer...Mini-Schnauzer...My wife's Mini-Schnauzer. Decided to take on one of his notorius musical interludes. That right. He was jamming with the ole tooter. AND BEFORE YOU ASK....no it was not me blaming the dog. So as I lay there in the aroma therapy of this four legged terrorist of the olfactory nervous system. I picked up my pocket computer and composed the following......



The horrible hungry attention hog.
Good thing to blame upon the dog.
Asilent but deadly assassissination,
of fancy funtastic flatuation.
The Magnificent melodious linger..
Wonder why they pulled the finger?
A smeller to share with others,
Justice just to fluff the covers.
whatever rumble from down under,
All our nasals may not recover.
Some may cry and another gags.
Is it just me, I smell eggs.
the desperate cry of a trapped turd.
That will make them say; "Oh My Word!"
On the elevator it takes no blame,
Cutter of Cheese with no shame.
Walls of paint forever stained,
when ignighted by the Fart 'O Flame.
Oh the farting horse will never tire,
Yea, the farting man tis the one to hire.
Oh the crys with noses held shut...
That; "someone needs to wipe their butt.

Well I know as a first blog it has to stink....I hope it wasn't too bad.


It's Over

As the junior Senator from New York has been told by so many pundits, her bid for the presidency - thank the Heavens - is over. Senator Obama's landslide win in North Carolina coupled with a "meh"-tastic showing Indiana pretty well convinced the media that it's no dice for Hil.

Of course, there are other things that warrant the "It's Over!" declaration...

1) Reality TV: all too obvious that this trend jumped the shark when Flavor Flav got a show. You're outta here, pal.

2) Skeletal Runway Models: Am I the only one who finds it ironic that they make the $$$ to eat steak every night but somehow can only manage to eat wheat germ & tofu? Gain some weight...you're done.

3) The rainbow! :-P

4) HD-DVD: Sure, it sounded like a great idea...people have DVDs, we'll call the next thing HD DVDs, right? Wrong, loser. Hope you guys who bought these have room in the closest next to the old Betamax.

5) Seriously, Hillary, you're still here?

6) The Chicago Cubs Season: When you give up 7 home runs (3 to one guy) to the Reds, stick a fork in it - you're done & the season's over.

7) Indiana Jones: Sorry but no moves in...oh wait, I guess he IS still cracking the whip!

8) Winter (thank Heaven!)

9) My Instructor's Vacation: After 3 weeks of taking over for him while he was in sunny California, he's finally coming back! Woo hoo!

Yep, there's just a few things that are completely & utterly over - it's just a matter of admitting it, folks. For those of you concerned regarding the above, let's get with the program!

Of course, the last "It's Over" is:

10) This post.


To my new blogson, Ronny Engrish!

Ronny came into the world yesterday evening after creating his gmail. To demonstrate exactly what kind of blogger he'll be, Ronny went to work even before he was born into the blogosphere!

I think you'll enjoy his posting as a whole - except, of course, for the traditional first sucky post which promises to be such a horrid, raging pile of fetid compost that you'll all have tears in your eyes.

Stand by for Ronny Engrish, and pray there aren't any more of him out there!

(Mrs. Who: play nice!)

It Really Does Hurt!

Truth In Advertising?

(Click to enlarge)


This Is Great

If you read this blog, you probably also read Mrs. Who's blog - House of Zathras. As you all know, it's an excellent page & always full of good things to read.

Now, however, there is an absolute must read on her page. Anyone who's supporting our military unconditionally & feels the gratitude we all owe them needs to check her post out.

Way to go, Mrs. Who, you knocked this one out of the park!

Weekend Plans

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!

Iron Man (no spoilers)

First off: Stay until after the ending credits...you'll be glad you did.

Iron Man - not to be confused with it's literary cousin, Irony Man - was an excellent flick from start to finish. At no point can you possibly be bored with great action & snappy dialogue. I especially enjoyed the departure from Marvel comics' usual life-sucks-no-matter-what storyline.

The actors all fit their characters well & delivered top-notch performances. Downey takes off (sorry) with a tremendous job as Tony Stark & makes for a completely memorable persona among many who are worth a bit of space in our minds. Even the most life-changing of moments never sees him abandon his basest instincts (naughty as some of them are). Always, there's some comedic/dramatic strain between characters that keeps the audience driven into the seats.

To do the great acting & story one better, Iron Man gives us plenty of dead terrorists - which, as we all know, are the only good kind of terrorists. As an aside I fully support his "kill 'em all & let God sort 'em out" diplomacy.

Go see this movie. No, that WASN'T a suggestion.


It's A Boy!

Crunch Time will soon be welcoming a blogson to the world!

At least that's what I'm hoping.

In the interest of getting a friend started on blogging - recent posts will give some insight as to the identity of this new blogger - I've invited a friend to post on my site. He's witty, insightful & has a different take on many of the issues we discuss. Well, different in normal terms - not nutty, whacko liberal "different".

Now, don't get the idea that Hap's leaving y'all. I'm still going to be pounding the keys with posts. If you happen to read one that's darn good, but not quite as good as mine, then you'll know it's the newbie.

More to come...

Embedded Patriotism

I'd like to introduce the latest in a line of products that allows us to permanently track terrorists once they've been identified:


The Patriot Micro-chip is a small implant designed to be placed in the head of the terrorist & allows 100% accuracy in determining the location of the target. There are various methods of delivery & modern technology allows for selective implantation (with low occurrence of rejection) regardless of location.

Since not all applications are identical, the Patriot comes in various sizes and may include precious metals to avoid an allergic reaction to the implant.
(Note: size choices may not be available to all implantees)

While effectiveness is guaranteed, prices do vary from the softer chips (base cost: $0.42/unit) to the hardened, most durable implants in our line ($25USD/unit). Keeping in mind your operational budget, we offer implants with as few as 25 to a shipment with a "no-contract" policy. That's right - order as often as you like!

Side effects include: Swelling and/or bleeding at the sight of the injection; Ability to commune at an ascended level with over three score females of innocent nature; Brief pain on or near the injection point; Possible loss of bowel/bladder control.

Here's just a few of our wonderful implant products!

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