4/29/08

No, They Really Aren't

Folks, trying to tout an obviously crappy group like Oasis as this wonderful second-coming of the Beatles is not only insulting, it's we todd did! I'm not even the biggest fan of the Beatles & it's still a slap in the face.

Seriously, Oasis stinks.

How bad, you ask? Let's say you left a dead skunk in the bottom of a fat fryer in a greasy spoon for a year...there still wouldn't be enough funkitude to stink up the place as bad as someone popping "Wonderwall" into the jukebox.

Idiots on Rhapsody...

4/28/08

Freaking BS

Well, as my friend Ron said, here's a sign of the times:

video

I wonder if I should move out there & claim I speak only Italian so I can get the Spanish-speaking supervisor fired? Heck, maybe the government should put out a big neon sign reading: WE WANT ILLEGALS!

4/25/08

Nice Shot?

It was weird but in a funny way...

I was talking to this cute lady at work (unfortunately married, but hey, what can you do?) & leaning on another co-worker's desk. This particular co-worker likes to keep various treats in a small bowl on her desk.

The conversation went like this:

Her: "Hey, toss me one of those little butterfingers.

Me: Sure, no problem. ::Grabs mini butterfinger::

As I toss it into her hands, either the greatest or the worst shot of my life came to be...

Yes, it skipped right out of her hands and into, or more accurately, in between, a certain place below her neck and most definitely above her stomach. This area in question which, by the way, was poorly covered by her v-neck shirt, is not exactly easy to escape notice of.

Now, keep in mind, this young lady is cute-as-a-button, has curves in the places we guys like women to have such figures and completely willing to make light of a fella, such as myself, in an awkward situation - which this definitely was.

I guess the best way to describe it is this...


Well, without the drunken weirdness, at least.

4/24/08

Darn Tootin?


(click picture to enlarge)

Yeah, Yeah

OK, lady, I get it - you didn't like the fact I divided my attention to primarily the adults in Taekwondo today. You also presented your criticism as "constructive" - which it was...until the 4th or 5th time you re-iterated your point.

We can't all be perfect, particularly when we don't have your luxurious view from the sidelines, and know that, oh, twenty or so people have entirely different things going on & may have questions - like the ones I was answering. Oh, & I'm particularly bad because I dedicated my time to a student who needed the help & not to your child & her fellow cajolers. No, I was dumb enough to spend my time on people who take this seriously.

Yeah, I could spend more time working with the kids - I'll grant you that argument. I DID spend more time with one student than I should have - again, other than you, no one's perfect. However, a condescending rhetorical question like "Did you even look at them once?" shows exactly how destructive your criticism really was. You didn't, I noticed, consider that I maybe, just maybe, had sixteen other people - who actually participate in class - to divide my attention.

You were at least courteous enough to direct this criticism towards me after the class was dismissed. With that in mind, I invite you to take lead in the next class & show me exactly how I should run things - because obviously it's easy to get twenty people to do everything you ask & focus on each individual in an orderly fashion.

Talk About A Winner!

video

4/20/08

Live Blogging

Star Wars Episode I is on Spike right now & it gives me the perfect opportunity to briefly live blog the question on my mind...

WTF with Jar Jar, George Lucas?! What were you smoking at the time you dreamed up this buffoon of an annoyance that spoils an already underwhelming movie? Seriously, I was disappointed as I saw 20 years of anticipation fade into a junk pile of rotten limburger and THEN you top if off with this clown.

Yeah, the battle with Darth Maul was cool but how do you justify the expense of the other hour and a half? Watching this again makes me want my money back...

4/19/08

A Problem

This is a new one by me. Even after over five years in martial arts I've never encountered the problem I'm about to relate. It has a few facets, so please bear with me.

We have a student in HKD who is, to put it mildly, well-aged. He apparently has a great amount of zeal when it comes to applying these techniques even though, due to his fragile nature, we cannot apply the same techniques to him.

Now, before you start thinking I'm "eye for an eye" about martial arts - that anyone who applies a technique must feel the same application - rest assured that's not the case. I do believe, however, that anyone who wants to undertake a class in joint manipulation should be able to have his or her joints manipulated to a reasonable degree. For example, if you had advanced arthritis, then this probably isn't the class for you.

Well, that's the case with this student. He's made it to orange belt (level 3) largely because the techniques aren't overly damaging. However, he's also managed to do so without having any techniques really applied to him. This presents another problem entirely: he cannot develop the control that a regular student would because he does not know how it feels to be tweaked in a particular way. While this may serve him well in a self-defense situation (I have my doubts), it will not help other students avoid injury. I fear the day we pair him with a white belt and the new student gets injured.

Secondly, he is a former 2nd degree black belt in TKD (the same rank I currently hold). Apparently, this inactive rank gives him the impression he has more experience/authority than he actually does. Rank doesn't carry over. Period. For example, if I were to wear my black belt into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class & pretend that was my rank in that art...well, let's say the butt whipping I took wouldn't be soon forgotten.

The first rank problem with this student is that he tries to advise people far senior to him in HKD on how to perform a technique. The most memorable of which was chastising - there's no other word for it - two 2nd degree black belts on how one wasn't defending himself properly. For the record, he was. It was dealt with & we've made a point to impress on this guy that it won't be tolerated. Sadly though, his ignorance in techniques seems to make him feel he knows more than he does. He advises other color belts on how to execute techniques. Heck, I'm 1st degree & I don't say anything unless there's an obvious problem. This guy has no place doing such things.

The second rank problem exists in TKD. As I said before, he formerly held the rank of 2nd degree in this art. This has not been recognized by my instructor - and while he may have held it he isn't active, so it counts for nothing. One of our assistant instructors informed me in a phone conversation yesterday that he actually tried to instruct/advise students in TKD. Since he knows nothing about our instructors teaching style and we had a very capable instructor in Mr. Lee that day, a number of lines were crossed. Mr. Lee told him to take a seat, but I fear the problem isn't addressed.

My instructor is on vacation for the next three weeks and my problem is how to deal with this student without overstepping my bounds. I am senior while Master Rion is gone & will address issues in his absence. I'm of the mind that the next transgression of instructor authority will put this guy out on the street. However, I think that might be disrespectful to our instructor and the school in general.

What to do?

Perfect Logic

I have to wonder why this great argument hasn't been used more often on the pro-life side of things. After all, it's great logic & I think, not to make light of this issue, that the unborn certainly deserve the benefit of the doubt as to whether they are alive.

I, for one, believe life begins at conception. As such, I really can't find an argument to this great statement by a great man...

"If you don't know whether a body is alive or dead, you would never bury it. I think this consideration itself should be enough for all of us to insist on protecting the unborn." - Ronald Reagan

4/18/08

Creatiolution?

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve, and they had children and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, but Dad said we developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'

Climactic

Yeah, my last post was harsh & rightfully so. I don't think insulting veterans of the Greatest Generation is appropriate.

Still, I can't chastise the global warming movement (see: bowel movement for reference) without presenting a plan of my own. With this in mind, I present my very own 10-step climate strategy.


Hapkido's Climate Strategy:
1) Find that dude in De Kalb,il with the license plate ECOKLR1. We need people like him!

2) Hire as my new environmental advisor & slogan manager.

3) Announce to world the money I could have spent on carbon credits will instead be diverted to clubbing baby seals & depositing their innards in a potable fresh-water source of my choosing.

4) Say "gotcha" because baby seals are cute. (Hey, even Hap knows mercy!)

5) Take up smoking cigars while grilling outdoors & burning leaves.

6) Crank all coal power plants up to provide maximum carbon footprint - about the same output as your grandpa after thanksgiving dinner.

7) Go to Taekwondo & Hapkido - I DO have to stay in practice.

8) Realize I've been a hypocrite this whole time by driving a car that gets 35mpg & switch to the FuelBurner 3000 series of Hummer.

9) Burn down one hippie shanty per week.

10) Three words: Berkeley go BOOM!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

OK, I know you media types out there enjoy employing iconic images to draw parallels to from historic events to modern ones. I also know you stretch the bounds of reality to make a point that often misses the intended mark.

However, when it comes to perverting one of the most iconic images of World War II to demonstrate a similar severity for the farce of global warming (see: the Spanish Inquisition if you want an appropriate reference) I have to draw the line.

The "war" on global warming is a much-debated subject that I, for one, don't put much stock in. Winter has certainly been no less severe in Iowa, nor has Spring been any warmer in South Carolina. Seriously, we have a former vice president who - despite his claims of how severe this "problem" is - will not sign off to limit his use of energy. Based on this, he's either a hypocrite or a charlatan.

In any case, the issue sure doesn't compare to World War II, a war we fought for human freedom against the forces of oppression. Furthermore, the cover of "TIME" magazine insults those men & women who gave anything & everything to assure we continue to enjoy this precious freedom of ours. I don't subscribe to the magazine, never too much cared for it and, until recently, didn't care if someone had a subscription. Now, however, I am taking a stand & stating that this magazine, by way of perverting an icon & subverting itself to a questionable movement, isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

For those of you who want to know what real heroes look like...

Sad, But True

It's not just a Metallica song anymore!

I predict we won't have to wait too long before this becomes unfortunately appropriate...

4/14/08

But It's Not A Box Of Chocolates

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'

St. Peter continued , 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God's first name?

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me
your answers'

Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'

"Impossible" Defined

Here's a reply from one of my friends in an e-mail where four of us debated how science cannot explain away the existence of God - namely because it cannot explain how existence came to be.

This was inspired by the new Ben Stein movie "Expelled". I definitely want to see that one.

From Ron, arguably the most creative humorist of us four:

So the things that no one can describe are the senses. That wonderful unexplainable creation and gift from God.
Explain the sense of Sweet to someone that has no Taste buds.
Explain the sense of Red to someone born blind.
Explain the sense of Beethoven to someone born Deaf.
Explain the sense of Cold to someone born with no heat and cold receptors in their nervous system. (believe it or not it happens. And these people usually do not survive very long.)
Explain the sense of the smell of Roses to someone with a chronic head
cold....or born with no olfactory nerves.
Explain the sense of Common to a Democrat.

I called Ron out on the last one, saying that some things are just beyond possible...

4/11/08

1st Verbal Post

This is my first verbal post!

It's pretty cool stuff, don't you think?

Unfortunately, the weather has been cold & it just will not warm up. After visiting South Carolina, I was spoiled by the warm temperatures. Since it is spring I'd expect things to be nicer but no luck there. : -(

4/10/08

This Is Just Too Good

OK, I know there's a lot of tooting my new laptop's horn lately, but this HAS to be the coolest feature ever!

I have voice recognition software!!!

GOOD voice recognition software. I can dictate to the computer, send e-mails, arrange files, do photo/video organizing (a big help with all the "move", "copy", "delete" stuff), etc. It's solid with commands - even though it may miss once & again (crappy desktop mic) - but the dictation is perfect on e-mails & word.

I haven't tried this for blogging yet, assuming that it'll work for this, because it's late & people are trying to sleep.

All I can say is: bow before me, mere mortals of the technology world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

4/9/08

Now With 1000% More Mobility

That's right Crunch Time has gone mobile! I decided to buy a nice Dell laptop so as to have a little more flexibility with my time.

We had a nice "man-cation" seminar this past weekend & this will make it easier to edit the info since, honestly, I'm tired of being parked at a desk all the time. OK, Panera isn't a total change but there is the window view...

4/2/08

Keep Guessing

Ah, there are those moments that you cherish...

Like when a lady at work, who's talking about her coming 23rd birthday, tries to guess your age & starts at 25.

Me: "Nope".

Her: "26?"

Me: "Keep going".

Her: "OK, you must be 28, tops".

Me: (grinning, now) "Higher".

Her: (now getting a shocked expression on face) "Well, you CAN'T be older than 30!"

Me: "You bet I can"

Her: "Heck, 33?"

That's right folks, apparently, I look no less than eight (8) years younger than I actually am. Sure, I might act eight years younger than I actually am but that's another discussion.

4/1/08

Yeeooowwchhh!!!

I am sore! Three hours of TKD, HKD & Arnis this Monday, followed by two hours of TKD & HKD today. It's a lot but as much fun as I have, it's worth the after effects.

I was feeling good yesterday - spry, even. Heck, my air falls had good height; my kicks were strong & accurate; and there was a lot of energy in the room. Feeling good, feeling REAL good!

Oh, but what a difference 24 hours can make...

Today, my legs felt like they had lead weights in them. While I did have a good time in class, the energy just wasn't that high. We did some good knife defense drills & it kept interesting the whole time but - MAN! - I just didn't feel as great as the day before.

Of course, I'm not letting that trump me. We have a seminar in Chicago - home of the backwards-a$$ pizza - this weekend on stick, knife & empty hand techniques. It'll be fun, so I'm keeping the energy up for that!

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