Well, Get To It!

Some citizens of Vermont - you know, the state that's notoriously lenient on child predators - are talking about seceding from the union. Apparently, these people's sympathies rest with believing the United States is an "empire" on the verge of faltering & they want out.


Well, enough talk, I say! Go ahead & go!


Sure, there will now be a tariff if you want to impress your lady-friend with one of those saccharine teddy bears the state churns out during Valentine's Day but, really, I think it's worth a few $$$ to be rid of the state that gave us the first (official) socialist in the U.S. Senate.


Now, there's going to be logistical concerns in the People's Republic of Vermont (all communist countries have names like that), so I'd like to offer them some advice:

1) Start buttering up Canada RIGHT AWAY!!! If you're going to try importing goods over foreign (read: American) soil, you can bet your former nation won't be too keen on letting things through. Sure, you can try to send it by air but we Americans have a top-notch military that loves slow-moving targets.

2) Pray those teddy bears can support your failing maple syrup-dependent economy.

3) Get that socialist back from the oppressive halls of Washington, D.C. & name him El Presidente! Socialism has never failed where it's been tried, so that's the safest bet for a robust, prosperous country.

4) Name a few of those child predators - you know, the ones you think aren't punishable - as your "founding fathers". Nothing gets respect like having aging perverts as powerful political figures. Think Bill Clinton, without an age limit.

5) Well, he might check for ID...

6) Change your currency from the dollar - a perpetually value-less piece of paper - to the ruble. Ah, the ruble. Now THAT'S a powerhouse of the global economy.

7) The "Green Mountain Manifesto" sounds like it would make a great constitution. Anything with the name "manifesto" in it sounds catchy.

8) To wacky socialist co-eds.


I guess if they do secede, we'll have a neighbor called the People's Republic of Vermont (PeRVrt for short). It'll be just like a country, only smaller!