2/13/09

Garfield would be proud.

In the wake of the recent Hudson River incident, The Obama Administration was quick to act and advised the FAA to implement the following new anti-bird measures for all airliners.





2/12/09

Props to UserFriendly.org

I have been a great fan of User Friendly for many years.

http://www.userfriendly.org/

Illiad's Daily Static is a great read even for Technotard as well as Geeks. But today he had one that just spoke volumes to me. I may have taken it to a different context than the great author had intended but here is my take on today's toon.








Also could be said that: In the West when Conservatives make mistakes Conservatives bear the burden. And in the West when Liberals screw everyone over Conservatives bear the burden.

2/11/09

A$$hat #2

Well, we've got another one we can add to the list...

My instructor offered a self-defense class through the local community college & about eight people signed up - including a 6'2", 250lb guy in his upper 40s. Now, anyone can use some knowledge of self-defense, right? Well Too-Tall here doesn't - he knows EVERYTHING!

Yes, this guy, who does his own TKD thing, thinks he wrote the book on self defense. Actually, it's not even a pamphlet. This buster, secure in his size, weight & overly supreme ego, has a philosophy of "might makes right". In other words, he hits with 250lbs of mass behind him, so you should, too.

For those of us lacking that weight, well it's too bad...we just aren't allowed to defend ourselves.

Now, that's bad enough but buster isn't done just yet. He walked a couple of the female students out after class & proceeded to inform them that: 1) he could take them down & there's nothing they could do to stop it; and 2) "don't tell the instructor but none of these techniques will work".

Being an experienced practitioner & one who is well-versed in said useless techniques, I would like to respond, in turn:

1) Really nice, creepfest! Seriously, these women are taking a SELF-DEFENSE CLASS. This means they are there, surprise, to learn. They don't know everything & neither does anyone else. We're all learning, except for you, genius. Threatening women with an attack on their first day of class is the most asinine thing an arrogant moron like you could do.

2) Yeah, because you've done all of the techniques before. I have yet to meet the person who can keep his grip on the simplest of wrist escapes offered in this class. Of the 300+ techniques in my binder, I'd argue 90% are effective (10% are demonstration techniques) & the average student could reasonably employ 75% of them in a self-defense situation (15% or so are either very flashy throws or likely lethal). The self-defense curriculum is a subset of the HKD material & is implemented specifically to provide the opportunity to escape. As such, it is 100% practical self-defense (hence, the course title).

Look, I've met you before, fella. The martial arts world is rife with ego-maniacal jerks who think they know it better than everyone else. First, traditional TKD isn't practical for any self-defense. Second, creeping someone out in an overt attempt to steal students is unethical. Fittingly, your kind is the least useful to the community & knows next to nothing about offering a service besides your lips on your own a$$.

At least your head is up there for easy access.

2/10/09

My Word

It should be in dictionaries all over the world! It is pith & brilliance given form in these trying times of sheer idiocy.

The word?

Asshat!

asshat (n): (1) an individual or organization so incredulously incompetent that explanation, very nearly, defies logic. i.e. - That jerk voted for a wasteful stimulus package? What an asshat! (2) a crude, needlessly argumentative individual surpassing ordinary recalcitrance. i.e. - What do you mean I need to pay for this stimulus, Congressman? Don't be an asshat about this! (3) President Barack Obama after signing any executive order. i.e. - Well, it looks like Asshat is at it again!

Might As Well...

Nothing wrong with doing the odd meme...

Rules: Go to urbandictionary.com and type in your answers to the following questions. Post the first definition it gives you.

1. Your Name: Hapkido

-- Korean martial art that consists of a variety of arm and leg joint locks, weapon techniques, throwing, kicking, and nerve pressure techniques. Hapkido is very suitable for self-defense. In Hapkido, Hap meaning: together, or the harmony of body and spirit, Ki meaning life and body energy, Do, meaning way of life, way of learning.

2. Your Age: 34

-- Anal sex, simalar to 69. I wanna 34 that girl! (OK, that's kind of gross...)

3. One of your friends: Ron

-- triumph; decimates all in its path; very strong (Yeah, remind me not to piss him off!)

4. What you should be doing: Working

-- A term to describe the tedious and boring indentured servitude that most people are forced to endure to get money. Generally, not a pleasant experience. *duh*

5. Favorite color: blue

-- The feeling when u wake up at 7 in the morning and remembering it's a monday. (That is soooo true!)

6. Birthplace: Mineola

-- Mineola isn't defined yet. (Yeah & it's best left that way!)

7. Your nickname: Biff

-- To mess something up, specifically a physical activity.

8. Your birthmonth: August

-- The idea of perfection. The 8th Month of the year in certain European and Asian cultures signifies greatness in achieving perfection, or something close to it. (Being a Leo, I can tell you the above is absolutely true!)

2/7/09

Dangerous, Working On Armed

I'm thinking about purchasing a handgun. Never mind my reasons (though they're constructive), we have the 2nd Amendment & I'm not a felon, so it's my right!

Now, I've fired a .357 when I was younger (Ouch!) but otherwise there's no handgun experience I can claim. Being an average-sized guy, my decision is that a .40 would be the best fit for me: not too big like a .45 or .50 hand cannon but more power than offered in a 9mm.

I do have some experience with weapons. Let's see, I have a 20ga. Franchi, 12ga. Franchi, compound bow, training knives, a tactical folding knife, training handgun, bokken (wooden sword), joong bong (medium-length sticks) & dan bong (short sticks)...

I'll admit I suck with the sword.

Still, I'm looking for an informed opinion on good handguns in .40 caliber to purchase. Most of the magazines out there are full of self-congratulatory pieces on pieces. What is needed is honest input for such a big purchase. Cost is somewhat an issue but I have wiggle room.

What handgun would you recommend?

2/6/09

Yet another Blogspawn

I'd like to introduce my ...I think I have 7 readers now, to my Blogspawn. I can hardly claim her as my blogspawn because she started flying on her own although it may have been the gusts of hot air that I produce on this site that shot her out of the nest and into the blogsphere.

Ladies and Gentlemen.... It's my pleasure to introduce to you *drumroll*.. Silverwing.

This blogspawn has indeed ventured out into the wild of cyberspace and you can see the new nest at http://silverwings-silverings.blogspot.com/ . She unlike I, can blog on multiple topics. I'm still working on it.

Pamibe, Mrs Who, BR, Hap, and my other 3 readers...ya'll be nice.

2/3/09

The B*tch Is Back!

UGH! Just when you think you're rid of a nuisance...

We started a new term for students who sign up through the local community college. It's a no-credit, continuing-education, self-defense class for them. Initially, I was hopeful because of one of the names on the roster - a young lady who was the 1st self-defense student. She had athletic ability, confidence & a good attitude. I'm not sure if she showed but certainly she gets the most out of the class.

Unfortunately, every so often a margarita catches a fly. Also on the roster was the "don't need the commentary" lady. The one that reminds me of Dolores Umbridge of Harry Potter: OoTP fame. You know the type: she says the most insidious things in the most pleasant tone - as if to disguise her malevolence inside a sugary-sweet wrapper. Happily, I didn't have to try & teach her anything tonight...

What hurts me most is I consider myself a patient instructor. I can work with an easily distracted seven year-old & maintain composure without issue. I reason that my patience as a black belt is required to ensure the students are properly trained in self-defense. It's a point of pride for me to show the utmost courtesy in the capacity of a teacher.

In "Dolores'" case, all I want to do is tell her to clean the stuff out of her ears, listen & get a clue.

To paraphrase Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan Jessup in "A Few Good Men": I don't want trophies & I don't want "yes, sirs"...What I do want is for you to stand there in your ragetty-ass workout clothes with your holier-than-thou mouth & extend me some f*cking courtesy!

While we're on that subject...if a certain blue belt "reminds" me one more time what happens next in class, I swear he'll get a quick, decisive lesson in showing proper respect to an instructor. As it stands, I quietly brushed him off & handled class.

Geez! All these distractions & no adequate way to express my feelings!!! Pamibe, how's about letting me use some of those great emoticons you have? :-)

Where's the love?

Valentines Day is coming and Ronny Engrish is in desperate need of a romantic idea to surprise Mrs. Engrish with. Lately (apparently since Y2K+5) I have been very ....grumpy ....not easy to get along with ....not being a nice guy in general. Mrs. Engrish is pretty fed up with Putting up with My ..uhm...Stuff. (never know if Mrs. Who reads this in front of the kids so I gotta keep the language rated PG)

So I have been thinking what I can do for Mrs. Engrish that will not result in a frying pan going ballistic with a terminal trajectory of my crainium.

As I am a guest here on Crunch Time, and it is just the way I roll..... Please - Keep it clean.

2/2/09

Edyoukayshun

Obamacide:
The death of the US economy perpetrated on the majority by the minority.


Ya know I honestly try to find something non-political to blog about but it sometimes takes transfering some brain power away from the real work I do. Blogging on politics is pretty much a no brainer, and our current dope-in-cheif is making this all too easy.

I SCREAM

Baskin Robins just announced a new flavor-

Baskin Robbins, one of the major supporters and financial backers of our new President, is introducing a new ice cream in honor of the inauguration, "Barocky Road."


It's half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by fruits and nuts!

1/30/09

Blogo Blog Part II

The Senators are calling Gov. Rod Blagojevich "Dishonest, Devious, Corrupt, and a Hyprocrit"

Excuse me. If we are using that criteria for removing people from office.....

WILL THE LAST ONE OUT PLEASE GET THE LIGHTS.

Elected officials are all a bunch of ASPHOLES

1/29/09

Oops!

I like this air fall better!

A Couple Pics...

From my 2nd degree test.


Just to show you it wasn't all fun & games:


And I mean for everyone involved:


There's something cool about taking a big dude down:


My air fall (OK considering it's been 6 months...):
More to come later...

Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojevich Sacrificed

What just happened?

WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED?!?

I am not Defending Gov. Rod Blagojevich. I am defending due process which just got a serious rectal raping from the Senate.

Either one or two things just blew up in America.
1) Due process died. In which case. La Cosa Nostra will reign supreme. I will show you how.
If the government cannot process a fair trial even if it is just accusations. Then they cannot be trusted to conduct themselves when it comes to a REAL TRIAL with real crimes.

2) The communist election that just took place in the United States Senate threatens to undermine the United States Government as a whole. It will do much better than any outside enemy has ever dreamed.
IF Blago is guilty and he may very well be (I think that there is a good chance he is) then by attacking him with such Cowardly tactics is without honor. No Defense. Innocent until proven guilty.
If Blago wants to fight this he now has PLENTY of grounds for which to do it.
It was not handled according to the Illinois Constitution which clearly has rules that the House would preside over any impeachment. Blago can tell the Cowards of the Senate to "Screw Off" and they can't do anything about it.

First I think that the Senators should all be tried for Treason for participating in this mockery of Justice. Then when they are found guilty they should be taken out to the Rose Garden and Shot in the head as Traitors against the United States Of America.
Then we send this to the House for a proper trial / hearing and let them have a shot at doing their jobs. If Rod Blagojevich is found guilty in a fair trial then justice will have it's say.

Tell then......We are all in danger of a comunist trial of accusation.
It is a dark day in America. A very Dark and Dangerous day.

They want our Freedom of Speech. YEAH! I HOPE THEY FAIL TOO!

Democrats Petition Against Rush Limbaugh

ARE THEY FREAKING SERIOUS?!?

Can they be this stupid?!? If you want to get to Rush's good side you do NOT attack him let alone attack the Constitution. You have to fight him on an intelligence level which is lacking on that side of the aisle.

Excerpt:
The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee has launched an online petition to express outrage at conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh for saying he wanted President Obama to "fail."

2nd Excerpt:
The petition comes after Obama warned Republicans on Capitol Hill Friday that they need to quit listening to Limbaugh if they want to get along with Democrats and the new administration.

Yeah what else is new. He has reasons for what he has said and you cannot shut him up by taking away his right counterdict the President. We opposed the former President on issues. We oppose the current President on philosophy and idealogy. Step on my rights to do this and it will inflict a muscle spasm on the hand that is clutching my bible and my gun. I keep the latter loaded so becareful where you stand.

3rd Excerpt:
"If I wanted Obama to succeed, I'd be happy the Republicans have laid down. I don't want this to work. So I'm thinking of replying to this guy, say 'okay, I'll send you a response, but I don't need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails'."

Got news for ya people. I don't let Rush do my thinking but I am agreeing 100% with Rush at this time. I HOPE THEY FAIL TOO!

1/28/09

2nd Degree Test

Well, I survived it. If I had to grade it, the grade would be a B-. Not because it was a poor test but because my overall performance should have been closer to personal expectations (As a general rule, we say we don't want to pass a test with a C).

Falling: No real problems here. This was the part that concerned me most as falling on the noggin is a sensitive issue still. My air fall was decent considering that hasn't been done since August 2008. I even did a good air fall over a person. Full credit to Dan for managing to stay still while two black belts jump & flip over him.

The techniques part went well. I can't argue with my performance as even the odd slip or miss on a takedown was recovered quickly & without allowing the "attacker" to fight back. Finishing techniques were largely uninspired yet effective. Hey, if the guy doesn't want to get back up, I delivered the technique well enough!

So then came the situational defense portion...in this we first had to defend ourselves while wearing an ugly pair of pink mittens that wouldn't allow for easy grips. It was nice to see how little individual finger movement affects the techniques I prefer to use. The second part was putting on a "blindfold" with two small (about 1/16" is my guess) holes. These throw off depth perception & forget about peripheral vision. Basically, you have to "feel" your way through the defense. It's freaky but not as frightening as it sounds.

Lastly came the ground fighting...from Hades! I had to go against a former wrestler who was 2 weight classes above me (I'm middleweight, he's heavyweight). We started sitting down, back to back. Now, let me tell you that I'm quick on the ground. 75% of the time I'll get around before the other guy & take his back. That's a huge advantage in a ground fight.

Unfortunately, this was one of those other 25% times...

He prevented my turn & we locked shoulder to shoulder. This is normally a good spot for me when I'm in my weight class. In this case, he walked over me like a welcome mat & I went to my back. "No problem", I thought, "I'll pull guard & work from there". Yeah a great idea except he wasn't so cooperative. He passed my guard on the right & went straight to side control - a horrible position to be in for the guy on bottom.

I worked for a wrist/finger lock but he managed to drop his weight on my hand, blocking it. My left arm was propped under his abdomen to prevent him from smothering. He did manage to get my right hand off of his neck but, fortunately, he didn't know how to manipulate the joint for a shoulder lock. I tried to throw him off me but my hips couldn't generate the force needed to move his mass.

Now, when you're in side control it's important to keep your head facing AWAY from the armpit of the attacker as an elbow to the face (in theory, for class) will make short work of you. I was doing this in textbook form but it didn't prevent him from wrapping that arm around my head & securing it. He pressed me into his gut & hard as I tried, there was no way to breathe or escape.

Yeah, I tapped out as oxygen deprivation isn't on my list of things to enjoy...

1/25/09

They Can Smell Fear

Former French president Jacques Chirac was attacked by his "clinically depressed" poodle, Sumo, on January 22nd. This just goes to show that even pansy dogs have nothing to fear from even more pansy French leaders. In fact, these notoriously foofy little pooches may be able to smell the sweet, tasty fear of their owners, thus driving them to clinical depression and, ultimately, an attack worthy of a stitch or two.

Now, I reasoned there had to be more to this whole deal...Seriously, think about how much you'd have to prod a poodle into attacking anyone, much less it's owner. OK, I'll grant you there have to be a few out there with the nasty, pretentious attitude of a chihuahua but the odds of the single biggest wimp in the EU buying one of them is statistically beyond rare.

With that in mind, I demanded that politely suggested that begged that Mr. Engrish hop a plane to gay Paris & get the scoop. He returned with the most astounding tape that revealed the happenings of that fateful day...

*Sounds of muddled arguing*
Jaques Chirac: Mmmmm. J'aime creme brulee...

Sumo the dog: Ahf! Ahf! (French for "Arf! Arf!")

JC: No, Sumo, mon ami! Zees ees mah creme brulee!

Sumo: Grrrrr!

JC: Sumo! Mon dieu! Mah creme brulee! Noooooooo!

Sumo: *nom, nom, nom, nom*

*Tape ends in static...sounds of unknown man quoting Mr. Bean*

Thanks to Ronny's daunting bravery, we've in fact discovered that Sumo, in a clinically depressed state, merely wanted some creme brulee (as any good frenchy would). It seems the only part of Jacqes that was mauled was his pride...

Sorry...

The title has a dual meaning. I was content to leave political topics in Mr. Engrish's realm, so my apologies for typing this politically-charged post.

Additionally, the "Sorry" refers to MSNBC (or MSNBS, if you will) actually putting out another piece of in-the-tank-for-Obama tripe & passing it as some sort of fact.

The article states that president Obama broke from the "unpopular Bush administration". OK, I'll give you that: 1) president Obama has broken sharply with the Bush administration; and 2) president Bush left office with a low approval rating.

The story continues that [president Obama] has "mostly avoided divisive partisan and ideological stands".

Right...

Closing Gitmo & releasing terrorists, lifting the ban on funding of overseas organizations that support abortion & giving terrorist combatants the same protections in interrogations afforded to enemy combatants fighting under a flag sure sounds partisan & ideologically divisive to me.

1) Closing Gitmo: Where do you think these terrorists are going, Mr. President? President Bush was set to release a number of them but the home countries refused them. For some reason, I don't think representative John "In Cold Blood" Murtha's idea of housing them in his district will fly well with the "rednecks" in that area. Great way to cower to a leftist base but, as with most wingnut ideas, this just won't work.

2) Lifting Bans on Abortion: This is the very political issue that defines our generation. The thought that my taxes will help fund an abomination, an affront to life, disgusts me. You know what, abortion is legal here, thanks to Roe v. Wade...that's bad enough but why do you need to fund this atrocity around the globe?

3) Army Field Manual: Get a clue, Bubba II! Treating terrorists with kid gloves doesn't solve the problem. Treating them to bullets with a caliber of .40 or more does. They didn't play nice in 1986, 1990, 1993 or 2001. Our men & women in the military don't play nice with monsters like terrorists...allow them to do their jobs & watch these a-holes go the way of the dodo.

1/23/09

Word for the Day....

Liquidity…



When you look at your investments .....and wet your pants.

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