Legend of 1900

Here's an excellent movie with Tim Roth (who rarely disappoints). He plays an orphaned child on a cruiseliner named the "Virginian". The movie centers around his life during which he never goes ashore (that's Navy for "gets off the ship").

A crewman named Danny discovers T.D. Lemon 1900 as an infant in the first class section of the ship. With a terrifying lack of concern for the child's hearing & undeveloped lungs, Danny raises him in the massive coal furnace space. How the kid doesn't develop black lung before the age of five, I'll never guess.

After Danny is suspiciously killed in a tragic pulley accident - suspicious because I'm almost positive his death was planned by the writer - "1900", who is only about ten years old, discovers a divine talent for playing the piano. Sure, he's never played one before but I'll bet he's just a fast learner when it comes to tickling the ivories.

1900 quickly becomes an adult & fortuitously skips all those awkward teenage years. If I had known this was possible for people born on a ship, I'd have signed up for the Navy at least 10 years earlier. During this time, he's appointed as the ship's piano player for life. This may seem like a good deal to you but ships don't normally last as long as humans & I can only guess things will end badly for him.

During the course of his time-traveling adventures, 1900 is challenged to a piano duel by Jelly Roll Morton (Clarence Williams III) who proceeds to mock the waterborne pianist in a poorly-timed attempt to grant 1900 those teenage years he missed (Yeah, I hated high school...why do you ask?).

Now, don't ask me how they pull this duel off. Pianos are naturally many times heavier than guns & needless to say, the strength required to lift one & bludgeon a guy to death...What's that? Oh! Wait a second. They PLAY them? Yeah, I never saw *THAT* coming!

Sure, you can check this movie out if you want to actually be entertained. I'm guessing most of you would like that considering all the crap Hollywood shovels into theaters.