5/2/08

Embedded Patriotism

I'd like to introduce the latest in a line of products that allows us to permanently track terrorists once they've been identified:


THE PATRIOT MICRO-CHIP

The Patriot Micro-chip is a small implant designed to be placed in the head of the terrorist & allows 100% accuracy in determining the location of the target. There are various methods of delivery & modern technology allows for selective implantation (with low occurrence of rejection) regardless of location.

Since not all applications are identical, the Patriot comes in various sizes and may include precious metals to avoid an allergic reaction to the implant.
(Note: size choices may not be available to all implantees)

While effectiveness is guaranteed, prices do vary from the softer chips (base cost: $0.42/unit) to the hardened, most durable implants in our line ($25USD/unit). Keeping in mind your operational budget, we offer implants with as few as 25 to a shipment with a "no-contract" policy. That's right - order as often as you like!

Side effects include: Swelling and/or bleeding at the sight of the injection; Ability to commune at an ascended level with over three score females of innocent nature; Brief pain on or near the injection point; Possible loss of bowel/bladder control.

Here's just a few of our wonderful implant products!





6 comments:

Bob said...

Very clever. I hope you have record sales of your innovative product.

Harvey said...

I've heard they have trouble making the larger ones stay inside the body.

Belisarius said...

This is great! I need a few of these to send to some "friends".

HapKiDo said...

Bob,
Thanks for the well-wishing on this. I'm told the product line is already being used to great effect all around the world!

Here's continued success! Cheers!

HapKiDo said...

Harvey,
We actually implemented that as a safety feature - not too likely to cause those darn side-effects.

As a bonus, it seems we can sometimes track two terrorists for the price of one!

HapKiDo said...

Belisarius,
Glad you like the product line.

Semper Fi!

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