Not So Good

I had a very bad "first" at work.

It wasn't a mistake. Or something I said. Not even a flurry of bleeps...

I had a small panic attack. Or at least that's what I'd call it. My breathing got short, my chest felt tight. It was like someone was giving me a big, mean bearhug that I couldn't escape.

I was completely stressed at the time & I have been for awhile. I just can't think straight at that place anymore. I do more & more for seemingly empty promises.

My promotion? Still on hold.
My raise? Same deal.
The promise that we'd never be short on my shift again? Broken for the fourth time.

I'm not one to break down but last night almost did it. It was so incredibly brutal & in the midst of it all we had a driver involved in an accident. He hit a drunk driver who pulled out in front of him.

The drunk driver was killed. Our driver was shaken badly but OK. Thank Heaven his family lives close by to comfort him. I spent a few minutes talking to him on the phone before they got there. I think my talk helped maybe a little. I can't be sure.

It was the only thing, maybe, that prevented me from having a full breakdown & bursting into tears. I'm not so quick to cry but I feel sooo unappreciated by the company I think I do so much for. Harder is the realization that I could just walk in & with two words set myself free from all the pain & agony of this employer.

I wonder if it's pride. I wonder if it's fear. Most of all, I have to wonder if it's worth staying there any longer.


Mrs. Who said...

I'm not sure what kind of job you do, so it's hard to know how to respond. But I follow my b-i-l's advice in situations like this. If the situation involves something worth more than $300, think it over at least 24 hours. I'm sure your job is worth more than that, but is your sanity worth more than that? How would your sanity be without a job?
Yeah, I'm a lot of help! :/

HapKiDo said...

Mrs. Who,
I work for a mid-sized trucking company to which the phrase "common-sense" invokes head scratching.

I make good money - I'm not starving - but I think I'd be better off moving down near family in SC. Heck, they want me to move there & Greenville's a beautiful place (used to live there before the Navy).

Sanity vs. Income? hmmm. Some days I've gotta wonder which is more important! :-)

Roses said...

This isn't the first time you've considered leaving this job. This isn't the first time you've had good reason to, right?
That should tell you something.

Speaking as someone who has had many jobs (some changes by choice, a few by force), there will be other jobs.
Dude, for someone like you who cares and works hard, there are hundreds of jobs out there.

It's funny how you feel trapped until you get somewhere where they know how to treat a decent employee.
The hard part is finding that place.

But they ain't gonna come looking for you...

Not saying you've got to take a leap of faith and jump off a cliff to find another job. But you do have to look if you want to find something.

And just because you're looking, doesn't mean you have to say yes to everyone who offers you something.


HapKiDo said...

No, that's not TMI. Thanks for the advice.

Yeah, I have more reasons to leave than to stay. Actually, I only have one (non-friend/family related issue) reason to stay. That's the martial arts stuff I do.

I'm 2nd degree TKD, almost 1st HKD & my instructor has already offered me his support should I move. Of course, that's not the problem - it actually makes that chance to move easier.

No, the problem is I won't find a school like that anywhere else, even with the ability to pick my own students. Odds are I'll sign on to teach HKD at a school down there (they don't have this style) under the terms that I will not take instruction from another teacher - I already have one. Just going to be tough to give that up.

Roses said...

Okay, but that's just a reason not to move.
That's not a reason to keep the JOB.

Keep the school and location, only change the job.

Or is it, save the cheerleader, save the world... hm...

Harvey said...

Well, like my wife always tells me "it never hurts to have more information".

I'd suggest just kind of idly, with no intent, browsing the internet job sites like Monster & CareerBuilder to see what's out there in your local area.

Only takes about 5 minutes. Maybe the job market's not as tight as you think. Or maybe it is.

Either way, doesn't hurt to look.

Also doesn't hurt to dust off your resume & have it up to date.

"Just in case"... :-)

HapKiDo said...

Oh, I definitely want to move. I have to take a step & that's the right one. Definitely need to find a job first.

Uh, this cheerleader I'm saving, is she hot? ha ha

HapKiDo said...

Solid advice. I'm planning on stepping things up this week & finding out where I can go.
I make good money now but I've been offered more. 20% more in PA, to be exact. Too bad I don't know a darn person in PA & my family is nowhere near there.

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