How To Be A Good Democrat

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are
more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of
Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by
soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders
how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony
activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money
to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of
the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports
certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas
Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice
person.

17 You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but
a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected,
and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the
Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United
States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing
conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers off on
Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

Ready to vote???

Songs That Stink

There's always a few of these on the radio - even more so when your work
plays a Top 40 station on the overhead speakers. Since I have to listen to
it & suffer through the day, I figure I should share my thoughts (if you
can't suffer with me...)

Sucky Songs Heard At Work
1) "Hey There Delilah" - Yeah, I'm sure this is supposed to be moving but
those stupid moaning sounds that singer makes with that lazy, almost
monotone voice make me want to find him & offer up a knuckle sandwich.
Seriously, this song stinks.

2) "Big Girls Don't Cry" - But big boys do when they hear this trite piece
of junk. Sure, Fergie's the epitome of class, reserve & decency (sarcasm
here) but if you want a breakup song, play "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" or
"I Hate Everything About You" if you want something more blunt. Either way,
hearing this song makes we want to break up with someone out of spite!

3) U2 - For Heaven's sake, please go away!

4) "Too Late To Apologize" - I'm not sure if this is the actual title of the
song, but you got that right, buddy.

5) "Suicidal" - I would rather listen to anything else on this list so long
as I never had to hear this piece of junk again. Lousy voice. lousy lyrics,
etc. If a woman has you suicidal - for any reason - get away from her!
There are plenty of good apples out there! (H/T: Roses)

OK, it's not that long a list but when you hear it every hour, insanity
starts to set in.

For Al Gore

A blog started in support of former-Vice President Al Gore's movie "An Inconvenient Truth" was hacked by cyber-scammers & had advertisements in place of the normal content. Since Mr. Gore invented the Internet, I figure this is the cruelest of ironies to visit upon him & certainly no way to say thanks to the man who brought us Global Warming (science's Spanish Inquisition) & access to all sorts of useless content (probably includes this site).

With that in mind, I've been inspired to write a brief poem in homage to Mr. Gore:

There once was a veep named Gore
Internet ads he did abhor
"I invented it!", he said
"My site somehow's gone dead"
Fibber, fate's settled the score!

Sometimes

You just know you can't compete...dang it!

Officially Old

Yep, I've joined the club.

I have a co-worker who happens to be a woman.

A married woman.

With the last name Garrett.

When the obligatory "Facts of Life" joke came up, she didn't get it.

Ouch!

Peter Pan

I picked up little sis, Sarah, at Iowa State on Sunday. She asked me to since her parents were busy that day & she was late getting in Saturday night from the ISU football game in Kansas (she's in the band). I thought it was a nice chance to see how college has been for her, how her
boyfriend, Bob, was doing & how life in general was going for her.

We left Ames about 10AM & stopped at a Perkins for breakfast in some po-dunk town. She's doing well in college & having fun. I think it helps she's staying with her older sister. Besides, that keeps me from worrying about her too much (I swear, I'm more like another parent than a sibling sometimes!). Smart kid & has a good head on her shoulders but there are some jerks out there, unfortunately. She's got a lot of the "normal" concerns a college student has in life: boys, social life & such.

Anyway, I suppose I should get to the subject of this post. Her parents are season-ticket holders at the Paramount Theater & she asked me to see a production of Peter Pan with her. As we all know, anyone who doesn't like Peter Pan is un-American, so of course I went to see it. I must say it was a very good show. The lady who played Peter was, um, V-E-R-Y into her role.
She put so much energy into it, you know she loved the part...and probably needed a nap afterwards.

As I've noticed in these shows, the villains have the best personalities. Captain Hook was just pure entertainment. He took a role that's fun & added his own little twists (hook poking his good hand - great timing). Tiger Lily was played by a young lady who had some of the best facial expressions I've ever seen. She seemed "devious" in an endearing way - Kind of like she'd catch your eye but poke it out at the same time.

Smee, one of the best characters in Peter Pan, was just great. Funny, a little goofy & you just couldn't fault the guy for being a little mean-spirited. Something about that part just makes you like it more than any character in the story.

I had a great time seeing my imoto (Sarah told me that's Japanese for "little sister") again after a few months of her being at college. Being able to see her grow from a quiet, shy little girl into a social, confident young lady has been a great experience. Of course, just because she's growing up doesn't mean I won't look out for her. She's got a great start going in college & I'll help her keep that going in any way I can.

Political?

I was watching the O'Reilly Factor last night (Guest-hosted by Laura Ingraham - rowrrr!) & the subject of Boy Scouts in Massachusetts giving care packages to the military came up. Apparently, this was stopped by the state as the government considers it "political" expression. I don't recall the full details but there was a law cited that prohibits political activity within a certain area of a polling station (or something along those lines).

That's right, patriotism is apparently political. Furthermore, as Laura Ingraham said, how can the left argue they can be patriots by supporting the troops but not the mission, then turn around & claim any support of the troops is purely political?

Since when is supporting the military & loving one's country a political act? Should we tell people to tone it down when talking about how much the love their kids? Sally may have earned a place on the honor roll & spent hours volunteering in the community but you'd better not toot your horn about how proud you are. Loving your children is political speech!

(Note: As opposed to what? Neglecting & abusing them? Stupid liberal "reasoning")

You can tell me the fact I love my country is political expression. You can tell me you don't like it. You can even tell me to shut up about it. However, all of those empty words will bounce right off. I've served my country, I've been to plenty of other countries & I've seen what the world has to offer. In all those experiences I've seen some good in those places. I've seen some horrible things as well.

To tell me loving the USA is bad is like a 9/11 conspiracy theorist trying to debate Einstein on particle physics: you're out of your league on this one. Think of it like a marriage of 30+ years: Can someone really tell you something about your partner that you don't already really know?

Nope.

My Family (Part 1 of ?)

I really am not sure how to get this ball rolling. I suppose I'll start from the beginning (at least from my perspective).

We've always known our family - that is, my father's paternal family - had the wrong last name. Now, like many immigrants' descendants, we ascribed this misnomer to Ellis Island. After all, there were thousands of immigrants pouring into America & not everyone can get their name printed correctly. However, I recently had a revelation by way of my father's research.

Our name IS incorrect. The revelation is we now know the original name AND how it was changed:

My Dad's paternal grandfather changed it because he thought it would be easier to pronounce.

OK, that's fair enough. The original name, Murolo, doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. I'll bet it's infinitely tougher if you're drunk. My issue is how you essentially abandon a name for the purpose of pronunciation. Why do that? It's not like our name is "Smith" or "Jones". There aren't a million Murolo's running around this planet. Unfortunately, we'll never know. The last actual knowledge of our family coming over passed with my paternal grandfather.

That's not where the story ends, though! Dad actually discovered where our ancestors originated in Italy and I plan on sharing more about those places in upcoming posts. This has me pretty excited because you can put a place on the map & say, "Here! That's where I came from". Fortunately, it's not the dung heap of Italy.

Sorry, Bill

So, HKD tonight was going well. Usual stuff, about the normal intensity.

Bill (Mr. Reif to all of you) did a takedown which lead into the near-obligatory groundfight. After rolling for about 30 seconds, Bill stopped, looked at his hand & mentioned he had a slight injury.

Oh, this IS a new one!

He was unable to move his pinky. It was "locked up" at the middle joint and, while there was no pain, it still creeped me out. So, Bill goes to emergency room, class goes on & I'm here feeling bad about hurting one of my sparring buddies.

Sorry about that, Bill. I hope it's OK!

Veterans' Day

To all of you who served,
Thank You for giving me the opportunity to write this. Every day is a blessing of freedom thanks to your sacrifice.

To all of you who are serving now,
Thank You and your Families for your commitment to freedom, your willingness to stand up as a force for good in this world & the continued battle you wage that allows all of us to live in America. Please keep safe.

The men and women of the armed forces who have served and even now are in harm's way defending us deserve nothing less than our total commitment. They've earned that small, yet valuable, allegiance for what they give every day they wear - or have worn - the uniform.

Thank you all and God Bless.

Why All The "Gates"?

OK, people. Why on earth is every so-called conspiracy, scandal or blunder that's picked up by the news tagged with a "gate" suffix?

Yes, yes, I know about the whole Watergate thing back in the 70s.

But here's the thing: That was actually the Watergate Hotel! There was a "gate" on the end of it because that was actually part of the name. Every bleeping scandal the media reports (Rather-gate, Memo-gate, Monica-gate, etc) has that silly suffix on the end of it so as to remind the media they actually accomplished something once.

Since they've fallen into obscurity with their liberal agenda & obviously biased reporting, I suppose this is their only way to hold onto a bygone era in a new age of journalistic impotence. With that in mind, I'd like to give them their next few "gates" so as to spare them all the effort.

Top 10 New "Media-gates"
1) Fence-gate: After years of stupidity, the obvious finally dawns on them.

2) Pop-gate: Lindsay, Britney & Paris finally go hog-wild on a coke/alcohol bender.

3) Insti-gate: The Democrats sign yet another resolution condemning an US ally. The problem? John Howard doesn't take this crap lying down!

4) Con-gate: Remember that check writing scandal in the 80s? Well, this time Congress goes for broke & rivals the NBA in convictions.

5) Rush-gate: Frustrated by his constantly rising ratings & growing influence, the media tries, with increasing desperation, to have his name taken off the airwaves. The angle? Liberal mothers are concerned that the mere mention of his name encourages speeding.

6) Ahmadinejad-gate: Nah, it'll never happen.

7) Homo-gate: Designed to sound dirty but it's really just about scientists wasting funds on homo-sapien genome research.

8) Gates-gate: Yep, they just can't help it. Success being an anathema to anything the media supports, they go after Bill Gates & his "monopoly" on computers.

9) Investi-gate: After all those inquiries by the democrats in Congress, with no results, the media decides to use the "where there's smoke, there's fire" approach.

10) No-gate: On a slow news week, the media decides the scandal is that there's no scandal. Ratings continue their abysmal decline.

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk


Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

Poached Salmon

I've done this a few times. I normally take a bit of seasoning, put the salmon in a pie pan & fry some greens in EVOO as a bed for the fish.

This time, however, I tried a new twist! I sliced some lemons razor thin & set them in the bottom of a casserole dish. I topped them with the fish, garnished with fresh dill sprigs & more lemon.

Brace yourselves, here's the exciting part:

The oil went right into the dish! Oh baby, that's good stuff. About 25 minutes on 350 was all it took. Delicious, juicy & the dill/lemon combination really came out in the oil. Water seems to take something out of it all.

If you've never worked with olive oil in the oven, PLEASE make sure you don't go over 350. Olive oil smokes terribly around 400 & you won't want to make your kitchen look like a commercial for that new Stephen King flick, "The Mist".

They Weren't On Strike?

I really thought the Writers Guild already was on strike, for the past 15 years or so. I mean, how could they not be with all the crap they've been churning out in that time?



Is this really a loss if they do quit? Heck, I've written short stories better than the drivel they're pushing on us every year & I wouldn't have the audacity to charge you $9 to listen to the prodigy of my imagination.



Which gives me an idea: I should be a writer if these clowns go on strike! No more "blame America" movies, actors would be subject to slaps upside the head - just because, they wouldn't have to do anything other than be themselves - & you'd actually be entertained!



I'd argue that's a win-win. Anybody with me?

I Made The News!

And it wasn't for something bad!

My instructor set up a self-defense seminar at a local community college in light of recent attacks on state campuses (campi?) and I was one of the assistants. We spent about 1.5 hours with a group of 20 and accomplished quite a bit. Some had a bit of ability. Others, well, um, they really didn't.

Here's a video clip. Yes, I'm the fella being taken down by the blonde kid. That was the only technique she did well the entire night - I don't think her head was in it - but her friend was pretty decent in handling herself.

This brings me to a big peeve of mine with self-defense: Taking it seriously. Now, people shouldn't be glancing over their shoulders all the time - that's no way to live. However, with all the well-documented examples of women, heck people, getting attacked, you would think people who take time to attend one of these seminars would be serious about this stuff. You would, in fact, be mistaken.

What I saw were about four or five people who took it very seriously & about 15 who were there to try something fun, socialize or show what they could do. I'll address each of these in turn.

1) Fun people: That's not a bad reason to be there. I hope everyone did have a good time learning something new. L-I-S-T-E-N, though! If it's going to be of any use, you need to know how & why, not just go through the motions. Trained people don't & attackers won't give you a second chance.

2) Socializers: I see one more gaggle of gabbers at one of these things & the guy in the group is going to get a free, one-on-one, self-defense lesson & the others will benefit from his example. I've been doing this for over four years. That's not a long time by martial arts standards but trust me, you'll learn to pay attention.

3) Show-offs: See above. We're here to help you avoid bad situations & get out of them if you can't. Showing us some random thing you learned in grade school, the thing you haven't practiced since you saw it, once, is not going to wow us. I know guys who can take me apart in under one minute. They impress me. And no, they don't show it off, either.

Oh So True

"A nation that makes a great distinction between its scholars and its warriors, will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools." -Leonidas, King of Sparta