11/7/07

Why All The "Gates"?

OK, people. Why on earth is every so-called conspiracy, scandal or blunder that's picked up by the news tagged with a "gate" suffix?

Yes, yes, I know about the whole Watergate thing back in the 70s.

But here's the thing: That was actually the Watergate Hotel! There was a "gate" on the end of it because that was actually part of the name. Every bleeping scandal the media reports (Rather-gate, Memo-gate, Monica-gate, etc) has that silly suffix on the end of it so as to remind the media they actually accomplished something once.

Since they've fallen into obscurity with their liberal agenda & obviously biased reporting, I suppose this is their only way to hold onto a bygone era in a new age of journalistic impotence. With that in mind, I'd like to give them their next few "gates" so as to spare them all the effort.

Top 10 New "Media-gates"
1) Fence-gate: After years of stupidity, the obvious finally dawns on them.

2) Pop-gate: Lindsay, Britney & Paris finally go hog-wild on a coke/alcohol bender.

3) Insti-gate: The Democrats sign yet another resolution condemning an US ally. The problem? John Howard doesn't take this crap lying down!

4) Con-gate: Remember that check writing scandal in the 80s? Well, this time Congress goes for broke & rivals the NBA in convictions.

5) Rush-gate: Frustrated by his constantly rising ratings & growing influence, the media tries, with increasing desperation, to have his name taken off the airwaves. The angle? Liberal mothers are concerned that the mere mention of his name encourages speeding.

6) Ahmadinejad-gate: Nah, it'll never happen.

7) Homo-gate: Designed to sound dirty but it's really just about scientists wasting funds on homo-sapien genome research.

8) Gates-gate: Yep, they just can't help it. Success being an anathema to anything the media supports, they go after Bill Gates & his "monopoly" on computers.

9) Investi-gate: After all those inquiries by the democrats in Congress, with no results, the media decides to use the "where there's smoke, there's fire" approach.

10) No-gate: On a slow news week, the media decides the scandal is that there's no scandal. Ratings continue their abysmal decline.

2 comments:

Richmond said...

Heh. Too funny!

HapKiDo said...

richmond,
Thanks! Every now & then I manage to pop out a gem. I'm nowhere near the league of a Harvey or Frank J. but I try my best. :-)

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