OK, I know that some high school kids have precious little to do this time of year. School is getting out, they're hanging out with friends & their little hormone-driven frames just need to prove something. For that last part, I now have some advice:
Think about the person you choose to make your point.
My date & I were walking to grab a sandwich at the local Hardee's last night & just having a nice conversation when we saw six kids - two guys, four girls - hanging out at the corner by the restaurant. Now, that's not a completely unusual sight but something seemed a bit off about one of them. He started walking our way & intentionally kept to the middle of the side walk - guaranteeing I'd either have to move out of the way or butt shoulders with him.
Not being a simple thug, I chose the former. This little punk had one thing - starting a confrontation - and darned if I was going to give it to him. As we walked past, I gave his buddy a bit of a look to let him know these two people weren't an easy target & he definitely kept his distance. Obviously, doofus #1 didn't see that glare & turned around to come right up behind us. He was certainly trying to impress his friends & meant to "look big" at our expense.
We walked off without incident.
However, I'd like to say that this 16 or 17 year-old really did get lucky. Had he started something when I was alone, there's really not much of a problem: I'd get out of there as soon as I could - since there would be little sympathy for an adult with two black belts fighting off a common thug/kid. Being with a lady, the situation changes dramatically. Had he attacked, I'm now defending someone else. Nothing would have mattered other than getting her out of there safe & I would have ruined this dumbass to do it.
For you simple hooligans out there who think playing around like this is fun, just consider with whom you're messing. They may have skills in fighting/self-defense & not be so willing to avoid confrontation. Not to toot my own horn (I hope what I know never has to come out) but had this moron started something last night, I'd probably be asking someone to bail me out instead of typing this blog post.
5/30/09
5/29/09
Deep Thoughts: The nObama Official Number
For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.
***************************
The President nObama has earned himself the first official Number of a President. A Symbol of his presidency.
#34
I think it is fitting. From now on we can refer to the President nObama as Number Thrity-Four.
Hap do you think that they will get it? Hint: Clinton would have to be #81.
***************************
The President nObama has earned himself the first official Number of a President. A Symbol of his presidency.
#34
I think it is fitting. From now on we can refer to the President nObama as Number Thrity-Four.
Hap do you think that they will get it? Hint: Clinton would have to be #81.
Bad Break
Literally.
We had 3 people testing in HKD this week: One for red belt, one for green belt & one for yellow belt. The good news is all of them passed.
The bad news is that one of them (testing for red belt) suffered a broken radial bone in his right arm that could not be set at a local doctor's office & had to wait until the next morning. He's a tough kid of 17 years & there's no doubt he'll be fine. This guy can hang with me in most situations & he's giving up at least 50lbs...so yeah, he can hold his own.
We have a final drill in every test that we call the "Circle of Death". This is very much a tongue-in-cheek thing & consists of the four most senior belts standing at the corners of the mats & attacking the defender in succession. There's no break in between attackers & the adrenaline gets pumping. Unfortunately, this is where the break happened.
Now, I've talked to the guy ("green") who did the breaking & let him know he didn't do anything wrong: HKD is a rough & tumble art (I've got a chipped tooth to prove it) that brings about injuries. There was no malicious intent & he simply went faster than expected when taking "red" down. "Green" does great at this art & needs to know that these things will rattle someone...to which I shared with him my story of being rattled once.
I was also an orange belt, over 5 years ago, and we were working on throws. The particular technique is called the "One-Step Throw" & can really send the attacker flying for distance. Now, when we do this sort of throw with someone of a low rank (below brown belt), it's customary to let them know what we're planning to do. It helps avoid accidents (in theory).
So, a young lady who was also an orange belt (all of 15, I think) was the "attacker" & I let her know we were going to do the one-step throw. Upon her acknowledging this, I repeated the name of the technique, did a couple of set-ups & then did a "ki-hap" to let her know I was ready to go. She did the same & I performed a breakaway from her grab, stepped deep & turned around to step for the throw.
She whipped forward & didn't tuck her head down for the rolling fall that was supposed to happen. Literally, time seemed to hold its breath as she bounced once on the mats (thankfully very cushioned) & lay there for a second - it seemed like much longer - crumpled in a heap.
My first thought was, "Oh my God! I just killed this poor girl because I did something wrong!". My instructor (who is still my instructor), came up to me after seeing what happened & noticed how upset I was. He simply & calmly asked if I told her what technique was going to happen. When I replied that, yes, she did know & we had done a couple set-ups, he replied plainly that she failed to roll properly & it wasn't my fault in any way.
The most important part, however, is that she was perfectly fine. Stunned a bit, but no worse for wear & completely understanding that she didn't roll properly. To be honest, I was just happy she was OK.
So, as I was telling "green", I know what it's like to be rattled to the core & feel like you've done a horrible thing. While knowing you didn't mean any harm may not help, we all assume the same risk coming into that class. "Red" knew that as well as anyone & there's no doubt in my mind he'll be just fine. "Green" is a spectacular student & I know he'll bounce back from this.
We had 3 people testing in HKD this week: One for red belt, one for green belt & one for yellow belt. The good news is all of them passed.
The bad news is that one of them (testing for red belt) suffered a broken radial bone in his right arm that could not be set at a local doctor's office & had to wait until the next morning. He's a tough kid of 17 years & there's no doubt he'll be fine. This guy can hang with me in most situations & he's giving up at least 50lbs...so yeah, he can hold his own.
We have a final drill in every test that we call the "Circle of Death". This is very much a tongue-in-cheek thing & consists of the four most senior belts standing at the corners of the mats & attacking the defender in succession. There's no break in between attackers & the adrenaline gets pumping. Unfortunately, this is where the break happened.
Now, I've talked to the guy ("green") who did the breaking & let him know he didn't do anything wrong: HKD is a rough & tumble art (I've got a chipped tooth to prove it) that brings about injuries. There was no malicious intent & he simply went faster than expected when taking "red" down. "Green" does great at this art & needs to know that these things will rattle someone...to which I shared with him my story of being rattled once.
I was also an orange belt, over 5 years ago, and we were working on throws. The particular technique is called the "One-Step Throw" & can really send the attacker flying for distance. Now, when we do this sort of throw with someone of a low rank (below brown belt), it's customary to let them know what we're planning to do. It helps avoid accidents (in theory).
So, a young lady who was also an orange belt (all of 15, I think) was the "attacker" & I let her know we were going to do the one-step throw. Upon her acknowledging this, I repeated the name of the technique, did a couple of set-ups & then did a "ki-hap" to let her know I was ready to go. She did the same & I performed a breakaway from her grab, stepped deep & turned around to step for the throw.
She whipped forward & didn't tuck her head down for the rolling fall that was supposed to happen. Literally, time seemed to hold its breath as she bounced once on the mats (thankfully very cushioned) & lay there for a second - it seemed like much longer - crumpled in a heap.
My first thought was, "Oh my God! I just killed this poor girl because I did something wrong!". My instructor (who is still my instructor), came up to me after seeing what happened & noticed how upset I was. He simply & calmly asked if I told her what technique was going to happen. When I replied that, yes, she did know & we had done a couple set-ups, he replied plainly that she failed to roll properly & it wasn't my fault in any way.
The most important part, however, is that she was perfectly fine. Stunned a bit, but no worse for wear & completely understanding that she didn't roll properly. To be honest, I was just happy she was OK.
So, as I was telling "green", I know what it's like to be rattled to the core & feel like you've done a horrible thing. While knowing you didn't mean any harm may not help, we all assume the same risk coming into that class. "Red" knew that as well as anyone & there's no doubt in my mind he'll be just fine. "Green" is a spectacular student & I know he'll bounce back from this.
5/25/09
Martial Law
Patti of Good Googledy Moogledies commented on a recent post where she asked:
Choosing a martial arts school can seem complicated: Tuition costs, uniforms, extra equipment, etc. are only a few of the thoughts that will run through your head when trying to choose a school. Honestly, though, the above concerns aren't the most important. Ultimately, the concern is finding a martial art & school you enjoy.
With that in mind, here are Hap's recommendations for finding a martial arts school:
1) Style: What does the school teach? This is what the student will study & it needs to match what you want out of a martial art. Do you want self-defense? Jeet Kun Do or Hap Ki Do are great...Tae Kwon Do or Karate aren't for you in this case. I'll offer more suggestions at the end of the post.
2) Location/Facility: Try to find a close school with clean, organized facilities. Traveling for an hour, unless the student is exceptionally dedicated to the art, is not practical. Facilities should be appropriate for the art (i.e. - clean, spacious mats for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or high ceilings with clean, smooth floors for Tae Kwon Do). Fancy equipment is often expensive & schools generally are in this for profit. That means the students are paying for what you see. That's not necessarily a bad thing...just keep it in mind.
3) Contracts: This also includes tuition costs. There is ZERO need to sign a contract, in my opinion. The school should either bill by the lesson or by the month. Just because "you get what you pay for" is a popular adage doesn't mean it's entirely true. A good school won't break the bank. In fact, I'd be suspect of any school that charges over $80/month (major cities may cost more). My instructor charges far less, though teaching is not how he earns his living.
Any school worth your time will let a prospective student try out a lesson or two for free AND will answer all questions honestly.
4) Equipment: Can you purchase your own or must you buy from the school? The latter often means marked-up prices. Depending on the art, there may be a lot of equipment to purchase & purchasing from a distributor such as Century can often be less expensive than buying from the school. A school can determine the dress code of students & the students should be allowed to obtain that equipment by the most cost-effective means.
With those basics out of the way, here are some questions I'd ask based on experience:
(If you don't get a straight answer on any of the below, just leave the school)
1) How many years have you practiced AND taught in [martial art]?
2) What is the core philosophy of the school (sparring, self-defense, discipline, competition, etc.)?
3) How much is tuition? Are testing fees included in this price? If not, what are the testing fees for each level & for what (exactly) does the testing fee pay (boards, new belt, certificate, instructor time)? I'm personally against the instructor charging a large test fee for his/her "time". That should be part of the tuition, not test. The testing is the student's time!
4) Are there any age restrictions for rank? Unfortunately, some schools will promote based only on time-in-rank & not consider age. Remember that rank is a combination of skill, effort, time and maturity. The belt is basically a measuring stick for progress. By itself, the belt keeps your pants up - it does not determine actual ability or dedication to the art.
There are plenty of other questions that may be asked. If anyone comes up with any, I am always available to answer them. Please feel free to e-mail me (e-mail link is at the top of the site) if something is on your mind.
Now, for a quick summary of martial arts. These are arts to which I have been exposed but do not necessarily have a rank:
1) Hapkido (2nd Degree): My first martial art & the other love in my life (besides God, Country & Family). Hapkido focuses largely on joint locks, balance disruption & minor striking elements. The main focus is to prevent/deter an attack & strongly discourage the attacker from pursuing another assault. It is a difficult art to learn but exceptionally difficult to counter in its primary application: Self-Defense.
2) Taekwondo (2nd Degree): A striking art that utilizes snapping kicks (70%) & hand strikes (30%). It is an art in the sense of patterns (kata, poomse) to learn & an entire philosophy permeating every aspect of the discipline. This is a very popular art across America for families & children as one major focus for schools is to instill discipline in students. There are also more "acrobatic" kicks & techniques that make for good demonstration, competition & sparring.
3) Arnis (Level 2 of 10): An overly-simplified summary of this art is "stick fighting". More accurately, it is close-quarters self-defense with a combative edge to the art. The stick & knife techniques supplement Hapkido's joint locks with practical weaponry. Still, the art easily stands on its own in terms of self-defense & adaptability.
4) Jeet Kun Do (No Rank): The art founded by the late Bruce Lee, JKD is simplicity in self-defense. It borrows elements from various Chinese styles & offers discipline along with self-confidence. If there were a place to start in martial arts, this would probably be the best. A student can get in shape while learning valuable skills.
5) Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (No Rank): A grappling art, the traditional form founded by the Gracies is renowned for revolutionizing Mixed Martial Arts & gave us organizations such as the UFC. BJJ deals largely with ground fighting applications & utilizes chokes, holds & joint manipulation to submit or render an opponent unconscious. There are "street" applications of this art that focus on self-defense but I am wary of any art that takes an attack to the ground. The focus of self-defense is to get out of the situation, not prolong it on the floor (That is just my opinion).
"Have any advice that might help a mom who'd like to let her boy explore what [martial art] he is interested in, but in an environment that is productive to the boy - not just the instructor's bottom line?"
Choosing a martial arts school can seem complicated: Tuition costs, uniforms, extra equipment, etc. are only a few of the thoughts that will run through your head when trying to choose a school. Honestly, though, the above concerns aren't the most important. Ultimately, the concern is finding a martial art & school you enjoy.
With that in mind, here are Hap's recommendations for finding a martial arts school:
1) Style: What does the school teach? This is what the student will study & it needs to match what you want out of a martial art. Do you want self-defense? Jeet Kun Do or Hap Ki Do are great...Tae Kwon Do or Karate aren't for you in this case. I'll offer more suggestions at the end of the post.
2) Location/Facility: Try to find a close school with clean, organized facilities. Traveling for an hour, unless the student is exceptionally dedicated to the art, is not practical. Facilities should be appropriate for the art (i.e. - clean, spacious mats for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or high ceilings with clean, smooth floors for Tae Kwon Do). Fancy equipment is often expensive & schools generally are in this for profit. That means the students are paying for what you see. That's not necessarily a bad thing...just keep it in mind.
3) Contracts: This also includes tuition costs. There is ZERO need to sign a contract, in my opinion. The school should either bill by the lesson or by the month. Just because "you get what you pay for" is a popular adage doesn't mean it's entirely true. A good school won't break the bank. In fact, I'd be suspect of any school that charges over $80/month (major cities may cost more). My instructor charges far less, though teaching is not how he earns his living.
Any school worth your time will let a prospective student try out a lesson or two for free AND will answer all questions honestly.
4) Equipment: Can you purchase your own or must you buy from the school? The latter often means marked-up prices. Depending on the art, there may be a lot of equipment to purchase & purchasing from a distributor such as Century can often be less expensive than buying from the school. A school can determine the dress code of students & the students should be allowed to obtain that equipment by the most cost-effective means.
With those basics out of the way, here are some questions I'd ask based on experience:
(If you don't get a straight answer on any of the below, just leave the school)
1) How many years have you practiced AND taught in [martial art]?
2) What is the core philosophy of the school (sparring, self-defense, discipline, competition, etc.)?
3) How much is tuition? Are testing fees included in this price? If not, what are the testing fees for each level & for what (exactly) does the testing fee pay (boards, new belt, certificate, instructor time)? I'm personally against the instructor charging a large test fee for his/her "time". That should be part of the tuition, not test. The testing is the student's time!
4) Are there any age restrictions for rank? Unfortunately, some schools will promote based only on time-in-rank & not consider age. Remember that rank is a combination of skill, effort, time and maturity. The belt is basically a measuring stick for progress. By itself, the belt keeps your pants up - it does not determine actual ability or dedication to the art.
There are plenty of other questions that may be asked. If anyone comes up with any, I am always available to answer them. Please feel free to e-mail me (e-mail link is at the top of the site) if something is on your mind.
Now, for a quick summary of martial arts. These are arts to which I have been exposed but do not necessarily have a rank:
1) Hapkido (2nd Degree): My first martial art & the other love in my life (besides God, Country & Family). Hapkido focuses largely on joint locks, balance disruption & minor striking elements. The main focus is to prevent/deter an attack & strongly discourage the attacker from pursuing another assault. It is a difficult art to learn but exceptionally difficult to counter in its primary application: Self-Defense.
2) Taekwondo (2nd Degree): A striking art that utilizes snapping kicks (70%) & hand strikes (30%). It is an art in the sense of patterns (kata, poomse) to learn & an entire philosophy permeating every aspect of the discipline. This is a very popular art across America for families & children as one major focus for schools is to instill discipline in students. There are also more "acrobatic" kicks & techniques that make for good demonstration, competition & sparring.
3) Arnis (Level 2 of 10): An overly-simplified summary of this art is "stick fighting". More accurately, it is close-quarters self-defense with a combative edge to the art. The stick & knife techniques supplement Hapkido's joint locks with practical weaponry. Still, the art easily stands on its own in terms of self-defense & adaptability.
4) Jeet Kun Do (No Rank): The art founded by the late Bruce Lee, JKD is simplicity in self-defense. It borrows elements from various Chinese styles & offers discipline along with self-confidence. If there were a place to start in martial arts, this would probably be the best. A student can get in shape while learning valuable skills.
5) Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (No Rank): A grappling art, the traditional form founded by the Gracies is renowned for revolutionizing Mixed Martial Arts & gave us organizations such as the UFC. BJJ deals largely with ground fighting applications & utilizes chokes, holds & joint manipulation to submit or render an opponent unconscious. There are "street" applications of this art that focus on self-defense but I am wary of any art that takes an attack to the ground. The focus of self-defense is to get out of the situation, not prolong it on the floor (That is just my opinion).
5/24/09
"Taken" Review
***Minimal Spoilers - Ending NOT Revealed***
Summary: Don't mess around with daddy's little girl!!!
This was honestly an excellent movie from start to finish. Liam Neeson (a spectacular actor)plays a former government agent whose teenage daughter is abducted by a kidnapping ring in Paris, France. What results is the most one-sided kicking of criminal @$$ that I have ever been proud to see.
Neeson's character is resourceful & he stops at no moral end to gain information towards locating his missing progeny. In this way, the movie is exceptionally believable: no matter how brutal the actions of the protagonist, you always know his behavior brings him productively closer to finding his baby girl. He's a father protecting his child & Heaven have mercy on anyone in his way...
From a martial arts perspective, the film is a complete thrill. There's ZERO over-the-top flippy kicks & stunts. My best guess is he employs Krav Maga (or Commando Krav Maga) in most of his "dealings" with the animals in the kidnapping ring. It's an exceptional style that suits the subject material perfectly & the brutality of the techniques is a mirror into the soul of a fearsome, angered father. At no point can you doubt how the movie will end.
If you want to see a great movie, don't even glance elsewhere. Taken will hold you from start to finish & the conflict resolution, much like the father's morals, is absolute.
Summary: Don't mess around with daddy's little girl!!!
This was honestly an excellent movie from start to finish. Liam Neeson (a spectacular actor)plays a former government agent whose teenage daughter is abducted by a kidnapping ring in Paris, France. What results is the most one-sided kicking of criminal @$$ that I have ever been proud to see.
Neeson's character is resourceful & he stops at no moral end to gain information towards locating his missing progeny. In this way, the movie is exceptionally believable: no matter how brutal the actions of the protagonist, you always know his behavior brings him productively closer to finding his baby girl. He's a father protecting his child & Heaven have mercy on anyone in his way...
From a martial arts perspective, the film is a complete thrill. There's ZERO over-the-top flippy kicks & stunts. My best guess is he employs Krav Maga (or Commando Krav Maga) in most of his "dealings" with the animals in the kidnapping ring. It's an exceptional style that suits the subject material perfectly & the brutality of the techniques is a mirror into the soul of a fearsome, angered father. At no point can you doubt how the movie will end.
If you want to see a great movie, don't even glance elsewhere. Taken will hold you from start to finish & the conflict resolution, much like the father's morals, is absolute.
Memorial Day
As we enjoy a long weekend with our families & friends, please, let us all remember there are many men & women who have served this great nation who can only look down from Heaven & hope for one more moment, one more day or even one more word to the ones for whom they sacrificed everything. Keep in mind that we have to live for them - appreciate their courage & commitment to a grateful nation - and be thankful every day we bask in the glowing freedom each service member has provided.
Freedom is not free. The price paid, so terrible to those who have lost soldiers; Marines; airmen or sailors, guarantees we can wake up every day in a land that is free & strong in the face of adversity. Every morning all of us can look at our beautiful Flag & know that that day we awoke as a free people.
Honor these brave men & women for their memories truly deserve the very best we Americans have to offer.
Freedom is not free. The price paid, so terrible to those who have lost soldiers; Marines; airmen or sailors, guarantees we can wake up every day in a land that is free & strong in the face of adversity. Every morning all of us can look at our beautiful Flag & know that that day we awoke as a free people.
Honor these brave men & women for their memories truly deserve the very best we Americans have to offer.
5/22/09
The Highest Order
A compliment of, that is.
At our most recent test in TKD, we had a pretty lousy showing. I couldn't believe how poorly many of them did - it's like most of the students just didn't want to try. Even the most recent student of the month did terrible. Frustrating, just frustrating.
Fortunately, the adults who tested did a decent job. One student in particular did a spectacular job even though he's a white belt. Now, he's also an advanced student in Arnis & can really handle himself, so it's not like we're talking about a completely new-to-martial-arts student here.
In any event, I was the one judging him & even his terminology was excellent. He was straight-forward in his answers & demonstrated complete knowledge of the material. Afterwards, he came up to me & mentioned that he started TKD to work with his young daughter & decided to stick with it because he was impressed with how precise & strong my kicks & strikes are.
This, coming from a man who could whip me in a no-holds-barred fight in about 30 seconds! It's a great compliment & one that will only encourage me to work harder so the example set is the best possible.
At our most recent test in TKD, we had a pretty lousy showing. I couldn't believe how poorly many of them did - it's like most of the students just didn't want to try. Even the most recent student of the month did terrible. Frustrating, just frustrating.
Fortunately, the adults who tested did a decent job. One student in particular did a spectacular job even though he's a white belt. Now, he's also an advanced student in Arnis & can really handle himself, so it's not like we're talking about a completely new-to-martial-arts student here.
In any event, I was the one judging him & even his terminology was excellent. He was straight-forward in his answers & demonstrated complete knowledge of the material. Afterwards, he came up to me & mentioned that he started TKD to work with his young daughter & decided to stick with it because he was impressed with how precise & strong my kicks & strikes are.
This, coming from a man who could whip me in a no-holds-barred fight in about 30 seconds! It's a great compliment & one that will only encourage me to work harder so the example set is the best possible.
5/20/09
Deep Thoughts - CAFE Standards
For those days when there is nothing better to do than to ponder through musings of a twisted mind.
***************************
Can we impose CAFE standards on Congress?
$$ per mile of performance?
The fines we would get back from Congress would pay for nObama's StimU-Less Bill.
***************************
Can we impose CAFE standards on Congress?
$$ per mile of performance?
The fines we would get back from Congress would pay for nObama's StimU-Less Bill.
5/19/09
WARNING!!!!!
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING
If you get an e-mail titled
"nude photos of Sarah Palin,"
"nude photos of Sarah Palin,"
DON'T OPEN IT!
...It could contain a virus.
If you get an e-mail titled
"nude photos of Nancy Pelosi,"
...It could contain a virus.
If you get an e-mail titled
"nude photos of Nancy Pelosi,"
DON'T OPEN IT!
It could contain nude photos of Nancy Pelosi!
5/17/09
Lesson Of The Day
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance and just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered quickly and the gun slinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible, double clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.
The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?' The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'
There are two lessons for us all here:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance and just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered quickly and the gun slinger grinned and said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and everybody was laughing fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers back. The loud, audible, double clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands.
The old man said, 'Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?' The boy bully swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'
There are two lessons for us all here:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
5/16/09
Meme for Me? Me!
Harvey of Bad Example tagged me on a recent (under 1 year old) meme and, being the obliging blog-groupie that I am, here's the skinny:
Rules:
1) Post the rules on your blog.
2) Tell 5 random things about yourself.
3) Tag 3 people at the end of your post.
4) Pass on the tag.
5 Random Facts
1) Every time I talk with my parents, I can feel some sense of their disappointment & wish I had made more of my life.
2) The scar on my head (from the surgery) reminds me both of how strong & how fragile we all are.
3) "A Bit of Fry & Laurie" is one of my favorite shows.
4) I've wanted to move to South Carolina for over a year. Now that it's close to that time, I'm scared to death of what my life will be like.
5) I will worry constantly about my screw-ups in some odd hope that worrying will fix the problem when there's nothing I can actively do.
Now the taggees:
1) Mrs. Who of House of Zathras
2) Pam of pamibe
3) Patti of Good Googledy Moogledies
Rules:
1) Post the rules on your blog.
2) Tell 5 random things about yourself.
3) Tag 3 people at the end of your post.
4) Pass on the tag.
5 Random Facts
1) Every time I talk with my parents, I can feel some sense of their disappointment & wish I had made more of my life.
2) The scar on my head (from the surgery) reminds me both of how strong & how fragile we all are.
3) "A Bit of Fry & Laurie" is one of my favorite shows.
4) I've wanted to move to South Carolina for over a year. Now that it's close to that time, I'm scared to death of what my life will be like.
5) I will worry constantly about my screw-ups in some odd hope that worrying will fix the problem when there's nothing I can actively do.
Now the taggees:
1) Mrs. Who of House of Zathras
2) Pam of pamibe
3) Patti of Good Googledy Moogledies
Sorry, Guys
Well, I have to give myself credit: at least I made it 1 week into dating again without screwing up.
Of course, I had to be typical over-thinking me after that time & sentence myself to probably at least another 2 1/2 years without a social life.
Some advice: when you know in your heart of hearts that you are meant to be alone for the entirety of your life, don't drag someone in hoping for a miracle - just accept it & lower the risk of one more person getting hurt.
She's a nice lady & I wish her the best - she deserves an actual man.
***Update***
OK, you can upgrade me from "dumbass" to "dork". As usual, I was worried about more than the actual problem.
Turns out, she was concerned that I was trying to push her out of my life (which would be phenomenally fast for me - considering this pretty girl has hardly been given the time to be in my life). We talked a bit yesterday & kind of resolved the concern - which is good being that I really do like this lady. Maybe we both freaked out a little because hitting things off so well is odd for me & the same for her.
Mrs. Who: Sorry about the "actual man" comment. Reading that, for a friend who treats me with the respect you do, must have been a slap in the face. Can I blame it on the former hole in my head just this once? PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSE???
Of course, I had to be typical over-thinking me after that time & sentence myself to probably at least another 2 1/2 years without a social life.
Some advice: when you know in your heart of hearts that you are meant to be alone for the entirety of your life, don't drag someone in hoping for a miracle - just accept it & lower the risk of one more person getting hurt.
She's a nice lady & I wish her the best - she deserves an actual man.
***Update***
OK, you can upgrade me from "dumbass" to "dork". As usual, I was worried about more than the actual problem.
Turns out, she was concerned that I was trying to push her out of my life (which would be phenomenally fast for me - considering this pretty girl has hardly been given the time to be in my life). We talked a bit yesterday & kind of resolved the concern - which is good being that I really do like this lady. Maybe we both freaked out a little because hitting things off so well is odd for me & the same for her.
Mrs. Who: Sorry about the "actual man" comment. Reading that, for a friend who treats me with the respect you do, must have been a slap in the face. Can I blame it on the former hole in my head just this once? PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSE???
5/12/09
One should becareful about blindly passing legislation.
This was emailed to me and I find it fascinating. ...Probably not nice to put right after the Happy Mother's Day Blog... but..
(Note to self: CALL MOM! You dummy you forgot.)
I digress.... Where was I ... Oh yes. This IS fascinating.
Be sure to read the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Romebuilt the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it?', you may be exactly right.
Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horse's asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses controlled almost everything.
(Note to self: CALL MOM! You dummy you forgot.)
I digress.... Where was I ... Oh yes. This IS fascinating.
Be sure to read the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Romebuilt the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.. Bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it?', you may be exactly right.
Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horse's asses.)
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses controlled almost everything.
5/10/09
Happy Mothers' Day!
To all you mothers out there who make this a better, brighter & funnier place in which to live, thank you & have a great day - you've earned it!
All of you have a thankless job whether you stay at home or split work at home with a career. As a former kid I can tell you from experience that the little devils we are sometimes will drive you crazy but we sons & daughters love our Mothers.
Have a beautiful & blessed Mothers' Day!
As my gift to you, tell your families to make sure the house is clean, Mom gets to do what she wants (or doesn't want) to do & everyone tell her how much she makes your world a better place...or Hap will give them a free "lesson". :-)
All of you have a thankless job whether you stay at home or split work at home with a career. As a former kid I can tell you from experience that the little devils we are sometimes will drive you crazy but we sons & daughters love our Mothers.
Have a beautiful & blessed Mothers' Day!
As my gift to you, tell your families to make sure the house is clean, Mom gets to do what she wants (or doesn't want) to do & everyone tell her how much she makes your world a better place...or Hap will give them a free "lesson". :-)
5/9/09
Relativity
"Relativity: Put your hand on a hot stove & a second can feel like an hour. Put your hands on a hot woman & an hour can feel like a second" - LL Cool J, Deep Blue Sea
Well, Hap finally made a change - he went out on a date for the first time in 2 1/2 years. Honestly, the young lady I was so fortunate to attend for the evening began the pursuit, so I can hardly say it was my idea.
Imagine, if you will, the perfect evening: dinner in a quiet, calm, softly-lit Italian restaurant; gradually moving over to the lounge area with its cozy couches, light oldies playing in the background; relaxed & talking the entire night away until the place closes at 2am. You know, just getting to know someone & doing so in complete comfort.
It sounds like something from a great romantic comedy - too good to be true. But this "perfect" evening actually happened last night.
Now, I don't know if she reads my blog but even if I KNEW she didn't, Hap makes every effort to be a gentleman, so there will be no confirmation or denial about romance save my saying that I'm attracted to AND respect this woman, so a perfect first date is the perfect introduction, not a scene from a trashy romance novel.
The problems I find now are these:
1) I was laid off from my job. Yes, I have money but still feel embarrassed to tell this lady that I'm unemployed. There's no good reason, I just feel awkward.
2) I want to move to South Carolina, planned to do so & planned to tell her up-front but now, selfishly, I'm thinking there's no harm in staying longer to get to know her & wonder if that means my integrity is lacking for changing my mind. (For the record, she knows I want to live in SC).
Beyond any issues my mind can dream up, this woman is a smart, passionate (driven to succeed, fellas), former Marine with red hair, blue eyes & a smile that could melt a glacier. I even was comfortable enough to let her feel the scar on my head & explain the surgery. To say this impressive gal has qualities I appreciate is to say Elvis dressed a just little flashy in the 70s...
Why, oh why, did someone come along right when all the biggest changes started happening in my life? I have to wonder if it's a blessing or another case where I have horrible timing & it'll all go "bye bye" in a snap? Obviously, I'm praying for the blessing but don't know if I've done anything so well to deserve that.
Well, Hap finally made a change - he went out on a date for the first time in 2 1/2 years. Honestly, the young lady I was so fortunate to attend for the evening began the pursuit, so I can hardly say it was my idea.
Imagine, if you will, the perfect evening: dinner in a quiet, calm, softly-lit Italian restaurant; gradually moving over to the lounge area with its cozy couches, light oldies playing in the background; relaxed & talking the entire night away until the place closes at 2am. You know, just getting to know someone & doing so in complete comfort.
It sounds like something from a great romantic comedy - too good to be true. But this "perfect" evening actually happened last night.
Now, I don't know if she reads my blog but even if I KNEW she didn't, Hap makes every effort to be a gentleman, so there will be no confirmation or denial about romance save my saying that I'm attracted to AND respect this woman, so a perfect first date is the perfect introduction, not a scene from a trashy romance novel.
The problems I find now are these:
1) I was laid off from my job. Yes, I have money but still feel embarrassed to tell this lady that I'm unemployed. There's no good reason, I just feel awkward.
2) I want to move to South Carolina, planned to do so & planned to tell her up-front but now, selfishly, I'm thinking there's no harm in staying longer to get to know her & wonder if that means my integrity is lacking for changing my mind. (For the record, she knows I want to live in SC).
Beyond any issues my mind can dream up, this woman is a smart, passionate (driven to succeed, fellas), former Marine with red hair, blue eyes & a smile that could melt a glacier. I even was comfortable enough to let her feel the scar on my head & explain the surgery. To say this impressive gal has qualities I appreciate is to say Elvis dressed a just little flashy in the 70s...
Why, oh why, did someone come along right when all the biggest changes started happening in my life? I have to wonder if it's a blessing or another case where I have horrible timing & it'll all go "bye bye" in a snap? Obviously, I'm praying for the blessing but don't know if I've done anything so well to deserve that.
5/6/09
5/1/09
The Coffee Cup Conspiracy
As promised the little known "Great Coffee Cup Conspiracy."
Not too long ago a think tank made up of coffee experts mainly consumers with not much else to think about but more than Liberals and Progressives ususally do in a lifetime, were sitting and enjoying their daily cup of joe when one of the cups was turned horizontal unintentionally thus spilling the contents upon themself. It was this instant when the deep realization of the gravity of the Great Coffee Cup Conspiracy.
The Spiller, we'll call him Bill, not because it rhymes with spill, but because Bill is his real name. Anyway Bill, slightly agitated that he not only lost his morning beverage and would have to go back to get another because who would want to live through a morning with out that addiction fix.? He left mumbling at how much the cup of coffee was actually costing him when he included his wardrobe costs. I think it was all of $30. When he arrived at the coffee pot he discovered that someone had taken the last of the pot and did not make any more. Is there anything more infuriating? So he proceeded to brew another pot. I and the others joined him in the break room because I was out already and Chris's coffee was cold. I mentioned to Bill that this was a huge waste of money. We all agreed and we came up with the following points for the Great Coffee Conspiracy.
Not too long ago a think tank made up of coffee experts mainly consumers with not much else to think about but more than Liberals and Progressives ususally do in a lifetime, were sitting and enjoying their daily cup of joe when one of the cups was turned horizontal unintentionally thus spilling the contents upon themself. It was this instant when the deep realization of the gravity of the Great Coffee Cup Conspiracy.
The Spiller, we'll call him Bill, not because it rhymes with spill, but because Bill is his real name. Anyway Bill, slightly agitated that he not only lost his morning beverage and would have to go back to get another because who would want to live through a morning with out that addiction fix.? He left mumbling at how much the cup of coffee was actually costing him when he included his wardrobe costs. I think it was all of $30. When he arrived at the coffee pot he discovered that someone had taken the last of the pot and did not make any more. Is there anything more infuriating? So he proceeded to brew another pot. I and the others joined him in the break room because I was out already and Chris's coffee was cold. I mentioned to Bill that this was a huge waste of money. We all agreed and we came up with the following points for the Great Coffee Conspiracy.
- The beverage of and by itself is hugely addictive. You just cannot go by too long without a fix. It has to be more addictive than non-conventional narcotics.
- It is brewed too hot to drink so one has to wait before taking the first sips. This adds to the enticement and makes it that much more irresistable.
- If spilled .... it stains like none other. We are thinking that the textile manufacturers and clothing manufacturers had something to do with the incompatibility with these two addictions. The need for coffee and the need for clothes. We accepted that the second addiction was not exactly an addiction but more of a social decency. Especially in some cases.
- Look at the cup. The very design of the cup lends it self to more consumption of an already irresistable addiction. It is bigger on top and open. Heat rises and the cooling surface of the cup creates a temperature reduction cycle that the very design of the cup accelerates. What happens when the coffee gets cold? As Chris did: he dumped it out and got another cup.
- The design of the cup is also top heavy, and as Bill experienced, has a very major tendency to turn 90 degrees. No one ever saw a coffee cup right itself. No no that would be counter productive to the selling of more coffee (and clothes).
- If coffee is left for too long (which seems like not very long) on a warmer then it burns and it needs to be thrown out and another pot created.
- Drinking coffee has become a traditional begining and ending to the day. It is the first bevarage of the morning to wake up and is offered by eating establishments (they are a big part of the conspiracy) for an "after dinner drink."
- It is rather inexpensive and readilly available. Often free. Hmmm $1.25 for a Pepsi or a Free coffee? Well twist my conservative arm.
Coffee is one of those things that is pushed on us as a society and we get hooked and are now dependant to the mercy of the growers of the bean. What would happen if Columbia decided to quit exporting thier brown gold? This country and I imagine several others would revolt! We would invade Columbia like they were the fourth axel of evil. Can you imagine if Coffee were taxed like cigarettes? nObama would have a surplus budget. (Sorry. I just couldn't do a whole blog without at least two shots at him.)
Those were all the angles I could think of on short notice I think I missed a couple. Feel free to ponder the Great Coffee Conspiracy and enlighten us with your angles on this menace to mankind. In the mean time I got to refill my cup. It's kind of dry.
See you in the break room.Benefits of Training
Last Tuesday, I was working in the basketball court area of a local rec center with a few of the other black belts on their forms. We started with the first 1st degree form & then I asked them what they wanted to do next.
"Koryo", the 1st degree form in World TKD Federation, was the universal response.
It's a fun form & the beginning has double side kicks (low & high) that can really show off the practitioner's abilities. Heck, I enjoy that part of the form more than any other section.
As it turns out, basketball courts have floors that are well-waxed, shiny & quite a bit on the slick side. So slick, in fact, that a certain black belt attempting the high part of that kick combo might discover that the ball of his foot is inadequate for keeping him firmly standing on terra firma. Yeah, that "certain" black belt was yours truly.
Now, if this was a stuntman competition, this guy had it won - hands down! My right leg kicked high; and the left leg, apparently saddened at being all alone, decided to join righty...in mid-air. The result was a horizontal, twisting position that had me facing the opposite direction of my intended kick - again, in mid-air.
There I was, headed for a personal crash of NASCAR proportions, when the years of HKD training kicked in. The arms came up, forearms in front of my face, head turned to the side & legs extended to prevent my stomach from belly flopping in a most painful way. BOOM! textbook front fall..albeit from an, um, elevated position.
The guys were pretty shocked - even more so when I stood right up & got right back into the mix.
"Koryo", the 1st degree form in World TKD Federation, was the universal response.
It's a fun form & the beginning has double side kicks (low & high) that can really show off the practitioner's abilities. Heck, I enjoy that part of the form more than any other section.
As it turns out, basketball courts have floors that are well-waxed, shiny & quite a bit on the slick side. So slick, in fact, that a certain black belt attempting the high part of that kick combo might discover that the ball of his foot is inadequate for keeping him firmly standing on terra firma. Yeah, that "certain" black belt was yours truly.
Now, if this was a stuntman competition, this guy had it won - hands down! My right leg kicked high; and the left leg, apparently saddened at being all alone, decided to join righty...in mid-air. The result was a horizontal, twisting position that had me facing the opposite direction of my intended kick - again, in mid-air.
There I was, headed for a personal crash of NASCAR proportions, when the years of HKD training kicked in. The arms came up, forearms in front of my face, head turned to the side & legs extended to prevent my stomach from belly flopping in a most painful way. BOOM! textbook front fall..albeit from an, um, elevated position.
The guys were pretty shocked - even more so when I stood right up & got right back into the mix.
Am I the only one turned off by the $5 subway song?
Random Thought Warning.
Is it just me who thinks that the weightloss phenom known as 'Subway Jarred' been benched by a 3rd grade jingle talent contest? The economy must really be hurting.
I even went to Subway's website to ask them to please stop and they have the flipping thing on their front page where if you didn't get enough of it during Prime time television watching or on the radio every 20 minutes ... you could click on it and watch it again. What kind of sadistic creeps are working there?
I rolled my eyes and shut my browser. Then I headed to Jimmy Johns.
Is it just me who thinks that the weightloss phenom known as 'Subway Jarred' been benched by a 3rd grade jingle talent contest? The economy must really be hurting.
I even went to Subway's website to ask them to please stop and they have the flipping thing on their front page where if you didn't get enough of it during Prime time television watching or on the radio every 20 minutes ... you could click on it and watch it again. What kind of sadistic creeps are working there?
I rolled my eyes and shut my browser. Then I headed to Jimmy Johns.
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