Just saw this on Michelle Malkin's site. We're sending $1.1 Billion (with a "B") to Mexico for their effing border security? Hello! How about that huge, gaping hole we have called a border in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona & California? Any one of you clowns in Congress want to think about plugging that sucker up, first?
It's the simplest of rules, people. Even the airlines follow it with oxygen masks: Take care of your emergency situation before you try to bail others out...if for no other reason than you can't help if you're unconscious.
Oh, and in this case, the "person" you're helping with that mask happens to be a habitual drug-dealing, gun-running coyote with a strangulation fetish.
Hey, instead of moving troops down to the border (as we should), why not move all the homes of Congress down there? I'll bet that boundary would be sealed tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge's coin purse in under a month.
6/11/08
6/10/08
My Advice
Lady, I'm sure you were in a hurry when you changed lanes suddenly. I'm even sure that in the shock of seeing my vehicle stop suddenly to avoid becoming part of your driver's seat prevented you from feeling that very slight impact where you rubbed against my bumper (be thankful I reacted quickly, or someone may have been hurt).
However, simply giving me an "Oh my gosh!" face & driving off doesn't cut it. The damage was negligible & I was incredibly decent to you & your father when I finally contacted you (after having to call the police to get your info).
My advice to you is make sure you stop in the unfortunate instance this happens again. The next person might not be so courteous as I was.
However, simply giving me an "Oh my gosh!" face & driving off doesn't cut it. The damage was negligible & I was incredibly decent to you & your father when I finally contacted you (after having to call the police to get your info).
My advice to you is make sure you stop in the unfortunate instance this happens again. The next person might not be so courteous as I was.
Just A Reminder
That my full name makes the best anagram ever!
Harlot's Phenomenal Joy
***Update***
Whoops! I forgot the link! Thanks, Harvey, for pointing it out.
Harlot's Phenomenal Joy
***Update***
Whoops! I forgot the link! Thanks, Harvey, for pointing it out.
Next Time, Pick It Up
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization:
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange . When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking a round, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange . When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking a round, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
Hissstory Channel
Hey, guys at History Channel, or History, whatever you call yourselves now:
Do you have some sort of EEOC quota for people with lisps? Seriously, there's nothing like watching a show about the history of astronomy just to have any serious aspect of it ruined by some disheveled kook with a lisp that would make a drag queen envious.
If you happen to have an extraordinarily gifted scientist, with whom the show can't go on, please, PLEASE find an equally gifted person in the field of public speaking so we don't have to endure that annoying sound of steam escaping.
Do you have some sort of EEOC quota for people with lisps? Seriously, there's nothing like watching a show about the history of astronomy just to have any serious aspect of it ruined by some disheveled kook with a lisp that would make a drag queen envious.
If you happen to have an extraordinarily gifted scientist, with whom the show can't go on, please, PLEASE find an equally gifted person in the field of public speaking so we don't have to endure that annoying sound of steam escaping.
6/5/08
Workout Schedule
Oh, you'll love this one.
Here's my workout for today:
00:35 - Wii Fit (20 minutes boxing, 15 minutes stepping)
01:00 - Taekwondo - Including sparring with a very talented lady. Great workout!
01:00 - Hapkido - Less intense than TKD for cardio, but still a good workout.
00:40 - Wii Fit (10 minutes boxing, 30 minutes stepping - count was 2982)
By my count, that's 3 hours, 15 minutes I spent exercising today! Man, I feel great & I wish I could do this everyday. I'm sure I won't feel that way in the morning but right now, all the above was completely worth it!
Here's my workout for today:
00:35 - Wii Fit (20 minutes boxing, 15 minutes stepping)
01:00 - Taekwondo - Including sparring with a very talented lady. Great workout!
01:00 - Hapkido - Less intense than TKD for cardio, but still a good workout.
00:40 - Wii Fit (10 minutes boxing, 30 minutes stepping - count was 2982)
By my count, that's 3 hours, 15 minutes I spent exercising today! Man, I feel great & I wish I could do this everyday. I'm sure I won't feel that way in the morning but right now, all the above was completely worth it!
Ninja Gaiden 2 (XBOX 360)
Summary: Most violent game...EVER!
If you have kids, are thinking about having kids or ever have kids at your house DO. NOT. GET. THIS. GAME! It's as violent as I could possibly stand to watch.
Aside from that, it's every bit as good as the first game & the storyline doesn't disappoint. Battles are fast, furious & overly bloody - which is frighteningly realistic with the spectacular graphics. Controls are tighter than that pair of jeans from college you tried to squeeze into last week.
Given all the options (tons of weapons, combos, unlockables, etc.) there's very little chance you could ever get bored with this game. Heck, the nightmares you'll have as a result of the overkill will allow you (unfortunately) take it into your sleep time.
Difficulty. How do I sum this up? Well, the only thing possibly more brutal than the images in this game is the difficulty. These enemies will mess you up. Bad. They don't pull punches, they do a lot of damage & they fight dirtier than a democrat at election time. There's even an "Achievement" awarded for your 100th continue. Yeah, it's that tough.
The camera can mess with you a bit in battles, but it's a minimal issue. I've never had problems when scaling walls or getting around tough obstacles - which is where a camera needs to work. I haven't lost a battle as a result of camera crappiness. I do miss how Ninja Gaiden would let you lock on in the last game. That would help, maybe. Then again, with the sheer number of enemies on screen, it might get you killed that much faster.
Anyway, I do think it's a great game. Nothing, on paper, says it's less-than-perfect. However, the violence will probably be a big turnoff for most people. If it were a movie, I can bet you'd see an NC-17 rating for how retchingly horrific some of the images are.
If you have kids, are thinking about having kids or ever have kids at your house DO. NOT. GET. THIS. GAME! It's as violent as I could possibly stand to watch.
Aside from that, it's every bit as good as the first game & the storyline doesn't disappoint. Battles are fast, furious & overly bloody - which is frighteningly realistic with the spectacular graphics. Controls are tighter than that pair of jeans from college you tried to squeeze into last week.
Given all the options (tons of weapons, combos, unlockables, etc.) there's very little chance you could ever get bored with this game. Heck, the nightmares you'll have as a result of the overkill will allow you (unfortunately) take it into your sleep time.
Difficulty. How do I sum this up? Well, the only thing possibly more brutal than the images in this game is the difficulty. These enemies will mess you up. Bad. They don't pull punches, they do a lot of damage & they fight dirtier than a democrat at election time. There's even an "Achievement" awarded for your 100th continue. Yeah, it's that tough.
The camera can mess with you a bit in battles, but it's a minimal issue. I've never had problems when scaling walls or getting around tough obstacles - which is where a camera needs to work. I haven't lost a battle as a result of camera crappiness. I do miss how Ninja Gaiden would let you lock on in the last game. That would help, maybe. Then again, with the sheer number of enemies on screen, it might get you killed that much faster.
Anyway, I do think it's a great game. Nothing, on paper, says it's less-than-perfect. However, the violence will probably be a big turnoff for most people. If it were a movie, I can bet you'd see an NC-17 rating for how retchingly horrific some of the images are.
Wii Fit
Yes, I've got one. Envy me, mere mortals! MWAHAHAHA
It's a great platform, to be honest. If you have the means, I highly suggest picking one up. My favorite is the boxing exercise in the Cardio section. You have 3, 6 & 10-minute intervals (so far) & each one gets faster than the previous. It really gets a sweat going & loosens you up.
All the exercises show you exactly where they're meant to work on your body. And, for you cheaters out there, it CAN tell when you're cheating based on balance - so trying to half-a$$ that yoga pose isn't going to cut it.
Sadly, the thing I should be best at (Balance) is my worst thing by far. If I could bonk those soccer balls or slalom worth a darn, it would make my day. Unfortunately, that's not in the cards. It seems I'm better at taking someones balance than I am at keeping my own.
The sets are: Yoga, Strength, Cardio and Balance. You can also choose an option to do you favorite exercises & even create your own! I'll let you know if that includes kicks but martial arts as a whole probably won't translate too well.
In short: GET IT GET IT GET IT!!!
It's a great platform, to be honest. If you have the means, I highly suggest picking one up. My favorite is the boxing exercise in the Cardio section. You have 3, 6 & 10-minute intervals (so far) & each one gets faster than the previous. It really gets a sweat going & loosens you up.
All the exercises show you exactly where they're meant to work on your body. And, for you cheaters out there, it CAN tell when you're cheating based on balance - so trying to half-a$$ that yoga pose isn't going to cut it.
Sadly, the thing I should be best at (Balance) is my worst thing by far. If I could bonk those soccer balls or slalom worth a darn, it would make my day. Unfortunately, that's not in the cards. It seems I'm better at taking someones balance than I am at keeping my own.
The sets are: Yoga, Strength, Cardio and Balance. You can also choose an option to do you favorite exercises & even create your own! I'll let you know if that includes kicks but martial arts as a whole probably won't translate too well.
In short: GET IT GET IT GET IT!!!
5/30/08
Ahh...That's Better
I was perusing a few articles online & came across this scruffy gem. The only point on which I disagree is the "men drive classic Fords". Maybe across the Pond they do that, but real men here drive classic Pontiac GTOs. I'm talking 1964-1967, not that RAMAIR crap from the 70s.
After the "metrosexual" phase of idiocy that plagued our male gender - I mean male sex ::grunts:: - I say it's high time the real man, the Indiana Jones "I'll punch you in the face for smarting off & worry about you feelings, well, never" kind of man showed his face again. There's too much of us pandering to everyone for fear of offending or arguing. Women CAN'T like men that have no spines.
And if they do, I'm definitely not interested in them & their collection of lockboxes...
The real men - the example to us younger ones - seemed to disappear after the baby boomers. They're the ones who would say what they meant, had self-respect & if they had a problem with their car, the Chilton's manual was all they needed. Yes, these bold examples of confidence and dignity led their lives like they knew what needed to be done & the followed through.
My generation (and the even fluffier current generation) lost that somewhere. I don't know if there was collective guilt in the concession to femi-nazis & the caving in to the "me, me, me" culture. Yes, telling your girlfriend/wife - that's just courtesy - that you've got plans with the guys & giving her a time when you'll be home is perfectly fine. Having to ask the same, something she probably doesn't feel so inclined to do when she goes out, is an act of a lesser "half" in a relationship. (Says the man who is not & probably never will be married)
Fortunately, the equal relationship seems to be back! Real men have returned!
After the "metrosexual" phase of idiocy that plagued our male gender - I mean male sex ::grunts:: - I say it's high time the real man, the Indiana Jones "I'll punch you in the face for smarting off & worry about you feelings, well, never" kind of man showed his face again. There's too much of us pandering to everyone for fear of offending or arguing. Women CAN'T like men that have no spines.
And if they do, I'm definitely not interested in them & their collection of lockboxes...
The real men - the example to us younger ones - seemed to disappear after the baby boomers. They're the ones who would say what they meant, had self-respect & if they had a problem with their car, the Chilton's manual was all they needed. Yes, these bold examples of confidence and dignity led their lives like they knew what needed to be done & the followed through.
My generation (and the even fluffier current generation) lost that somewhere. I don't know if there was collective guilt in the concession to femi-nazis & the caving in to the "me, me, me" culture. Yes, telling your girlfriend/wife - that's just courtesy - that you've got plans with the guys & giving her a time when you'll be home is perfectly fine. Having to ask the same, something she probably doesn't feel so inclined to do when she goes out, is an act of a lesser "half" in a relationship. (Says the man who is not & probably never will be married)
Fortunately, the equal relationship seems to be back! Real men have returned!
15 Minutes
An interesting story unfolded yesterday...
I left for lunch at about noon, stopped at Wendy's & ordered a grilled chicken sandwich, a chili & an iced tea (unsweetened for those in the South). I drove back to the work parking lot - not eating, of course - and parked to listen to the radio while I ate.
After I finished, I checked the time & happily discovered there were 30 minutes left on my lunch break.
Well, now, we can't waste that 30 minutes sitting around, can we? Of course not! I decided a walk was in order & promptly turned off my car, locked it and started my walk around the campus at work.
We have a decent place to walk there. It's about 1/5 mile or so around & a well-paved path. Needless to say, the decent temperatures, sunny skies and spare time conspired to make me get off my duff & burn a few calories.
...
...
Fifteen minutes later, after buying a new shirt for work & putting it on, I walked back into the office to finish my day.
Any guesses as to what happened?
***Update***
Matt guessed in correctly, folks!
I started my walk & a crow, sharpshooter & poop overkill of the avian community, decided my spring blue polo was a little too clean for his liking. After literally squeezing (sorry) off a round, the little stinker went about his business.
The main grouping hit my shoulder & splatter went in my hair, on my ear & neck. Undaunted, I resolved to finish my walk, albeit a bit disgusted at the humorous crap that had befallen me.
I went to the restroom to wash up (lots of soap) & did a pretty good job at cleaning the mess. Unfortunately, I couldn't make myself go back to work in a shirt that didn't rightfully deserve to have the "r" in it's name...
After a quick trip to Theissen's, $15 out of my pocket & some curious co-workers, I went back to work.
I had the greatest time telling anyone who had a bad day, "Oh yeah? Well, at least you weren't sh*t on, literally!"
:-P
I left for lunch at about noon, stopped at Wendy's & ordered a grilled chicken sandwich, a chili & an iced tea (unsweetened for those in the South). I drove back to the work parking lot - not eating, of course - and parked to listen to the radio while I ate.
After I finished, I checked the time & happily discovered there were 30 minutes left on my lunch break.
Well, now, we can't waste that 30 minutes sitting around, can we? Of course not! I decided a walk was in order & promptly turned off my car, locked it and started my walk around the campus at work.
We have a decent place to walk there. It's about 1/5 mile or so around & a well-paved path. Needless to say, the decent temperatures, sunny skies and spare time conspired to make me get off my duff & burn a few calories.
...
...
Fifteen minutes later, after buying a new shirt for work & putting it on, I walked back into the office to finish my day.
Any guesses as to what happened?
***Update***
Matt guessed in correctly, folks!
I started my walk & a crow, sharpshooter & poop overkill of the avian community, decided my spring blue polo was a little too clean for his liking. After literally squeezing (sorry) off a round, the little stinker went about his business.
The main grouping hit my shoulder & splatter went in my hair, on my ear & neck. Undaunted, I resolved to finish my walk, albeit a bit disgusted at the humorous crap that had befallen me.
I went to the restroom to wash up (lots of soap) & did a pretty good job at cleaning the mess. Unfortunately, I couldn't make myself go back to work in a shirt that didn't rightfully deserve to have the "r" in it's name...
After a quick trip to Theissen's, $15 out of my pocket & some curious co-workers, I went back to work.
I had the greatest time telling anyone who had a bad day, "Oh yeah? Well, at least you weren't sh*t on, literally!"
:-P
5/27/08
PC Police
They're at it again...
Apparently, it's a great idea to change tradition - heck, that stuff is only for anachronistic kooks, right? - and have the West Point Alma Mater re-worded to become gender neutral in the interest of being politically correct.
Now, of course women should be allowed to serve in the military & many have done so with distinction & honor. There's no question their service counts every bit as much as a man's. I count anyone brave enough to serve & sacrifice as equal to any other who serves. Gender simply isn't a factor.
I have a problem with changing traditions to suit the times. After all, we wouldn't change the Declaration of Independence to "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal...", would we? Do we go back & say that the Founders were wrong? Is there a reason, other than a "feel good" measure , to change an Alma Mater?
The answer is "No". Traditions provide more than a reminder of our history - they're a bond from class to class, generation to generation. They demonstrate to all included and observing them exactly what the point of tradition (and an Alma Mater) is: being part of a Family. That ought to be worth maintaining. It's most definitely above the politics of the PC.
Apparently, it's a great idea to change tradition - heck, that stuff is only for anachronistic kooks, right? - and have the West Point Alma Mater re-worded to become gender neutral in the interest of being politically correct.
Now, of course women should be allowed to serve in the military & many have done so with distinction & honor. There's no question their service counts every bit as much as a man's. I count anyone brave enough to serve & sacrifice as equal to any other who serves. Gender simply isn't a factor.
I have a problem with changing traditions to suit the times. After all, we wouldn't change the Declaration of Independence to "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal...", would we? Do we go back & say that the Founders were wrong? Is there a reason, other than a "feel good" measure , to change an Alma Mater?
The answer is "No". Traditions provide more than a reminder of our history - they're a bond from class to class, generation to generation. They demonstrate to all included and observing them exactly what the point of tradition (and an Alma Mater) is: being part of a Family. That ought to be worth maintaining. It's most definitely above the politics of the PC.
Rip Off
For lunch, I went to this BBQ place called Dickey's & ordered a plate with 2 meats, 2 sides & some cornbread.
My bill was $10.06
I wrote in $10.06 for the total, put a line through the "tip" part (I got the order to go) & signed it.
So how, I ask, did I leave a $2.01 tip for them?
I plan on contacting these rip-off artists tomorrow & giving them a piece of my mind.
My bill was $10.06
I wrote in $10.06 for the total, put a line through the "tip" part (I got the order to go) & signed it.
So how, I ask, did I leave a $2.01 tip for them?
I plan on contacting these rip-off artists tomorrow & giving them a piece of my mind.
5/26/08
Seriously
Tom Harkin recently hearkened to the "fact" that John McCain, his family having an extensive background of military service, is unsuited to be commander-in-chief of the MILITARY because the Senator from Arizona will only be able to view things from a martial perspective.
Sure, I could get into the fact that a democrat criticizing someone as unfit to command the military is a joke in and of itself. Maybe in another post. Maybe.
Instead, I'd like to focus on the obvious issue here: That having a background in the military disqualifies one to lead the military. Arguably, a person who has served best knows, through experience, best how to meet the needs of our brave men & women in uniform.
Still, let's assume - emphasis on "ass" - that Senator Harkin's loony left opinion is correct. How does that change things?
The following people are hereby disqualified from their positions:
* Anti-war protesters: By wanting to end war; having both experience & (let's be honest) most likely an extended family history of it since the 60s, Pack up the picket signs, pink paint & crazy chants. Get in the mother ship & go home.
* Talk Show Hosts: Reel it in, Hannity & Colmes; Rush Limbaugh & Jay Leno, you've got no right to TV or the radio waves. You know what you're doing! How dare you steal the opportunities that we feeble, poorly-spoken, inexperienced people yearn to have? I'm afraid the hours of quality entertainment & information you bring us don't make you qualified. Gotta go.
* Military: Sorry men & women of our Armed Forces. Yes, your bravery, dedication & willingness to protect our precious freedoms every day you serve is a testament as to how you stand above even the most amazing American civilian. However, your training & experience are exactly what Senator Harkin has determined we don't need. We'll have to replace you with the now jobless anti-war freaks.
* Senators & Representatives: I'm afraid the Senator from Iowa didn't think about this eventuality when he went off half-cocked. You guys & gals have become so proficient at suckling the government teat, I'm afraid you fattened up to the point you're no longer capable of sitting in that position. It's not like you have done us much good in the past, oh, 12 years. So, with no regrets, I ask you to get out & let some fresh talent in. Seriously.
* Truck Drivers: Sure, you work long, thankless hours. You are away from your families for up to six weeks at a time. The amount of regulations you must know & follow are increasing every year. Even though most of you manage to drive millions of safe miles every day to keep America moving, you have to know this experience is exactly why you can't have this job. Pack it up, get a job at McDonald's & let's give some newbies a try. Besides hundreds of fatality accidents, what's the worst that could happen?
* Meteorologists: Well, you guys never get it right, anyways...
* Bloggers: Michelle Malkin. IMAO. House of Zathras. These are all names known to every blogger (that counts). Unfortunately, their boundless professionalism, humor & wit also relegates them to the trash bin of disqualification. No longer should we the people allow talented, hard-working journalists & writers dominate the blogosphere! Amateurs, rise up & take what is yours. Tom Harkin has spoken!
I think you'll agree the Senator is misguided at best & largely talking put of his rear when he states that a person, based on experience in the affirmative, is not qualified to hold a position based on personal & family history. I'm no shill for Senator McCain - I don't plan on voting for him - and still, listening to a leftist Senator who has done everything in his power to make the people of Iowa more dependent of government claim someone is unqualified to hold a job is just rich.
Hello, Senator! It's government FOR the people, not take from the people. Get a clue.
Sure, I could get into the fact that a democrat criticizing someone as unfit to command the military is a joke in and of itself. Maybe in another post. Maybe.
Instead, I'd like to focus on the obvious issue here: That having a background in the military disqualifies one to lead the military. Arguably, a person who has served best knows, through experience, best how to meet the needs of our brave men & women in uniform.
Still, let's assume - emphasis on "ass" - that Senator Harkin's loony left opinion is correct. How does that change things?
The following people are hereby disqualified from their positions:
* Anti-war protesters: By wanting to end war; having both experience & (let's be honest) most likely an extended family history of it since the 60s, Pack up the picket signs, pink paint & crazy chants. Get in the mother ship & go home.
* Talk Show Hosts: Reel it in, Hannity & Colmes; Rush Limbaugh & Jay Leno, you've got no right to TV or the radio waves. You know what you're doing! How dare you steal the opportunities that we feeble, poorly-spoken, inexperienced people yearn to have? I'm afraid the hours of quality entertainment & information you bring us don't make you qualified. Gotta go.
* Military: Sorry men & women of our Armed Forces. Yes, your bravery, dedication & willingness to protect our precious freedoms every day you serve is a testament as to how you stand above even the most amazing American civilian. However, your training & experience are exactly what Senator Harkin has determined we don't need. We'll have to replace you with the now jobless anti-war freaks.
* Senators & Representatives: I'm afraid the Senator from Iowa didn't think about this eventuality when he went off half-cocked. You guys & gals have become so proficient at suckling the government teat, I'm afraid you fattened up to the point you're no longer capable of sitting in that position. It's not like you have done us much good in the past, oh, 12 years. So, with no regrets, I ask you to get out & let some fresh talent in. Seriously.
* Truck Drivers: Sure, you work long, thankless hours. You are away from your families for up to six weeks at a time. The amount of regulations you must know & follow are increasing every year. Even though most of you manage to drive millions of safe miles every day to keep America moving, you have to know this experience is exactly why you can't have this job. Pack it up, get a job at McDonald's & let's give some newbies a try. Besides hundreds of fatality accidents, what's the worst that could happen?
* Meteorologists: Well, you guys never get it right, anyways...
* Bloggers: Michelle Malkin. IMAO. House of Zathras. These are all names known to every blogger (that counts). Unfortunately, their boundless professionalism, humor & wit also relegates them to the trash bin of disqualification. No longer should we the people allow talented, hard-working journalists & writers dominate the blogosphere! Amateurs, rise up & take what is yours. Tom Harkin has spoken!
I think you'll agree the Senator is misguided at best & largely talking put of his rear when he states that a person, based on experience in the affirmative, is not qualified to hold a position based on personal & family history. I'm no shill for Senator McCain - I don't plan on voting for him - and still, listening to a leftist Senator who has done everything in his power to make the people of Iowa more dependent of government claim someone is unqualified to hold a job is just rich.
Hello, Senator! It's government FOR the people, not take from the people. Get a clue.
5/22/08
Farm *Scam* Bill
Riddle:
Q. How do you stop a Charging RINO?
A. Remove 34 pages of a really crappy farm bill before they send it to the President.
I heard that I would be summarily executed if I did not provide a reference link.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,357081,00.html
(With all respect to my mentor Hapkido who protected me from Harvey's rightous smackdown. )
Q. How do you stop a Charging RINO?
A. Remove 34 pages of a really crappy farm bill before they send it to the President.
I heard that I would be summarily executed if I did not provide a reference link.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,357081,00.html
(With all respect to my mentor Hapkido who protected me from Harvey's rightous smackdown. )
5/16/08
Election 2008 Theme Song
Considering during this election cycle we're given the unenviable choice of voting for three left-wing individuals who are vying for the mass-media vote, I thought it's only appropriate we give them a theme song to celebrate their dedication to all things government.
The song choice came to me while RonnyEngrish & I were e-mailing with another friend. Without further delay, I give you:
"Addicted to Gov" (Parody of "Addicted to Love" by the late, great Robert Palmer)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your grind is not alone
Your heart sweats, your world quakes
Clinton 2 gives you the shakes
You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no account, drop is steep
Your money's tight, you can't believe
2012's your first reprieve!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
You see the signs, but you can't read
Obama's plan: just smokin' weed
The drum beats, insurance climbs
Vote John McCain? It stinks like swine
We can't be saved
Reagan again is all we crave
If there's some left for 1-2
Don't let us the news screw!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
(GUITAR SOLO)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your will, Congress owns
You've got cold sweats, from daily grind
Another vote for liberals: whine!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
The song choice came to me while RonnyEngrish & I were e-mailing with another friend. Without further delay, I give you:
"Addicted to Gov" (Parody of "Addicted to Love" by the late, great Robert Palmer)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your grind is not alone
Your heart sweats, your world quakes
Clinton 2 gives you the shakes
You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no account, drop is steep
Your money's tight, you can't believe
2012's your first reprieve!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
You see the signs, but you can't read
Obama's plan: just smokin' weed
The drum beats, insurance climbs
Vote John McCain? It stinks like swine
We can't be saved
Reagan again is all we crave
If there's some left for 1-2
Don't let us the news screw!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
(GUITAR SOLO)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your will, Congress owns
You've got cold sweats, from daily grind
Another vote for liberals: whine!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
5/15/08
A Real Pearl
I saw this comic in the local newspaper & just had to share it. I defy anyone not to laugh hysterically! (It helps if you've seen "Moonstruck" but isn't necessary)...
Pearls Before Swine
Pearls Before Swine
5/13/08
The Spanish Warming
I've been thinking about a good comparison for global warming for quite awhile now. It actually hit me when the "carbon credits" subject came up. You know the deal: some guy with a lot of cash & a lot of gas (in his tank) can drive/fly/boat as much as he wants & to make up for it, he "donates" some of his cash to carbon offsets that apparently makes all the bad things he's doing go away.
Hmm, that seems to strike a historical chord with me. What period in history gave people an out by letting them pay off their sins? Of course! It's the Spanish Inquisition (1476-1834) during which some people - thanks to corruption - to purchase indulgences, in effect buying off their indiscretions.
There were 3 main goals with the Inquisition: 1) Keep the people in line with the monarchs' policies/religion; 2) Weaken opposition to the monarchs; 3) Profit.
There are 3 main goals to the global warming movement: See above...
Basically, one can argue that global warming IS religion for the left. They certainly defend it with the fervor of a cultist fanatic (paging Tom Cruise!) and people seem to be going out of their way not to tread on it's obvious shortcomings (hello, radical Islamists!) possibly out of fear.
How The Left Turned Global Warming Into Their Religion:
* Promise of eternal government.
* "Don't believe in God? No problem, we've got Al Gore!"
* Offering each other a peace sign instead of a sign of Peace.
* Indulgences are literally planetary.
* Communion? Nah, they just smoke pot.
* "We've got all the religious holidays, PLUS earth day!"
* Do unto others as they do unto mother earth.
* Beatitudes replaced with bad attitudes
* "Gospels" according to Prius, Greenpeace, Treehugger & Moonbeam
* Two words: Baked tofu!
Hmm, that seems to strike a historical chord with me. What period in history gave people an out by letting them pay off their sins? Of course! It's the Spanish Inquisition (1476-1834) during which some people - thanks to corruption - to purchase indulgences, in effect buying off their indiscretions.
There were 3 main goals with the Inquisition: 1) Keep the people in line with the monarchs' policies/religion; 2) Weaken opposition to the monarchs; 3) Profit.
There are 3 main goals to the global warming movement: See above...
Basically, one can argue that global warming IS religion for the left. They certainly defend it with the fervor of a cultist fanatic (paging Tom Cruise!) and people seem to be going out of their way not to tread on it's obvious shortcomings (hello, radical Islamists!) possibly out of fear.
How The Left Turned Global Warming Into Their Religion:
* Promise of eternal government.
* "Don't believe in God? No problem, we've got Al Gore!"
* Offering each other a peace sign instead of a sign of Peace.
* Indulgences are literally planetary.
* Communion? Nah, they just smoke pot.
* "We've got all the religious holidays, PLUS earth day!"
* Do unto others as they do unto mother earth.
* Beatitudes replaced with bad attitudes
* "Gospels" according to Prius, Greenpeace, Treehugger & Moonbeam
* Two words: Baked tofu!
5/12/08
John McCain(D)
OK, Senator, it's time to fess up & admit you're a member of the jackass donkey party. Let's be honest: if you had any concern based on a "moral compass" or actual consistency in your principles, you wouldn't be out there touting every hot-button issue the mass-media deems important. It's like you're the fat kid in school scrambling to the call of "Free Ice Cream!" in the cafeteria.
Seriously, claiming you're any sort of "straight-talker" or conservative is a load of bull worthy of Paul Bunyan. You've demonstrated no willingness to cross party lines - you're consistently working with the democrats to the point I'm convinced you ARE a democrat. Heck, even Arlen Specter went our way once in awhile.
That's why your "free-market solution" tothe Spanish Inquisition global warming wasn't such a big surprise to me. I fully agree that the free market is a great thing & allows us to determine success based on survival-of-the-fittest. This does not, however, include delusional politicians (*cough* Al Gore) who seek to profit from claiming an environmental crisis just to turn a profit.
Of course, just as Mr. Gore wasn't so magnanimous to include himself in reducing his "carbon footprint", there's no reason to think you'll be so kind as to maintaining some line of consistency in your views. The fact you're buying into this silly concept demonstrates how far out of step you are with conservative principles. Keep in mind that government subsidies of ethanol blended fuel uses food to essentially make gasoline. Thanks to representatives like you, we're paying for ethanol in our taxes (uh, that would be the "subsidy" part), seeing less efficiency in a tank of gas (about 15 to 20% less per gallon) & STILL not seeing any benefit with regards to the cost of a gallon.
Sir, I respectfully request you drop the mantle of republican & assume the one of the ass that you're making of yourself.
Seriously, claiming you're any sort of "straight-talker" or conservative is a load of bull worthy of Paul Bunyan. You've demonstrated no willingness to cross party lines - you're consistently working with the democrats to the point I'm convinced you ARE a democrat. Heck, even Arlen Specter went our way once in awhile.
That's why your "free-market solution" to
Of course, just as Mr. Gore wasn't so magnanimous to include himself in reducing his "carbon footprint", there's no reason to think you'll be so kind as to maintaining some line of consistency in your views. The fact you're buying into this silly concept demonstrates how far out of step you are with conservative principles. Keep in mind that government subsidies of ethanol blended fuel uses food to essentially make gasoline. Thanks to representatives like you, we're paying for ethanol in our taxes (uh, that would be the "subsidy" part), seeing less efficiency in a tank of gas (about 15 to 20% less per gallon) & STILL not seeing any benefit with regards to the cost of a gallon.
Sir, I respectfully request you drop the mantle of republican & assume the one of the ass that you're making of yourself.
For Roses' Family...
Hey, guys, she said you needed this...
it's down here...
just a little bit farther...
ah, here's exactly what you needed:
A CLUE!!!
(Leaving dishes for Mom to do after Mother's Day doesn't count!!!)
it's down here...
just a little bit farther...
ah, here's exactly what you needed:
A CLUE!!!
(Leaving dishes for Mom to do after Mother's Day doesn't count!!!)
5/9/08
Chewing gum and kicking butt...and I'm all outta gum
Well I am here and from what I am told by my evil genius massssterrrrr Hapkido, the first blog is supposed to be real ... well ...stinky. Well as I was laying awake thinking of a topic my Schnauzer...Mini-Schnauzer...My wife's Mini-Schnauzer. Decided to take on one of his notorius musical interludes. That right. He was jamming with the ole tooter. AND BEFORE YOU ASK....no it was not me blaming the dog. So as I lay there in the aroma therapy of this four legged terrorist of the olfactory nervous system. I picked up my pocket computer and composed the following......
ODE de ODOUR
The ART of FART
The horrible hungry attention hog.
Good thing to blame upon the dog.
Asilent but deadly assassissination,
of fancy funtastic flatuation.
The Magnificent melodious linger..
Wonder why they pulled the finger?
A smeller to share with others,
Justice just to fluff the covers.
whatever rumble from down under,
All our nasals may not recover.
Some may cry and another gags.
Is it just me, I smell eggs.
the desperate cry of a trapped turd.
That will make them say; "Oh My Word!"
On the elevator it takes no blame,
Cutter of Cheese with no shame.
Walls of paint forever stained,
when ignighted by the Fart 'O Flame.
Oh the farting horse will never tire,
Yea, the farting man tis the one to hire.
Oh the crys with noses held shut...
That; "someone needs to wipe their butt.
Well I know as a first blog it has to stink....I hope it wasn't too bad.
ODE de ODOUR
The ART of FART
The horrible hungry attention hog.
Good thing to blame upon the dog.
Asilent but deadly assassissination,
of fancy funtastic flatuation.
The Magnificent melodious linger..
Wonder why they pulled the finger?
A smeller to share with others,
Justice just to fluff the covers.
whatever rumble from down under,
All our nasals may not recover.
Some may cry and another gags.
Is it just me, I smell eggs.
the desperate cry of a trapped turd.
That will make them say; "Oh My Word!"
On the elevator it takes no blame,
Cutter of Cheese with no shame.
Walls of paint forever stained,
when ignighted by the Fart 'O Flame.
Oh the farting horse will never tire,
Yea, the farting man tis the one to hire.
Oh the crys with noses held shut...
That; "someone needs to wipe their butt.
Well I know as a first blog it has to stink....I hope it wasn't too bad.
5/7/08
It's Over
As the junior Senator from New York has been told by so many pundits, her bid for the presidency - thank the Heavens - is over. Senator Obama's landslide win in North Carolina coupled with a "meh"-tastic showing Indiana pretty well convinced the media that it's no dice for Hil.
Of course, there are other things that warrant the "It's Over!" declaration...
1) Reality TV: all too obvious that this trend jumped the shark when Flavor Flav got a show. You're outta here, pal.
2) Skeletal Runway Models: Am I the only one who finds it ironic that they make the $$$ to eat steak every night but somehow can only manage to eat wheat germ & tofu? Gain some weight...you're done.
3) The rainbow! :-P
4) HD-DVD: Sure, it sounded like a great idea...people have DVDs, we'll call the next thing HD DVDs, right? Wrong, loser. Hope you guys who bought these have room in the closest next to the old Betamax.
5) Seriously, Hillary, you're still here?
6) The Chicago Cubs Season: When you give up 7 home runs (3 to one guy) to the Reds, stick a fork in it - you're done & the season's over.
7) Indiana Jones: Sorry but no moves in...oh wait, I guess he IS still cracking the whip!
8) Winter (thank Heaven!)
9) My Instructor's Vacation: After 3 weeks of taking over for him while he was in sunny California, he's finally coming back! Woo hoo!
Yep, there's just a few things that are completely & utterly over - it's just a matter of admitting it, folks. For those of you concerned regarding the above, let's get with the program!
Of course, the last "It's Over" is:
10) This post.
Of course, there are other things that warrant the "It's Over!" declaration...
1) Reality TV: all too obvious that this trend jumped the shark when Flavor Flav got a show. You're outta here, pal.
2) Skeletal Runway Models: Am I the only one who finds it ironic that they make the $$$ to eat steak every night but somehow can only manage to eat wheat germ & tofu? Gain some weight...you're done.
3) The rainbow! :-P
4) HD-DVD: Sure, it sounded like a great idea...people have DVDs, we'll call the next thing HD DVDs, right? Wrong, loser. Hope you guys who bought these have room in the closest next to the old Betamax.
5) Seriously, Hillary, you're still here?
6) The Chicago Cubs Season: When you give up 7 home runs (3 to one guy) to the Reds, stick a fork in it - you're done & the season's over.
7) Indiana Jones: Sorry but no moves in...oh wait, I guess he IS still cracking the whip!
8) Winter (thank Heaven!)
9) My Instructor's Vacation: After 3 weeks of taking over for him while he was in sunny California, he's finally coming back! Woo hoo!
Yep, there's just a few things that are completely & utterly over - it's just a matter of admitting it, folks. For those of you concerned regarding the above, let's get with the program!
Of course, the last "It's Over" is:
10) This post.
Welcome
To my new blogson, Ronny Engrish!
Ronny came into the world yesterday evening after creating his gmail. To demonstrate exactly what kind of blogger he'll be, Ronny went to work even before he was born into the blogosphere!
I think you'll enjoy his posting as a whole - except, of course, for the traditional first sucky post which promises to be such a horrid, raging pile of fetid compost that you'll all have tears in your eyes.
Stand by for Ronny Engrish, and pray there aren't any more of him out there!
(Mrs. Who: play nice!)
Ronny came into the world yesterday evening after creating his gmail. To demonstrate exactly what kind of blogger he'll be, Ronny went to work even before he was born into the blogosphere!
I think you'll enjoy his posting as a whole - except, of course, for the traditional first sucky post which promises to be such a horrid, raging pile of fetid compost that you'll all have tears in your eyes.
Stand by for Ronny Engrish, and pray there aren't any more of him out there!
(Mrs. Who: play nice!)
5/4/08
This Is Great
If you read this blog, you probably also read Mrs. Who's blog - House of Zathras. As you all know, it's an excellent page & always full of good things to read.
Now, however, there is an absolute must read on her page. Anyone who's supporting our military unconditionally & feels the gratitude we all owe them needs to check her post out.
Way to go, Mrs. Who, you knocked this one out of the park!
Now, however, there is an absolute must read on her page. Anyone who's supporting our military unconditionally & feels the gratitude we all owe them needs to check her post out.
Way to go, Mrs. Who, you knocked this one out of the park!
Weekend Plans
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!
Iron Man (no spoilers)
First off: Stay until after the ending credits...you'll be glad you did.
Iron Man - not to be confused with it's literary cousin, Irony Man - was an excellent flick from start to finish. At no point can you possibly be bored with great action & snappy dialogue. I especially enjoyed the departure from Marvel comics' usual life-sucks-no-matter-what storyline.
The actors all fit their characters well & delivered top-notch performances. Downey takes off (sorry) with a tremendous job as Tony Stark & makes for a completely memorable persona among many who are worth a bit of space in our minds. Even the most life-changing of moments never sees him abandon his basest instincts (naughty as some of them are). Always, there's some comedic/dramatic strain between characters that keeps the audience driven into the seats.
To do the great acting & story one better, Iron Man gives us plenty of dead terrorists - which, as we all know, are the only good kind of terrorists. As an aside I fully support his "kill 'em all & let God sort 'em out" diplomacy.
Go see this movie. No, that WASN'T a suggestion.
Iron Man - not to be confused with it's literary cousin, Irony Man - was an excellent flick from start to finish. At no point can you possibly be bored with great action & snappy dialogue. I especially enjoyed the departure from Marvel comics' usual life-sucks-no-matter-what storyline.
The actors all fit their characters well & delivered top-notch performances. Downey takes off (sorry) with a tremendous job as Tony Stark & makes for a completely memorable persona among many who are worth a bit of space in our minds. Even the most life-changing of moments never sees him abandon his basest instincts (naughty as some of them are). Always, there's some comedic/dramatic strain between characters that keeps the audience driven into the seats.
To do the great acting & story one better, Iron Man gives us plenty of dead terrorists - which, as we all know, are the only good kind of terrorists. As an aside I fully support his "kill 'em all & let God sort 'em out" diplomacy.
Go see this movie. No, that WASN'T a suggestion.
5/2/08
It's A Boy!
Crunch Time will soon be welcoming a blogson to the world!
At least that's what I'm hoping.
In the interest of getting a friend started on blogging - recent posts will give some insight as to the identity of this new blogger - I've invited a friend to post on my site. He's witty, insightful & has a different take on many of the issues we discuss. Well, different in normal terms - not nutty, whacko liberal "different".
Now, don't get the idea that Hap's leaving y'all. I'm still going to be pounding the keys with posts. If you happen to read one that's darn good, but not quite as good as mine, then you'll know it's the newbie.
More to come...
At least that's what I'm hoping.
In the interest of getting a friend started on blogging - recent posts will give some insight as to the identity of this new blogger - I've invited a friend to post on my site. He's witty, insightful & has a different take on many of the issues we discuss. Well, different in normal terms - not nutty, whacko liberal "different".
Now, don't get the idea that Hap's leaving y'all. I'm still going to be pounding the keys with posts. If you happen to read one that's darn good, but not quite as good as mine, then you'll know it's the newbie.
More to come...
Embedded Patriotism
I'd like to introduce the latest in a line of products that allows us to permanently track terrorists once they've been identified:
The Patriot Micro-chip is a small implant designed to be placed in the head of the terrorist & allows 100% accuracy in determining the location of the target. There are various methods of delivery & modern technology allows for selective implantation (with low occurrence of rejection) regardless of location.
Since not all applications are identical, the Patriot comes in various sizes and may include precious metals to avoid an allergic reaction to the implant.
(Note: size choices may not be available to all implantees)
While effectiveness is guaranteed, prices do vary from the softer chips (base cost: $0.42/unit) to the hardened, most durable implants in our line ($25USD/unit). Keeping in mind your operational budget, we offer implants with as few as 25 to a shipment with a "no-contract" policy. That's right - order as often as you like!
Side effects include: Swelling and/or bleeding at the sight of the injection; Ability to commune at an ascended level with over three score females of innocent nature; Brief pain on or near the injection point; Possible loss of bowel/bladder control.
Here's just a few of our wonderful implant products!
THE PATRIOT MICRO-CHIP
The Patriot Micro-chip is a small implant designed to be placed in the head of the terrorist & allows 100% accuracy in determining the location of the target. There are various methods of delivery & modern technology allows for selective implantation (with low occurrence of rejection) regardless of location.
Since not all applications are identical, the Patriot comes in various sizes and may include precious metals to avoid an allergic reaction to the implant.
(Note: size choices may not be available to all implantees)
While effectiveness is guaranteed, prices do vary from the softer chips (base cost: $0.42/unit) to the hardened, most durable implants in our line ($25USD/unit). Keeping in mind your operational budget, we offer implants with as few as 25 to a shipment with a "no-contract" policy. That's right - order as often as you like!
Side effects include: Swelling and/or bleeding at the sight of the injection; Ability to commune at an ascended level with over three score females of innocent nature; Brief pain on or near the injection point; Possible loss of bowel/bladder control.
Here's just a few of our wonderful implant products!
4/29/08
No, They Really Aren't
Folks, trying to tout an obviously crappy group like Oasis as this wonderful second-coming of the Beatles is not only insulting, it's we todd did! I'm not even the biggest fan of the Beatles & it's still a slap in the face.
Seriously, Oasis stinks.
How bad, you ask? Let's say you left a dead skunk in the bottom of a fat fryer in a greasy spoon for a year...there still wouldn't be enough funkitude to stink up the place as bad as someone popping "Wonderwall" into the jukebox.
Idiots on Rhapsody...
Seriously, Oasis stinks.
How bad, you ask? Let's say you left a dead skunk in the bottom of a fat fryer in a greasy spoon for a year...there still wouldn't be enough funkitude to stink up the place as bad as someone popping "Wonderwall" into the jukebox.
Idiots on Rhapsody...
4/28/08
Freaking BS
Well, as my friend Ron said, here's a sign of the times:
I wonder if I should move out there & claim I speak only Italian so I can get the Spanish-speaking supervisor fired? Heck, maybe the government should put out a big neon sign reading: WE WANT ILLEGALS!
I wonder if I should move out there & claim I speak only Italian so I can get the Spanish-speaking supervisor fired? Heck, maybe the government should put out a big neon sign reading: WE WANT ILLEGALS!
4/25/08
Nice Shot?
It was weird but in a funny way...
I was talking to this cute lady at work (unfortunately married, but hey, what can you do?) & leaning on another co-worker's desk. This particular co-worker likes to keep various treats in a small bowl on her desk.
The conversation went like this:
Her: "Hey, toss me one of those little butterfingers.
Me: Sure, no problem. ::Grabs mini butterfinger::
As I toss it into her hands, either the greatest or the worst shot of my life came to be...
Yes, it skipped right out of her hands and into, or more accurately, in between, a certain place below her neck and most definitely above her stomach. This area in question which, by the way, was poorly covered by her v-neck shirt, is not exactly easy to escape notice of.
Now, keep in mind, this young lady is cute-as-a-button, has curves in the places we guys like women to have such figures and completely willing to make light of a fella, such as myself, in an awkward situation - which this definitely was.
I guess the best way to describe it is this...
Well, without the drunken weirdness, at least.
I was talking to this cute lady at work (unfortunately married, but hey, what can you do?) & leaning on another co-worker's desk. This particular co-worker likes to keep various treats in a small bowl on her desk.
The conversation went like this:
Her: "Hey, toss me one of those little butterfingers.
Me: Sure, no problem. ::Grabs mini butterfinger::
As I toss it into her hands, either the greatest or the worst shot of my life came to be...
Yes, it skipped right out of her hands and into, or more accurately, in between, a certain place below her neck and most definitely above her stomach. This area in question which, by the way, was poorly covered by her v-neck shirt, is not exactly easy to escape notice of.
Now, keep in mind, this young lady is cute-as-a-button, has curves in the places we guys like women to have such figures and completely willing to make light of a fella, such as myself, in an awkward situation - which this definitely was.
I guess the best way to describe it is this...
Well, without the drunken weirdness, at least.
4/24/08
Yeah, Yeah
OK, lady, I get it - you didn't like the fact I divided my attention to primarily the adults in Taekwondo today. You also presented your criticism as "constructive" - which it was...until the 4th or 5th time you re-iterated your point.
We can't all be perfect, particularly when we don't have your luxurious view from the sidelines, and know that, oh, twenty or so people have entirely different things going on & may have questions - like the ones I was answering. Oh, & I'm particularly bad because I dedicated my time to a student who needed the help & not to your child & her fellow cajolers. No, I was dumb enough to spend my time on people who take this seriously.
Yeah, I could spend more time working with the kids - I'll grant you that argument. I DID spend more time with one student than I should have - again, other than you, no one's perfect. However, a condescending rhetorical question like "Did you even look at them once?" shows exactly how destructive your criticism really was. You didn't, I noticed, consider that I maybe, just maybe, had sixteen other people - who actually participate in class - to divide my attention.
You were at least courteous enough to direct this criticism towards me after the class was dismissed. With that in mind, I invite you to take lead in the next class & show me exactly how I should run things - because obviously it's easy to get twenty people to do everything you ask & focus on each individual in an orderly fashion.
We can't all be perfect, particularly when we don't have your luxurious view from the sidelines, and know that, oh, twenty or so people have entirely different things going on & may have questions - like the ones I was answering. Oh, & I'm particularly bad because I dedicated my time to a student who needed the help & not to your child & her fellow cajolers. No, I was dumb enough to spend my time on people who take this seriously.
Yeah, I could spend more time working with the kids - I'll grant you that argument. I DID spend more time with one student than I should have - again, other than you, no one's perfect. However, a condescending rhetorical question like "Did you even look at them once?" shows exactly how destructive your criticism really was. You didn't, I noticed, consider that I maybe, just maybe, had sixteen other people - who actually participate in class - to divide my attention.
You were at least courteous enough to direct this criticism towards me after the class was dismissed. With that in mind, I invite you to take lead in the next class & show me exactly how I should run things - because obviously it's easy to get twenty people to do everything you ask & focus on each individual in an orderly fashion.
4/20/08
Live Blogging
Star Wars Episode I is on Spike right now & it gives me the perfect opportunity to briefly live blog the question on my mind...
WTF with Jar Jar, George Lucas?! What were you smoking at the time you dreamed up this buffoon of an annoyance that spoils an already underwhelming movie? Seriously, I was disappointed as I saw 20 years of anticipation fade into a junk pile of rotten limburger and THEN you top if off with this clown.
Yeah, the battle with Darth Maul was cool but how do you justify the expense of the other hour and a half? Watching this again makes me want my money back...
WTF with Jar Jar, George Lucas?! What were you smoking at the time you dreamed up this buffoon of an annoyance that spoils an already underwhelming movie? Seriously, I was disappointed as I saw 20 years of anticipation fade into a junk pile of rotten limburger and THEN you top if off with this clown.
Yeah, the battle with Darth Maul was cool but how do you justify the expense of the other hour and a half? Watching this again makes me want my money back...
4/19/08
A Problem
This is a new one by me. Even after over five years in martial arts I've never encountered the problem I'm about to relate. It has a few facets, so please bear with me.
We have a student in HKD who is, to put it mildly, well-aged. He apparently has a great amount of zeal when it comes to applying these techniques even though, due to his fragile nature, we cannot apply the same techniques to him.
Now, before you start thinking I'm "eye for an eye" about martial arts - that anyone who applies a technique must feel the same application - rest assured that's not the case. I do believe, however, that anyone who wants to undertake a class in joint manipulation should be able to have his or her joints manipulated to a reasonable degree. For example, if you had advanced arthritis, then this probably isn't the class for you.
Well, that's the case with this student. He's made it to orange belt (level 3) largely because the techniques aren't overly damaging. However, he's also managed to do so without having any techniques really applied to him. This presents another problem entirely: he cannot develop the control that a regular student would because he does not know how it feels to be tweaked in a particular way. While this may serve him well in a self-defense situation (I have my doubts), it will not help other students avoid injury. I fear the day we pair him with a white belt and the new student gets injured.
Secondly, he is a former 2nd degree black belt in TKD (the same rank I currently hold). Apparently, this inactive rank gives him the impression he has more experience/authority than he actually does. Rank doesn't carry over. Period. For example, if I were to wear my black belt into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class & pretend that was my rank in that art...well, let's say the butt whipping I took wouldn't be soon forgotten.
The first rank problem with this student is that he tries to advise people far senior to him in HKD on how to perform a technique. The most memorable of which was chastising - there's no other word for it - two 2nd degree black belts on how one wasn't defending himself properly. For the record, he was. It was dealt with & we've made a point to impress on this guy that it won't be tolerated. Sadly though, his ignorance in techniques seems to make him feel he knows more than he does. He advises other color belts on how to execute techniques. Heck, I'm 1st degree & I don't say anything unless there's an obvious problem. This guy has no place doing such things.
The second rank problem exists in TKD. As I said before, he formerly held the rank of 2nd degree in this art. This has not been recognized by my instructor - and while he may have held it he isn't active, so it counts for nothing. One of our assistant instructors informed me in a phone conversation yesterday that he actually tried to instruct/advise students in TKD. Since he knows nothing about our instructors teaching style and we had a very capable instructor in Mr. Lee that day, a number of lines were crossed. Mr. Lee told him to take a seat, but I fear the problem isn't addressed.
My instructor is on vacation for the next three weeks and my problem is how to deal with this student without overstepping my bounds. I am senior while Master Rion is gone & will address issues in his absence. I'm of the mind that the next transgression of instructor authority will put this guy out on the street. However, I think that might be disrespectful to our instructor and the school in general.
What to do?
We have a student in HKD who is, to put it mildly, well-aged. He apparently has a great amount of zeal when it comes to applying these techniques even though, due to his fragile nature, we cannot apply the same techniques to him.
Now, before you start thinking I'm "eye for an eye" about martial arts - that anyone who applies a technique must feel the same application - rest assured that's not the case. I do believe, however, that anyone who wants to undertake a class in joint manipulation should be able to have his or her joints manipulated to a reasonable degree. For example, if you had advanced arthritis, then this probably isn't the class for you.
Well, that's the case with this student. He's made it to orange belt (level 3) largely because the techniques aren't overly damaging. However, he's also managed to do so without having any techniques really applied to him. This presents another problem entirely: he cannot develop the control that a regular student would because he does not know how it feels to be tweaked in a particular way. While this may serve him well in a self-defense situation (I have my doubts), it will not help other students avoid injury. I fear the day we pair him with a white belt and the new student gets injured.
Secondly, he is a former 2nd degree black belt in TKD (the same rank I currently hold). Apparently, this inactive rank gives him the impression he has more experience/authority than he actually does. Rank doesn't carry over. Period. For example, if I were to wear my black belt into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class & pretend that was my rank in that art...well, let's say the butt whipping I took wouldn't be soon forgotten.
The first rank problem with this student is that he tries to advise people far senior to him in HKD on how to perform a technique. The most memorable of which was chastising - there's no other word for it - two 2nd degree black belts on how one wasn't defending himself properly. For the record, he was. It was dealt with & we've made a point to impress on this guy that it won't be tolerated. Sadly though, his ignorance in techniques seems to make him feel he knows more than he does. He advises other color belts on how to execute techniques. Heck, I'm 1st degree & I don't say anything unless there's an obvious problem. This guy has no place doing such things.
The second rank problem exists in TKD. As I said before, he formerly held the rank of 2nd degree in this art. This has not been recognized by my instructor - and while he may have held it he isn't active, so it counts for nothing. One of our assistant instructors informed me in a phone conversation yesterday that he actually tried to instruct/advise students in TKD. Since he knows nothing about our instructors teaching style and we had a very capable instructor in Mr. Lee that day, a number of lines were crossed. Mr. Lee told him to take a seat, but I fear the problem isn't addressed.
My instructor is on vacation for the next three weeks and my problem is how to deal with this student without overstepping my bounds. I am senior while Master Rion is gone & will address issues in his absence. I'm of the mind that the next transgression of instructor authority will put this guy out on the street. However, I think that might be disrespectful to our instructor and the school in general.
What to do?
Perfect Logic
I have to wonder why this great argument hasn't been used more often on the pro-life side of things. After all, it's great logic & I think, not to make light of this issue, that the unborn certainly deserve the benefit of the doubt as to whether they are alive.
I, for one, believe life begins at conception. As such, I really can't find an argument to this great statement by a great man...
I, for one, believe life begins at conception. As such, I really can't find an argument to this great statement by a great man...
"If you don't know whether a body is alive or dead, you would never bury it. I think this consideration itself should be enough for all of us to insist on protecting the unborn." - Ronald Reagan
4/18/08
Creatiolution?
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve, and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, but Dad said we developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve, and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, but Dad said we developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'
Climactic
Yeah, my last post was harsh & rightfully so. I don't think insulting veterans of the Greatest Generation is appropriate.
Still, I can't chastise the global warming movement (see: bowel movement for reference) without presenting a plan of my own. With this in mind, I present my very own 10-step climate strategy.
Hapkido's Climate Strategy:
1) Find that dude in De Kalb,il with the license plate ECOKLR1. We need people like him!
2) Hire as my new environmental advisor & slogan manager.
3) Announce to world the money I could have spent on carbon credits will instead be diverted to clubbing baby seals & depositing their innards in a potable fresh-water source of my choosing.
4) Say "gotcha" because baby seals are cute. (Hey, even Hap knows mercy!)
5) Take up smoking cigars while grilling outdoors & burning leaves.
6) Crank all coal power plants up to provide maximum carbon footprint - about the same output as your grandpa after thanksgiving dinner.
7) Go to Taekwondo & Hapkido - I DO have to stay in practice.
8) Realize I've been a hypocrite this whole time by driving a car that gets 35mpg & switch to the FuelBurner 3000 series of Hummer.
9) Burn down one hippie shanty per week.
10) Three words: Berkeley go BOOM!
Still, I can't chastise the global warming movement (see: bowel movement for reference) without presenting a plan of my own. With this in mind, I present my very own 10-step climate strategy.
Hapkido's Climate Strategy:
1) Find that dude in De Kalb,il with the license plate ECOKLR1. We need people like him!
2) Hire as my new environmental advisor & slogan manager.
3) Announce to world the money I could have spent on carbon credits will instead be diverted to clubbing baby seals & depositing their innards in a potable fresh-water source of my choosing.
4) Say "gotcha" because baby seals are cute. (Hey, even Hap knows mercy!)
5) Take up smoking cigars while grilling outdoors & burning leaves.
6) Crank all coal power plants up to provide maximum carbon footprint - about the same output as your grandpa after thanksgiving dinner.
7) Go to Taekwondo & Hapkido - I DO have to stay in practice.
8) Realize I've been a hypocrite this whole time by driving a car that gets 35mpg & switch to the FuelBurner 3000 series of Hummer.
9) Burn down one hippie shanty per week.
10) Three words: Berkeley go BOOM!
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
OK, I know you media types out there enjoy employing iconic images to draw parallels to from historic events to modern ones. I also know you stretch the bounds of reality to make a point that often misses the intended mark.
However, when it comes to perverting one of the most iconic images of World War II to demonstrate a similar severity for the farce of global warming (see: the Spanish Inquisition if you want an appropriate reference) I have to draw the line.
The "war" on global warming is a much-debated subject that I, for one, don't put much stock in. Winter has certainly been no less severe in Iowa, nor has Spring been any warmer in South Carolina. Seriously, we have a former vice president who - despite his claims of how severe this "problem" is - will not sign off to limit his use of energy. Based on this, he's either a hypocrite or a charlatan.
However, when it comes to perverting one of the most iconic images of World War II to demonstrate a similar severity for the farce of global warming (see: the Spanish Inquisition if you want an appropriate reference) I have to draw the line.
The "war" on global warming is a much-debated subject that I, for one, don't put much stock in. Winter has certainly been no less severe in Iowa, nor has Spring been any warmer in South Carolina. Seriously, we have a former vice president who - despite his claims of how severe this "problem" is - will not sign off to limit his use of energy. Based on this, he's either a hypocrite or a charlatan.
In any case, the issue sure doesn't compare to World War II, a war we fought for human freedom against the forces of oppression. Furthermore, the cover of "TIME" magazine insults those men & women who gave anything & everything to assure we continue to enjoy this precious freedom of ours. I don't subscribe to the magazine, never too much cared for it and, until recently, didn't care if someone had a subscription. Now, however, I am taking a stand & stating that this magazine, by way of perverting an icon & subverting itself to a questionable movement, isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
For those of you who want to know what real heroes look like...
Sad, But True
It's not just a Metallica song anymore!
I predict we won't have to wait too long before this becomes unfortunately appropriate...
I predict we won't have to wait too long before this becomes unfortunately appropriate...
4/14/08
But It's Not A Box Of Chocolates
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued , 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me
your answers'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued , 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me
your answers'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'
"Impossible" Defined
Here's a reply from one of my friends in an e-mail where four of us debated how science cannot explain away the existence of God - namely because it cannot explain how existence came to be.
This was inspired by the new Ben Stein movie "Expelled". I definitely want to see that one.
From Ron, arguably the most creative humorist of us four:
So the things that no one can describe are the senses. That wonderful unexplainable creation and gift from God.
Explain the sense of Sweet to someone that has no Taste buds.
Explain the sense of Red to someone born blind.
Explain the sense of Beethoven to someone born Deaf.
Explain the sense of Cold to someone born with no heat and cold receptors in their nervous system. (believe it or not it happens. And these people usually do not survive very long.)
Explain the sense of the smell of Roses to someone with a chronic head
cold....or born with no olfactory nerves.
Explain the sense of Common to a Democrat.
I called Ron out on the last one, saying that some things are just beyond possible...
This was inspired by the new Ben Stein movie "Expelled". I definitely want to see that one.
From Ron, arguably the most creative humorist of us four:
So the things that no one can describe are the senses. That wonderful unexplainable creation and gift from God.
Explain the sense of Sweet to someone that has no Taste buds.
Explain the sense of Red to someone born blind.
Explain the sense of Beethoven to someone born Deaf.
Explain the sense of Cold to someone born with no heat and cold receptors in their nervous system. (believe it or not it happens. And these people usually do not survive very long.)
Explain the sense of the smell of Roses to someone with a chronic head
cold....or born with no olfactory nerves.
Explain the sense of Common to a Democrat.
I called Ron out on the last one, saying that some things are just beyond possible...
4/11/08
1st Verbal Post
This is my first verbal post!
It's pretty cool stuff, don't you think?
Unfortunately, the weather has been cold & it just will not warm up. After visiting South Carolina, I was spoiled by the warm temperatures. Since it is spring I'd expect things to be nicer but no luck there. : -(
It's pretty cool stuff, don't you think?
Unfortunately, the weather has been cold & it just will not warm up. After visiting South Carolina, I was spoiled by the warm temperatures. Since it is spring I'd expect things to be nicer but no luck there. : -(
4/10/08
This Is Just Too Good
OK, I know there's a lot of tooting my new laptop's horn lately, but this HAS to be the coolest feature ever!
I have voice recognition software!!!
GOOD voice recognition software. I can dictate to the computer, send e-mails, arrange files, do photo/video organizing (a big help with all the "move", "copy", "delete" stuff), etc. It's solid with commands - even though it may miss once & again (crappy desktop mic) - but the dictation is perfect on e-mails & word.
I haven't tried this for blogging yet, assuming that it'll work for this, because it's late & people are trying to sleep.
All I can say is: bow before me, mere mortals of the technology world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
I have voice recognition software!!!
GOOD voice recognition software. I can dictate to the computer, send e-mails, arrange files, do photo/video organizing (a big help with all the "move", "copy", "delete" stuff), etc. It's solid with commands - even though it may miss once & again (crappy desktop mic) - but the dictation is perfect on e-mails & word.
I haven't tried this for blogging yet, assuming that it'll work for this, because it's late & people are trying to sleep.
All I can say is: bow before me, mere mortals of the technology world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
4/9/08
Now With 1000% More Mobility
That's right Crunch Time has gone mobile! I decided to buy a nice Dell laptop so as to have a little more flexibility with my time.
We had a nice "man-cation" seminar this past weekend & this will make it easier to edit the info since, honestly, I'm tired of being parked at a desk all the time. OK, Panera isn't a total change but there is the window view...
We had a nice "man-cation" seminar this past weekend & this will make it easier to edit the info since, honestly, I'm tired of being parked at a desk all the time. OK, Panera isn't a total change but there is the window view...
4/2/08
Keep Guessing
Ah, there are those moments that you cherish...
Like when a lady at work, who's talking about her coming 23rd birthday, tries to guess your age & starts at 25.
Me: "Nope".
Her: "26?"
Me: "Keep going".
Her: "OK, you must be 28, tops".
Me: (grinning, now) "Higher".
Her: (now getting a shocked expression on face) "Well, you CAN'T be older than 30!"
Me: "You bet I can"
Her: "Heck, 33?"
That's right folks, apparently, I look no less than eight (8) years younger than I actually am. Sure, I might act eight years younger than I actually am but that's another discussion.
Like when a lady at work, who's talking about her coming 23rd birthday, tries to guess your age & starts at 25.
Me: "Nope".
Her: "26?"
Me: "Keep going".
Her: "OK, you must be 28, tops".
Me: (grinning, now) "Higher".
Her: (now getting a shocked expression on face) "Well, you CAN'T be older than 30!"
Me: "You bet I can"
Her: "Heck, 33?"
That's right folks, apparently, I look no less than eight (8) years younger than I actually am. Sure, I might act eight years younger than I actually am but that's another discussion.
4/1/08
Yeeooowwchhh!!!
I am sore! Three hours of TKD, HKD & Arnis this Monday, followed by two hours of TKD & HKD today. It's a lot but as much fun as I have, it's worth the after effects.
I was feeling good yesterday - spry, even. Heck, my air falls had good height; my kicks were strong & accurate; and there was a lot of energy in the room. Feeling good, feeling REAL good!
Oh, but what a difference 24 hours can make...
Today, my legs felt like they had lead weights in them. While I did have a good time in class, the energy just wasn't that high. We did some good knife defense drills & it kept interesting the whole time but - MAN! - I just didn't feel as great as the day before.
Of course, I'm not letting that trump me. We have a seminar in Chicago - home of the backwards-a$$ pizza - this weekend on stick, knife & empty hand techniques. It'll be fun, so I'm keeping the energy up for that!
I was feeling good yesterday - spry, even. Heck, my air falls had good height; my kicks were strong & accurate; and there was a lot of energy in the room. Feeling good, feeling REAL good!
Oh, but what a difference 24 hours can make...
Today, my legs felt like they had lead weights in them. While I did have a good time in class, the energy just wasn't that high. We did some good knife defense drills & it kept interesting the whole time but - MAN! - I just didn't feel as great as the day before.
Of course, I'm not letting that trump me. We have a seminar in Chicago - home of the backwards-a$$ pizza - this weekend on stick, knife & empty hand techniques. It'll be fun, so I'm keeping the energy up for that!
3/30/08
For The Ladies
I guess I can give the ladies a little gender-appropriate humor. Heck, most of the below is true, anyway...
1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather… Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders… You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara… They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots… All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather… Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders… You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara… They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots… All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
3/27/08
Political Controversy
OK, I'm staring one of my own. First, I'd like to give credit to Mrs. Who of House of Zathras for her advice on this post. She reviewed it to make sure no bias* (intended or otherwise) creeped into what I'm about to suggest...
*Disclaimer: Only the party suggestions are intended to be bias-free. The rest is free for me, baby!
I'm not sure how many of you (as I do) believe that our political parties just aren't serving us as a nation. C'mon, you can't convince me Senator McCain is a conservative any more than you could convince me that Al Sharpton cares about anyone other than Al Sharpton. All the candidates - heck all of our federal elected officials - seem more interested in their political power than the legitimate issues that affect all Americans. For me, I care about national security; less government involvement in our lives and businesses; and reducing government spending on ridiculous pork (pet projects, sacrilegious "art", etc).
Now, I'm not proposing a direct way of fixing the above. Let's face it, I'm just not that smart. What I am putting forth is that, given the increasingly pale colors of our two major political parties, it's impossible to tell towards what direction a candidate leans & thus equally impossible to discern how he or she will stand on the concerns of constituents. The parties are broken, antiquated and simply do not address the scope of modern politics - namely the contrast between traditional & progressive ideals.
Now, it won't surprise any of my readers that I'm heavily in the traditional camp - I'm conservative, a veteran & believe that America is a force for good in this world because we are a moral, benevolent society. However, you don't have to be conservative to be traditional. Senator Lieberman is a liberal, to be sure, and he is also a firm believer that America is a noble country. These values are NOT contradictory. I firmly believe that the average liberal & conservative love this great nation very much & from this, we have our common ground.
And so, I give you the:
Traditional Party:
It doesn't matter if you're liberal, conservative or moderate.
The Traditional party believes in America as a force for good in the world - a country that serves as an example to other nations of freedom. We are one nation under God & the Founding Fathers set an incredibly high standard to which we, as honorable Americans, will strive to achieve. To be sure, that is a difficult standard and we recognize mankind must have ideals towards which we aspire. America is a beacon of freedom & example to the world of how unlimited is our potential.
We believe in a strong, capable military. One that is a volunteer force, well-respected & necessary for the defense of America. Our military will protect our nation's interests be it through armed conflict or providing assistance & comfort to our allies. The government is to provide for the common defense, as mandated by our Constitution, our military will be well-funded.
Government is beholden to the people. The people determine in what direction government moves & citizens deserve a limited, frugal government based upon the Framers' original intent.
We believe in a clear definition of right and wrong. Laws are there for the benefit of the people & can be changed by the will of the people. Existing laws - based on absolute morality - and their enforcement defines a healthy country. Justice is best served when the punishment is appropriate to the offense. {END}
Of course, with our country based on a two-party system, we can't have only one. No, that just wouldn't do. There are Americans who share differing beliefs than those listed above. I want to be clear here: I don't think just because you don't agree with the vision of the founders and/or don't want God mentioned in the public arena that you're a bad person or un-American. We're allowed to disagree and that's the whole point of debate.
That debate needs to be honest, however, and that's where the alternative political party comes in. There should be representation for those who hold a progressive vision for the United States.
And thus, we have the:
Progressive party:
America is a prosperous nation that should share that prosperity across all its citizenry. This is to benefit all of society as a whole. Europe, a collection of nations our from which our ancestors expatriated - due to religious & political persecution - governs upon these principles & has existed for hundreds of years. Social programs should be instituted to ensure the most prosperous provide opportunity to the less-fortunate.
The Constitution prohibits a state-endorsed religion. We believe that while privately-held beliefs are in the spirit of American values, these same beliefs need not be a part of governing the nation. Religious references shall be exempted from the public circle so as to prevent an (intentional or inadvertent) endorsement of religious belief.
Education is at the forefront of a prosperous society. To better ensure our future generations enjoy a competitive advantage, the state should provide a fair standard upon which all children will be taught. An elective curriculum should be afforded to all students so they may best determine their path of development. The government will provide this educational improvement from its own revenues.
Society should be nurturing to all of its citizenry and to those who aspire towards eventual citizenship. America is an open-minded and compassionate place that seeks to help those who are in need; be it financial misfortune or legal difficulties. People shall have every opportunity to become productive members of society. This is best accomplished through a system of restorative justice - one that focuses on healing the individual instead of punitive measures.
Medical care should be universal and for the people, by the people. No one should be without access to affordable, practical health care. It is the responsibility of government to provide for it's citizens and ensure a national standard of health.
We support our military in its mission. Our men and women in uniform serve us best by maintaining a strong domestic presence, thereby demonstrating to the world America's commitment to peaceable international relations.
The United States should further an international policy of prosperity by participating in a global economy. The bounty of this nation can serve to aid those states that are economically impoverished and bring about an end to global conflict by way of this shared prosperity. {END}
(Thanks to Bill O'Reilly for his excellent book "Culture Warrior" for inspiring the above parties & issues)
I think it's obvious which party would have the most members - as I can't think most Americans buy into the progressive ideals above - however, I'm looking at it from the eyes of a traditional thinker.
The above frames the common issues we face in American society today. As I stated earlier, conservative & liberal just don't quite cut it for political debate anymore. If you need any more proof, look at the three major political candidates running for POTUS: all are completely similar with the exception of one who supports the war in Iraq - hardly delineated along party lines, wouldn't you agree?
*Disclaimer: Only the party suggestions are intended to be bias-free. The rest is free for me, baby!
I'm not sure how many of you (as I do) believe that our political parties just aren't serving us as a nation. C'mon, you can't convince me Senator McCain is a conservative any more than you could convince me that Al Sharpton cares about anyone other than Al Sharpton. All the candidates - heck all of our federal elected officials - seem more interested in their political power than the legitimate issues that affect all Americans. For me, I care about national security; less government involvement in our lives and businesses; and reducing government spending on ridiculous pork (pet projects, sacrilegious "art", etc).
Now, I'm not proposing a direct way of fixing the above. Let's face it, I'm just not that smart. What I am putting forth is that, given the increasingly pale colors of our two major political parties, it's impossible to tell towards what direction a candidate leans & thus equally impossible to discern how he or she will stand on the concerns of constituents. The parties are broken, antiquated and simply do not address the scope of modern politics - namely the contrast between traditional & progressive ideals.
Now, it won't surprise any of my readers that I'm heavily in the traditional camp - I'm conservative, a veteran & believe that America is a force for good in this world because we are a moral, benevolent society. However, you don't have to be conservative to be traditional. Senator Lieberman is a liberal, to be sure, and he is also a firm believer that America is a noble country. These values are NOT contradictory. I firmly believe that the average liberal & conservative love this great nation very much & from this, we have our common ground.
And so, I give you the:
Traditional Party:
It doesn't matter if you're liberal, conservative or moderate.
The Traditional party believes in America as a force for good in the world - a country that serves as an example to other nations of freedom. We are one nation under God & the Founding Fathers set an incredibly high standard to which we, as honorable Americans, will strive to achieve. To be sure, that is a difficult standard and we recognize mankind must have ideals towards which we aspire. America is a beacon of freedom & example to the world of how unlimited is our potential.
We believe in a strong, capable military. One that is a volunteer force, well-respected & necessary for the defense of America. Our military will protect our nation's interests be it through armed conflict or providing assistance & comfort to our allies. The government is to provide for the common defense, as mandated by our Constitution, our military will be well-funded.
Government is beholden to the people. The people determine in what direction government moves & citizens deserve a limited, frugal government based upon the Framers' original intent.
We believe in a clear definition of right and wrong. Laws are there for the benefit of the people & can be changed by the will of the people. Existing laws - based on absolute morality - and their enforcement defines a healthy country. Justice is best served when the punishment is appropriate to the offense. {END}
Of course, with our country based on a two-party system, we can't have only one. No, that just wouldn't do. There are Americans who share differing beliefs than those listed above. I want to be clear here: I don't think just because you don't agree with the vision of the founders and/or don't want God mentioned in the public arena that you're a bad person or un-American. We're allowed to disagree and that's the whole point of debate.
That debate needs to be honest, however, and that's where the alternative political party comes in. There should be representation for those who hold a progressive vision for the United States.
And thus, we have the:
Progressive party:
America is a prosperous nation that should share that prosperity across all its citizenry. This is to benefit all of society as a whole. Europe, a collection of nations our from which our ancestors expatriated - due to religious & political persecution - governs upon these principles & has existed for hundreds of years. Social programs should be instituted to ensure the most prosperous provide opportunity to the less-fortunate.
The Constitution prohibits a state-endorsed religion. We believe that while privately-held beliefs are in the spirit of American values, these same beliefs need not be a part of governing the nation. Religious references shall be exempted from the public circle so as to prevent an (intentional or inadvertent) endorsement of religious belief.
Education is at the forefront of a prosperous society. To better ensure our future generations enjoy a competitive advantage, the state should provide a fair standard upon which all children will be taught. An elective curriculum should be afforded to all students so they may best determine their path of development. The government will provide this educational improvement from its own revenues.
Society should be nurturing to all of its citizenry and to those who aspire towards eventual citizenship. America is an open-minded and compassionate place that seeks to help those who are in need; be it financial misfortune or legal difficulties. People shall have every opportunity to become productive members of society. This is best accomplished through a system of restorative justice - one that focuses on healing the individual instead of punitive measures.
Medical care should be universal and for the people, by the people. No one should be without access to affordable, practical health care. It is the responsibility of government to provide for it's citizens and ensure a national standard of health.
We support our military in its mission. Our men and women in uniform serve us best by maintaining a strong domestic presence, thereby demonstrating to the world America's commitment to peaceable international relations.
The United States should further an international policy of prosperity by participating in a global economy. The bounty of this nation can serve to aid those states that are economically impoverished and bring about an end to global conflict by way of this shared prosperity. {END}
(Thanks to Bill O'Reilly for his excellent book "Culture Warrior" for inspiring the above parties & issues)
I think it's obvious which party would have the most members - as I can't think most Americans buy into the progressive ideals above - however, I'm looking at it from the eyes of a traditional thinker.
The above frames the common issues we face in American society today. As I stated earlier, conservative & liberal just don't quite cut it for political debate anymore. If you need any more proof, look at the three major political candidates running for POTUS: all are completely similar with the exception of one who supports the war in Iraq - hardly delineated along party lines, wouldn't you agree?
Yeah, I'm Back
After enduring the horror of sunny, 70-degree days with my family & driving around in Dad's 1965 Pontiac GTO Post coupe (with 389 removed & 467 added), I'm back in the land of corn, pigs & bone-chilling weather.
Uh, don't I have another vacation coming up soon?
Uh, don't I have another vacation coming up soon?
2/28/08
Somebody Please Explain
Why do some people think Will Ferrell is soooo funny?
The guy definitely ISN'T funny. In fact, if that's what passes for funny nowadays, please, please, somebody go ahead & put the final nail in comedy's coffin.
Laurel & Hardy = Funny
Alan King = Funny
Richard Jeni (Rest in Peace) = Funny
Laurel & Hardy made physical comedy what it is today (or was, before uninventive jerks killed it - thank you, Andy Dick). Alan King was great at describing everyday situations with appropriate humor. Richard Jeni had a delivery like no one else. He's one of the few comedians who had me laughing hours after one of his shows.
Take a lesson all you comedy posers out there! Will Ferrell just isn't funny & neither are most of the dweebs who pretend to be comics nowadays.
The guy definitely ISN'T funny. In fact, if that's what passes for funny nowadays, please, please, somebody go ahead & put the final nail in comedy's coffin.
Laurel & Hardy = Funny
Alan King = Funny
Richard Jeni (Rest in Peace) = Funny
Laurel & Hardy made physical comedy what it is today (or was, before uninventive jerks killed it - thank you, Andy Dick). Alan King was great at describing everyday situations with appropriate humor. Richard Jeni had a delivery like no one else. He's one of the few comedians who had me laughing hours after one of his shows.
Take a lesson all you comedy posers out there! Will Ferrell just isn't funny & neither are most of the dweebs who pretend to be comics nowadays.
Vacation
So next Monday I start my 10-day vacation in S. Carolina. I fly out at 6am & should get there about noon.
Dad's birthday is on March 5th & I've already bought his gift. He has a 1965 Pontiac GTO Post Coupe (Burgundy/Black, 467 V8, 4BBL) that's in great shape. Given all the work he's done to it, this beauty isn't really short on that classic feel. In fact, it's really missing only one thing: a working radio.
Oh sure, it probably "works" in some capacity, but that's like saying someone who votes democrat understands the real world.
Here's the plan: Dad has an old AM/FM/CD radio from another car. I'm thinking we can mount that in the trunk of the car (so as to keep the interior original - no chance I want to mess up a classic muscle car). Now, my uncle gave Dad a CD changer with remote that he can put in the trunk as well. Unfortunately, the remote has limited range & I don't think a 6-CD changer is the way to go. What, then, is the best option?
Well, I decided a decent-sized MP3 player would work best for this. The only thing is the player needed a simple interface so you wouldn't have to fumble with it while driving. Mine works well for my car but seeing as I have a 2006 Kia, we're talking a whole different game here.
Dad won't need a huge 30GB MP3 to serve his purpose - he's not going to listen to the thing outside his car anyway. I settled on a Samsung 4GB model that has FM, recording, video, etc. But the BEST feature is that it's touch screen! That's right, he just touches what he wants to play & BAM! - like Emeril Lagasse spicing up a dish - he's good to go.
I also grabbed a car kit with FM transmitter so we can hot wire the radio to the car, mount it in the trunk & then plug the transmitter into the cigarette lighter (or install an alternate to keep hidden). Then, all we need to do is fabricate a mount for the MP3 player (perfect rectangle about 1/2 inch thick) so he can use it without taking away from the classic look of the car. I'm not sure how we're going to make that last one happen but Dad's brilliant with that sort of creative solution & I'm sure we'll come up with something.
OK, as for the rest of vacation, I'm not sure what we're doing. It'll be nice to see my family again after about a year. I really do want to get moved down there but I'm not up & leaving my job without a backup plan. I have a car payment (not a big one) that I can't chance missing on even though I've got money in the bank.
Wish me a safe trip & I'll say "Hi" to the folks for y'all!
Dad's birthday is on March 5th & I've already bought his gift. He has a 1965 Pontiac GTO Post Coupe (Burgundy/Black, 467 V8, 4BBL) that's in great shape. Given all the work he's done to it, this beauty isn't really short on that classic feel. In fact, it's really missing only one thing: a working radio.
Oh sure, it probably "works" in some capacity, but that's like saying someone who votes democrat understands the real world.
Here's the plan: Dad has an old AM/FM/CD radio from another car. I'm thinking we can mount that in the trunk of the car (so as to keep the interior original - no chance I want to mess up a classic muscle car). Now, my uncle gave Dad a CD changer with remote that he can put in the trunk as well. Unfortunately, the remote has limited range & I don't think a 6-CD changer is the way to go. What, then, is the best option?
Well, I decided a decent-sized MP3 player would work best for this. The only thing is the player needed a simple interface so you wouldn't have to fumble with it while driving. Mine works well for my car but seeing as I have a 2006 Kia, we're talking a whole different game here.
Dad won't need a huge 30GB MP3 to serve his purpose - he's not going to listen to the thing outside his car anyway. I settled on a Samsung 4GB model that has FM, recording, video, etc. But the BEST feature is that it's touch screen! That's right, he just touches what he wants to play & BAM! - like Emeril Lagasse spicing up a dish - he's good to go.
I also grabbed a car kit with FM transmitter so we can hot wire the radio to the car, mount it in the trunk & then plug the transmitter into the cigarette lighter (or install an alternate to keep hidden). Then, all we need to do is fabricate a mount for the MP3 player (perfect rectangle about 1/2 inch thick) so he can use it without taking away from the classic look of the car. I'm not sure how we're going to make that last one happen but Dad's brilliant with that sort of creative solution & I'm sure we'll come up with something.
OK, as for the rest of vacation, I'm not sure what we're doing. It'll be nice to see my family again after about a year. I really do want to get moved down there but I'm not up & leaving my job without a backup plan. I have a car payment (not a big one) that I can't chance missing on even though I've got money in the bank.
Wish me a safe trip & I'll say "Hi" to the folks for y'all!
Again?!?!
Ugh! More snow today. I tell you, I'm not going to miss this stuff next week when I'm in S. Carolina.
We've had so much of the white stuff this year that the state actually ran out of salt/sand to put on the roads. If nothing else, it at least lights a fire under my butt to get out of this state.
We've had so much of the white stuff this year that the state actually ran out of salt/sand to put on the roads. If nothing else, it at least lights a fire under my butt to get out of this state.
2/20/08
Coming Soon...
I've got a post coming that's going to require a great deal of contemplation before posting.
The issue?
I want to make sure I'm fair-handed in both sides of my discussion. This is so I can glean your honest opinion based on facts.
The issue?
I want to make sure I'm fair-handed in both sides of my discussion. This is so I can glean your honest opinion based on facts.
2/19/08
Get It!
Anna Nalick has a new single out, titled "Shine".
Great song. If you have Rhaphsody, you'll want to download this one.
Great song. If you have Rhaphsody, you'll want to download this one.
2/16/08
Nothing Like
Doing shots with a beautiful redhead who looks like Lindsay Lohan, sans sluttiness & drug addiction...
Yee Haw!
Yee Haw!
Just A Thought
Do you ever wonder how many people remember this simple declaration:
I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of America
And to the republic for which it stands
One nation, under God
Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all
I was re-reading a book last night (non-fiction) where the author asked an openly liberal man - who claimed to be a patriot through and through - to recite the pledge and the guy simply couldn't do it.
The fact the most simple act of patriotism has fallen so far to the wayside is saddening. I have to ask how our country has been pushed so far into the crap hole of politically correct behavior. Were a country founded on principles of religious freedom; a country who the British feared at sea for sailors who fought like wild dogs; a nation whose Marines demoralized the Japanese in the WW II Pacific through the trademark Marine relentlessness.
When did so many of us become pansies?
Oh, to be sure, there are still plenty of real fighters out there - obviously the police, EMTs, firefighters & military are all fine examples of that - but have we really become so comfortable with this great liberty of ours to believe that it is not a breath away from extinction? Do we
really believe that our God-given rights are guaranteed without people to defend them? As Ronald Reagan said in 1964: "...[If] we lose this precious of freedom of ours, history will record, with the greatest astonishment, that those who stood to lose the most did the least to prevent its
happening". If you haven't seen the speech "A Time for Choosing", check it out on an earlier post.
At some point, a few of us decided "courage" should be replaced with "convenience", "morality" replaced with "me, me, me" and "love of country" substituted by "love of self". I remember a conversation in college with a particularly self-serving individual. We were discussing the draft concept. While I agreed the draft is a bad thing as a whole - I don't like the idea of a person being forced into service for one's country - I DO believe that if your country has need, there is an obligation to serve. He simply stated that he'd run to Canada. When I mentioned the (glaringly obvious) fact of someone having to go in his place, what was his reply?
"Better them than me."
Yes, this person was so self-serving of a coward that he 1) thought freedom was great, so long as he could enjoy it without having to defend it; and 2) he'd let someone take the risk of fighting while he ducked and ran to Canada - just to weasel his way back to the country later, no doubt. Keep in mind I don't agree with a draft but I do have enough sense of honor that I'd go when called. I might disagree with the cause - Heaven knows many of our men and women fighting right now may feel that same way about Iraq (BUT, they're still serving) - and I'd still go where my country needed me.
My response to Skippy McCoward was simply, "What if it was your brother?" Strangely, he didn't have an answer for that. I guess you can't see more than two feet in front of your face when you focus on only yourself. It's probably better for us that people like the one mentioned above don't know the pledge: If they don't believe in it - which is pretty obvious - we're better off knowing just how ignorant they are.
2/14/08
Unwanted Valentines
Sometimes a declaration of love just isn't what you want:
Sharing your "love" can sometimes be bad:
For those times when there's no better alternative:
Nothing says "I love you" like .357 hollow-points:
Sharing your "love" can sometimes be bad:
For those times when there's no better alternative:
Nothing says "I love you" like .357 hollow-points:
2/5/08
Ahhhh! Finally!
I got to class today!
It was an uphill battle, to be sure. The weather was terrible & my instructor, justifiably, was considering canceling. We're supposed to have upwards of 13 inches (must...resist...bad...joke!) by morning & it apparently decided to get an early start on things.
We only had three people show up - all kids - so I was able to work more on technique than would normally happen in class. The kids all behaved well & I'd say a lot was accomplished (yeah, until next time when they forget all of it!).
Considering the weather, Mr. Reif decided toditch err on the side of caution & leave early. OK, I really don't blame him but I figure if you're at class, may as well stay. We, OK, I, had one new student show up for Hapkido & he did a great job. Heck, he's pretty much a natural at this thing & takes instruction well. Hopefully, he'll keep with it.
After class, I came home, ate something & did some push-ups, crunches & leg-lifts. Yeah, not too many but until my gym membership kicks in, they'll have to do.
It was an uphill battle, to be sure. The weather was terrible & my instructor, justifiably, was considering canceling. We're supposed to have upwards of 13 inches (must...resist...bad...joke!) by morning & it apparently decided to get an early start on things.
We only had three people show up - all kids - so I was able to work more on technique than would normally happen in class. The kids all behaved well & I'd say a lot was accomplished (yeah, until next time when they forget all of it!).
Considering the weather, Mr. Reif decided to
After class, I came home, ate something & did some push-ups, crunches & leg-lifts. Yeah, not too many but until my gym membership kicks in, they'll have to do.
True?
A colleague at work - a democrat - claims he "didn't mind" McCain as a candidate for president.
Isn't this the political equivalent of a woman saying "it's a good size"?
Isn't this the political equivalent of a woman saying "it's a good size"?
2/4/08
Hapkido Angry
Hap BREAK, Hap SMASH!!!
Class was canceled AGAIN today for weather.
I swear, I am so darn angry that I said, "Screw it!" (no, not out loud) & called work to take a vacation day just so I can get to class on Wednesday.
Well, I can't take that day because we have 2 positions open in a department of 8 people & they can't afford to have me off on such short notice. Angry doesn't quite cover it. I was just starting to feel a little better (thanks _Jon & Mrs. Who!) after my last post & have since gone from in-the-dumps to in-the-red.
To top it off, there's a cute lady I met there last week & it would have been nice to talk to her again - maybe see if there's any chances, etc, assuming she's not married, of course - in addition to going to class. The first damn ray of hope I've had in over a year & it's foiled by a collection of small, crystalline objects that apparently love this *bleeping* state so much, I'm requesting they change the welcome sign from "Welcome to Iowa - Is This Heaven?" to the more appropriate:
"Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter.
Snows 'til May, Starts In November"
It's gone beyond frusrating since I only have the 2 days a week to go to class & something completely uncontrollable is keeping me away from it. When I try to take control, that's not an option, either. I swear, I would freaking vote Democrat if it would mean global warming came true & promised there would be no more of this incessant, annoying, disruptive falling of cold, white crap.
My other form of taking charge - joining a gym - is still in the "paperwork" phase that apparently involves a background check to a similar degree the military performed when I joined as an intelligence analyst - minus the "turn & cough" section. Sure, I get to work when it's done but in the meantime, ironically, all I want to do is use my skills to turn live terrorists into dead terrorists so as to aleve my frustrations at not being able to get exercise.
Yes, I'm trying to use humor to get through this bad phase. It's just so darn difficult. I suppose this is just stacked on top of wanting to move to SC but also wanting stay (just for the friends in HKD/TKD) because we have a great group of people here. If I move, I have to start from scratch.
By that, I mean starting my own school, getting my own students, insurance, facility, etc, etc, etc. I'll be 2nd degree - at best - when that happens & while 2nd degrees in HKD are about as easy to find as liberals with a conscience, it doesn't make me feel any more qualified to run out there & start my own school - even with my instructor's support (which he has generously offered).
Oh well, I've ranted long enough. Maybe this helps a bit but I certainly still feel trapped in a situation & there's nothing I can think of to do about it.
Class was canceled AGAIN today for weather.
I swear, I am so darn angry that I said, "Screw it!" (no, not out loud) & called work to take a vacation day just so I can get to class on Wednesday.
Well, I can't take that day because we have 2 positions open in a department of 8 people & they can't afford to have me off on such short notice. Angry doesn't quite cover it. I was just starting to feel a little better (thanks _Jon & Mrs. Who!) after my last post & have since gone from in-the-dumps to in-the-red.
To top it off, there's a cute lady I met there last week & it would have been nice to talk to her again - maybe see if there's any chances, etc, assuming she's not married, of course - in addition to going to class. The first damn ray of hope I've had in over a year & it's foiled by a collection of small, crystalline objects that apparently love this *bleeping* state so much, I'm requesting they change the welcome sign from "Welcome to Iowa - Is This Heaven?" to the more appropriate:
"Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter.
Snows 'til May, Starts In November"
It's gone beyond frusrating since I only have the 2 days a week to go to class & something completely uncontrollable is keeping me away from it. When I try to take control, that's not an option, either. I swear, I would freaking vote Democrat if it would mean global warming came true & promised there would be no more of this incessant, annoying, disruptive falling of cold, white crap.
My other form of taking charge - joining a gym - is still in the "paperwork" phase that apparently involves a background check to a similar degree the military performed when I joined as an intelligence analyst - minus the "turn & cough" section. Sure, I get to work when it's done but in the meantime, ironically, all I want to do is use my skills to turn live terrorists into dead terrorists so as to aleve my frustrations at not being able to get exercise.
Yes, I'm trying to use humor to get through this bad phase. It's just so darn difficult. I suppose this is just stacked on top of wanting to move to SC but also wanting stay (just for the friends in HKD/TKD) because we have a great group of people here. If I move, I have to start from scratch.
By that, I mean starting my own school, getting my own students, insurance, facility, etc, etc, etc. I'll be 2nd degree - at best - when that happens & while 2nd degrees in HKD are about as easy to find as liberals with a conscience, it doesn't make me feel any more qualified to run out there & start my own school - even with my instructor's support (which he has generously offered).
Oh well, I've ranted long enough. Maybe this helps a bit but I certainly still feel trapped in a situation & there's nothing I can think of to do about it.
1/29/08
Reverse Gear
I feel so backed against a wall right now.
Just got the rent renewal for my apartment - it's $120 more a month. Oh, but they'll give us $200 off the 1st month if we hurry & sign. Yeah, really. They're not giving us anything, just taking a little less.
Work is just stressful right now. It seems I bust my butt, accomplish what's set before me & then, somehow, one mistake - something inane & trivial - becomes the focus of my boss. He's a great boss but it makes me feel like an idiot. I'd understand if it was a world buster but we're talking a whoops-let-me-fix-that-real-quick kind of error.
I can't even seem to get into class. I bought my gear for Arnis yesterday morning just to realize I forgot my license & couldn't drive home & make class ontime. I really needed that stress reliever yesterday.
Of course, to add to it all, I pinched a nerve on the left side of my body & the resulting loss of strength (& a little numbness) is pissing me off to no end. It's reminding me that I can't do the stuff I love while it's there.
I just want to quit my job, move to SC & be done with this crap. This place isn't doing me any favors, I'm feeling trapped & I can't seem to catch the break I so desperately need. I don't want to pay more for my same apartment, I'm sick of one trivial mistake being a cause for concern & I cannot handle that my real support mechanism - something I love so much - seems to be slowly seeping away from my life.
I feel sick!
Just got the rent renewal for my apartment - it's $120 more a month. Oh, but they'll give us $200 off the 1st month if we hurry & sign. Yeah, really. They're not giving us anything, just taking a little less.
Work is just stressful right now. It seems I bust my butt, accomplish what's set before me & then, somehow, one mistake - something inane & trivial - becomes the focus of my boss. He's a great boss but it makes me feel like an idiot. I'd understand if it was a world buster but we're talking a whoops-let-me-fix-that-real-quick kind of error.
I can't even seem to get into class. I bought my gear for Arnis yesterday morning just to realize I forgot my license & couldn't drive home & make class ontime. I really needed that stress reliever yesterday.
Of course, to add to it all, I pinched a nerve on the left side of my body & the resulting loss of strength (& a little numbness) is pissing me off to no end. It's reminding me that I can't do the stuff I love while it's there.
I just want to quit my job, move to SC & be done with this crap. This place isn't doing me any favors, I'm feeling trapped & I can't seem to catch the break I so desperately need. I don't want to pay more for my same apartment, I'm sick of one trivial mistake being a cause for concern & I cannot handle that my real support mechanism - something I love so much - seems to be slowly seeping away from my life.
I feel sick!
1/27/08
Really? Mine Too!
A cowboy is driving down a back road in Texas . A sign in front of a restaurant reads:
'Lord almighty' he says to himself, 'my three favorite things!!'
HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer
Lobster Tail and Beer
'Lord almighty' he says to himself, 'my three favorite things!!'
Inside Info
I managed to get a hold of the 2008 DNC National Convention itinerary. Don't ask me how - some things are better left undiscovered.
I can't say there are really any surprises here but I figured you all would like to know what's going on from the left side of theaisle insanity.
I can't say there are really any surprises here but I figured you all would like to know what's going on from the left side of the
2008 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events
Schedule of Events
7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE U.N.
7:20 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
7:25 pm NONRELIGIOUS PRAYER AND WORSHIP - Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:00 pm HOW I INVENTED THE INTERNET - Al Gore
8:15 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING - Rosie O'Donnell
8:35 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
8:40 pm OUR TROOPS ARE WAR CRIMINALS - John Kerry
9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM AND HIS SONS - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm ANSWERING MACHINE ETIQUETTE - Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN KIDNEY TRANSPLANT FUND - Barbara Streisand
11:15 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
11:30 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
11:50 pm HOW GEORGE BUSH BROUGHT DOWN THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS - Howard Dean
12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON - Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:05 am CORONATION OF HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON
1:30 am Ted Kennedy PROPOSES A TOAST
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home
I Swear
I actually forgot about a really good blog. Fortunately, Harvey of Bad Example tagged _Jon of We Swear in a meme, which reminded me of this great site!
I first learned of _Jon when he commented on my site & asked Harvey if _Jon had a blog. Well, he didn't at the time but Harvey apparently convinced him to start one up & We Swear is the result. It's an enjoyable site with some serious, some humor & all of it worth your time.
Check it out. You won't be disappointed.
I first learned of _Jon when he commented on my site & asked Harvey if _Jon had a blog. Well, he didn't at the time but Harvey apparently convinced him to start one up & We Swear is the result. It's an enjoyable site with some serious, some humor & all of it worth your time.
Check it out. You won't be disappointed.
Presto PopLite
Product: Hot Air Popper
Where: Wal-Mart
Cost: $16.75 + tax
I picked up this little baby at Wal-Mart a couple days ago. In the back of my head, all I could think was how B-A-D air poppers have been in the past. You get stale popcorn & sometimes it burns, etc. Just crappy.
However, when I first used this one, the result was nice, fluffy popcorn! It takes about 3 minutes to get about a gallon of popcorn & the butter melting cup lets you get multi-task - as is so popular these days.
If you're looking for a far better alternative to microwaved crappy popcorn, this is your product. It's cheaper in the long run & much better for you. Give this one a shot.
Where: Wal-Mart
Cost: $16.75 + tax
I picked up this little baby at Wal-Mart a couple days ago. In the back of my head, all I could think was how B-A-D air poppers have been in the past. You get stale popcorn & sometimes it burns, etc. Just crappy.
However, when I first used this one, the result was nice, fluffy popcorn! It takes about 3 minutes to get about a gallon of popcorn & the butter melting cup lets you get multi-task - as is so popular these days.
If you're looking for a far better alternative to microwaved crappy popcorn, this is your product. It's cheaper in the long run & much better for you. Give this one a shot.
1/26/08
In Case You Need A Laugh
Two guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it . Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves ".
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this but me.
The 87 year old said "Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any Jewish rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it . Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves ".
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this but me.
1/25/08
Here's Some Perspective
Here's Earth & the other terrestrial planets (yeah, lay off on the Pluto debate!):
Now, here's the planets of the solar system - to scale:
Continuing, we have the planets in scale to the Sun:
Feeling small yet? Just wait - we're only getting started:
Well, the last one was humbling, but that's nothing compared to the next scale:
Keep in mind that Antares isn't even the largest star in the sky. That honor goes to Canis Majoris - about 1800 to 2100 times the size of Sol.
It's pretty humbling isn't it? I guess when you see this in comparison to Earth, it makes us seem so small & insignificant.
Now, here's the planets of the solar system - to scale:
Continuing, we have the planets in scale to the Sun:
Feeling small yet? Just wait - we're only getting started:
Well, the last one was humbling, but that's nothing compared to the next scale:
Keep in mind that Antares isn't even the largest star in the sky. That honor goes to Canis Majoris - about 1800 to 2100 times the size of Sol.
It's pretty humbling isn't it? I guess when you see this in comparison to Earth, it makes us seem so small & insignificant.
So Close...
And yet so, so far.
I got a call from a company in South Carolina interested in doing an interview. I'm thinking, "at least it's a step in the right direction". Here, I have an opportunity to get down there (FINALLY) & be rid of this horrible, horrible winter weather.
Until they found out how much I made.
Yeah, not much of a response from those guys on that. Sure, I'm not pulling down 6-figures but I make OK money. I guess it's just a little to "OK" for their tastes.
It's not that I want to move in the middle of winter, necessarily, but I really was hoping this would be my chance to get out of here & back to where my family, decent people & humane weather all exist in one place. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to settle for one out of three (thanks to the TKD/HKD guys for being that "one").
Here's me for the next few months (click to view):
I got a call from a company in South Carolina interested in doing an interview. I'm thinking, "at least it's a step in the right direction". Here, I have an opportunity to get down there (FINALLY) & be rid of this horrible, horrible winter weather.
Until they found out how much I made.
Yeah, not much of a response from those guys on that. Sure, I'm not pulling down 6-figures but I make OK money. I guess it's just a little to "OK" for their tastes.
It's not that I want to move in the middle of winter, necessarily, but I really was hoping this would be my chance to get out of here & back to where my family, decent people & humane weather all exist in one place. In the meantime, I guess I'll have to settle for one out of three (thanks to the TKD/HKD guys for being that "one").
Here's me for the next few months (click to view):
1/21/08
Sinking Feeling?
Students were assigned to read two books, "Titanic" and "My Life", by Bill Clinton. One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories. His professor had a sense of humor and gave the student an A for his report.
TITANIC vs. MY LIFE
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over three hours to read
Clinton: Over three hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn't remember jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica.. ooh, let's not go there either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary... basically the same thing
TITANIC vs. MY LIFE
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over three hours to read
Clinton: Over three hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn't remember jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica.. ooh, let's not go there either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary... basically the same thing
Sexism
One thing I really don't like about this presidential race is how race & gender are playing such a large part in politics.
Now, for my part, I want the best candidate to win. If that's a woman - and in Hillary's case, it isn't - she should be elected. I don't think race & gender should be a factor. Which is why things like this make me so darn mad. So what if Oprah Winfrey supports Barack Obama? She has the right to endorse the Geico gecko if she wants. Does that mean she's a traitor to the AFLAC duck?
The fact people get so excited about someone being "the first..." shows how far we have to go in terms of viewing people as, well, just PEOPLE! To me, it's patronizing. It's like treating someone as an "inferior" who just managed to pull out a miracle. How, in America - the land of opportunity - could that ever be the case?
A person should be elected on his or her merits - not skin color, ancestry, gender or (especially) nepotism. While I realize that last one dings Hillary Clinton because she's really only running on her association to Bill Clinton, it's fair to say she's not running on any other platform as she's sealed her records from the White House years.
While I do not support Barack Obama for POTUS, I think he's a charismatic individual who presents himself incredibly well. He's running on his record & intentions, so I can't argue with his candidacy. He's too liberal for my tastes but still a reasonable candidate.
My point is that voting for a woman because she's a woman is every bit as sexist as voting for a man because he's a man. It makes no sense. It's like picking the school bully for class president: Sure, you avoid that one wedgie by appeasing him/her but the electoral wedgie you'll be getting isn't worth offering your blind obedience.
Now, for my part, I want the best candidate to win. If that's a woman - and in Hillary's case, it isn't - she should be elected. I don't think race & gender should be a factor. Which is why things like this make me so darn mad. So what if Oprah Winfrey supports Barack Obama? She has the right to endorse the Geico gecko if she wants. Does that mean she's a traitor to the AFLAC duck?
The fact people get so excited about someone being "the first..." shows how far we have to go in terms of viewing people as, well, just PEOPLE! To me, it's patronizing. It's like treating someone as an "inferior" who just managed to pull out a miracle. How, in America - the land of opportunity - could that ever be the case?
A person should be elected on his or her merits - not skin color, ancestry, gender or (especially) nepotism. While I realize that last one dings Hillary Clinton because she's really only running on her association to Bill Clinton, it's fair to say she's not running on any other platform as she's sealed her records from the White House years.
While I do not support Barack Obama for POTUS, I think he's a charismatic individual who presents himself incredibly well. He's running on his record & intentions, so I can't argue with his candidacy. He's too liberal for my tastes but still a reasonable candidate.
My point is that voting for a woman because she's a woman is every bit as sexist as voting for a man because he's a man. It makes no sense. It's like picking the school bully for class president: Sure, you avoid that one wedgie by appeasing him/her but the electoral wedgie you'll be getting isn't worth offering your blind obedience.
1/17/08
Book Game
I got this one off Mrs. Who's site & it looked fun, so I gave it a go. The rules are simple:
1) Grab the nearest book
2) Open said book to page 123 - if you're a liberal, comic books don't often go that high.
3) Find the 5th sentence
4) Post sentences 5, 6 & 7 on your site, along with these directions (because Mrs. Who says so!)
5) Be realistic. Just because you have that Sarte book (that you haven't touched since college) doesn't mean you should use it to convince people how "deep" you are. Grab the closest book!
Here's my selection:
"Culture Warrior", by Bill O'Reilly, in reference to Christensen v. State of Washington where a mother eavesdropped on her teenage daughter. What can I say? I'm a bit of a political nerd.
1) Grab the nearest book
2) Open said book to page 123 - if you're a liberal, comic books don't often go that high.
3) Find the 5th sentence
4) Post sentences 5, 6 & 7 on your site, along with these directions (because Mrs. Who says so!)
5) Be realistic. Just because you have that Sarte book (that you haven't touched since college) doesn't mean you should use it to convince people how "deep" you are. Grab the closest book!
Here's my selection:
"The [Secular-Progressive] spearhead knew exactly what it wanted to achieve when it marched into Carmen Dixon's life: that is, a court ruling demonstrating that a parent has no right to supervise a child surreptitiously. For the secular-progressive movement to achieve its goals in America, it must undermine traditional parental authority and convince children there's a brave new world out there that does not include being raised in the traditional way. The [Secular-Progressive] goal is to diminish parental authority that, in the past, had been unquestioned".
"Culture Warrior", by Bill O'Reilly, in reference to Christensen v. State of Washington where a mother eavesdropped on her teenage daughter. What can I say? I'm a bit of a political nerd.
1/11/08
Apt, I Tell You!
If there ever was a great analogy, this is it...
In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers.
During this period of time she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable with other terminology of the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.
Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you? Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed. She has never run a City, County, or State.
When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has 8 years in the White House, Dick Morris stated "so has the pastry chef".
1/8/08
1/2/08
Since We're Being PC...
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred
to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
In the same vein, there are also euphemisms for other people:
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLOND" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER OF HORIZONTAL SERVICES."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred
to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
In the same vein, there are also euphemisms for other people:
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLOND" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER OF HORIZONTAL SERVICES."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE."
Hope You Brought Protection
In case the horrible event of Hillary getting elected comes to pass, we need to brace ourselves.
Here's a video to demonstrate what it'll be like:
Here's a video to demonstrate what it'll be like:
1/1/08
Happy New Year
I want to wish all of you a Happy New Year!
There are some people in the blogosphere who deserve to be named:
Harvey, of Bad Example: Thanks for getting me started in blogging!
Roses, of Ack! Thbbbt: Your stories have been an inspiration since I first found your site.
And of course Mrs. Who, of House of Zathras: You're a great friend who listens, takes time for others (thanks for reading that essay) & always has something to say about my posts.
All of you out there have a great & Happy New Year!
There are some people in the blogosphere who deserve to be named:
Harvey, of Bad Example: Thanks for getting me started in blogging!
Roses, of Ack! Thbbbt: Your stories have been an inspiration since I first found your site.
And of course Mrs. Who, of House of Zathras: You're a great friend who listens, takes time for others (thanks for reading that essay) & always has something to say about my posts.
All of you out there have a great & Happy New Year!
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