Roe vs Wade
Back in college, Obama was sitting in class when the professor asked him if he knew what the Roe vs Wade decision was. He sat there for quite a while pondering this very profound question and finally said,"I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware."
***
Q: What is the difference between a President Obama and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
***
Q: What do you see when you look directly into Obama's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
***
Q: What do you call Obama behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
***
Ooooo this one is for the nerds....
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside of Obama's head?
A: A Space Invader.
***
Q: What do you call when Obama sits between Condoleezza Rice and Bill O'Reilly?
A: A mental block.
***
Q. What do twenty Dumb Liberals standing ear to ear make?
A. A wind tunnel. (this happens in Congress often)
***
Q. How do you make Obama laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
***
Q. How do you confuse a Dumb Liberal? (this one was way too easy)
A. You can't, they have always been like that.
Q. Why is it good to have Obama as a passenger?
A. You get to park in the handicap zone.
Q. What does Obama say when you ask him what the last two words of the national anthem are?
A. Play ball!
Q. What was McCain Doing when he was standing between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama?
A. Interpreting.
Speeding
A police officer stops a Dumb Liberal for speeding and asks him very nicely if he could see the DL's license. The DL replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and now today you expect me to show it to you."
The Thermos
A Dumb Liberal was shopping at K-Mart and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it over to theclerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "why, that's a thermos....it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.""Wow," said the Dumb Liberal, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she took the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss, who is also a Dumb Liberal, saw it on her desk. "What's that?" he asked. "Why, that's a thermos...it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,"she replied. "What do you have in it?"asked the boss.
"Two popsicles and some coffee"
You know you would think that making fun of Dumb Liberals would have somekind of enjoyable payout. But the more I do this the more I just shake my head.......
8/18/08
8/15/08
Geek SquaSHEd
Geek Squad Tech Support,
You kept Hap's PC for a month. He can kill with his pinky and an evil stare. You won't like him when he's angry.
You kept Hap's PC for a month. He can kill with his pinky and an evil stare. You won't like him when he's angry.
The Taliban Education System.
I saw this and for some odd reason I though of Hapkido's Martial Arts class.
8/14/08
Made Up Your Mind, Eh?
Seen on a local idiot's person's car...
Bumper sticker #1:
Obama '08
Bumper sticker #2:
"I'm already against the next war."
I'm sure someone once said, "Those who will fight for nothing, deserve it".
I'm willing to bet you can add the above clown to that group. Sure, other than ending Communism, toppling the Berlin Wall, ending WW II, providing us our Independence, ending slavery and freeing the Iraqi people, a righteous use of force has never done anything for anyone.
Get a clue you "anti" kooks out there. It's easy to be against something. Take a stand, get a pair & be for something greater than yourself.
Bumper sticker #1:
Obama '08
Bumper sticker #2:
"I'm already against the next war."
I'm sure someone once said, "Those who will fight for nothing, deserve it".
I'm willing to bet you can add the above clown to that group. Sure, other than ending Communism, toppling the Berlin Wall, ending WW II, providing us our Independence, ending slavery and freeing the Iraqi people, a righteous use of force has never done anything for anyone.
Get a clue you "anti" kooks out there. It's easy to be against something. Take a stand, get a pair & be for something greater than yourself.
8/13/08
Can't Trust Older Men...
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'
'About 32,' is the reply
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay...How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible! How could you tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?' 'I promise I won't,' she says.
'I was behind you in McDonald's.'
'About 32,' is the reply
'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'
Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, 'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay...How old am I?'
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible! How could you tell?'
The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?' 'I promise I won't,' she says.
'I was behind you in McDonald's.'
The Darker Side
Oh, it's not all that "dark", per se. Let's just say that when, in my role as an instructor in TKD, I tell the whole class to keep their hands up or everyone will do push-ups, I. Mean. It.
Of course, I'm going to lead by example & will do them myself - and let's not miss the point:
1) In self-defense, if your hands are down, you're toast. I don't care if a mugger is going to punch you, a drunk is going to tackle you or Mother Superior is trying to smack your face with a ruler. Hands down = lots of pain headed your way.
2) It's expected in the art. Hands up, ready for confrontation and available to use. I understand, little Timmy, that you may have seen a rough day swimming on this beautiful summer afternoon. However, I'm pretty darn sure the parent next to you in class had a rougher one. Suck it up, kid.
3) Show respect for your instructor(s). Most importantly, I mean the Chief Instructor - who is on vacation. If you disrespect anyone in that class, you're disrespecting him. That makes me angry. Much like Bruce Banner, you don't want to see me angry...
So, ten measly push-ups later, the same two kids learned just about squat. I was nice enough not to single them out - after all, 20 people were just disciplined thanks to two recalcitrant young boys. I promise you all this: if I have to do any more push-ups because of some slacker kids, I will be more creative in my methods of correction.
Of course, I'm going to lead by example & will do them myself - and let's not miss the point:
1) In self-defense, if your hands are down, you're toast. I don't care if a mugger is going to punch you, a drunk is going to tackle you or Mother Superior is trying to smack your face with a ruler. Hands down = lots of pain headed your way.
2) It's expected in the art. Hands up, ready for confrontation and available to use. I understand, little Timmy, that you may have seen a rough day swimming on this beautiful summer afternoon. However, I'm pretty darn sure the parent next to you in class had a rougher one. Suck it up, kid.
3) Show respect for your instructor(s). Most importantly, I mean the Chief Instructor - who is on vacation. If you disrespect anyone in that class, you're disrespecting him. That makes me angry. Much like Bruce Banner, you don't want to see me angry...
So, ten measly push-ups later, the same two kids learned just about squat. I was nice enough not to single them out - after all, 20 people were just disciplined thanks to two recalcitrant young boys. I promise you all this: if I have to do any more push-ups because of some slacker kids, I will be more creative in my methods of correction.
8/11/08
Hap's Back (Saga of the Notebook)
Needless to say, I won't be buying a Dell anytime soon. Of course, my "buddies" at Best Buy (short for "Best buy someplace else, fella") did me the great favor of NOT sending the Dell to the service center after the motherboard died. No, they let the thing sit in the store for 4 weeks while they did nothing...
So, after my brother was kind enough to call them - in place of my ranting anger - they agreed to make good on the warranty & give me a new laptop. Of course, the new one is an HP, not a Dell. Here's hoping that my next foray into the world of portable blogging is met with more reliable service.
So, after my brother was kind enough to call them - in place of my ranting anger - they agreed to make good on the warranty & give me a new laptop. Of course, the new one is an HP, not a Dell. Here's hoping that my next foray into the world of portable blogging is met with more reliable service.
How to handle an Challenge of Wits from an Unarmed DL
Mrs. McCain found herself sitting next to Mrs. Obama at a Presidential Debate. Mrs. Obama just kept bugging Mrs. McCain wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, Mrs. Obama offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time Mrs. McCain could not answer one of the Liberal’s questions, Mrs. McCain owed Mrs. Obama $10, but every time Mrs. Obama could not answer the Conservative’s, Mrs. Obama would give Mrs. McCain $100.00. Mrs. Obama figured she could not lose, and Mrs. McCain reluctantly accepted.
Mrs. Obama first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word Mrs. McCain arched an eyebrow and handed Mrs. Obama $10. Then Mrs. McCain asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, Mrs. Obama looked puzzled. She took several hours, looking up everything she could on her laptop and even placing numerous text messages and Cell calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, she gave up and paid Mrs. McCain $100. Mrs. McCain put the $100 into her purse without comment, but Mrs. Obama insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, Mrs. McCain slyly smiled and handed her $10.
Mrs. Obama first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word Mrs. McCain arched an eyebrow and handed Mrs. Obama $10. Then Mrs. McCain asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, Mrs. Obama looked puzzled. She took several hours, looking up everything she could on her laptop and even placing numerous text messages and Cell calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, she gave up and paid Mrs. McCain $100. Mrs. McCain put the $100 into her purse without comment, but Mrs. Obama insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, Mrs. McCain slyly smiled and handed her $10.
8/7/08
The Farve Saga
I know I know Everyone is sick of hearing about the FARVE TRADE.
I have not had my say in this as a die hard Packer Fan and as an admirer of the Legend of Brett Farve. As my fellow life-long Packer Fans and I have lived through mediocre Packer Teams and I have had the patience to survive it, we think we are entitled to a little say in this deal. We do not have any desire to return to the Post Bart Starr era. BUT NOOOOO. It appears that the brainiacs in power at Lambeau are testing that patience once again. Someone up there needs to do a Rectal-Lobotomy on the Head Coach, GM and the Team President (ALL of whom need to go). What happened to the brains and genius of Ron Wolfe, Bob Harlan, and Mike Holmgren? They left a vacuume in the athletic intelligence community of Middle Wisconsin. Oh I cant believe I am going to say this but …THOSE WERE THE DAYS. The Packers had the Hat-trick Team-supreme in them. They knew something that these others do not. The ability to identify TALENT, SKILL, ABILITY and to shut up and getting out of the way when that is called for.
So how do I think it should have gone down? Well Honestly if Brett asked them to kiss his holy arse I think that they should have Shaved, put on the lip gloss and PUCKERED UP.
Acheivement for Acheivement, Farve’s successes would line up farther than either of them can throw. The Ego B-Fight that went on between his majesty the Farve and the Front Office was nothing more than spoiled child’s play on the front office’s part. There are some that say that Farve brought this on himself. WELL EXCUUUUUUSE ME. It is that kind of mentality that gets you a GM position in the NFL these days. Farve paided for this team through a show of blood sweat tears and loyalty. He showed time and again that he was for the team and the team in turn was for Farve. These three stooges need to scoot closer to the table because they are going to get served a nice big serving of Crow with a side of Gumbo... and if they have room for it afterward for just deserts....a nice big cup of "You shoulda shut the....uhm....'Heck' up. (keeping it clean for Mrs. Who and the kids. :) )
This last week has got me so (Warning! Bad Pun Ahead) Cheesed Off that I have been practicing my new chant. J.E.T.S. JETS JETS JETS. it really doesn't hurt as bad as I thought it would.
As I was stinging from the pain of this unecessary trade I ran across the article below that sums up exactly what I was thinking. Jason Whitlock had the precise information that was going through my head but I could not put in words the way I wanted.
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/8422668/Favre-can't-win-when-it-comes-to-office-politics
While I do feel for Chad and I do wish him luck, I bear no such sentiment for the HC, GM, and TP at the Packers. They will go down in history but not as they expected. They will be know as the idiots that let a good one get away in favor of their wounded pride.
To all the Farve haters out there who say he will fail in NY. If that is true then why were the 3 stooges in Green Bay so terrified that he would play in the NFC? Because his No-End-In-Sight-Skill is the thing that keeps them awake at night and they want that as far away from them as possible. Also Why were soo many teams very interested in acquiring Farve if he is "Done" as you say? Probably because it is only wishfull thinking talking and not common sense.
Dan Marino left when he got pushed out. He could still throw the ball better than his replacements. Look where Miami has gone since. Green Bay I still love you and will always be a fan but I am NOT a TT MM or MM fan and will not be happy again till they are nothing but bad memories.
Farve will reign again in NY and "J.E.T.S. Jets jets jets" is not that painful to say.
To the Jets fans. I envy you. You may see the end of the Patsies sooner than any of us thought possible and at the sound of Roaring Jets fans. I look forward to your many victories.
To the Penninton Faithful: I feel your pain much more than you probably realize but I do not have the Team hope that you can have. I did not like Farve when he first came to Lambeau. It took time. He also was not the legendary gunslinger then, that he is now.
To the Patsies. Your day has come. There is a new Marshal in town. He doesn't take too kindly to cheaters. Enjoy preseason, because Brett's coming and there is going to be hell to pay.
To Brett 'the Jet' Farve. We 'The Faithful' will always love you and miss you in the mid-west. Good luck Country Time. Teach them New Yorkers how to do the Lambeau Leap for us.
I have not had my say in this as a die hard Packer Fan and as an admirer of the Legend of Brett Farve. As my fellow life-long Packer Fans and I have lived through mediocre Packer Teams and I have had the patience to survive it, we think we are entitled to a little say in this deal. We do not have any desire to return to the Post Bart Starr era. BUT NOOOOO. It appears that the brainiacs in power at Lambeau are testing that patience once again. Someone up there needs to do a Rectal-Lobotomy on the Head Coach, GM and the Team President (ALL of whom need to go). What happened to the brains and genius of Ron Wolfe, Bob Harlan, and Mike Holmgren? They left a vacuume in the athletic intelligence community of Middle Wisconsin. Oh I cant believe I am going to say this but …THOSE WERE THE DAYS. The Packers had the Hat-trick Team-supreme in them. They knew something that these others do not. The ability to identify TALENT, SKILL, ABILITY and to shut up and getting out of the way when that is called for.
So how do I think it should have gone down? Well Honestly if Brett asked them to kiss his holy arse I think that they should have Shaved, put on the lip gloss and PUCKERED UP.
Acheivement for Acheivement, Farve’s successes would line up farther than either of them can throw. The Ego B-Fight that went on between his majesty the Farve and the Front Office was nothing more than spoiled child’s play on the front office’s part. There are some that say that Farve brought this on himself. WELL EXCUUUUUUSE ME. It is that kind of mentality that gets you a GM position in the NFL these days. Farve paided for this team through a show of blood sweat tears and loyalty. He showed time and again that he was for the team and the team in turn was for Farve. These three stooges need to scoot closer to the table because they are going to get served a nice big serving of Crow with a side of Gumbo... and if they have room for it afterward for just deserts....a nice big cup of "You shoulda shut the....uhm....'Heck' up. (keeping it clean for Mrs. Who and the kids. :) )
This last week has got me so (Warning! Bad Pun Ahead) Cheesed Off that I have been practicing my new chant. J.E.T.S. JETS JETS JETS. it really doesn't hurt as bad as I thought it would.
As I was stinging from the pain of this unecessary trade I ran across the article below that sums up exactly what I was thinking. Jason Whitlock had the precise information that was going through my head but I could not put in words the way I wanted.
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/8422668/Favre-can't-win-when-it-comes-to-office-politics
While I do feel for Chad and I do wish him luck, I bear no such sentiment for the HC, GM, and TP at the Packers. They will go down in history but not as they expected. They will be know as the idiots that let a good one get away in favor of their wounded pride.
To all the Farve haters out there who say he will fail in NY. If that is true then why were the 3 stooges in Green Bay so terrified that he would play in the NFC? Because his No-End-In-Sight-Skill is the thing that keeps them awake at night and they want that as far away from them as possible. Also Why were soo many teams very interested in acquiring Farve if he is "Done" as you say? Probably because it is only wishfull thinking talking and not common sense.
Dan Marino left when he got pushed out. He could still throw the ball better than his replacements. Look where Miami has gone since. Green Bay I still love you and will always be a fan but I am NOT a TT MM or MM fan and will not be happy again till they are nothing but bad memories.
Farve will reign again in NY and "J.E.T.S. Jets jets jets" is not that painful to say.
To the Jets fans. I envy you. You may see the end of the Patsies sooner than any of us thought possible and at the sound of Roaring Jets fans. I look forward to your many victories.
To the Penninton Faithful: I feel your pain much more than you probably realize but I do not have the Team hope that you can have. I did not like Farve when he first came to Lambeau. It took time. He also was not the legendary gunslinger then, that he is now.
To the Patsies. Your day has come. There is a new Marshal in town. He doesn't take too kindly to cheaters. Enjoy preseason, because Brett's coming and there is going to be hell to pay.
To Brett 'the Jet' Farve. We 'The Faithful' will always love you and miss you in the mid-west. Good luck Country Time. Teach them New Yorkers how to do the Lambeau Leap for us.
7/29/08
This week on the DL: Special Honorary Member
From www.foxnews.com/oreilly 7-16-2008 the Pinheads and Patriots we have an honorary Leader in the DL list. Introducing John Wiley Price. Incidentally his middle name is from a cartoon character that the Road Runner made famous.
Actual Conversation
Other Commissioner: It sounds like Central Collections has become a black hole. (this commissioner is of a mostly Caucasian persuasion)
JOHN WILEY PRICE, DALLAS COUNTY COMMISSIONER: Can I get an apology from the commissioner? In this day and time, you don't sit around the table where you have diversity and refer to a black hole. (Johnnie is an African American but is apparently not up on his science.)
Other Commissioner: Well, sure I do...
(End of Conversation)...
Black hole is in space. Now John Wiley Price, one of the commissioners who was offended made it worse when he talked to a FOX News reporter.
(Actual Conversation:)
PRICE: If it's angel food cake, it's white. If it's devil's food cake, it's black. If you're the black sheep of the family, then you've got to be bad, you know? White sheep, you're OK. I'm OK if I'm bartering with you, I'm OK. But if I try to Jew you down, oh, is that racist? I thought it meant the same thing. No, maybe it doesn't.
(END Conversation.)
Pinhead doesn't even begin to cover this.
GEEZ. This Educated DL doesn't even know what a "Black Hole" is. I am pretty sure he know what a hole is. uhem. Sorry lord. couldn't resist.
What is next John?
Former - Current
Shell Shock - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Fat - Obese individual with a thyroid disorder beyond his/her control
Bum - Penniless Victim of society
Addict - Drug-addled Victim of society
Hippie - Anti-war protester
Black Hole - Large mass of concentrated matter by which time/space are inverted upon themselves.While it resembles the properties of a "hole", and is, in fact "black" due to the fact not even light can escape its influence, this is not a nomenclature acceptable at the Dallas City Government level.
I urge everyone to contact the Educated Man in Downtown Dallas and explain that a Black Hole has nothing to do with race. Just because John had the brains to leave his contact information on his website with the quote "To his constituents of Dallas County's District 3 he is simply, "Our Man Downtown." shhhheeesh. More like "The Village Idiot."
Call him, Fax him, Write him, Send him Pictures, Someone dig up the old Disney movie, stop by with charts and diagrams of what a Black Hole really is.
Dallas ... you have a commissioner who's communication cannot transcend racism. At the next election ....please tell him where to get off the stage. We would not want him seeing the Black Lights in the wings.
Dallas County Commissioner District No. 3
John Wiley Price411 Elm Street,
2nd Floor Dallas, Texas 75202
PH: 214-653-6671
FAX: 214-653-6622
email: secrb3@dallascounty.org
Congratulations John Wiley Price. You are the King of the DL. This guy is gonna be hard to beat but ya know. I got a funny feeling he will not be sitting on this throne very long.
Actual Conversation
Other Commissioner: It sounds like Central Collections has become a black hole. (this commissioner is of a mostly Caucasian persuasion)
JOHN WILEY PRICE, DALLAS COUNTY COMMISSIONER: Can I get an apology from the commissioner? In this day and time, you don't sit around the table where you have diversity and refer to a black hole. (Johnnie is an African American but is apparently not up on his science.)
Other Commissioner: Well, sure I do...
(End of Conversation)...
Black hole is in space. Now John Wiley Price, one of the commissioners who was offended made it worse when he talked to a FOX News reporter.
(Actual Conversation:)
PRICE: If it's angel food cake, it's white. If it's devil's food cake, it's black. If you're the black sheep of the family, then you've got to be bad, you know? White sheep, you're OK. I'm OK if I'm bartering with you, I'm OK. But if I try to Jew you down, oh, is that racist? I thought it meant the same thing. No, maybe it doesn't.
(END Conversation.)
Pinhead doesn't even begin to cover this.
GEEZ. This Educated DL doesn't even know what a "Black Hole" is. I am pretty sure he know what a hole is. uhem. Sorry lord. couldn't resist.
What is next John?
Former - Current
Shell Shock - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Fat - Obese individual with a thyroid disorder beyond his/her control
Bum - Penniless Victim of society
Addict - Drug-addled Victim of society
Hippie - Anti-war protester
Black Hole - Large mass of concentrated matter by which time/space are inverted upon themselves.While it resembles the properties of a "hole", and is, in fact "black" due to the fact not even light can escape its influence, this is not a nomenclature acceptable at the Dallas City Government level.
I urge everyone to contact the Educated Man in Downtown Dallas and explain that a Black Hole has nothing to do with race. Just because John had the brains to leave his contact information on his website with the quote "To his constituents of Dallas County's District 3 he is simply, "Our Man Downtown." shhhheeesh. More like "The Village Idiot."
Call him, Fax him, Write him, Send him Pictures, Someone dig up the old Disney movie, stop by with charts and diagrams of what a Black Hole really is.
Dallas ... you have a commissioner who's communication cannot transcend racism. At the next election ....please tell him where to get off the stage. We would not want him seeing the Black Lights in the wings.
Dallas County Commissioner District No. 3
John Wiley Price411 Elm Street,
2nd Floor Dallas, Texas 75202
PH: 214-653-6671
FAX: 214-653-6622
email: secrb3@dallascounty.org
Congratulations John Wiley Price. You are the King of the DL. This guy is gonna be hard to beat but ya know. I got a funny feeling he will not be sitting on this throne very long.
7/18/08
The DL List - Car Trouble
CAR TROUBLE
A DL (Dumb Liberal) pushes his BMW into a gas station. He tells the mechanic it died.
After the Mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The DL says, "What's the story?"
The Mechanic replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
The DL asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Oh how long can I get away with this. This is too easy.
A DL (Dumb Liberal) pushes his BMW into a gas station. He tells the mechanic it died.
After the Mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
The DL says, "What's the story?"
The Mechanic replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
The DL asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
Oh how long can I get away with this. This is too easy.
7/17/08
Introducing the DL List
Well apparently in an earlier blogpost our dear friend and founder of this site aptly predectied his demise with a lousy PUN. This site is currently HAPless as he managed to knock himself off the information superhighway. While he is waiting for the Geek Squad to respond to the ID Ten Tee alarm I will do my best to keep you from totally ignoring this web site.
So without further ado.....{drum roll}......
Today July 17th on the year of our Lord 2008 AD. We are ..... well I asked every one here and that's just me We are pleased to present you...
************************
************************
THE DL LIST ta........
Dumb Liberals: ON TRAVEL
Two Dumb Liberals living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one Dumb Liberal says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other Dumb Liberal turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ????? "
************************
************************
This is just a pilot program till Hapkido gets back and kicks me off. Hope you enjoy enuff to tell him to keep me on.
So without further ado.....{drum roll}......
Today July 17th on the year of our Lord 2008 AD. We are ..... well I asked every one here and that's just me We are pleased to present you...
************************
************************
THE DL LIST ta........
Dumb Liberals: ON TRAVEL
Two Dumb Liberals living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one Dumb Liberal says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other Dumb Liberal turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ????? "
************************
************************
This is just a pilot program till Hapkido gets back and kicks me off. Hope you enjoy enuff to tell him to keep me on.
7/14/08
Little Johnny vs. Obama Fan-ism
A teacher in Elmira , New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans.
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for ......Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom 's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me ......an Obama fan.'
Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for ......Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom 's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me ......an Obama fan.'
7/5/08
(Possible) Good Call
I've been to the Statue of Liberty before. I've even seen the breathtaking view from the crown (a must in anyone's lifetime). I suppose as a New Yorker, it's pretty much one of those things that can be taken for granted because it's, well, always there in the background of the big city. Standing at the top of those steps as a child, foremost I was stunned by exactly high up it is! Sure, the walk up took a long time but when you're a kid walking two blocks is "forevvvvvvver"! This young fella could have never grasped the concept of being up so high & staring down to certain doom upon a fall.
And then, I looked forward.
I'm sure we've all seen the skyline of New York, New York in photography. My wall is adorned with a picture taken in the 70s - just after the Twin Towers went up (1973, I think) - that was given to me by my parents. This view, however, defied all imagination. A world of activity before you - boats, planes, and the realization that I while cannot grasp in my mind the greatness of America, I can sure enjoy the beauty of it all.
Now, a kid doesn't really appreciate these things as a child. No, it takes time, experiences both home & away from our nation's shores to get even an idea of what one glimpse from that crown really means. Maybe that's where I fell in love with my country - not that I realized at the time - and the idea of just how special this great land is was born in a lad's mind.
The Statue has always been our sentinel on the water. Even when it was closed for repairs (you can't enter the torch anymore) she never lost sight of us. Yes, I'll admit at times I forgot she was ever-present. OK, once in a great while, New Jersey would remind us of the Empire State's most enduring symbol by claiming she's in their waters (yeah? come & get it, Garden Staters!) & briefly the great lady will come back into focus, only to be relegated to the darkness at the back of our minds. We New Yorkers have a complicated & apathetic relationship with her...no wonder she's turned green over the years!
So, upon reading the city may finally re-open the crown & once again offer one of the most amazing views in the world (unless you've summited Everest, don't argue), I find the embers of that memory rekindled and the awe reborn.
When this Statue of Liberty once again is opened to the public, take the trip and go take in what will stand as the most amazing vision in your natural life: America.
And then, I looked forward.
I'm sure we've all seen the skyline of New York, New York in photography. My wall is adorned with a picture taken in the 70s - just after the Twin Towers went up (1973, I think) - that was given to me by my parents. This view, however, defied all imagination. A world of activity before you - boats, planes, and the realization that I while cannot grasp in my mind the greatness of America, I can sure enjoy the beauty of it all.
Now, a kid doesn't really appreciate these things as a child. No, it takes time, experiences both home & away from our nation's shores to get even an idea of what one glimpse from that crown really means. Maybe that's where I fell in love with my country - not that I realized at the time - and the idea of just how special this great land is was born in a lad's mind.
The Statue has always been our sentinel on the water. Even when it was closed for repairs (you can't enter the torch anymore) she never lost sight of us. Yes, I'll admit at times I forgot she was ever-present. OK, once in a great while, New Jersey would remind us of the Empire State's most enduring symbol by claiming she's in their waters (yeah? come & get it, Garden Staters!) & briefly the great lady will come back into focus, only to be relegated to the darkness at the back of our minds. We New Yorkers have a complicated & apathetic relationship with her...no wonder she's turned green over the years!
So, upon reading the city may finally re-open the crown & once again offer one of the most amazing views in the world (unless you've summited Everest, don't argue), I find the embers of that memory rekindled and the awe reborn.
When this Statue of Liberty once again is opened to the public, take the trip and go take in what will stand as the most amazing vision in your natural life: America.
7/4/08
Hero: A Definition
For any of you who want an example of a hero, read this story.
I don't think there's a true American out there who would doubt the courage, patriotism & dedication of the "average" Navy SEAL and Petty Officer Michael A. Monsoor's actions set him as an exceptional man among exceptional men.
The fact his fellow SEALs set their Tridents into the top of his coffin offers the proof of how great a man he was.
I don't think there's a true American out there who would doubt the courage, patriotism & dedication of the "average" Navy SEAL and Petty Officer Michael A. Monsoor's actions set him as an exceptional man among exceptional men.
The fact his fellow SEALs set their Tridents into the top of his coffin offers the proof of how great a man he was.
Happy Independence Day
In honor of the day, I present you with the greatest play in the history of sports:
Rick Monday, you're a true patriot!
Rick Monday, you're a true patriot!
7/2/08
K-9s now piss off muslims?? WTH?!?
Ad Featuring Popular Police Pup Sparks Anger in Scottish Muslim Communities
Story here.
"Muslims in the Scottish district of Tayside are outraged by the appearance of a wide-eyed, 6-week-old puppy on postcards distributed by the local police force, according to the Daily Mail.
Postcards showing police dog-in-training Rebel, a German shepherd born in early December, are causing a furor among the region’s Muslims who believe dogs are "ritually unclean," the Daily Mail reports.
The cute cards were meant to notify locals of a new telephone number for non-emergency phone calls but instead have become a flashpoint for a clash of cultures. Shopkeepers are refusing to display the offending ad and a Dundee city councilor is calling for an investigation."
ENUF IS ENUF!!!
You can't please all the people all of the time. Apparently you cannot please Muslims (at least the pissy ones) any of the time. Hey Ornery Muslim dudes.... I can understand if the dog was pissing on a turban but that clearly was not the case here. There isn't a hidden Quran inside the had for potty training either. They are UNCLEAN.... No CRAP? Notice to all people. These are Police Dogs. YOU DON'T FREAKING EAT THEM!!! If you are not careful they will eat you. So by this one can deduce that our very own McGruff is offensive to Muslims.
To the Tayside Police: MAN UP AND TELL THEM TO STUFF IT. You're the police. Grow a spine and quit bending over backward for the whiners. They keep doing this and making your life miserable because THEY CAN.
Here is the score settler. Let's be fair and Take a vote (via Comments). Majority rules.
Who's for the cute Puppy? Who is not? Vote on Crunch Time.
Story here.
"Muslims in the Scottish district of Tayside are outraged by the appearance of a wide-eyed, 6-week-old puppy on postcards distributed by the local police force, according to the Daily Mail.
Postcards showing police dog-in-training Rebel, a German shepherd born in early December, are causing a furor among the region’s Muslims who believe dogs are "ritually unclean," the Daily Mail reports.
The cute cards were meant to notify locals of a new telephone number for non-emergency phone calls but instead have become a flashpoint for a clash of cultures. Shopkeepers are refusing to display the offending ad and a Dundee city councilor is calling for an investigation."
ENUF IS ENUF!!!
You can't please all the people all of the time. Apparently you cannot please Muslims (at least the pissy ones) any of the time. Hey Ornery Muslim dudes.... I can understand if the dog was pissing on a turban but that clearly was not the case here. There isn't a hidden Quran inside the had for potty training either. They are UNCLEAN.... No CRAP? Notice to all people. These are Police Dogs. YOU DON'T FREAKING EAT THEM!!! If you are not careful they will eat you. So by this one can deduce that our very own McGruff is offensive to Muslims.
To the Tayside Police: MAN UP AND TELL THEM TO STUFF IT. You're the police. Grow a spine and quit bending over backward for the whiners. They keep doing this and making your life miserable because THEY CAN.
Here is the score settler. Let's be fair and Take a vote (via Comments). Majority rules.
Who's for the cute Puppy? Who is not? Vote on Crunch Time.
6/28/08
In Case Of Emergency
I have a favorite blog post.
Strangely, it's not one of my own - though I'm glad of that fact, since it suggests I'm not nearly so full of myself as I thought. ;-)
I recommend everyone who visits this site - if you've ever had a bad day, been pissed off at someone you care about or even just wondered "what's the point in trying?" - go to this blogger's site & read this short, meaningful story. Even if you only have a minute to spare, I promise it'll be the best minute of your day. The post is that good.
Roses, yet again (my 3rd read), this story has moved me beyond adequate words to describe the feeling. Take a bow, you deserve it.
Strangely, it's not one of my own - though I'm glad of that fact, since it suggests I'm not nearly so full of myself as I thought. ;-)
I recommend everyone who visits this site - if you've ever had a bad day, been pissed off at someone you care about or even just wondered "what's the point in trying?" - go to this blogger's site & read this short, meaningful story. Even if you only have a minute to spare, I promise it'll be the best minute of your day. The post is that good.
Roses, yet again (my 3rd read), this story has moved me beyond adequate words to describe the feeling. Take a bow, you deserve it.
6/26/08
Dangerous, At Least
***Warning! Horrible pun ahead***
If I wasn't a blogger on this site, would that make it Hap-less?
I am so, so sorry. :-P
If I wasn't a blogger on this site, would that make it Hap-less?
I am so, so sorry. :-P
6/25/08
Tired
I don't know if it was just the rough day at work or everything else going on but I am freaking worn out on life right now.
Oh, I've had a few good days in a row (none bad, to be honest) & I even thought I had run into an old friend from high school (false alarm, as it turns out) but man, something has left me feeling drained...
Oh, I've had a few good days in a row (none bad, to be honest) & I even thought I had run into an old friend from high school (false alarm, as it turns out) but man, something has left me feeling drained...
6/19/08
2 Out Of 3 Ain't Bad
We had three good students test last night in TKD - all brown belts. It was a long test for that level & I'm confident my instructor threw everything at them that was reasonable.
I'm actually going to say I was impressed by all three. I don't think that's ever happened.
One part of the test involved them defending against me touching their head. This was full-speed, open-hand (don't do damage) & they had to successfully block my "attack". Well, the first two did well on the block but forgot the main part of what we teach them: Move. Your. Head. They both got tapped.
The third young man, Alan, DID move his head when he blocked & I never came close to touching him. Bravo! Exactly what he should have done. While I know there are plenty of people faster than me, it's still no small feat for a youth to dodge a full-speed strike from an adult.
As for the rest of test, they're actually ahead of where I was at the same level. Ouch. I'd say forms need a little touching up - OK, cut them some slack, they're still young - and very little else needed work. Self-defense was strong & technique was good for all three.
I'm actually going to say I was impressed by all three. I don't think that's ever happened.
One part of the test involved them defending against me touching their head. This was full-speed, open-hand (don't do damage) & they had to successfully block my "attack". Well, the first two did well on the block but forgot the main part of what we teach them: Move. Your. Head. They both got tapped.
The third young man, Alan, DID move his head when he blocked & I never came close to touching him. Bravo! Exactly what he should have done. While I know there are plenty of people faster than me, it's still no small feat for a youth to dodge a full-speed strike from an adult.
As for the rest of test, they're actually ahead of where I was at the same level. Ouch. I'd say forms need a little touching up - OK, cut them some slack, they're still young - and very little else needed work. Self-defense was strong & technique was good for all three.
Not So Frivolous
I'm not normally in favor of lawsuits. In this case, however, I can say it's completely justified.
Congressman Murtha completely stepped over the line in declaring these fine Marines guilty before any evidence was presented towards to assert that accusation. As it turns out, all but one have been exonerated & I'd expect the final Marine will have the charges dismissed as well.
Who has the nerve to declare ANY person serving in our military guilty before evidence is presented? Shouldn't these standard bearers of our great nation be the first to deserve the benefit of the doubt? I would think a former Marine (yes, former - the first time I've heard that applied to any Marine) should be the last one who would presume guilt on serving Marines.
He damn sure owes these men an apology.
Congressman Murtha completely stepped over the line in declaring these fine Marines guilty before any evidence was presented towards to assert that accusation. As it turns out, all but one have been exonerated & I'd expect the final Marine will have the charges dismissed as well.
Who has the nerve to declare ANY person serving in our military guilty before evidence is presented? Shouldn't these standard bearers of our great nation be the first to deserve the benefit of the doubt? I would think a former Marine (yes, former - the first time I've heard that applied to any Marine) should be the last one who would presume guilt on serving Marines.
He damn sure owes these men an apology.
6/11/08
Are You Freaking Serious?
Just saw this on Michelle Malkin's site. We're sending $1.1 Billion (with a "B") to Mexico for their effing border security? Hello! How about that huge, gaping hole we have called a border in Texas, New Mexico, Arizona & California? Any one of you clowns in Congress want to think about plugging that sucker up, first?
It's the simplest of rules, people. Even the airlines follow it with oxygen masks: Take care of your emergency situation before you try to bail others out...if for no other reason than you can't help if you're unconscious.
Oh, and in this case, the "person" you're helping with that mask happens to be a habitual drug-dealing, gun-running coyote with a strangulation fetish.
Hey, instead of moving troops down to the border (as we should), why not move all the homes of Congress down there? I'll bet that boundary would be sealed tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge's coin purse in under a month.
It's the simplest of rules, people. Even the airlines follow it with oxygen masks: Take care of your emergency situation before you try to bail others out...if for no other reason than you can't help if you're unconscious.
Oh, and in this case, the "person" you're helping with that mask happens to be a habitual drug-dealing, gun-running coyote with a strangulation fetish.
Hey, instead of moving troops down to the border (as we should), why not move all the homes of Congress down there? I'll bet that boundary would be sealed tighter than Ebenezer Scrooge's coin purse in under a month.
6/10/08
My Advice
Lady, I'm sure you were in a hurry when you changed lanes suddenly. I'm even sure that in the shock of seeing my vehicle stop suddenly to avoid becoming part of your driver's seat prevented you from feeling that very slight impact where you rubbed against my bumper (be thankful I reacted quickly, or someone may have been hurt).
However, simply giving me an "Oh my gosh!" face & driving off doesn't cut it. The damage was negligible & I was incredibly decent to you & your father when I finally contacted you (after having to call the police to get your info).
My advice to you is make sure you stop in the unfortunate instance this happens again. The next person might not be so courteous as I was.
However, simply giving me an "Oh my gosh!" face & driving off doesn't cut it. The damage was negligible & I was incredibly decent to you & your father when I finally contacted you (after having to call the police to get your info).
My advice to you is make sure you stop in the unfortunate instance this happens again. The next person might not be so courteous as I was.
Just A Reminder
That my full name makes the best anagram ever!
Harlot's Phenomenal Joy
***Update***
Whoops! I forgot the link! Thanks, Harvey, for pointing it out.
Harlot's Phenomenal Joy
***Update***
Whoops! I forgot the link! Thanks, Harvey, for pointing it out.
Next Time, Pick It Up
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization:
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange . When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking a round, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange . When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking a round, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
Hissstory Channel
Hey, guys at History Channel, or History, whatever you call yourselves now:
Do you have some sort of EEOC quota for people with lisps? Seriously, there's nothing like watching a show about the history of astronomy just to have any serious aspect of it ruined by some disheveled kook with a lisp that would make a drag queen envious.
If you happen to have an extraordinarily gifted scientist, with whom the show can't go on, please, PLEASE find an equally gifted person in the field of public speaking so we don't have to endure that annoying sound of steam escaping.
Do you have some sort of EEOC quota for people with lisps? Seriously, there's nothing like watching a show about the history of astronomy just to have any serious aspect of it ruined by some disheveled kook with a lisp that would make a drag queen envious.
If you happen to have an extraordinarily gifted scientist, with whom the show can't go on, please, PLEASE find an equally gifted person in the field of public speaking so we don't have to endure that annoying sound of steam escaping.
6/5/08
Workout Schedule
Oh, you'll love this one.
Here's my workout for today:
00:35 - Wii Fit (20 minutes boxing, 15 minutes stepping)
01:00 - Taekwondo - Including sparring with a very talented lady. Great workout!
01:00 - Hapkido - Less intense than TKD for cardio, but still a good workout.
00:40 - Wii Fit (10 minutes boxing, 30 minutes stepping - count was 2982)
By my count, that's 3 hours, 15 minutes I spent exercising today! Man, I feel great & I wish I could do this everyday. I'm sure I won't feel that way in the morning but right now, all the above was completely worth it!
Here's my workout for today:
00:35 - Wii Fit (20 minutes boxing, 15 minutes stepping)
01:00 - Taekwondo - Including sparring with a very talented lady. Great workout!
01:00 - Hapkido - Less intense than TKD for cardio, but still a good workout.
00:40 - Wii Fit (10 minutes boxing, 30 minutes stepping - count was 2982)
By my count, that's 3 hours, 15 minutes I spent exercising today! Man, I feel great & I wish I could do this everyday. I'm sure I won't feel that way in the morning but right now, all the above was completely worth it!
Ninja Gaiden 2 (XBOX 360)
Summary: Most violent game...EVER!
If you have kids, are thinking about having kids or ever have kids at your house DO. NOT. GET. THIS. GAME! It's as violent as I could possibly stand to watch.
Aside from that, it's every bit as good as the first game & the storyline doesn't disappoint. Battles are fast, furious & overly bloody - which is frighteningly realistic with the spectacular graphics. Controls are tighter than that pair of jeans from college you tried to squeeze into last week.
Given all the options (tons of weapons, combos, unlockables, etc.) there's very little chance you could ever get bored with this game. Heck, the nightmares you'll have as a result of the overkill will allow you (unfortunately) take it into your sleep time.
Difficulty. How do I sum this up? Well, the only thing possibly more brutal than the images in this game is the difficulty. These enemies will mess you up. Bad. They don't pull punches, they do a lot of damage & they fight dirtier than a democrat at election time. There's even an "Achievement" awarded for your 100th continue. Yeah, it's that tough.
The camera can mess with you a bit in battles, but it's a minimal issue. I've never had problems when scaling walls or getting around tough obstacles - which is where a camera needs to work. I haven't lost a battle as a result of camera crappiness. I do miss how Ninja Gaiden would let you lock on in the last game. That would help, maybe. Then again, with the sheer number of enemies on screen, it might get you killed that much faster.
Anyway, I do think it's a great game. Nothing, on paper, says it's less-than-perfect. However, the violence will probably be a big turnoff for most people. If it were a movie, I can bet you'd see an NC-17 rating for how retchingly horrific some of the images are.
If you have kids, are thinking about having kids or ever have kids at your house DO. NOT. GET. THIS. GAME! It's as violent as I could possibly stand to watch.
Aside from that, it's every bit as good as the first game & the storyline doesn't disappoint. Battles are fast, furious & overly bloody - which is frighteningly realistic with the spectacular graphics. Controls are tighter than that pair of jeans from college you tried to squeeze into last week.
Given all the options (tons of weapons, combos, unlockables, etc.) there's very little chance you could ever get bored with this game. Heck, the nightmares you'll have as a result of the overkill will allow you (unfortunately) take it into your sleep time.
Difficulty. How do I sum this up? Well, the only thing possibly more brutal than the images in this game is the difficulty. These enemies will mess you up. Bad. They don't pull punches, they do a lot of damage & they fight dirtier than a democrat at election time. There's even an "Achievement" awarded for your 100th continue. Yeah, it's that tough.
The camera can mess with you a bit in battles, but it's a minimal issue. I've never had problems when scaling walls or getting around tough obstacles - which is where a camera needs to work. I haven't lost a battle as a result of camera crappiness. I do miss how Ninja Gaiden would let you lock on in the last game. That would help, maybe. Then again, with the sheer number of enemies on screen, it might get you killed that much faster.
Anyway, I do think it's a great game. Nothing, on paper, says it's less-than-perfect. However, the violence will probably be a big turnoff for most people. If it were a movie, I can bet you'd see an NC-17 rating for how retchingly horrific some of the images are.
Wii Fit
Yes, I've got one. Envy me, mere mortals! MWAHAHAHA
It's a great platform, to be honest. If you have the means, I highly suggest picking one up. My favorite is the boxing exercise in the Cardio section. You have 3, 6 & 10-minute intervals (so far) & each one gets faster than the previous. It really gets a sweat going & loosens you up.
All the exercises show you exactly where they're meant to work on your body. And, for you cheaters out there, it CAN tell when you're cheating based on balance - so trying to half-a$$ that yoga pose isn't going to cut it.
Sadly, the thing I should be best at (Balance) is my worst thing by far. If I could bonk those soccer balls or slalom worth a darn, it would make my day. Unfortunately, that's not in the cards. It seems I'm better at taking someones balance than I am at keeping my own.
The sets are: Yoga, Strength, Cardio and Balance. You can also choose an option to do you favorite exercises & even create your own! I'll let you know if that includes kicks but martial arts as a whole probably won't translate too well.
In short: GET IT GET IT GET IT!!!
It's a great platform, to be honest. If you have the means, I highly suggest picking one up. My favorite is the boxing exercise in the Cardio section. You have 3, 6 & 10-minute intervals (so far) & each one gets faster than the previous. It really gets a sweat going & loosens you up.
All the exercises show you exactly where they're meant to work on your body. And, for you cheaters out there, it CAN tell when you're cheating based on balance - so trying to half-a$$ that yoga pose isn't going to cut it.
Sadly, the thing I should be best at (Balance) is my worst thing by far. If I could bonk those soccer balls or slalom worth a darn, it would make my day. Unfortunately, that's not in the cards. It seems I'm better at taking someones balance than I am at keeping my own.
The sets are: Yoga, Strength, Cardio and Balance. You can also choose an option to do you favorite exercises & even create your own! I'll let you know if that includes kicks but martial arts as a whole probably won't translate too well.
In short: GET IT GET IT GET IT!!!
5/30/08
Ahh...That's Better
I was perusing a few articles online & came across this scruffy gem. The only point on which I disagree is the "men drive classic Fords". Maybe across the Pond they do that, but real men here drive classic Pontiac GTOs. I'm talking 1964-1967, not that RAMAIR crap from the 70s.
After the "metrosexual" phase of idiocy that plagued our male gender - I mean male sex ::grunts:: - I say it's high time the real man, the Indiana Jones "I'll punch you in the face for smarting off & worry about you feelings, well, never" kind of man showed his face again. There's too much of us pandering to everyone for fear of offending or arguing. Women CAN'T like men that have no spines.
And if they do, I'm definitely not interested in them & their collection of lockboxes...
The real men - the example to us younger ones - seemed to disappear after the baby boomers. They're the ones who would say what they meant, had self-respect & if they had a problem with their car, the Chilton's manual was all they needed. Yes, these bold examples of confidence and dignity led their lives like they knew what needed to be done & the followed through.
My generation (and the even fluffier current generation) lost that somewhere. I don't know if there was collective guilt in the concession to femi-nazis & the caving in to the "me, me, me" culture. Yes, telling your girlfriend/wife - that's just courtesy - that you've got plans with the guys & giving her a time when you'll be home is perfectly fine. Having to ask the same, something she probably doesn't feel so inclined to do when she goes out, is an act of a lesser "half" in a relationship. (Says the man who is not & probably never will be married)
Fortunately, the equal relationship seems to be back! Real men have returned!
After the "metrosexual" phase of idiocy that plagued our male gender - I mean male sex ::grunts:: - I say it's high time the real man, the Indiana Jones "I'll punch you in the face for smarting off & worry about you feelings, well, never" kind of man showed his face again. There's too much of us pandering to everyone for fear of offending or arguing. Women CAN'T like men that have no spines.
And if they do, I'm definitely not interested in them & their collection of lockboxes...
The real men - the example to us younger ones - seemed to disappear after the baby boomers. They're the ones who would say what they meant, had self-respect & if they had a problem with their car, the Chilton's manual was all they needed. Yes, these bold examples of confidence and dignity led their lives like they knew what needed to be done & the followed through.
My generation (and the even fluffier current generation) lost that somewhere. I don't know if there was collective guilt in the concession to femi-nazis & the caving in to the "me, me, me" culture. Yes, telling your girlfriend/wife - that's just courtesy - that you've got plans with the guys & giving her a time when you'll be home is perfectly fine. Having to ask the same, something she probably doesn't feel so inclined to do when she goes out, is an act of a lesser "half" in a relationship. (Says the man who is not & probably never will be married)
Fortunately, the equal relationship seems to be back! Real men have returned!
15 Minutes
An interesting story unfolded yesterday...
I left for lunch at about noon, stopped at Wendy's & ordered a grilled chicken sandwich, a chili & an iced tea (unsweetened for those in the South). I drove back to the work parking lot - not eating, of course - and parked to listen to the radio while I ate.
After I finished, I checked the time & happily discovered there were 30 minutes left on my lunch break.
Well, now, we can't waste that 30 minutes sitting around, can we? Of course not! I decided a walk was in order & promptly turned off my car, locked it and started my walk around the campus at work.
We have a decent place to walk there. It's about 1/5 mile or so around & a well-paved path. Needless to say, the decent temperatures, sunny skies and spare time conspired to make me get off my duff & burn a few calories.
...
...
Fifteen minutes later, after buying a new shirt for work & putting it on, I walked back into the office to finish my day.
Any guesses as to what happened?
***Update***
Matt guessed in correctly, folks!
I started my walk & a crow, sharpshooter & poop overkill of the avian community, decided my spring blue polo was a little too clean for his liking. After literally squeezing (sorry) off a round, the little stinker went about his business.
The main grouping hit my shoulder & splatter went in my hair, on my ear & neck. Undaunted, I resolved to finish my walk, albeit a bit disgusted at the humorous crap that had befallen me.
I went to the restroom to wash up (lots of soap) & did a pretty good job at cleaning the mess. Unfortunately, I couldn't make myself go back to work in a shirt that didn't rightfully deserve to have the "r" in it's name...
After a quick trip to Theissen's, $15 out of my pocket & some curious co-workers, I went back to work.
I had the greatest time telling anyone who had a bad day, "Oh yeah? Well, at least you weren't sh*t on, literally!"
:-P
I left for lunch at about noon, stopped at Wendy's & ordered a grilled chicken sandwich, a chili & an iced tea (unsweetened for those in the South). I drove back to the work parking lot - not eating, of course - and parked to listen to the radio while I ate.
After I finished, I checked the time & happily discovered there were 30 minutes left on my lunch break.
Well, now, we can't waste that 30 minutes sitting around, can we? Of course not! I decided a walk was in order & promptly turned off my car, locked it and started my walk around the campus at work.
We have a decent place to walk there. It's about 1/5 mile or so around & a well-paved path. Needless to say, the decent temperatures, sunny skies and spare time conspired to make me get off my duff & burn a few calories.
...
...
Fifteen minutes later, after buying a new shirt for work & putting it on, I walked back into the office to finish my day.
Any guesses as to what happened?
***Update***
Matt guessed in correctly, folks!
I started my walk & a crow, sharpshooter & poop overkill of the avian community, decided my spring blue polo was a little too clean for his liking. After literally squeezing (sorry) off a round, the little stinker went about his business.
The main grouping hit my shoulder & splatter went in my hair, on my ear & neck. Undaunted, I resolved to finish my walk, albeit a bit disgusted at the humorous crap that had befallen me.
I went to the restroom to wash up (lots of soap) & did a pretty good job at cleaning the mess. Unfortunately, I couldn't make myself go back to work in a shirt that didn't rightfully deserve to have the "r" in it's name...
After a quick trip to Theissen's, $15 out of my pocket & some curious co-workers, I went back to work.
I had the greatest time telling anyone who had a bad day, "Oh yeah? Well, at least you weren't sh*t on, literally!"
:-P
5/27/08
PC Police
They're at it again...
Apparently, it's a great idea to change tradition - heck, that stuff is only for anachronistic kooks, right? - and have the West Point Alma Mater re-worded to become gender neutral in the interest of being politically correct.
Now, of course women should be allowed to serve in the military & many have done so with distinction & honor. There's no question their service counts every bit as much as a man's. I count anyone brave enough to serve & sacrifice as equal to any other who serves. Gender simply isn't a factor.
I have a problem with changing traditions to suit the times. After all, we wouldn't change the Declaration of Independence to "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal...", would we? Do we go back & say that the Founders were wrong? Is there a reason, other than a "feel good" measure , to change an Alma Mater?
The answer is "No". Traditions provide more than a reminder of our history - they're a bond from class to class, generation to generation. They demonstrate to all included and observing them exactly what the point of tradition (and an Alma Mater) is: being part of a Family. That ought to be worth maintaining. It's most definitely above the politics of the PC.
Apparently, it's a great idea to change tradition - heck, that stuff is only for anachronistic kooks, right? - and have the West Point Alma Mater re-worded to become gender neutral in the interest of being politically correct.
Now, of course women should be allowed to serve in the military & many have done so with distinction & honor. There's no question their service counts every bit as much as a man's. I count anyone brave enough to serve & sacrifice as equal to any other who serves. Gender simply isn't a factor.
I have a problem with changing traditions to suit the times. After all, we wouldn't change the Declaration of Independence to "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all people are created equal...", would we? Do we go back & say that the Founders were wrong? Is there a reason, other than a "feel good" measure , to change an Alma Mater?
The answer is "No". Traditions provide more than a reminder of our history - they're a bond from class to class, generation to generation. They demonstrate to all included and observing them exactly what the point of tradition (and an Alma Mater) is: being part of a Family. That ought to be worth maintaining. It's most definitely above the politics of the PC.
Rip Off
For lunch, I went to this BBQ place called Dickey's & ordered a plate with 2 meats, 2 sides & some cornbread.
My bill was $10.06
I wrote in $10.06 for the total, put a line through the "tip" part (I got the order to go) & signed it.
So how, I ask, did I leave a $2.01 tip for them?
I plan on contacting these rip-off artists tomorrow & giving them a piece of my mind.
My bill was $10.06
I wrote in $10.06 for the total, put a line through the "tip" part (I got the order to go) & signed it.
So how, I ask, did I leave a $2.01 tip for them?
I plan on contacting these rip-off artists tomorrow & giving them a piece of my mind.
5/26/08
Seriously
Tom Harkin recently hearkened to the "fact" that John McCain, his family having an extensive background of military service, is unsuited to be commander-in-chief of the MILITARY because the Senator from Arizona will only be able to view things from a martial perspective.
Sure, I could get into the fact that a democrat criticizing someone as unfit to command the military is a joke in and of itself. Maybe in another post. Maybe.
Instead, I'd like to focus on the obvious issue here: That having a background in the military disqualifies one to lead the military. Arguably, a person who has served best knows, through experience, best how to meet the needs of our brave men & women in uniform.
Still, let's assume - emphasis on "ass" - that Senator Harkin's loony left opinion is correct. How does that change things?
The following people are hereby disqualified from their positions:
* Anti-war protesters: By wanting to end war; having both experience & (let's be honest) most likely an extended family history of it since the 60s, Pack up the picket signs, pink paint & crazy chants. Get in the mother ship & go home.
* Talk Show Hosts: Reel it in, Hannity & Colmes; Rush Limbaugh & Jay Leno, you've got no right to TV or the radio waves. You know what you're doing! How dare you steal the opportunities that we feeble, poorly-spoken, inexperienced people yearn to have? I'm afraid the hours of quality entertainment & information you bring us don't make you qualified. Gotta go.
* Military: Sorry men & women of our Armed Forces. Yes, your bravery, dedication & willingness to protect our precious freedoms every day you serve is a testament as to how you stand above even the most amazing American civilian. However, your training & experience are exactly what Senator Harkin has determined we don't need. We'll have to replace you with the now jobless anti-war freaks.
* Senators & Representatives: I'm afraid the Senator from Iowa didn't think about this eventuality when he went off half-cocked. You guys & gals have become so proficient at suckling the government teat, I'm afraid you fattened up to the point you're no longer capable of sitting in that position. It's not like you have done us much good in the past, oh, 12 years. So, with no regrets, I ask you to get out & let some fresh talent in. Seriously.
* Truck Drivers: Sure, you work long, thankless hours. You are away from your families for up to six weeks at a time. The amount of regulations you must know & follow are increasing every year. Even though most of you manage to drive millions of safe miles every day to keep America moving, you have to know this experience is exactly why you can't have this job. Pack it up, get a job at McDonald's & let's give some newbies a try. Besides hundreds of fatality accidents, what's the worst that could happen?
* Meteorologists: Well, you guys never get it right, anyways...
* Bloggers: Michelle Malkin. IMAO. House of Zathras. These are all names known to every blogger (that counts). Unfortunately, their boundless professionalism, humor & wit also relegates them to the trash bin of disqualification. No longer should we the people allow talented, hard-working journalists & writers dominate the blogosphere! Amateurs, rise up & take what is yours. Tom Harkin has spoken!
I think you'll agree the Senator is misguided at best & largely talking put of his rear when he states that a person, based on experience in the affirmative, is not qualified to hold a position based on personal & family history. I'm no shill for Senator McCain - I don't plan on voting for him - and still, listening to a leftist Senator who has done everything in his power to make the people of Iowa more dependent of government claim someone is unqualified to hold a job is just rich.
Hello, Senator! It's government FOR the people, not take from the people. Get a clue.
Sure, I could get into the fact that a democrat criticizing someone as unfit to command the military is a joke in and of itself. Maybe in another post. Maybe.
Instead, I'd like to focus on the obvious issue here: That having a background in the military disqualifies one to lead the military. Arguably, a person who has served best knows, through experience, best how to meet the needs of our brave men & women in uniform.
Still, let's assume - emphasis on "ass" - that Senator Harkin's loony left opinion is correct. How does that change things?
The following people are hereby disqualified from their positions:
* Anti-war protesters: By wanting to end war; having both experience & (let's be honest) most likely an extended family history of it since the 60s, Pack up the picket signs, pink paint & crazy chants. Get in the mother ship & go home.
* Talk Show Hosts: Reel it in, Hannity & Colmes; Rush Limbaugh & Jay Leno, you've got no right to TV or the radio waves. You know what you're doing! How dare you steal the opportunities that we feeble, poorly-spoken, inexperienced people yearn to have? I'm afraid the hours of quality entertainment & information you bring us don't make you qualified. Gotta go.
* Military: Sorry men & women of our Armed Forces. Yes, your bravery, dedication & willingness to protect our precious freedoms every day you serve is a testament as to how you stand above even the most amazing American civilian. However, your training & experience are exactly what Senator Harkin has determined we don't need. We'll have to replace you with the now jobless anti-war freaks.
* Senators & Representatives: I'm afraid the Senator from Iowa didn't think about this eventuality when he went off half-cocked. You guys & gals have become so proficient at suckling the government teat, I'm afraid you fattened up to the point you're no longer capable of sitting in that position. It's not like you have done us much good in the past, oh, 12 years. So, with no regrets, I ask you to get out & let some fresh talent in. Seriously.
* Truck Drivers: Sure, you work long, thankless hours. You are away from your families for up to six weeks at a time. The amount of regulations you must know & follow are increasing every year. Even though most of you manage to drive millions of safe miles every day to keep America moving, you have to know this experience is exactly why you can't have this job. Pack it up, get a job at McDonald's & let's give some newbies a try. Besides hundreds of fatality accidents, what's the worst that could happen?
* Meteorologists: Well, you guys never get it right, anyways...
* Bloggers: Michelle Malkin. IMAO. House of Zathras. These are all names known to every blogger (that counts). Unfortunately, their boundless professionalism, humor & wit also relegates them to the trash bin of disqualification. No longer should we the people allow talented, hard-working journalists & writers dominate the blogosphere! Amateurs, rise up & take what is yours. Tom Harkin has spoken!
I think you'll agree the Senator is misguided at best & largely talking put of his rear when he states that a person, based on experience in the affirmative, is not qualified to hold a position based on personal & family history. I'm no shill for Senator McCain - I don't plan on voting for him - and still, listening to a leftist Senator who has done everything in his power to make the people of Iowa more dependent of government claim someone is unqualified to hold a job is just rich.
Hello, Senator! It's government FOR the people, not take from the people. Get a clue.
5/22/08
Farm *Scam* Bill
Riddle:
Q. How do you stop a Charging RINO?
A. Remove 34 pages of a really crappy farm bill before they send it to the President.
I heard that I would be summarily executed if I did not provide a reference link.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,357081,00.html
(With all respect to my mentor Hapkido who protected me from Harvey's rightous smackdown. )
Q. How do you stop a Charging RINO?
A. Remove 34 pages of a really crappy farm bill before they send it to the President.
I heard that I would be summarily executed if I did not provide a reference link.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,357081,00.html
(With all respect to my mentor Hapkido who protected me from Harvey's rightous smackdown. )
5/16/08
Election 2008 Theme Song
Considering during this election cycle we're given the unenviable choice of voting for three left-wing individuals who are vying for the mass-media vote, I thought it's only appropriate we give them a theme song to celebrate their dedication to all things government.
The song choice came to me while RonnyEngrish & I were e-mailing with another friend. Without further delay, I give you:
"Addicted to Gov" (Parody of "Addicted to Love" by the late, great Robert Palmer)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your grind is not alone
Your heart sweats, your world quakes
Clinton 2 gives you the shakes
You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no account, drop is steep
Your money's tight, you can't believe
2012's your first reprieve!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
You see the signs, but you can't read
Obama's plan: just smokin' weed
The drum beats, insurance climbs
Vote John McCain? It stinks like swine
We can't be saved
Reagan again is all we crave
If there's some left for 1-2
Don't let us the news screw!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
(GUITAR SOLO)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your will, Congress owns
You've got cold sweats, from daily grind
Another vote for liberals: whine!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
The song choice came to me while RonnyEngrish & I were e-mailing with another friend. Without further delay, I give you:
"Addicted to Gov" (Parody of "Addicted to Love" by the late, great Robert Palmer)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your grind is not alone
Your heart sweats, your world quakes
Clinton 2 gives you the shakes
You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no account, drop is steep
Your money's tight, you can't believe
2012's your first reprieve!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
You see the signs, but you can't read
Obama's plan: just smokin' weed
The drum beats, insurance climbs
Vote John McCain? It stinks like swine
We can't be saved
Reagan again is all we crave
If there's some left for 1-2
Don't let us the news screw!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
(GUITAR SOLO)
Your rights are gone, you lost your home
Your will, Congress owns
You've got cold sweats, from daily grind
Another vote for liberals: whine!
Whoa, you'd like to believe you're impugned by the stuff
(oh yeah)
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it
You're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gov
5/15/08
A Real Pearl
I saw this comic in the local newspaper & just had to share it. I defy anyone not to laugh hysterically! (It helps if you've seen "Moonstruck" but isn't necessary)...
Pearls Before Swine
Pearls Before Swine
5/13/08
The Spanish Warming
I've been thinking about a good comparison for global warming for quite awhile now. It actually hit me when the "carbon credits" subject came up. You know the deal: some guy with a lot of cash & a lot of gas (in his tank) can drive/fly/boat as much as he wants & to make up for it, he "donates" some of his cash to carbon offsets that apparently makes all the bad things he's doing go away.
Hmm, that seems to strike a historical chord with me. What period in history gave people an out by letting them pay off their sins? Of course! It's the Spanish Inquisition (1476-1834) during which some people - thanks to corruption - to purchase indulgences, in effect buying off their indiscretions.
There were 3 main goals with the Inquisition: 1) Keep the people in line with the monarchs' policies/religion; 2) Weaken opposition to the monarchs; 3) Profit.
There are 3 main goals to the global warming movement: See above...
Basically, one can argue that global warming IS religion for the left. They certainly defend it with the fervor of a cultist fanatic (paging Tom Cruise!) and people seem to be going out of their way not to tread on it's obvious shortcomings (hello, radical Islamists!) possibly out of fear.
How The Left Turned Global Warming Into Their Religion:
* Promise of eternal government.
* "Don't believe in God? No problem, we've got Al Gore!"
* Offering each other a peace sign instead of a sign of Peace.
* Indulgences are literally planetary.
* Communion? Nah, they just smoke pot.
* "We've got all the religious holidays, PLUS earth day!"
* Do unto others as they do unto mother earth.
* Beatitudes replaced with bad attitudes
* "Gospels" according to Prius, Greenpeace, Treehugger & Moonbeam
* Two words: Baked tofu!
Hmm, that seems to strike a historical chord with me. What period in history gave people an out by letting them pay off their sins? Of course! It's the Spanish Inquisition (1476-1834) during which some people - thanks to corruption - to purchase indulgences, in effect buying off their indiscretions.
There were 3 main goals with the Inquisition: 1) Keep the people in line with the monarchs' policies/religion; 2) Weaken opposition to the monarchs; 3) Profit.
There are 3 main goals to the global warming movement: See above...
Basically, one can argue that global warming IS religion for the left. They certainly defend it with the fervor of a cultist fanatic (paging Tom Cruise!) and people seem to be going out of their way not to tread on it's obvious shortcomings (hello, radical Islamists!) possibly out of fear.
How The Left Turned Global Warming Into Their Religion:
* Promise of eternal government.
* "Don't believe in God? No problem, we've got Al Gore!"
* Offering each other a peace sign instead of a sign of Peace.
* Indulgences are literally planetary.
* Communion? Nah, they just smoke pot.
* "We've got all the religious holidays, PLUS earth day!"
* Do unto others as they do unto mother earth.
* Beatitudes replaced with bad attitudes
* "Gospels" according to Prius, Greenpeace, Treehugger & Moonbeam
* Two words: Baked tofu!
5/12/08
John McCain(D)
OK, Senator, it's time to fess up & admit you're a member of the jackass donkey party. Let's be honest: if you had any concern based on a "moral compass" or actual consistency in your principles, you wouldn't be out there touting every hot-button issue the mass-media deems important. It's like you're the fat kid in school scrambling to the call of "Free Ice Cream!" in the cafeteria.
Seriously, claiming you're any sort of "straight-talker" or conservative is a load of bull worthy of Paul Bunyan. You've demonstrated no willingness to cross party lines - you're consistently working with the democrats to the point I'm convinced you ARE a democrat. Heck, even Arlen Specter went our way once in awhile.
That's why your "free-market solution" tothe Spanish Inquisition global warming wasn't such a big surprise to me. I fully agree that the free market is a great thing & allows us to determine success based on survival-of-the-fittest. This does not, however, include delusional politicians (*cough* Al Gore) who seek to profit from claiming an environmental crisis just to turn a profit.
Of course, just as Mr. Gore wasn't so magnanimous to include himself in reducing his "carbon footprint", there's no reason to think you'll be so kind as to maintaining some line of consistency in your views. The fact you're buying into this silly concept demonstrates how far out of step you are with conservative principles. Keep in mind that government subsidies of ethanol blended fuel uses food to essentially make gasoline. Thanks to representatives like you, we're paying for ethanol in our taxes (uh, that would be the "subsidy" part), seeing less efficiency in a tank of gas (about 15 to 20% less per gallon) & STILL not seeing any benefit with regards to the cost of a gallon.
Sir, I respectfully request you drop the mantle of republican & assume the one of the ass that you're making of yourself.
Seriously, claiming you're any sort of "straight-talker" or conservative is a load of bull worthy of Paul Bunyan. You've demonstrated no willingness to cross party lines - you're consistently working with the democrats to the point I'm convinced you ARE a democrat. Heck, even Arlen Specter went our way once in awhile.
That's why your "free-market solution" to
Of course, just as Mr. Gore wasn't so magnanimous to include himself in reducing his "carbon footprint", there's no reason to think you'll be so kind as to maintaining some line of consistency in your views. The fact you're buying into this silly concept demonstrates how far out of step you are with conservative principles. Keep in mind that government subsidies of ethanol blended fuel uses food to essentially make gasoline. Thanks to representatives like you, we're paying for ethanol in our taxes (uh, that would be the "subsidy" part), seeing less efficiency in a tank of gas (about 15 to 20% less per gallon) & STILL not seeing any benefit with regards to the cost of a gallon.
Sir, I respectfully request you drop the mantle of republican & assume the one of the ass that you're making of yourself.
For Roses' Family...
Hey, guys, she said you needed this...
it's down here...
just a little bit farther...
ah, here's exactly what you needed:
A CLUE!!!
(Leaving dishes for Mom to do after Mother's Day doesn't count!!!)
it's down here...
just a little bit farther...
ah, here's exactly what you needed:
A CLUE!!!
(Leaving dishes for Mom to do after Mother's Day doesn't count!!!)
5/9/08
Chewing gum and kicking butt...and I'm all outta gum
Well I am here and from what I am told by my evil genius massssterrrrr Hapkido, the first blog is supposed to be real ... well ...stinky. Well as I was laying awake thinking of a topic my Schnauzer...Mini-Schnauzer...My wife's Mini-Schnauzer. Decided to take on one of his notorius musical interludes. That right. He was jamming with the ole tooter. AND BEFORE YOU ASK....no it was not me blaming the dog. So as I lay there in the aroma therapy of this four legged terrorist of the olfactory nervous system. I picked up my pocket computer and composed the following......
ODE de ODOUR
The ART of FART
The horrible hungry attention hog.
Good thing to blame upon the dog.
Asilent but deadly assassissination,
of fancy funtastic flatuation.
The Magnificent melodious linger..
Wonder why they pulled the finger?
A smeller to share with others,
Justice just to fluff the covers.
whatever rumble from down under,
All our nasals may not recover.
Some may cry and another gags.
Is it just me, I smell eggs.
the desperate cry of a trapped turd.
That will make them say; "Oh My Word!"
On the elevator it takes no blame,
Cutter of Cheese with no shame.
Walls of paint forever stained,
when ignighted by the Fart 'O Flame.
Oh the farting horse will never tire,
Yea, the farting man tis the one to hire.
Oh the crys with noses held shut...
That; "someone needs to wipe their butt.
Well I know as a first blog it has to stink....I hope it wasn't too bad.
ODE de ODOUR
The ART of FART
The horrible hungry attention hog.
Good thing to blame upon the dog.
Asilent but deadly assassissination,
of fancy funtastic flatuation.
The Magnificent melodious linger..
Wonder why they pulled the finger?
A smeller to share with others,
Justice just to fluff the covers.
whatever rumble from down under,
All our nasals may not recover.
Some may cry and another gags.
Is it just me, I smell eggs.
the desperate cry of a trapped turd.
That will make them say; "Oh My Word!"
On the elevator it takes no blame,
Cutter of Cheese with no shame.
Walls of paint forever stained,
when ignighted by the Fart 'O Flame.
Oh the farting horse will never tire,
Yea, the farting man tis the one to hire.
Oh the crys with noses held shut...
That; "someone needs to wipe their butt.
Well I know as a first blog it has to stink....I hope it wasn't too bad.
5/7/08
It's Over
As the junior Senator from New York has been told by so many pundits, her bid for the presidency - thank the Heavens - is over. Senator Obama's landslide win in North Carolina coupled with a "meh"-tastic showing Indiana pretty well convinced the media that it's no dice for Hil.
Of course, there are other things that warrant the "It's Over!" declaration...
1) Reality TV: all too obvious that this trend jumped the shark when Flavor Flav got a show. You're outta here, pal.
2) Skeletal Runway Models: Am I the only one who finds it ironic that they make the $$$ to eat steak every night but somehow can only manage to eat wheat germ & tofu? Gain some weight...you're done.
3) The rainbow! :-P
4) HD-DVD: Sure, it sounded like a great idea...people have DVDs, we'll call the next thing HD DVDs, right? Wrong, loser. Hope you guys who bought these have room in the closest next to the old Betamax.
5) Seriously, Hillary, you're still here?
6) The Chicago Cubs Season: When you give up 7 home runs (3 to one guy) to the Reds, stick a fork in it - you're done & the season's over.
7) Indiana Jones: Sorry but no moves in...oh wait, I guess he IS still cracking the whip!
8) Winter (thank Heaven!)
9) My Instructor's Vacation: After 3 weeks of taking over for him while he was in sunny California, he's finally coming back! Woo hoo!
Yep, there's just a few things that are completely & utterly over - it's just a matter of admitting it, folks. For those of you concerned regarding the above, let's get with the program!
Of course, the last "It's Over" is:
10) This post.
Of course, there are other things that warrant the "It's Over!" declaration...
1) Reality TV: all too obvious that this trend jumped the shark when Flavor Flav got a show. You're outta here, pal.
2) Skeletal Runway Models: Am I the only one who finds it ironic that they make the $$$ to eat steak every night but somehow can only manage to eat wheat germ & tofu? Gain some weight...you're done.
3) The rainbow! :-P
4) HD-DVD: Sure, it sounded like a great idea...people have DVDs, we'll call the next thing HD DVDs, right? Wrong, loser. Hope you guys who bought these have room in the closest next to the old Betamax.
5) Seriously, Hillary, you're still here?
6) The Chicago Cubs Season: When you give up 7 home runs (3 to one guy) to the Reds, stick a fork in it - you're done & the season's over.
7) Indiana Jones: Sorry but no moves in...oh wait, I guess he IS still cracking the whip!
8) Winter (thank Heaven!)
9) My Instructor's Vacation: After 3 weeks of taking over for him while he was in sunny California, he's finally coming back! Woo hoo!
Yep, there's just a few things that are completely & utterly over - it's just a matter of admitting it, folks. For those of you concerned regarding the above, let's get with the program!
Of course, the last "It's Over" is:
10) This post.
Welcome
To my new blogson, Ronny Engrish!
Ronny came into the world yesterday evening after creating his gmail. To demonstrate exactly what kind of blogger he'll be, Ronny went to work even before he was born into the blogosphere!
I think you'll enjoy his posting as a whole - except, of course, for the traditional first sucky post which promises to be such a horrid, raging pile of fetid compost that you'll all have tears in your eyes.
Stand by for Ronny Engrish, and pray there aren't any more of him out there!
(Mrs. Who: play nice!)
Ronny came into the world yesterday evening after creating his gmail. To demonstrate exactly what kind of blogger he'll be, Ronny went to work even before he was born into the blogosphere!
I think you'll enjoy his posting as a whole - except, of course, for the traditional first sucky post which promises to be such a horrid, raging pile of fetid compost that you'll all have tears in your eyes.
Stand by for Ronny Engrish, and pray there aren't any more of him out there!
(Mrs. Who: play nice!)
5/4/08
This Is Great
If you read this blog, you probably also read Mrs. Who's blog - House of Zathras. As you all know, it's an excellent page & always full of good things to read.
Now, however, there is an absolute must read on her page. Anyone who's supporting our military unconditionally & feels the gratitude we all owe them needs to check her post out.
Way to go, Mrs. Who, you knocked this one out of the park!
Now, however, there is an absolute must read on her page. Anyone who's supporting our military unconditionally & feels the gratitude we all owe them needs to check her post out.
Way to go, Mrs. Who, you knocked this one out of the park!
Weekend Plans
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!
Iron Man (no spoilers)
First off: Stay until after the ending credits...you'll be glad you did.
Iron Man - not to be confused with it's literary cousin, Irony Man - was an excellent flick from start to finish. At no point can you possibly be bored with great action & snappy dialogue. I especially enjoyed the departure from Marvel comics' usual life-sucks-no-matter-what storyline.
The actors all fit their characters well & delivered top-notch performances. Downey takes off (sorry) with a tremendous job as Tony Stark & makes for a completely memorable persona among many who are worth a bit of space in our minds. Even the most life-changing of moments never sees him abandon his basest instincts (naughty as some of them are). Always, there's some comedic/dramatic strain between characters that keeps the audience driven into the seats.
To do the great acting & story one better, Iron Man gives us plenty of dead terrorists - which, as we all know, are the only good kind of terrorists. As an aside I fully support his "kill 'em all & let God sort 'em out" diplomacy.
Go see this movie. No, that WASN'T a suggestion.
Iron Man - not to be confused with it's literary cousin, Irony Man - was an excellent flick from start to finish. At no point can you possibly be bored with great action & snappy dialogue. I especially enjoyed the departure from Marvel comics' usual life-sucks-no-matter-what storyline.
The actors all fit their characters well & delivered top-notch performances. Downey takes off (sorry) with a tremendous job as Tony Stark & makes for a completely memorable persona among many who are worth a bit of space in our minds. Even the most life-changing of moments never sees him abandon his basest instincts (naughty as some of them are). Always, there's some comedic/dramatic strain between characters that keeps the audience driven into the seats.
To do the great acting & story one better, Iron Man gives us plenty of dead terrorists - which, as we all know, are the only good kind of terrorists. As an aside I fully support his "kill 'em all & let God sort 'em out" diplomacy.
Go see this movie. No, that WASN'T a suggestion.
5/2/08
It's A Boy!
Crunch Time will soon be welcoming a blogson to the world!
At least that's what I'm hoping.
In the interest of getting a friend started on blogging - recent posts will give some insight as to the identity of this new blogger - I've invited a friend to post on my site. He's witty, insightful & has a different take on many of the issues we discuss. Well, different in normal terms - not nutty, whacko liberal "different".
Now, don't get the idea that Hap's leaving y'all. I'm still going to be pounding the keys with posts. If you happen to read one that's darn good, but not quite as good as mine, then you'll know it's the newbie.
More to come...
At least that's what I'm hoping.
In the interest of getting a friend started on blogging - recent posts will give some insight as to the identity of this new blogger - I've invited a friend to post on my site. He's witty, insightful & has a different take on many of the issues we discuss. Well, different in normal terms - not nutty, whacko liberal "different".
Now, don't get the idea that Hap's leaving y'all. I'm still going to be pounding the keys with posts. If you happen to read one that's darn good, but not quite as good as mine, then you'll know it's the newbie.
More to come...
Embedded Patriotism
I'd like to introduce the latest in a line of products that allows us to permanently track terrorists once they've been identified:
The Patriot Micro-chip is a small implant designed to be placed in the head of the terrorist & allows 100% accuracy in determining the location of the target. There are various methods of delivery & modern technology allows for selective implantation (with low occurrence of rejection) regardless of location.
Since not all applications are identical, the Patriot comes in various sizes and may include precious metals to avoid an allergic reaction to the implant.
(Note: size choices may not be available to all implantees)
While effectiveness is guaranteed, prices do vary from the softer chips (base cost: $0.42/unit) to the hardened, most durable implants in our line ($25USD/unit). Keeping in mind your operational budget, we offer implants with as few as 25 to a shipment with a "no-contract" policy. That's right - order as often as you like!
Side effects include: Swelling and/or bleeding at the sight of the injection; Ability to commune at an ascended level with over three score females of innocent nature; Brief pain on or near the injection point; Possible loss of bowel/bladder control.
Here's just a few of our wonderful implant products!
THE PATRIOT MICRO-CHIP
The Patriot Micro-chip is a small implant designed to be placed in the head of the terrorist & allows 100% accuracy in determining the location of the target. There are various methods of delivery & modern technology allows for selective implantation (with low occurrence of rejection) regardless of location.
Since not all applications are identical, the Patriot comes in various sizes and may include precious metals to avoid an allergic reaction to the implant.
(Note: size choices may not be available to all implantees)
While effectiveness is guaranteed, prices do vary from the softer chips (base cost: $0.42/unit) to the hardened, most durable implants in our line ($25USD/unit). Keeping in mind your operational budget, we offer implants with as few as 25 to a shipment with a "no-contract" policy. That's right - order as often as you like!
Side effects include: Swelling and/or bleeding at the sight of the injection; Ability to commune at an ascended level with over three score females of innocent nature; Brief pain on or near the injection point; Possible loss of bowel/bladder control.
Here's just a few of our wonderful implant products!
4/29/08
No, They Really Aren't
Folks, trying to tout an obviously crappy group like Oasis as this wonderful second-coming of the Beatles is not only insulting, it's we todd did! I'm not even the biggest fan of the Beatles & it's still a slap in the face.
Seriously, Oasis stinks.
How bad, you ask? Let's say you left a dead skunk in the bottom of a fat fryer in a greasy spoon for a year...there still wouldn't be enough funkitude to stink up the place as bad as someone popping "Wonderwall" into the jukebox.
Idiots on Rhapsody...
Seriously, Oasis stinks.
How bad, you ask? Let's say you left a dead skunk in the bottom of a fat fryer in a greasy spoon for a year...there still wouldn't be enough funkitude to stink up the place as bad as someone popping "Wonderwall" into the jukebox.
Idiots on Rhapsody...
4/28/08
Freaking BS
Well, as my friend Ron said, here's a sign of the times:
I wonder if I should move out there & claim I speak only Italian so I can get the Spanish-speaking supervisor fired? Heck, maybe the government should put out a big neon sign reading: WE WANT ILLEGALS!
I wonder if I should move out there & claim I speak only Italian so I can get the Spanish-speaking supervisor fired? Heck, maybe the government should put out a big neon sign reading: WE WANT ILLEGALS!
4/25/08
Nice Shot?
It was weird but in a funny way...
I was talking to this cute lady at work (unfortunately married, but hey, what can you do?) & leaning on another co-worker's desk. This particular co-worker likes to keep various treats in a small bowl on her desk.
The conversation went like this:
Her: "Hey, toss me one of those little butterfingers.
Me: Sure, no problem. ::Grabs mini butterfinger::
As I toss it into her hands, either the greatest or the worst shot of my life came to be...
Yes, it skipped right out of her hands and into, or more accurately, in between, a certain place below her neck and most definitely above her stomach. This area in question which, by the way, was poorly covered by her v-neck shirt, is not exactly easy to escape notice of.
Now, keep in mind, this young lady is cute-as-a-button, has curves in the places we guys like women to have such figures and completely willing to make light of a fella, such as myself, in an awkward situation - which this definitely was.
I guess the best way to describe it is this...
Well, without the drunken weirdness, at least.
I was talking to this cute lady at work (unfortunately married, but hey, what can you do?) & leaning on another co-worker's desk. This particular co-worker likes to keep various treats in a small bowl on her desk.
The conversation went like this:
Her: "Hey, toss me one of those little butterfingers.
Me: Sure, no problem. ::Grabs mini butterfinger::
As I toss it into her hands, either the greatest or the worst shot of my life came to be...
Yes, it skipped right out of her hands and into, or more accurately, in between, a certain place below her neck and most definitely above her stomach. This area in question which, by the way, was poorly covered by her v-neck shirt, is not exactly easy to escape notice of.
Now, keep in mind, this young lady is cute-as-a-button, has curves in the places we guys like women to have such figures and completely willing to make light of a fella, such as myself, in an awkward situation - which this definitely was.
I guess the best way to describe it is this...
Well, without the drunken weirdness, at least.
4/24/08
Yeah, Yeah
OK, lady, I get it - you didn't like the fact I divided my attention to primarily the adults in Taekwondo today. You also presented your criticism as "constructive" - which it was...until the 4th or 5th time you re-iterated your point.
We can't all be perfect, particularly when we don't have your luxurious view from the sidelines, and know that, oh, twenty or so people have entirely different things going on & may have questions - like the ones I was answering. Oh, & I'm particularly bad because I dedicated my time to a student who needed the help & not to your child & her fellow cajolers. No, I was dumb enough to spend my time on people who take this seriously.
Yeah, I could spend more time working with the kids - I'll grant you that argument. I DID spend more time with one student than I should have - again, other than you, no one's perfect. However, a condescending rhetorical question like "Did you even look at them once?" shows exactly how destructive your criticism really was. You didn't, I noticed, consider that I maybe, just maybe, had sixteen other people - who actually participate in class - to divide my attention.
You were at least courteous enough to direct this criticism towards me after the class was dismissed. With that in mind, I invite you to take lead in the next class & show me exactly how I should run things - because obviously it's easy to get twenty people to do everything you ask & focus on each individual in an orderly fashion.
We can't all be perfect, particularly when we don't have your luxurious view from the sidelines, and know that, oh, twenty or so people have entirely different things going on & may have questions - like the ones I was answering. Oh, & I'm particularly bad because I dedicated my time to a student who needed the help & not to your child & her fellow cajolers. No, I was dumb enough to spend my time on people who take this seriously.
Yeah, I could spend more time working with the kids - I'll grant you that argument. I DID spend more time with one student than I should have - again, other than you, no one's perfect. However, a condescending rhetorical question like "Did you even look at them once?" shows exactly how destructive your criticism really was. You didn't, I noticed, consider that I maybe, just maybe, had sixteen other people - who actually participate in class - to divide my attention.
You were at least courteous enough to direct this criticism towards me after the class was dismissed. With that in mind, I invite you to take lead in the next class & show me exactly how I should run things - because obviously it's easy to get twenty people to do everything you ask & focus on each individual in an orderly fashion.
4/20/08
Live Blogging
Star Wars Episode I is on Spike right now & it gives me the perfect opportunity to briefly live blog the question on my mind...
WTF with Jar Jar, George Lucas?! What were you smoking at the time you dreamed up this buffoon of an annoyance that spoils an already underwhelming movie? Seriously, I was disappointed as I saw 20 years of anticipation fade into a junk pile of rotten limburger and THEN you top if off with this clown.
Yeah, the battle with Darth Maul was cool but how do you justify the expense of the other hour and a half? Watching this again makes me want my money back...
WTF with Jar Jar, George Lucas?! What were you smoking at the time you dreamed up this buffoon of an annoyance that spoils an already underwhelming movie? Seriously, I was disappointed as I saw 20 years of anticipation fade into a junk pile of rotten limburger and THEN you top if off with this clown.
Yeah, the battle with Darth Maul was cool but how do you justify the expense of the other hour and a half? Watching this again makes me want my money back...
4/19/08
A Problem
This is a new one by me. Even after over five years in martial arts I've never encountered the problem I'm about to relate. It has a few facets, so please bear with me.
We have a student in HKD who is, to put it mildly, well-aged. He apparently has a great amount of zeal when it comes to applying these techniques even though, due to his fragile nature, we cannot apply the same techniques to him.
Now, before you start thinking I'm "eye for an eye" about martial arts - that anyone who applies a technique must feel the same application - rest assured that's not the case. I do believe, however, that anyone who wants to undertake a class in joint manipulation should be able to have his or her joints manipulated to a reasonable degree. For example, if you had advanced arthritis, then this probably isn't the class for you.
Well, that's the case with this student. He's made it to orange belt (level 3) largely because the techniques aren't overly damaging. However, he's also managed to do so without having any techniques really applied to him. This presents another problem entirely: he cannot develop the control that a regular student would because he does not know how it feels to be tweaked in a particular way. While this may serve him well in a self-defense situation (I have my doubts), it will not help other students avoid injury. I fear the day we pair him with a white belt and the new student gets injured.
Secondly, he is a former 2nd degree black belt in TKD (the same rank I currently hold). Apparently, this inactive rank gives him the impression he has more experience/authority than he actually does. Rank doesn't carry over. Period. For example, if I were to wear my black belt into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class & pretend that was my rank in that art...well, let's say the butt whipping I took wouldn't be soon forgotten.
The first rank problem with this student is that he tries to advise people far senior to him in HKD on how to perform a technique. The most memorable of which was chastising - there's no other word for it - two 2nd degree black belts on how one wasn't defending himself properly. For the record, he was. It was dealt with & we've made a point to impress on this guy that it won't be tolerated. Sadly though, his ignorance in techniques seems to make him feel he knows more than he does. He advises other color belts on how to execute techniques. Heck, I'm 1st degree & I don't say anything unless there's an obvious problem. This guy has no place doing such things.
The second rank problem exists in TKD. As I said before, he formerly held the rank of 2nd degree in this art. This has not been recognized by my instructor - and while he may have held it he isn't active, so it counts for nothing. One of our assistant instructors informed me in a phone conversation yesterday that he actually tried to instruct/advise students in TKD. Since he knows nothing about our instructors teaching style and we had a very capable instructor in Mr. Lee that day, a number of lines were crossed. Mr. Lee told him to take a seat, but I fear the problem isn't addressed.
My instructor is on vacation for the next three weeks and my problem is how to deal with this student without overstepping my bounds. I am senior while Master Rion is gone & will address issues in his absence. I'm of the mind that the next transgression of instructor authority will put this guy out on the street. However, I think that might be disrespectful to our instructor and the school in general.
What to do?
We have a student in HKD who is, to put it mildly, well-aged. He apparently has a great amount of zeal when it comes to applying these techniques even though, due to his fragile nature, we cannot apply the same techniques to him.
Now, before you start thinking I'm "eye for an eye" about martial arts - that anyone who applies a technique must feel the same application - rest assured that's not the case. I do believe, however, that anyone who wants to undertake a class in joint manipulation should be able to have his or her joints manipulated to a reasonable degree. For example, if you had advanced arthritis, then this probably isn't the class for you.
Well, that's the case with this student. He's made it to orange belt (level 3) largely because the techniques aren't overly damaging. However, he's also managed to do so without having any techniques really applied to him. This presents another problem entirely: he cannot develop the control that a regular student would because he does not know how it feels to be tweaked in a particular way. While this may serve him well in a self-defense situation (I have my doubts), it will not help other students avoid injury. I fear the day we pair him with a white belt and the new student gets injured.
Secondly, he is a former 2nd degree black belt in TKD (the same rank I currently hold). Apparently, this inactive rank gives him the impression he has more experience/authority than he actually does. Rank doesn't carry over. Period. For example, if I were to wear my black belt into a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class & pretend that was my rank in that art...well, let's say the butt whipping I took wouldn't be soon forgotten.
The first rank problem with this student is that he tries to advise people far senior to him in HKD on how to perform a technique. The most memorable of which was chastising - there's no other word for it - two 2nd degree black belts on how one wasn't defending himself properly. For the record, he was. It was dealt with & we've made a point to impress on this guy that it won't be tolerated. Sadly though, his ignorance in techniques seems to make him feel he knows more than he does. He advises other color belts on how to execute techniques. Heck, I'm 1st degree & I don't say anything unless there's an obvious problem. This guy has no place doing such things.
The second rank problem exists in TKD. As I said before, he formerly held the rank of 2nd degree in this art. This has not been recognized by my instructor - and while he may have held it he isn't active, so it counts for nothing. One of our assistant instructors informed me in a phone conversation yesterday that he actually tried to instruct/advise students in TKD. Since he knows nothing about our instructors teaching style and we had a very capable instructor in Mr. Lee that day, a number of lines were crossed. Mr. Lee told him to take a seat, but I fear the problem isn't addressed.
My instructor is on vacation for the next three weeks and my problem is how to deal with this student without overstepping my bounds. I am senior while Master Rion is gone & will address issues in his absence. I'm of the mind that the next transgression of instructor authority will put this guy out on the street. However, I think that might be disrespectful to our instructor and the school in general.
What to do?
Perfect Logic
I have to wonder why this great argument hasn't been used more often on the pro-life side of things. After all, it's great logic & I think, not to make light of this issue, that the unborn certainly deserve the benefit of the doubt as to whether they are alive.
I, for one, believe life begins at conception. As such, I really can't find an argument to this great statement by a great man...
I, for one, believe life begins at conception. As such, I really can't find an argument to this great statement by a great man...
"If you don't know whether a body is alive or dead, you would never bury it. I think this consideration itself should be enough for all of us to insist on protecting the unborn." - Ronald Reagan
4/18/08
Creatiolution?
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve, and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, but Dad said we developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve, and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, but Dad said we developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'
Climactic
Yeah, my last post was harsh & rightfully so. I don't think insulting veterans of the Greatest Generation is appropriate.
Still, I can't chastise the global warming movement (see: bowel movement for reference) without presenting a plan of my own. With this in mind, I present my very own 10-step climate strategy.
Hapkido's Climate Strategy:
1) Find that dude in De Kalb,il with the license plate ECOKLR1. We need people like him!
2) Hire as my new environmental advisor & slogan manager.
3) Announce to world the money I could have spent on carbon credits will instead be diverted to clubbing baby seals & depositing their innards in a potable fresh-water source of my choosing.
4) Say "gotcha" because baby seals are cute. (Hey, even Hap knows mercy!)
5) Take up smoking cigars while grilling outdoors & burning leaves.
6) Crank all coal power plants up to provide maximum carbon footprint - about the same output as your grandpa after thanksgiving dinner.
7) Go to Taekwondo & Hapkido - I DO have to stay in practice.
8) Realize I've been a hypocrite this whole time by driving a car that gets 35mpg & switch to the FuelBurner 3000 series of Hummer.
9) Burn down one hippie shanty per week.
10) Three words: Berkeley go BOOM!
Still, I can't chastise the global warming movement (see: bowel movement for reference) without presenting a plan of my own. With this in mind, I present my very own 10-step climate strategy.
Hapkido's Climate Strategy:
1) Find that dude in De Kalb,il with the license plate ECOKLR1. We need people like him!
2) Hire as my new environmental advisor & slogan manager.
3) Announce to world the money I could have spent on carbon credits will instead be diverted to clubbing baby seals & depositing their innards in a potable fresh-water source of my choosing.
4) Say "gotcha" because baby seals are cute. (Hey, even Hap knows mercy!)
5) Take up smoking cigars while grilling outdoors & burning leaves.
6) Crank all coal power plants up to provide maximum carbon footprint - about the same output as your grandpa after thanksgiving dinner.
7) Go to Taekwondo & Hapkido - I DO have to stay in practice.
8) Realize I've been a hypocrite this whole time by driving a car that gets 35mpg & switch to the FuelBurner 3000 series of Hummer.
9) Burn down one hippie shanty per week.
10) Three words: Berkeley go BOOM!
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
OK, I know you media types out there enjoy employing iconic images to draw parallels to from historic events to modern ones. I also know you stretch the bounds of reality to make a point that often misses the intended mark.
However, when it comes to perverting one of the most iconic images of World War II to demonstrate a similar severity for the farce of global warming (see: the Spanish Inquisition if you want an appropriate reference) I have to draw the line.
The "war" on global warming is a much-debated subject that I, for one, don't put much stock in. Winter has certainly been no less severe in Iowa, nor has Spring been any warmer in South Carolina. Seriously, we have a former vice president who - despite his claims of how severe this "problem" is - will not sign off to limit his use of energy. Based on this, he's either a hypocrite or a charlatan.
However, when it comes to perverting one of the most iconic images of World War II to demonstrate a similar severity for the farce of global warming (see: the Spanish Inquisition if you want an appropriate reference) I have to draw the line.
The "war" on global warming is a much-debated subject that I, for one, don't put much stock in. Winter has certainly been no less severe in Iowa, nor has Spring been any warmer in South Carolina. Seriously, we have a former vice president who - despite his claims of how severe this "problem" is - will not sign off to limit his use of energy. Based on this, he's either a hypocrite or a charlatan.
In any case, the issue sure doesn't compare to World War II, a war we fought for human freedom against the forces of oppression. Furthermore, the cover of "TIME" magazine insults those men & women who gave anything & everything to assure we continue to enjoy this precious freedom of ours. I don't subscribe to the magazine, never too much cared for it and, until recently, didn't care if someone had a subscription. Now, however, I am taking a stand & stating that this magazine, by way of perverting an icon & subverting itself to a questionable movement, isn't worth the paper it's printed on.
For those of you who want to know what real heroes look like...
Sad, But True
It's not just a Metallica song anymore!
I predict we won't have to wait too long before this becomes unfortunately appropriate...
I predict we won't have to wait too long before this becomes unfortunately appropriate...
4/14/08
But It's Not A Box Of Chocolates
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued , 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me
your answers'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'
St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.'
Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.'
St. Peter continued , 'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?
Third:
What is God's first name?
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me
your answers'
Forrest replied, 'Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.' The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter. 'How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '
'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter. 'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'? 'Sure,' Forrest replied, 'it's Andy.'
'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. 'Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'
'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song, 'ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: 'Run Forrest, run.'
"Impossible" Defined
Here's a reply from one of my friends in an e-mail where four of us debated how science cannot explain away the existence of God - namely because it cannot explain how existence came to be.
This was inspired by the new Ben Stein movie "Expelled". I definitely want to see that one.
From Ron, arguably the most creative humorist of us four:
So the things that no one can describe are the senses. That wonderful unexplainable creation and gift from God.
Explain the sense of Sweet to someone that has no Taste buds.
Explain the sense of Red to someone born blind.
Explain the sense of Beethoven to someone born Deaf.
Explain the sense of Cold to someone born with no heat and cold receptors in their nervous system. (believe it or not it happens. And these people usually do not survive very long.)
Explain the sense of the smell of Roses to someone with a chronic head
cold....or born with no olfactory nerves.
Explain the sense of Common to a Democrat.
I called Ron out on the last one, saying that some things are just beyond possible...
This was inspired by the new Ben Stein movie "Expelled". I definitely want to see that one.
From Ron, arguably the most creative humorist of us four:
So the things that no one can describe are the senses. That wonderful unexplainable creation and gift from God.
Explain the sense of Sweet to someone that has no Taste buds.
Explain the sense of Red to someone born blind.
Explain the sense of Beethoven to someone born Deaf.
Explain the sense of Cold to someone born with no heat and cold receptors in their nervous system. (believe it or not it happens. And these people usually do not survive very long.)
Explain the sense of the smell of Roses to someone with a chronic head
cold....or born with no olfactory nerves.
Explain the sense of Common to a Democrat.
I called Ron out on the last one, saying that some things are just beyond possible...
4/11/08
1st Verbal Post
This is my first verbal post!
It's pretty cool stuff, don't you think?
Unfortunately, the weather has been cold & it just will not warm up. After visiting South Carolina, I was spoiled by the warm temperatures. Since it is spring I'd expect things to be nicer but no luck there. : -(
It's pretty cool stuff, don't you think?
Unfortunately, the weather has been cold & it just will not warm up. After visiting South Carolina, I was spoiled by the warm temperatures. Since it is spring I'd expect things to be nicer but no luck there. : -(
4/10/08
This Is Just Too Good
OK, I know there's a lot of tooting my new laptop's horn lately, but this HAS to be the coolest feature ever!
I have voice recognition software!!!
GOOD voice recognition software. I can dictate to the computer, send e-mails, arrange files, do photo/video organizing (a big help with all the "move", "copy", "delete" stuff), etc. It's solid with commands - even though it may miss once & again (crappy desktop mic) - but the dictation is perfect on e-mails & word.
I haven't tried this for blogging yet, assuming that it'll work for this, because it's late & people are trying to sleep.
All I can say is: bow before me, mere mortals of the technology world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
I have voice recognition software!!!
GOOD voice recognition software. I can dictate to the computer, send e-mails, arrange files, do photo/video organizing (a big help with all the "move", "copy", "delete" stuff), etc. It's solid with commands - even though it may miss once & again (crappy desktop mic) - but the dictation is perfect on e-mails & word.
I haven't tried this for blogging yet, assuming that it'll work for this, because it's late & people are trying to sleep.
All I can say is: bow before me, mere mortals of the technology world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
4/9/08
Now With 1000% More Mobility
That's right Crunch Time has gone mobile! I decided to buy a nice Dell laptop so as to have a little more flexibility with my time.
We had a nice "man-cation" seminar this past weekend & this will make it easier to edit the info since, honestly, I'm tired of being parked at a desk all the time. OK, Panera isn't a total change but there is the window view...
We had a nice "man-cation" seminar this past weekend & this will make it easier to edit the info since, honestly, I'm tired of being parked at a desk all the time. OK, Panera isn't a total change but there is the window view...
4/2/08
Keep Guessing
Ah, there are those moments that you cherish...
Like when a lady at work, who's talking about her coming 23rd birthday, tries to guess your age & starts at 25.
Me: "Nope".
Her: "26?"
Me: "Keep going".
Her: "OK, you must be 28, tops".
Me: (grinning, now) "Higher".
Her: (now getting a shocked expression on face) "Well, you CAN'T be older than 30!"
Me: "You bet I can"
Her: "Heck, 33?"
That's right folks, apparently, I look no less than eight (8) years younger than I actually am. Sure, I might act eight years younger than I actually am but that's another discussion.
Like when a lady at work, who's talking about her coming 23rd birthday, tries to guess your age & starts at 25.
Me: "Nope".
Her: "26?"
Me: "Keep going".
Her: "OK, you must be 28, tops".
Me: (grinning, now) "Higher".
Her: (now getting a shocked expression on face) "Well, you CAN'T be older than 30!"
Me: "You bet I can"
Her: "Heck, 33?"
That's right folks, apparently, I look no less than eight (8) years younger than I actually am. Sure, I might act eight years younger than I actually am but that's another discussion.
4/1/08
Yeeooowwchhh!!!
I am sore! Three hours of TKD, HKD & Arnis this Monday, followed by two hours of TKD & HKD today. It's a lot but as much fun as I have, it's worth the after effects.
I was feeling good yesterday - spry, even. Heck, my air falls had good height; my kicks were strong & accurate; and there was a lot of energy in the room. Feeling good, feeling REAL good!
Oh, but what a difference 24 hours can make...
Today, my legs felt like they had lead weights in them. While I did have a good time in class, the energy just wasn't that high. We did some good knife defense drills & it kept interesting the whole time but - MAN! - I just didn't feel as great as the day before.
Of course, I'm not letting that trump me. We have a seminar in Chicago - home of the backwards-a$$ pizza - this weekend on stick, knife & empty hand techniques. It'll be fun, so I'm keeping the energy up for that!
I was feeling good yesterday - spry, even. Heck, my air falls had good height; my kicks were strong & accurate; and there was a lot of energy in the room. Feeling good, feeling REAL good!
Oh, but what a difference 24 hours can make...
Today, my legs felt like they had lead weights in them. While I did have a good time in class, the energy just wasn't that high. We did some good knife defense drills & it kept interesting the whole time but - MAN! - I just didn't feel as great as the day before.
Of course, I'm not letting that trump me. We have a seminar in Chicago - home of the backwards-a$$ pizza - this weekend on stick, knife & empty hand techniques. It'll be fun, so I'm keeping the energy up for that!
3/30/08
For The Ladies
I guess I can give the ladies a little gender-appropriate humor. Heck, most of the below is true, anyway...
1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather… Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders… You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara… They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots… All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
1. Men are like Laxatives... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather… Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders… You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like Government Bonds... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara… They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots… All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
3/27/08
Political Controversy
OK, I'm staring one of my own. First, I'd like to give credit to Mrs. Who of House of Zathras for her advice on this post. She reviewed it to make sure no bias* (intended or otherwise) creeped into what I'm about to suggest...
*Disclaimer: Only the party suggestions are intended to be bias-free. The rest is free for me, baby!
I'm not sure how many of you (as I do) believe that our political parties just aren't serving us as a nation. C'mon, you can't convince me Senator McCain is a conservative any more than you could convince me that Al Sharpton cares about anyone other than Al Sharpton. All the candidates - heck all of our federal elected officials - seem more interested in their political power than the legitimate issues that affect all Americans. For me, I care about national security; less government involvement in our lives and businesses; and reducing government spending on ridiculous pork (pet projects, sacrilegious "art", etc).
Now, I'm not proposing a direct way of fixing the above. Let's face it, I'm just not that smart. What I am putting forth is that, given the increasingly pale colors of our two major political parties, it's impossible to tell towards what direction a candidate leans & thus equally impossible to discern how he or she will stand on the concerns of constituents. The parties are broken, antiquated and simply do not address the scope of modern politics - namely the contrast between traditional & progressive ideals.
Now, it won't surprise any of my readers that I'm heavily in the traditional camp - I'm conservative, a veteran & believe that America is a force for good in this world because we are a moral, benevolent society. However, you don't have to be conservative to be traditional. Senator Lieberman is a liberal, to be sure, and he is also a firm believer that America is a noble country. These values are NOT contradictory. I firmly believe that the average liberal & conservative love this great nation very much & from this, we have our common ground.
And so, I give you the:
Traditional Party:
It doesn't matter if you're liberal, conservative or moderate.
The Traditional party believes in America as a force for good in the world - a country that serves as an example to other nations of freedom. We are one nation under God & the Founding Fathers set an incredibly high standard to which we, as honorable Americans, will strive to achieve. To be sure, that is a difficult standard and we recognize mankind must have ideals towards which we aspire. America is a beacon of freedom & example to the world of how unlimited is our potential.
We believe in a strong, capable military. One that is a volunteer force, well-respected & necessary for the defense of America. Our military will protect our nation's interests be it through armed conflict or providing assistance & comfort to our allies. The government is to provide for the common defense, as mandated by our Constitution, our military will be well-funded.
Government is beholden to the people. The people determine in what direction government moves & citizens deserve a limited, frugal government based upon the Framers' original intent.
We believe in a clear definition of right and wrong. Laws are there for the benefit of the people & can be changed by the will of the people. Existing laws - based on absolute morality - and their enforcement defines a healthy country. Justice is best served when the punishment is appropriate to the offense. {END}
Of course, with our country based on a two-party system, we can't have only one. No, that just wouldn't do. There are Americans who share differing beliefs than those listed above. I want to be clear here: I don't think just because you don't agree with the vision of the founders and/or don't want God mentioned in the public arena that you're a bad person or un-American. We're allowed to disagree and that's the whole point of debate.
That debate needs to be honest, however, and that's where the alternative political party comes in. There should be representation for those who hold a progressive vision for the United States.
And thus, we have the:
Progressive party:
America is a prosperous nation that should share that prosperity across all its citizenry. This is to benefit all of society as a whole. Europe, a collection of nations our from which our ancestors expatriated - due to religious & political persecution - governs upon these principles & has existed for hundreds of years. Social programs should be instituted to ensure the most prosperous provide opportunity to the less-fortunate.
The Constitution prohibits a state-endorsed religion. We believe that while privately-held beliefs are in the spirit of American values, these same beliefs need not be a part of governing the nation. Religious references shall be exempted from the public circle so as to prevent an (intentional or inadvertent) endorsement of religious belief.
Education is at the forefront of a prosperous society. To better ensure our future generations enjoy a competitive advantage, the state should provide a fair standard upon which all children will be taught. An elective curriculum should be afforded to all students so they may best determine their path of development. The government will provide this educational improvement from its own revenues.
Society should be nurturing to all of its citizenry and to those who aspire towards eventual citizenship. America is an open-minded and compassionate place that seeks to help those who are in need; be it financial misfortune or legal difficulties. People shall have every opportunity to become productive members of society. This is best accomplished through a system of restorative justice - one that focuses on healing the individual instead of punitive measures.
Medical care should be universal and for the people, by the people. No one should be without access to affordable, practical health care. It is the responsibility of government to provide for it's citizens and ensure a national standard of health.
We support our military in its mission. Our men and women in uniform serve us best by maintaining a strong domestic presence, thereby demonstrating to the world America's commitment to peaceable international relations.
The United States should further an international policy of prosperity by participating in a global economy. The bounty of this nation can serve to aid those states that are economically impoverished and bring about an end to global conflict by way of this shared prosperity. {END}
(Thanks to Bill O'Reilly for his excellent book "Culture Warrior" for inspiring the above parties & issues)
I think it's obvious which party would have the most members - as I can't think most Americans buy into the progressive ideals above - however, I'm looking at it from the eyes of a traditional thinker.
The above frames the common issues we face in American society today. As I stated earlier, conservative & liberal just don't quite cut it for political debate anymore. If you need any more proof, look at the three major political candidates running for POTUS: all are completely similar with the exception of one who supports the war in Iraq - hardly delineated along party lines, wouldn't you agree?
*Disclaimer: Only the party suggestions are intended to be bias-free. The rest is free for me, baby!
I'm not sure how many of you (as I do) believe that our political parties just aren't serving us as a nation. C'mon, you can't convince me Senator McCain is a conservative any more than you could convince me that Al Sharpton cares about anyone other than Al Sharpton. All the candidates - heck all of our federal elected officials - seem more interested in their political power than the legitimate issues that affect all Americans. For me, I care about national security; less government involvement in our lives and businesses; and reducing government spending on ridiculous pork (pet projects, sacrilegious "art", etc).
Now, I'm not proposing a direct way of fixing the above. Let's face it, I'm just not that smart. What I am putting forth is that, given the increasingly pale colors of our two major political parties, it's impossible to tell towards what direction a candidate leans & thus equally impossible to discern how he or she will stand on the concerns of constituents. The parties are broken, antiquated and simply do not address the scope of modern politics - namely the contrast between traditional & progressive ideals.
Now, it won't surprise any of my readers that I'm heavily in the traditional camp - I'm conservative, a veteran & believe that America is a force for good in this world because we are a moral, benevolent society. However, you don't have to be conservative to be traditional. Senator Lieberman is a liberal, to be sure, and he is also a firm believer that America is a noble country. These values are NOT contradictory. I firmly believe that the average liberal & conservative love this great nation very much & from this, we have our common ground.
And so, I give you the:
Traditional Party:
It doesn't matter if you're liberal, conservative or moderate.
The Traditional party believes in America as a force for good in the world - a country that serves as an example to other nations of freedom. We are one nation under God & the Founding Fathers set an incredibly high standard to which we, as honorable Americans, will strive to achieve. To be sure, that is a difficult standard and we recognize mankind must have ideals towards which we aspire. America is a beacon of freedom & example to the world of how unlimited is our potential.
We believe in a strong, capable military. One that is a volunteer force, well-respected & necessary for the defense of America. Our military will protect our nation's interests be it through armed conflict or providing assistance & comfort to our allies. The government is to provide for the common defense, as mandated by our Constitution, our military will be well-funded.
Government is beholden to the people. The people determine in what direction government moves & citizens deserve a limited, frugal government based upon the Framers' original intent.
We believe in a clear definition of right and wrong. Laws are there for the benefit of the people & can be changed by the will of the people. Existing laws - based on absolute morality - and their enforcement defines a healthy country. Justice is best served when the punishment is appropriate to the offense. {END}
Of course, with our country based on a two-party system, we can't have only one. No, that just wouldn't do. There are Americans who share differing beliefs than those listed above. I want to be clear here: I don't think just because you don't agree with the vision of the founders and/or don't want God mentioned in the public arena that you're a bad person or un-American. We're allowed to disagree and that's the whole point of debate.
That debate needs to be honest, however, and that's where the alternative political party comes in. There should be representation for those who hold a progressive vision for the United States.
And thus, we have the:
Progressive party:
America is a prosperous nation that should share that prosperity across all its citizenry. This is to benefit all of society as a whole. Europe, a collection of nations our from which our ancestors expatriated - due to religious & political persecution - governs upon these principles & has existed for hundreds of years. Social programs should be instituted to ensure the most prosperous provide opportunity to the less-fortunate.
The Constitution prohibits a state-endorsed religion. We believe that while privately-held beliefs are in the spirit of American values, these same beliefs need not be a part of governing the nation. Religious references shall be exempted from the public circle so as to prevent an (intentional or inadvertent) endorsement of religious belief.
Education is at the forefront of a prosperous society. To better ensure our future generations enjoy a competitive advantage, the state should provide a fair standard upon which all children will be taught. An elective curriculum should be afforded to all students so they may best determine their path of development. The government will provide this educational improvement from its own revenues.
Society should be nurturing to all of its citizenry and to those who aspire towards eventual citizenship. America is an open-minded and compassionate place that seeks to help those who are in need; be it financial misfortune or legal difficulties. People shall have every opportunity to become productive members of society. This is best accomplished through a system of restorative justice - one that focuses on healing the individual instead of punitive measures.
Medical care should be universal and for the people, by the people. No one should be without access to affordable, practical health care. It is the responsibility of government to provide for it's citizens and ensure a national standard of health.
We support our military in its mission. Our men and women in uniform serve us best by maintaining a strong domestic presence, thereby demonstrating to the world America's commitment to peaceable international relations.
The United States should further an international policy of prosperity by participating in a global economy. The bounty of this nation can serve to aid those states that are economically impoverished and bring about an end to global conflict by way of this shared prosperity. {END}
(Thanks to Bill O'Reilly for his excellent book "Culture Warrior" for inspiring the above parties & issues)
I think it's obvious which party would have the most members - as I can't think most Americans buy into the progressive ideals above - however, I'm looking at it from the eyes of a traditional thinker.
The above frames the common issues we face in American society today. As I stated earlier, conservative & liberal just don't quite cut it for political debate anymore. If you need any more proof, look at the three major political candidates running for POTUS: all are completely similar with the exception of one who supports the war in Iraq - hardly delineated along party lines, wouldn't you agree?
Yeah, I'm Back
After enduring the horror of sunny, 70-degree days with my family & driving around in Dad's 1965 Pontiac GTO Post coupe (with 389 removed & 467 added), I'm back in the land of corn, pigs & bone-chilling weather.
Uh, don't I have another vacation coming up soon?
Uh, don't I have another vacation coming up soon?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
