Climactic

Yeah, my last post was harsh & rightfully so. I don't think insulting veterans of the Greatest Generation is appropriate.

Still, I can't chastise the global warming movement (see: bowel movement for reference) without presenting a plan of my own. With this in mind, I present my very own 10-step climate strategy.


Hapkido's Climate Strategy:
1) Find that dude in De Kalb,il with the license plate ECOKLR1. We need people like him!

2) Hire as my new environmental advisor & slogan manager.

3) Announce to world the money I could have spent on carbon credits will instead be diverted to clubbing baby seals & depositing their innards in a potable fresh-water source of my choosing.

4) Say "gotcha" because baby seals are cute. (Hey, even Hap knows mercy!)

5) Take up smoking cigars while grilling outdoors & burning leaves.

6) Crank all coal power plants up to provide maximum carbon footprint - about the same output as your grandpa after thanksgiving dinner.

7) Go to Taekwondo & Hapkido - I DO have to stay in practice.

8) Realize I've been a hypocrite this whole time by driving a car that gets 35mpg & switch to the FuelBurner 3000 series of Hummer.

9) Burn down one hippie shanty per week.

10) Three words: Berkeley go BOOM!